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A.N. – Soooo sorry for missing my updates! I went on a long, very much needed and deserved (if you ask me), vacation and had so much fun! But I'm back! So my updates will proceed as planned/back to normal. I may just give you guys two updates this month as an apology if I can type up the next chapter fast enough. On that note, Omg! PHEW! You have no idea how hard it was for me to write this for some reason. Anywho, hope you guys enjoy it and that it was worth the wait! **P.S. Please forgive any typos!**

To sarah88, CatchSide, Jay, KIMMIRII, twilight girl since 1998, Wolf Born Woman, BeckieT108, corkykellems, PastOneonta, Ravenclaw's ShadoWriter, dyk3adellic, B-Mine, kouga's older woman, Guest (1), TiffaniW, Guest (2), Crisely, 4Gracie04, Maxsmomma, TommyH, Guest (3), AHealingRenaissance, teacupdestiny, Holidai, Guest (4): Thank you guys so much for your words of encouragement and love for this story! Honestly, without you all I am nothing! Your words, and reminders to update keep me going and remind me that I'm not the only one who cares about this story. So THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!

And of course, a warm thank you to all who have favorites, followed or read silently! You guys are awesome too!

/All these other girls are tempting, but I'm empty when you're gone

And they say: Do you need me? Do you think I'm pretty?

Do I make you feel like cheating?

And I'm like no, not really, 'cause

Oh, I think that I've found myself a cheerleader

She is always right there when I need her

Oh, I think that I've found myself a cheerleader/

-Cheerleader (Felix Jaehn Remix), OMI

Chapter 9 – Wolves down the Rabbit Hole

The next day I couldn't look the pack in the eyes knowing what I had gotten up to near Sam and Emily's house, so it's taken me two days to finally come back. Two days without seeing Jacob because he's been busy with Leah and Quil.

I'm practically jumping out of my skin, I'm itching to see him so back, and yet I can feel a pulsing thump inside of me where the heat and fire usually are—it calms the imprint, though the woman in me can barely breathe.

Finally I arrive at Sam's house, which I realize is kind of home-base regardless of the fact that Jacob is Alpha. I wonder if this would be the case if Sam were alpha, but the question leaves me as I notice that Leah is sitting on the steps alone. She's even more beautiful than I remember her being when last I saw her a few years ago. Her hair is cropped short, which makes her features stand out and look fierce. We're complete opposites.

"Hey," I walk up to her. She grunts but doesn't say anything else. Should I walk away? Try again? But it hits me—I can use my connection and feel out what she needs. Or at least I hope I can.

I wait a moment and search within myself, but when I finally locate the cord within myself through Jacob that ties me to her, so many feelings assault me that vertigo grabs me. Those feeling aren't mine. They don't belong to Leah either. Jacob.

Jacob. Feelings. Plural. Leah. No!

My mind makes the connection before I can really process it, and I'm left standing here like an idiot, staring at Leah dumbfounded.

"What's your malfunction?" Leah snaps at me.

"I don't know." What else can I say? That the fire is burning so hard right now—more so than usual—that I'm struggling to breathe? But I can't focus on that because beneath Jacob there's a terrible loneliness. Pack. Family.

I can't just turn away. So I sit next to her on the steps. We sit in silence for a while until I have the heart to speak and she might have the courage to answer.

Be tactful. Be tactful.

"Why are you lonely?" I ask. I really need to work on my subtly.

"Are you serious?" she glares. She feels separate from me, in a way that's uncomfortable for the imprint and pack. She's there, but so distant simultaneously.

"Yea."

"I'm in an all-boys club with my ex-fiancé, and my ho-bag cousin who stole him from me," she states bluntly. Guess she's not one for subtly either.

Oh…well…um…I want to run away from this conversation so much. But she's pack. And I'm a woman—sort of, anyway. Maybe Jacob expects me to deal with this.

"Jared or Sam?" I try to deduce. They're the only two old enough for Leah besides Paul.

"Sam," she says with disgust.

"What happened?"

