The night dragged with the pain of a thousand years of waiting. I was sure that Edward was the one who had been in the forest, watching us. His scent, so familiar to the wolves, would have thrown up no red flags, even being as fresh as it was. I was so close to him, and if I'd only looked around, maybe I could have seen him. It was no wonder that Alice couldn't see him; as soon as he decided to come looking for the wolves, his future would have disappeared.

I hid my realization from Jacob. I climbed up onto the bed beside him, still reeling, and settled in beside him. He kissed my cheek and fell asleep, his breathing a light snore. I waited until I was sure he was asleep before I crept to my window, opening it wide. I peered out into the black night, feeling crazy even as I craned my neck in every direction. He wouldn't hide, if he was so close. He would know that I was aching for him, hungering for him.

I slid down to the floor beside my window and put my face in my hands. My nights, the precious time that I could spend with my Edward, were usually full of dreams of his exquisite face and his icy touch. I found myself closing the window and hoping for normalcy. I wanted my regular thoughts to return. I wanted to dream of Edward, because in my dreams, he could no longer hurt me. In consciousness, I suffered; in sleep, I flourished.

Shaking my head, I closed the window, pulling my curtains across the glass. I wanted nothing more than to sleep beside Jacob, to feel his warmth and safety, and to dream of Edward. I changed into a pair of old pajamas and curled up into Jake's side. He made a low humming noise, still sleeping, and nestled into me. I fell asleep, staring at Edward's diamond heart on my charm bracelet lying on my bedside table.

Jacob was gone when I awoke, which meant Charlie must have woken up early for work. I glanced around my room, checking for any sign that Edward had come while I was sleeping, but I saw nothing out of place. My face fell, and I trudged downstairs to make breakfast. I had already pulled out the carton of eggs before I realized how un-hungry I truly felt. I put the eggs back and went to sit on the couch.

A knock at the door made me jump. I checked the time, knowing it couldn't possibly be Alice so early. I wondered if Jake had started a new habit. I got up and opened the door without looking. Paul was standing there, looking slightly uncomfortable. I smiled at him, hoping my hair wasn't too ratty after a night's sleep.

"Hey, Paul," I said, trying to talk past the morning grogginess. He wouldn't look me in the eye. How weird.

"I know who was out in the forest yesterday," he blurted out suddenly. My eyes got wide, and I swallowed hard.

"I do too," I said quietly. His eyes finally met mine, but I couldn't tell what he was thinking. "Come in." I stepped aside so that he could get through the door. He looked out of place, not the right hulking teenager standing in my living room.

"It was Cul-"

"Shh," I cut him off. "I know who it was. I put two and two together last night." Paul watched me as I ran my fingers through my hair. I exuded stress, and I felt it.

"Well, did you tell Jake so he doesn't worry?" he asked impatiently. I bit my lip. He raised his eyebrows, crossing his arms over his massive chest.

"I hadn't quite gotten there yet," I admitted, ashamed. I wanted to sink into the floor rather than talk about this to Paul.

"Why keep it from him?" he asked. I glanced at him, but he didn't look judgmental or cruel. Instead, he looked genuinely curious. I bit my lip again, chewing at the tender skin.

"I just don't want him to do anything rash," I confessed. Why was I talking about this with him? "Jake isn't happy with him as it is. I don't want him knowing that he's back in town. Plus, I think I should talk to him first before Jake can get a piece of him." Paul laughed, a cruel mockery of a sound. It made my skin crawl to hear him so malicious.

"He's going to find out," he said matter-of-factly. "He'll hear it from me at one point or another. And, when he hears that you kept it from him, he'll be pissed. And I love watching a good screaming match." I was suddenly furious. I flung the door open and stood in front of it, my foot tapping.

"Do this for me and keep it from Jake, or don't," I seethed. "If you can't keep it from him, fine. But I don't have to let you stay. Go home, Paul." A twinge of pain crossed his face, but then it was the typical smooth mask that he always wore. He left without a word, bounding off into the forest. I exhaled deeply, knowing what I had to do.

I called Alice. She didn't answer her phone, probably distracted by the drive, so I left a message. I told her that Edward was here, and I told her that I would try and find him. I asked her to call me when she was getting close. When I shut the phone, I squeezed it in my palm and stared out of the house, towards the woods and, hopefully, towards Edward.

