After dinner, which was really Billy and Charlie eating in front of the television while I brought a box of pizza into Jake's room for us, I asked Charlie if I could stay with the Blacks for the night. He was wary, but after I told him how much easier it would be on Billy to have an extra hand – and after he made sure Jake was okay with the intrusion – he agreed. I stood in the front doorway watching him pull away, beeping his horn twice as he drove off. I turned back around and went to help Billy clean up.

"Bella," he said, watching me. I smiled at him, encouraging him to go on. I picked up his and Charlie's plates and brought them into the kitchen. "I know what's been going on with you." I looked up from the sink. "I know you've been leading Jake on with no intention of it going anywhere. I just need you to know that staying the night here will just make it worse." I heard Jacob laughing loudly from his room, and I blushed a deep red color. Billy looked at me in confusion.

"I-Um it's not-I-"I stammered, looking for the words.

"She picked me, Dad!" Jacob shouted. His voice was ecstatic. "She's ditching the bloodsucker!" Billy looked at me with a small smile playing at his lips. I looked sheepishly at the floor.

"Bella?" I looked up at him, and he was waiting, both eyebrows raised. I went back to washing dishes. "What is he talking about?"

"Well," I started, trying to find the words. "I realized I want Jake more than I want Edward. I don't want to be a vampire." Billy shook his head at the word. "I want to live a normal life with you and Charlie and my mom."

"Plus I'm way better-looking!" Jake chimed in, and Billy laughed heartily. I smiled at him, and he patted me on the arm.

"If that's the case, then I'll have to make you sleep on the couch tonight," he said, his voice full of humor.

"Dad, no!" Jake called, whiny and petulant like a child. He obviously missed the sarcasm in his dad's warning. "I'm half-dead, what could we possibly do?" I shuddered, getting embarrassed again, and turned off the faucet. Billy shook his head, chuckling, and wheeled himself to his room.

"Goodnight, Bella," he said quietly, grinning. I gave him a smile and headed back to Jake's room. He was sitting up in bed, his arms crossed and his eyebrows creased, finally looking his actual age. I closed the door and went to touch the line between his brows. He closed his eyes and sighed.

That night, we lay beside each other and just talked. He told me how bored he was being stuck in the house and how his brothers would visit to tell him all about life after Victoria. Without anything to hunt, the wolves were restless. They continued to do nightly patrols, but instead of watching for a scent, they were exploring the woods; their goal was to map out the entire mountain range, eventually. He asked about my college decisions (nonexistent, without a reason to hide away in Alaska anymore) and my subsequent new fall plans (get a job in town and save up for a place of my own).

Being with Jake was like breathing. It was so easy to fall back into being best friends, talking and messing around like we did before, when we could just sit in his garage for hours. I used to think of him as my own personal sun, but he was so much more than that: he encompassed the entire solar system, shining his light onto every aspect of my life. I realized that I was fighting him because I was so adamant to have Edward change me. Without the fighting, we were completely at ease, and I knew that Jacob was the right choice.

Still, when Jake finally fell asleep beside me, I felt the tendrils of panic overtake me. Through my elation that Jacob still wanted me, I had forgotten that I had to let go of Edward. I tried never to think about how bad it had been when he left the year before, but memories of my catatonia washed over me. I remembered how I had to physically hold myself together to keep the hole in my chest from ripping me apart. I started to hyperventilate, and after making sure that Jake was sound asleep, I climbed out from under his arm. I needed to see Edward, and I needed to fix myself. I could never truly be with Jacob with the pain of losing Edward and the entire life that I had planned around him.

I only got a few steps towards the front door before I remembered that my truck was back home, at Charlie's. I cursed under my breath and wrung my hands, trying to think. My mind swirled with the imminent pain of telling Edward my decision. No matter what, I was going to have to hurt him; there was no way to keep them both. And, saying goodbye to Edward meant losing that part of myself, the half that belonged to him. I would have to go through it all over again.

No, I told myself. This time was different. This time, I wouldn't be alone. I had Jacob, and I had the pack, now an incredibly sizeable 10. I had Emily. And, I had my family. I had Charlie and Renee, who I no longer had to lose. I could keep Angela and Ben and even Mike, if he wanted to stay friends. I had to sacrifice absolutely nothing to stay with Jacob, whereas I would lose so much if I had chosen Edward. Jake was the right choice, I knew that. But losing Edward a second time would be close to impossible.