"Weren't you listening?" She responds bitchily. Maybe I'd be rough around the edges too if I were in her shoes. "That pretty much sums it up."

"No, I mean—what happened?" Because no story is ever as simple as it sounds. I know my story with Jacob isn't simple.

She looks into my eyes, not glaring, just looking. Perhaps she's trying to figure me out, but I let the sincerity of my question seep into the cord tying us together.

"I don't know," she whispers after a moment, and I can feel her pain. "He imprinted, and then he left me."

Guess she's the queen of brevity, but even more importantly, that really is the crux of it, isn't it? Sam imprinted and walked away, just like Jared will eventually.

But I can't change the past. I like Emily, so I'm not sure I would if I could. Instead, I grab her hand and grip it with all of my might. She's strong enough to handle it. She tries to pull away halfheartedly—she could if she truly wanted to, but I don't let go. I try to picture how I'd feel if Jacob left me; I'd feel like it was my fault.

"You loved him," I stare into her eyes and try to peer into her soul. Please be moved. Please understand. "You cared and offered him everything but he doesn't belong to you, not anymore. And that's not on you. You did nothing wrong."

"I was born for the phase! I'm not female enough. Not imprint material," she rips away from me and stands, facing me as if we were in a battle. And maybe we are. Maybe talking of hearts is always a type of warfare. But the truth can break any wall, can't it? Please let it be enough.

"Jacob—" I look away, unable to look her in the eyes as I bare the truth that attempts to plummet me in darkness and insecurity. "He told me that the imprint is made for the wolf, not the man."

She gasps, letting the understanding sink inside of her. It really wasn't her fault. It wasn't them.

"I'm not broken," she says in realization and falls to her knees. The distance is broken.

Inside, I fall with her. We. Pack. Finally.

Jacob's hand is warm around my waist, finally. I could cry from the relief of the pull letting up. There's a tension disappearing from Jacob's shoulders as well which reminds me that anything I feel, and had been feeling these past few days, he had been feeling times ten.

Most of the pack are present, and the few who aren't are strolling in.

Seth, Leah, Quil, Sam, Paul, Jared, and Embry. The pack. Our pack. Our family. Everyone is talking, but their body face Jacob. It's a silent deference that astounds me. It's the first time I've met them all together—the first time meeting Embry and Jared, and the first time seeing Quil in his human form.

He keeps shaking and shuddering randomly, but Sam had explained when I had asked quietly when I walked in that it was the fire rushing to force the phase. No one seems worried though, but I notice that Quil stands by the door just in case and no one offers for him to come any deeper into the room.

"I know you guys are wondering why I've called a pack meeting," Jacob lets me go and stands tall…alone. Alone, yet not alone at all because I'm right here. Always. Yea, always, and the knowledge makes me smile. "I know a few of you have noticed Brady and Collins. Me, Sam, and Paul went out yesterday scouting the tribe. There's a hell of a lot of us showing signs of the phase."

"What are we supposed to do about it, though?" Seth asks worriedly. I want to tell him not to worry, but the words don't come out. Not now, when there really might be something to worry about.

"Nothing we can do really," Sam answers him.

"But so many phases just for the Cullens?" Embry inquires.

"Obviously something bigger is coming," Leah and Paul say snarkily simultaneously, and then glare at each other. Their snark doesn't faze anyone, and a slight laugh bubbles up inside of me as I look at them.

"Their right," Jacob cuts through the comments. He cuts through everything. "You're all right. Something is coming, and there's nothing we can do about the phasing. But how we deal with this as a pack and as a people we can do something about."

Silence reigns supreme but we all have the same question in our minds: what's he getting at?

"I think it's time we tell the rest of the tribe that there's truth behind the legends," Jacob states clearly, and I'm bombarded by a torrent of confused feelings that aren't my own; the most prominent emotion is fear—fear of rejection and the uncertain. But then the questions fly through the air before I can process them.

"What?"

"Why?"

"How?"

"When?"

"Isn't there a reason you kept it from the tribe all this time? All these last few generations?" I can't help myself. All the other bases had been covered.