I wasn't sure if he was watching me. He couldn't hear me, which meant that he had no way of knowing that I was wandering around under the trees unless he could see me. I didn't want to shout his name, for fear of calling the wolves' attention. Instead I waited, tying to be patient, walking just deep enough into the woods to be clear of prying eyes but still in sight of the road.

I began to feel ridiculous. He wasn't coming; he obviously hadn't seen me leave my house. What if I was wrong? What if I was completely imagining him even being here? Paul could be wrong, too. His trails would be all over that part of the forest from being with me. I was stomping through the too-green forest for nothing, I decided. I turned around, back towards the road, to drive to Jake's instead.

He made no sound when he dropped in front of me, and I almost screamed when I turned and he was in front of me. He surprised me, his approach so silent. And then, suddenly, my world was whole again. The missing pieces of myself, broken beyond repair, were suddenly adhering back into place. He was even more beautiful than my memory had preserved him; his golden eyes, his strong jaw, his crooked smile. Seeing him knocked the wind completely out of me. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't see anything but Edward. He reached out a hand towards me, and I slid mine into his. The feeling of wholeness overwhelmed me, as if his touch was enough to heal everything. I lost my resolve. I wanted nothing but Edward, no one but Edward. He smiled wider, and he reached his other hand up to skim my face. I closed my eyes, lost in the feeling.

"Bella?"

My eyes shot open. I was standing in my living room, my hand outstretched to nothing. Jacob was standing in front of me, a confused expression pulling at his features. He crossed the room and pulled me into a hug. I felt tears well up in front of my eyes, and I knew they would spill out, big splattering drops and huge painful sobs. I pushed Jacob away, not wanting him to see me cry anymore. After weeks of losing myself to the pain, I wanted to spare him. I ran up to my room, barely able to see, unthinkingly slamming my door shut. I collapsed against the wooden door, losing my resolve. I screamed, the anguish almost unbearable. I wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor and stop existing. I hurt with the pain of a thousand goodbyes, the misery of a million lost moments. Edward was gone; Paul and I were wrong. He wasn't here. He would never be here.

I don't know how long it took Jacob to come through my window, but when he did, he gently pulled me into him. I clawed for him, my hysterics escalating, and he was there, surrounding me, engulfing me. His arms encircled me, keeping the pain away for a few moments more. I cried for missing Edward. I cried for hurting Jacob. I cried for losing myself. I thought I had fixed myself, but I was so wrong. I was faltering, and I didn't know how to find my sanity again.

My phone rang, too loud. I woke with a start, muddled, but I felt a familiar heavy hand on my waist.

"Shh, Bella, you're fine," he murmured. I fell back into the bed, feeling strangely sore. My newest bout of agony had brought on tightened muscles and screaming through a raw throat. I felt like I had drowned all over again.

"Yeah?" Jacob said. Confused, I turned to him. He had my phone to his ear and a smile just for me. I kissed his cheek, grateful for him.

"All right, we'll see you then," he said after a minute, and he clicked the phone shut. I waited. "Alice should be here in about ten minutes, and I think you need to…" He searched for words, not wanting to offend me. I imagined I looked horrible, as horrible as I felt. I patted his chest, bare as always, and went to the bathroom to try to make the mess in the mirror begin to resemble myself. I was still trying to make my hair lay flat when I heard her.

"Bella, you look terrible," she said in her high, bright voice. I turned immediately to the sound, a blind man to the light, and I sighed. She was still beautiful, still so small. Still my Alice. She, at least, couldn't cause me any pain being back. I threw myself at her, wrapping my arms around her, craving her skin, her smell. She laughed, patting my hair down where it stuck up with deft hands.

"I just woke up," I admitted sheepishly, almost forgetting what had brought on my newest mania. She was wondrous to look at, and her presence in my house, suddenly so bright, almost blinded me.

"Where's Jacob?" she asked, craning her neck. I turned to my room, but he wasn't there. I felt a twinge of something in my stomach. Was I angry with him?

"I guess he wanted to give us some time together," I said, still drinking her in. I had missed her so much; I didn't realize it until she was standing right in front of me.

"That's too bad," she answered, a tiny crease pulling her features together. "I quite wanted to try out a new theory with him." It didn't take more than half a minute for the doorbell to ring, and I laughed.