I thought about taking my bike out of Jake's garage and driving over to Edward's to explain myself, but I knew that I wouldn't be steady enough on a bike with all of the pain rearing inside of me. I knew I had to wait until morning, at the very least.

It was going to be a very long night.

I decided, after standing in the living room for a few minutes, that I should call Edward and let him know that I was okay. I found Jacob's phone and dialed the number I knew by heart.

"Hello?" His voice was melodic, beautiful. I inhaled sharply, amazed at the stab of pain that accompanied it.

"Hi," I said timidly. He sighed deeply on the other end.

"Bella, I cannot tell you how relieved I am to hear from you," he said, his words spilling out too fast. "You went to La Push and Alice couldn't see you anymore, but when Charlie went home she still couldn't see you. I went to check your house, but you weren't there. I didn't know if you'd stayed in La Push or if something terrible had happened. Bella I was so worried, I-"

"Edward," I cut him off, "I was calling to tell you that I'm staying with Jake tonight." He was very quiet, for a few beats too long. I waited.

"Is he recovering properly?" he asked, an edge to his voice. I could tell he wasn't happy. Well, neither was I.

"He's fine, but Billy needed a break so I offered to help out," I lied, hoping he wouldn't be able to tell over the phone. "I'm on their couch now."

"If you need me to come take you home, I will," he said quietly. I bit my lip, barely able to think with the escalating pain rumbling in my stomach. I suddenly wished I hadn't eaten so much pizza.

"I'm fine," I said. "I want to stay and help out." We were both quiet. My head pulsed and my fingers twitched. How was I ever going to be able to let him go?

"Please call me when you're home tomorrow," he said, putting an emphasis on the last few words to make sure that I knew he expected me to leave then. I gritted my teeth together.

"Sure, sure," I lied again. It was getting easier to brush him off, but not in a good way. I felt nauseous.

"Goodnight, love," he whispered. "I love you." I was silent. I had hit my limit on lying. I just couldn't do it anymore.

"I love you so much," I whispered back, cupping the phone. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I could only imagine his face, his beautiful face, and how it would break when I had to face him. I heard the phone click off, and I wiped the tears from my face. I sniffled. I didn't want to leave Jake alone, so I snuck back into his room. He was awake, watching me. I froze.

"Who was that on the phone?" he asked curtly, though he already knew. I chewed my lip again. How could I possibly explain?

"Jake, please, just don't," I begged, tossing him his phone. I turned back into his living room, shutting the door. I heard his bed creak as he tried to get up, followed by a series of low grunts and groans as he realized he couldn't stand.

"Bella!" he whispered loudly. I covered my face with my hands, ashamed and hurting. "Bella, come back! I think I really hurt myself!" I immediately rushed back into his room, throwing his quilt off of him to check for more injuries. He grabbed my chin and turned my face to look at him. He had on a passive mask.

"You're fine," I realized, angry. He nodded teasingly.

"You needed to get back in here. Now tell me, who was that on the phone?" I sat down beside him, and he put his hand on my knee.

"You know who it was," I said sourly. He rolled his eyes.

"I want you to be honest with me, Bells," he said, his tone softening. "You said you picked me. Was that a lie?" I looked at him with wide eyes, horrified at his conclusion.

"Of course not!" I cried. He put a finger to his lips and shushed me, and I lowered my voice. "Jake, you are my choice, and I wouldn't have told you that had I not been one hundred percent sure." He visibly relaxed, sinking down into his mattress.

"You haven't told him." It wasn't a question. I shook my head slightly. He nodded, clicking his tongue. "That makes sense. I wondered why you still looked so…normal earlier."

"Thanks," I whispered acidly. He ignored me.

"When you tell him, it's going to kill you, and I know that. You have to give up on an entire life with him and the rest of the leeches. Sorry," he apologized, noticing my glare. "And I imagine this isn't going to be a smooth transition from him to me. You're going to hurt for a long, long time. But I'm here Bella, and I'm here for the long haul. I won't abandon you, even when it gets hard." He took my hand and rubbed circles into my palm. It was soothing, and I relaxed.

"I can't imagine a world without both of you in it," I admitted, embarrassed to say it out loud to him. "I want you both. But I want you more. And I'll have to face the consequences of losing Edward. He would have to face an even worse fallout, had I picked him over you." Jacob coaxed me back down beside him, and I put my head on the pillow beside his. He looked at me like I was the most important thing in the world, and I knew that, at that moment, I was.

"We'll get through this together," he murmured. He inched his face towards mine, but I met him halfway. Our lips met, and the kiss was beautiful, glorious, healing. I knew that, after I did what I had to do, he would help put me back together again.