"Yea, but there's so much to being alpha that the past alpha's hadn't known, and that I'm still discovering." Jacob sees the question on everyone's face and presses on. I don't know what he's going to share but I send him strength, all that I can spare. I send it to him, with a knowing that he's going to share it with everyone in the room. Pack. Trust. "I know I rarely use the Alpha command on you guys, by but being Alpha I'm also the rightful chief of the tribe. I realized a while ago that my Alpha command doesn't just work on you guys; it works on anyone who's apart of this tribe. My tribe."

"So you can command them not to mention our existence to anyone," Leah voices the same conclusion we all draw. There's a peace that settles through the link, and the fear recedes into oblivion. It's such a drastic and sudden change that I feel weightless for a moment.

But the earth rushes back through my skin, as Jacob locks eyes with Leah and something flows between them. Something I don't like at all. Over my dead body, but that's an overreaction, I try to convince myself. Over my dead body, the pull flares and it burns. I clench my teeth to not draw any attention to myself.

Jacob nods, and I realize that he's barely said anything to Leah the entire time he's been in here. I remember the torrent of emotions from earlier, but I push it aside. I push past it all. Focus.

The silence is heavy.

"I'm running this by you guys because this decision doesn't just affect me—it affects all of us," Jacob turns back to me. I look into his eyes and I feel inside of myself. Mine. The understanding that falls upon me feels like it's crushing my chest.

Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe.

"You know we're with you, Jake," Paul says simply, but there's a loyalty and a steadfastness in his voice and eyes that resound with all of us. We're all with him, whatever he decides.

And like magic, warmth and love like I've never felt before passes through me, through all of us. This love, it's incredible and indescribable, and all from Jacob. This is the love that he has for his pack, and his imprint. We.

This is a fraction of what he feels all the time, underneath the fire, and I'm in awe. I'm in awe, and I wish that I could feel everything he feels. I wish, wish, wish so hard but the emotions are steady…Just like Jacob.

The night is quiet as I gaze up at the stars on the steps of Jacob's house. He's in there with Billy, talking tribal things—explaining his decision and the why's and how's. I should be in there; the nosy side of me, which is pretty massive, wants to be in there but…

I don't want to crowd Jacob, not when sharing is so hard for him…not when it's clear how much of an effort he's putting into sharing with me. Not when the pull tells me that he'll tell me anything that I need to know.

So I wait, and watch the stars. But there's a pit in my stomach that won't let me relax. It urges the pull to remember the flood of emotions in between Leah and Jacob. Breathe. Relax. But coaching myself is out the window by now because I'm lost. He's everything, isn't he? How am I supposed to deal with this?

Deal with this? I'm strong, aren't I? I've proven to myself that I'm strong, so I guess I'll have to deal with this like I would any other problem. He's everything any girl could possibly want…he is everything, I had told Renee. How would I hold up if I lost the he that's everything? But I don't have time to ponder long because Jacob walks out the door and onto the steps.

He leans against the railings, and stares down at me. The pull reacts violently, but I won't be swayed. Not without answers. I'm sure Jacob can feel the difference from earlier when I hadn't let the sudden realization of something between him and Leah cloud over me.

"How'd everything go with Billy?" I ask. Frankly, I'm too much of a coward to bring up Leah, and his silence unnerves me when he's not touching me.

"He's worried, understandably, but he says he'll back my play." Play, like they were playing chess, and maybe they are. Maybe dealing with tribal politics, even with the supernatural thrown in the mix, is always a game of chess. But this is real, and a fear grips my heart. It's sudden that I wrap my arms around my stomach, as though to shield myself.

"Are you worried?"

"I'm always worried about a million things, but I can't' focus on that. I have to keep my head on straight, and letting my worry overshadow my instinct is a quick way to get someone hurt."

I know he's right but, the fear inside of me doesn't subside with his words of reassurance—because my fear isn't really about that at all, is it? Well, at least not all of my fear.

Jacob feels my fear, and silently sends a calming wave into me—it crashes with the gentlest force I've ever felt and tears spring up in my eyes. My tears must shock him because he kneels next to me and runs his hands over my back over and over again.