"I guess he wasn't too far," I said, dragging Alice downstairs with me. I didn't want to lose sight of her, not yet. She danced behind me gracefully. I flung the door open and smiled instantly at Jake's warm grin. He reached for my hand, our almost-constant contact, and I let him, breathing in the feeling of being near him again, a mix of levelheadedness and freedom.

"Hey, leech," he said, eyeing Alice. I smacked him in the arm, though he probably barely felt anything. "Sorry. Old habits die hard. Hi, Alice." She smiled warmly at him, unperturbed.

"Hello, pup," she said teasingly, laughing. "I don't suppose you would come in and let me test something?" Untroubled, he came inside and flopped down onto Charlie's couch, taking up most of the space. I sometimes forgot just how big he was.

"Test away," he said, at ease. If I hadn't been watching for it, I barely would have noticed his nose wrinkling. I squeezed his hand, grateful for his effort to get along with Alice. She sat down in front of him on the floor, folding her legs expertly. She moved like water; I felt clumsy and awkward beside her.

"I wanted to see just what it was about you that I couldn't see," she started, eyeing me. "Edward's-" pain, stabbing crushing ripping pain, "-theory was that you were too unpredictable when you could phase so easily, with that temper of yours. But what if I could see past the new werewolf age? If I could manage to see you when you were more stable, perhaps…" She trailed off, thinking hard. I glanced at Jacob, whose eyebrows were mashed together, thinking too. I waited.

"Our stories say that everything goes back to normal once we get control of ourselves," Jacob said finally. "When we stop phasing like this, I think all of this weirdness should go away." Alice nodded in agreement.

"If you wouldn't mind, I need to touch you," she warned. "I have to be in close contact with someone to be able to see that far into their future, if this will work at all." He stuck out his leg towards her. I was again grateful for him for putting in the effort with Alice. She gently wrapped her pale white fingers around his deep skin and closed her eyes. Jake barely grimaced at the contact, though I could feel his fingers trembling. I squeezed his hand, drawing his attention to me. He smiled, but only just barely; no matter how easy it was to talk to Alice, it was another thing altogether to let her touch him.

Alice was frozen, an unmoving statue of concentration. I watched her, waiting for some sign of movement, but none came. Her stillness was almost unnerving after being around the wolves, who were always in constant motion, barely still even in sleep. I let my mind slip, wandering. I wondered how she would react to all of this. She hadn't been happy when I'd picked the wolves. I knew that, for my sake, she wouldn't leave as she had last time. Still, this wasn't ideal, and I wondered if she was upset with me for leaving her family and the life I had chosen.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, her other hand flying out wildly towards me. I grabbed it, and her long fingers locked around mine. "I see him!" Jake sat up, his eyes locked on Alice. We waited, her face frozen in surprise, her mouth open in a tiny O. It was a few minutes before her eyes fluttered open, and I stared hungrily at her. What had she seen? Where had I fit in?

"I had to go much further ahead than I expected," she said, speaking to Jacob. He was wrapped up in what she had to say, leaning down towards her. "You were much older, in your 20s, before I could see you again. But then, out of nowhere, I saw you! You hadn't changed at all." She looked confused, but he chuckled.

"We don't age until we can stop phasing," he said. "I'll look like this until I can get a grip." She smiled back.

"You do, Jacob. You get a grip. And it's magnificent! The pack, all of you still so close, still brothers, even after you stop phasing! And of course that girl with the scars, married and bearing wolf pups! I wished I could have looked forever."

"What about Bella?" he asked impatiently. "Was she there?" Alice looked at me, a troubled look tugging at her lips. I froze. "Hey, leech, look at me." Jacob wrenched her face back to his. "What happens to Bella?" She was quiet for a moment, and Jake stood up, unable to look at me.

"She goes back to him, doesn't she?" he spat out, furious. He rushed out of the house, already trembling.

"Jake, wait," I called after him, but he was already gone, brushing me off. I stood, suddenly very cold, in the doorway, watching his quivering form dart into the forest.

"He has it all wrong," Alice said softly. I turned back to her, and her eyes were tortured. "Of course he can't understand. This is wrong, there must be a way…"

"Alice, what?" I demanded. "What did you see?"

"You don't leave him, Bella. You die."