**** I know this chapter is out of sequence, it should have been posted before the previous one, but I had that fucking Quinn in my head all day while I was cleaning and I had to get him out before I could do proper justice to this chapter. So bear with the little continuity issue here!!!! And someone pointed out that Sookie met Bubba in Book one. Very true and I hadn't planned on using him at all in this fic but I thought Pam calling Sookie retarded was too good a chance to throw in a little something about him!

Chapter 48

Ain't No Potty Like A Vampire Potty

I whipped Eric's Corvette into the garage and beat him to the door. I didn't remember the code so I had to wait for him to let me in. I had to piss like a racehorse and I was jumping up and down.

"Whatever are you doing Sookie?"

"Jesus, Eric, hurry up I have to go pee!" His startled look made me a little mad. Why was he looking at me like that? "What the hell? Haven't you ever seen a girl need to go to the ladies room?"

"Actually, no. Not a vampire anyway." His words struck me like a hammer. Yeah! I wasn't supposed to need to use the bathroom anymore now that I was undead.

"Well regardless, you need to open up this door because whatever it is that I need to do, I'm about to do it all over your garage floor." This convinced him to move faster and as soon as he had the door open, I rushed past him and straight for the john.

I sat hurriedly on the toilet and the feeling of going was like a religious experience. I shuddered with relief and then felt scared to look and see what had just come out of me. What if I was like the first failed attempt ever to turn someone. Maybe I wasn't done, maybe I needed a couple more days in the ground to finish cooking. I wiped and slowly stood, turning around to look. As I peered into the bowl, I was relieved (no pun intended) to see that it looked like regular old urine. I jumped as I realized that Eric was looking over my shoulder down into the toilet.

"Do you mind?! Can't I get a little privacy?" Freaking nosy vampire! No consideration at all.

"Is that what it's supposed to look like?" His nose was crinkled and his eyes were wide, like he was staring at a two-headed baby.

"You don't know what pee looks like?"

"I haven't urinated in over a thousand years, Sookie, and I most certainly do not follow humans to the lavatory to see what their waste water looks like. So forgive me if I do not quite recall what it's appearance is or should be."

"Excuse me, Mr. Snippy Britches!" I mumbled as I reached over and flushed the toilet. "Say, how about we take a shower to get rid of the mud and then enjoy a bubble bath before I make a real man out of you?"

"Are you not the least bit worried about what just happened? Sookie, this is unheard of. Your body should not be processing anything. Vampires absorb the blood we ingest into our veins to replace what we lose through certain activities."

Activities like what I was thinking about, me actively ripping a chunk out of his neck while I rode him cowgirl style.

"I'm not worried, I feel fine. Why are you worried?"

"I should call Godric, maybe he has heard of something such as this before."

"You'll do no such thing! I won't have you calling all your vampire friends and talking about how I went wee and vampires ain't supposed to do that. Leave me some dignity please! We have all the time in the world to look into this but right now, I want to experience some really hot, heavy and hardcore vampire sex." He looked like he might protest again, so I pulled out some big guns. "Don't make me use my newfound ability to convince you that I should get what I want. It would be a waste of a perfectly good erection, but I'll do it."

He relaxed and smiled. "Well, it is a tough job, but I guess if I have to fuck you, I have to fuck you. But right now, you smell hideous, so I suggest that we shower and then maybe take a long hot bubble bath before I make a real woman out of you."

"That storyline sounds familiar, have we seen this movie before? Speaking of movies.." he swept me up into his arms after he opened the secret trap door, "I think we should talk about something. Care to explain to me why I found Twilight in your DVD player?"

"It is not mine. I was holding it for Chow."

Sure he was. I knew better because he was thinking that he'd have to get rid of his hard back copies of New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn before I found them too. Sooner or later I would have to tell him that I could read his mind which was a lot different that hearing his projected thoughts. But for now, I decided to keep this little secret all to myself. I had an inkling that it would be rather handy in the next few days.

***** to be continued tomorrow. Sorry guys! I am suffering with a very high blood sugar right now (over 600) and I need to take some more insulin and lay down. I promise to finish this chapter with tons of descriptive ESN. Plus more surprises about Sookie. LOVE LOVE LOVE MY READERS!