He whispers, "it's okay," but I'm not sure I believe him. He asks, "what's wrong?" but my throat closes and I can't answer him. I don't have a choice except to let my tears speak for themselves, and like magic and passion and pull Jacob understands. I see the realization dawn in his eyes, and we are illuminated by a brightness within.

He embraces me, and I forget to fight the pull and the ache, and let his fire burn me beautifully from within as I climb onto his lap as though I am a child. Maybe I am still a child in many ways.

Jacob kisses my forehead softly, but he ignites the fire in an unmistakable way, and I know I'm not a child in a lot of other ways, too.

"Do you love her?" The question is torn out of me.

I can't stop myself, and the question aloud sounds ridiculous, but I can't shake the feelings that I had been witnessed to. I can't shake that there was something primal and eternal and fierce about Jacob's emotions. Not like the imprint. Never like the imprint. But close enough to make the imprint inside of me adjust and snarl.

"I've known Leah my whole life," Jacob sighs and looks into my eyes. There's no hiding between us. No matter what he says, we both know I won't leave. Not now. Not ever. Not when I know we're connected—that we've merged. "She's seen me chase after the first girl I had a crush on in fifth grade, and I've seen her fall in love with Sam. So, yea, I do love her. But I'll never love her the way you're scared that I might."

"Then why did I feel so much when I searched in you?" The question feels weird on my tongue, but I need to know. The pull wants to yank me into myself, it's so upset. Mine. I exhale roughly, frustrated with myself and the pull. I don't own his emotions! I don't own him! Merge, not remake or possess.

But Jacob had already told me that the wolf only knows how to possess. Maybe it's not my own pull, but Jacob's wolf which causes me to want to possess him. If that's the case, I don't think I mind…not as long as we both feel the same. Not as long as I'm not alone in this. His eyes tell me that I'll never be alone again—never is a long time. Never.

"She's unclaimed," Jacob pulls away from me a little, and I realize that my own frustration must have escalated his own. "She's a female wolf in an entire pack with other dominant wolves, and whether I like it or not, it gets to me."

"What do you mean?" Please let it be something platonic. Please, oh please.

"I mean that the wolf doesn't know what to do with her, regardless of the imprint, and so any emotion I have towards her gets heightened times ten," his fingers dig into me a little, but I don't mind. I'm strong. I feel his pain and frustration with him—I know I can. "Even something as simple as sadness or pity are taken to the extreme, and they fuel my anger, and so the fire in my veins kicks up and leaks out to everyone else, which I can't have, so I focus on my affection for her. But because everything is to the tenth power, my affection feels crippling, and it frustrates me and somehow it all gets thrown into this massive ball of inseparable emotions."

"Oh." I have nothing else to say. He loves her, yet he doesn't. I'm not quite sure what to feel, and Jacob must sense that I need a moment to process because he doesn't send me any emotions through the pull or say anything. He simply sits, and gazes at the stars while I think everything he's said through.

He loves her, yet he doesn't. He loves her, yet he doesn't. What am I supposed to do? He is everything. But we merged; we were already complete and whole on our own. I may not know much, but I know that I don't want to be without him, if ever he decides that the heightened emotions towards Leah are too much. I don't ever want to hear him say that he wants her over me. Over my dead body, the pull reacts at the thought, but I can't let it control me.

I have to be strong. I have to stay strong, and like I was playing in the dark all night long, and hadn't realized that dawn was approaching, I know that if that day should come I'll let him go. I'll let him go because I'm strong. I am? I am. Strong enough for that? I'll have to be because the only other option is to be crippled and broken if one day he does choose her over me, and I'm better than that.

I'm worth more than being broken—Jacob's affection, confidence and trust has taught me that much. The ache and fire rebel at the thought, and I clutch onto Jacob because it's so painful, but I need to be my own owner.

Pain. Focus. Ache. Breathe.

Don't ever submit to me, Jacob had said, and I never want to. I adore the man that's in my arms—his strength, and the loyalty he inspires. I know that, even though we haven't been together so long, I would bear the burden of any cross for him…of my own free will…

Pain. Focus. Pull. Breathe.