"You need sleep," I mumbled, breaking the kiss to breathe. His chest heaved in time with mine. He reached over and ran his hand down the length of my hair.

"Stay," he said, so quietly that I barely heard him. I kissed his forehead lightly.

"I'm right here," I whispered. His eyes closed, and a few minutes later I heard his gentle snoring. I tried to push aside my pain, to forget about the daunting task of separating myself from Edward's world, and closed my eyes. I fell asleep, still thinking of Edward's magnificent face and how it would contort when he heard the truth.

I awoke the next morning to hushed voices in the living room and gloomy clouds blocking out the sun. I was burning up from Jacob's radiating body heat, and I tried to extract myself from him. He had managed to pull me tight to his side and snake his arm around me as we slept, and as I tried to get out of his embrace, he woke with a start. I put my hand on his chest to calm him, and when he saw me, he beamed.

"Good morning," he said groggily, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. He winced at the stiff movement. I smiled back at him.

"Good morning," I replied, kissing him lightly. He touched my face with his fingers, cupping my cheek, and I leaned into it, closing my eyes.

"Good morning children," a voice said loudly, and I jumped, looking at the door to Jacob's room. Billy was smiling mischievously, and behind him was a very confused but very beautiful Carlisle. I stood up faster than I should have and ran my fingers through my hair, hoping I didn't look too terrible.

"Um, Carlisle," I stumbled around my words, lost. "How are you?"

"I'm very well," he said, his voice calm. "I came over this morning to check on Jacob's breaks and to see how he was healing." I nodded and sidestepped them both out into the living room, where I stood next to Billy as Carlisle entered Jake's room. Jake eyed him warily, but didn't protest. Carlisle worked in uncomfortable silence. I felt the pangs of loss shoot through me again as I watched Carlisle work. I knew that I would lose him, too, again. The thought brought about the faces of the rest of his family, the family that I had chosen to abandon, the family I would no longer join. I hoped the pain wasn't showing on my face.

"You look much better today, Jacob," he said cheerfully, lifting Jake's limbs and checking the braces. "The breaks are healing much more quickly than I would have expected. You should be able to walk around outside of the house within a day or two, depending on how you feel." Jake perked up at that.

"Really?" he said, his eyes bright. "I can finally get out of this stupid bed?" Carlisle, still examining, nodded, his lips pursed in concentration.

"You seem to be healing quite perfectly," he said, standing back up straight. "I'll come by in a few days to give you the all-clear to walk again. Please try to refrain from standing without need until you have my clearance, though; we don't want to have to re-break the fractures again." Jake shuddered in sync with me at the thought. Carlisle turned back to face me. I tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace.

"Bella, do you mind if we speak privately outside for a moment?" I felt sick at the thought, but I nodded, throwing one last glance at Jacob. He watched me worriedly, and I turned to follow Carlisle outside of the house.

"Thanks again for checking on Jake like this," I started, hoping I could distract him. His smile was kind.

"It's the least I can do for all of the help that they provided the other day," he replied, his calm demeanor showing no change. "I'm glad that I can help." We stood for a moment, and the wind whipped around us. The weather was terrible; rain was coming.

"I wanted to talk with you about Edward," he said slowly, gauging my reaction. I tried to keep my face clear of emotion, and I let him continue. "He's very worried about you. He told me that you won't discuss this issue with him, and he feels conflicted about how to react. I know that I am his father, but I was hoping you would feel at liberty to discuss this problem with me. Perhaps I can help." His words cut through me, and I felt like I was standing in a fire. I burned with pain and longing. He waited patiently, watching my face and the emotions that crossed it wordlessly.

"Carlisle, please don't think ill of me," I said, so quietly that I could barely hear myself but that I knew he could hear perfectly. "I love Jacob, and I love Edward. How can someone love two people so much at the same time?" I started to cry, which frightened me. I didn't know how I had more tears left in me. He watched me for a moment.

"Do you want my honest opinion, or do you want a biased speech?" I looked at him through my tears, seeing him in a new light. He wasn't just kind, but he was wise, and he could see that I needed different advice than he had given to his other children in the past.

"Honest opinion," I choked out, wiping my face. He sighed.