I clutch him tighter and tighter as the pain intensifies, but the woman inside of me needs to lay claim to her own soul. I need to lay claim if I ever want to stand by Jacob's side as his equal in heart. This is the only way if I don't want to die from insecurity before Jacob and I are even…And the only way to do that is to accept that I want him, and that I can learn to be content without him should the day ever come that I need to.

Gasp. Snap. Pull. Relax.

Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. But Jacob and I are breathing in sync, together like never before. Our breaths are ragged, and I realize that Jacob had been in as much pain as me—if not more. Everything I feel from the imprint is an aftershock of what he feels, and suddenly I'm so sorry for putting him through that.

I try to apologize, but his lips silence my words. We fly in the rhythm of our kiss, and Jacob says in a raw voice, filled with pain and pride, "you are so damn strong, Bells."

"I'm sorry—"

"You needed to do this," Jacob lets his lips trail over my cheek and chin as he speaks. "And if I'm honest with myself, I think I needed you to do this for me, because I'd never have the guts to do it myself."

Something about his word choice makes me pause, and a fear I had never known attacks me. "I didn't break the imprint, did I?"

He barks a laugh, and says, "Hell no. The imprint only breaks if one of us dies. What you just did was put my wolf in his place." There's a smirk playing at the corner of his lips, and I know everything will be alright. I know.

"I was pretty badass, wasn't I?" I joke, but can't help the blush that stains my cheeks—I'm not used to cursing.

"Oh, Bells," Jacob licks his lips. "I'll show you badass."

The switch is sudden but I know we're talking about something else entirely right now. I'm okay with that because I'm not sure how much more I can take with the way he kisses me.

"When?" I need to know.

"Soon," he promises. I feel his promise reverberate in my bones, and the very core of my soul. Soon.

I see a shadow pass through the words, and peer into the darkness. My eyes adjust and I see Leah's somber face, and deep eyes staring back at me. Family. Pack. She nods at me, and I take a inhale. Breathe. Focus.

I nod back and give her a small smile. I think she might have smiled back at me, but the darkness is a trickster by nature, I guess. But I don't mind either way because regardless what the future brings, the future isn't today and I can't—I won't live like it is today.

"You know I'm with you, Jake," I repeat Paul's heartfelt words. But it's not enough. No words ever truly seem like enough, but I try anyways. I'm not quite sure I know how to not try. "And I know everything is going to change, but I'm with you."

"Till the casket drops?" he jokes. His eyes fill with mirth, and I can't help but roll my eye and let out a laugh with him. He does that to me: make me feel happiness even when I don't want to.

"I'm being serious."

"I know." His soft smile silences the animals in the forest, and somewhere a wolf call echoes and travels to where we sit. Jacob doesn't tense, or go to stand so I assume the call isn't a bad one. "I know that you've got my back. My hero."

I laugh, straight from the gut because I'm no hero and we both know it. But the way his eyes don't leave mine, and the pull leaps and hums…I know like I've never known anything else before: "We can be each other's hero."

He chuckles at me, and leans back against the railing, closing his eyes.

"I'll take you home in a few minutes," he whispers. It's inside of me—it's inside of both of us but neither of us acknowledge that truth out loud. Too much. Too soon. I'm already home.

Instead I lean my head against his chest and let the beat of his heart lull my eyes close as I drift, drift….gone to the land of dreams where I dance with wolves, and revel in the feeling of freedom—away from the fear of a war that we all know is coming even though no one has said it out loud. War is coming. Maybe not today, but soon.

Soo? How did you guys feel about Leah and Bella's talk? I always hated the way Leah's arc had no actual form except to demonstrate how strong women were punished through barrenness (note this also happens to Rosalie). I have a soft spot for Jacob and Leah so I thought I'd throw it in there—don't worry, this Leah/Jacob/Bella issue will not become an actual problem. I brought it up here, but also tried to resolve it in this same chapter as well; let me know if I failed, please! Anywho, liked it? Hated it? Let me know and Review! :)