"I never wanted Edward to turn you," he said. I stopped breathing. He wasn't looking at me anymore; his gaze was far away, watching the waves of the ocean. He sounded sad. "I've loved you as my own for so long, but I would never choose this life for you. You are so full of life, and you have so much to lose by joining our family. Edward will not admit to it, but I have told him this multiple times before, that I believe that turning you would be a poor choice. He is adamant, though, that he not lose you, and, until now, you've always insisted that you had to become one of us to truly be with him. I always hoped for the latter option, the option of life, for you." I sucked in a deep and shaky breath, waiting for more. He was silent, though, his eyes still far away. I was at a loss for words.

"Bella, I implore you, this decision is not one to make lightly." He was looking at me as he said this, his eyes searching mine, his expression pleading. "If any of my children had had an alternative, I would have done everything in my power to see to it. You have an alternative, and though it means that it would hurt Edward, I would rather have my son hurt than watch you become a vile creature like us." He pursed his lips again. In an instant, he had stepped forward and embraced me, his cold arms feeling oddly warm around me. I stood still, breaking.

"Whatever you choose, please, know that we will always be here for you," he whispered, his voice earnest but pained. "You deserve utter happiness, and if that is no longer with our family, then I hope that you find that happiness elsewhere." He pulled away, his eyes swimming with sadness. He took my hands and squeezed them gently. Then, faster than my eyes could see, he was back in his car and driving away. I blinked, dazed. I felt one fat raindrop hit my shoulder, and I rushed inside as the rain began to fall.

I spent the remainder of my day in Jacob's room. He had visitors, all from the pack, checking up on him after his latest doctor visit. Quil was thrilled when Jake told him that he could leave the house again soon; Embry was ecstatic at the prospect of having Jake back out with the rest of the pack. Emily came, as well, bringing with her a large basket of her muffins covered with a damp towel from running in the rain from her car. She smiled when she saw me with Jake, and she pointedly looked at his hand on the small of my back, an unconscious move for him. She left me with her phone number and told me to call her when I got the chance. I tucked the piece of paper into my pocket for later, happy to have it.

When the rain let up a little, I called Charlie, asking him to come get me. I needed to shower, I reasoned with Jake, and I needed to change into something clean. He kissed me, long and slow, before I left, making me promise to come back.

Charlie was beaming when he picked me up. He said that Edward had called three times already that day, asking whether or not I'd come home. Charlie took my silence to mean we were fighting, which he loved. I wished I could tell him what was about to happen, but I didn't want to worry him prematurely. Once I came home after telling Edward, he would have all the warning he needed.

I took a long shower when we were home, dragging out all of the routines to stay under the stream and think. I couldn't get Carlisle's words out of my head, and the implication of what he had said swam in front of my eyes. He wanted me to be happy, and he didn't want me to be a vampire. I didn't realize that I wanted his approval until I had it; it was a relief, at least, to have one of the Cullens on my side.

I walked out of the bathroom in a towel and went into my room, but I stopped short when I saw the cell phone on my bed. It was the same model that my previous phone had been, the one I'd destroyed, and there was a note underneath it. I picked up the note gingerly, afraid of what Edward would say.

Bella,

I took the liberty of getting you a new phone. I know you needed one, and I was sure you would not get one yourself. I programmed my number into the contacts as well, so please call me when you see this.

I love you,

Edward

I crumpled the note like I crumpled my heart and threw it across the room. I sat down on my bed, tears coming again. I was amazed that I could still cry so much, and I was suddenly angry at myself for being so emotional. I rubbed my eyes hard and willed myself to stop crying. The phone rang, the ringtone tinkling and light; Alice must have seen me find it. I answered, afraid that he would come to Charlie's if I didn't.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Bella." His voice was unnaturally cool. I could tell he was angry. I didn't want to hear him upset; I didn't want to hear him at all. My chest throbbed.

"Edward," I replied, just as coolly. He was quiet for a moment.

"Will you come to my house tonight, or would you prefer it if I came to you?" he asked. I stiffened. I didn't know how to tell him that I was going to be with Jake again. I waited, hoping Alice would see me telling him and relay the information so that I didn't have to say it. The silence dragged. Either Alice wasn't seeing it, or he wanted to hear me say it. I sucked in a breath.

"I'm actually going to be staying with Jake again tonight," I said in a small voice. I covered my eyes with my other hand, unable to see through the swimming ache. He said nothing. Finally, the other line clicked off as he hung up on me. I curled up on my bed, trying to hold myself together. I could feel the other part of me, Edward's Bella, being torn away already, ripping my soul in half. I felt no tears come, just overwhelming grief. I lay in bed, bowed into myself, until I couldn't hear the crashing waves of pain in my head anymore.