It was very quiet. I was rooted to the spot, and Alice was still sitting on the floor in front of the couch, a perfect statue of agony. I was horrified to find that I almost felt…relieved. She didn't see me leaving Jacob, and she couldn't see me going back to Edward. If she could, my future would have opened back up to her, and she would have immediately clung to it.

I was curious, too, another alien feeling. What killed me? I wondered if it was the Volturi, finally fulfilling their warnings and coming for me. Maybe it was Jacob, losing control and attacking. Or maybe it was something else entirely; I could get hit by a truck, fall off a cliff, get a disease. I wondered what, exactly, Alice had seen.

I crouched down beside her, touching her face. Her eyes were distant, trying desperately to see me, to find how it happened. I waved my hand in front of her face. She couldn't see me; she was lost in the future, trying to find me.

I wished Jacob was still with me. I felt hollow, the loneliness and the anxiety seeping back into me like tendrils of cold. I wanted so badly to run after him, to need him. He held me together, but this was something else entirely. Could he hold himself together long enough to help me?

Alice suddenly shot up, standing so fast that I was left on the floor, crouching by her feet. I glanced up at her, and her expression was a strange mix of curiosity and, of all things, petulance. I stared with her out the front door, and he was there. This, I knew, was no dream. He was truly there.

His marble face was too perfect for words. But within his features was an underlying pain, a horrible agony of which I would never know the depths. His eyes were on me, burning a fiery black color. I couldn't breathe. No one moved.

"Edward," Alice whispered, her voice strained. He turned to look at her, the pain in his eyes spilling onto her, sharing in their torture. I couldn't find the strength to stand, but somehow, I stood, watching him. His gaze was locked on Alice, seeing what she saw. I thought I saw his lips moving, very slightly, as if he were talking. It was very quiet.

"Bella, go find Jacob," Alice finally said, too loudly. I didn't move. I wasn't going to leave, not when Edward was standing there. My heart galloped out of control, and every nerve ending in my body pushed to him, instinctually craving the coolness of his skin.

"Go," Edward growled, under his breath. He was still watching Alice. My heart sputtered to a halt at the sound of his voice. How could someone so perfect have ever wanted someone as ordinary as me? And how had I ever turned that away?

"Leave!" he shouted, finally turning to me. He was terrifying, teeth bared, eyes wild. I was still stuck where I stood, fixated on him. He shook his head slightly, and he and Alice were gone in an instant. I blinked, dazed. The rush of loneliness that slammed into me was overwhelming, and it knocked the wind out of me. I ran out to my truck as fast as I could, desperate for Jacob to put me back together.

He wasn't home when I pulled up, and neither was Billy. I didn't know where to find him. I called Emily, hoping that she had seen him, but she said she was home alone. I imagined Jacob out running, pushing his insecurities away with each step. I had no idea how to find him if he was running. I stood in front of his house and, at the top of my lungs, screamed his name. I hoped that at least one of the wolves would hear me.

"Bella!" Paul shouted. I was right; someone had heard me. He ran through the trees on the other side of the road, alarmed. I held up my hands, hoping to calm him down.

"Paul, I'm okay," I said quickly. "I just really need Jacob, and I couldn't find him anywhere." Paul looked furious. He turned around to go back to the woods, but I grabbed his arm, trying to hold him there. "Wait, please, okay?" He stopped walking.

"I don't know where he is," he said tersely. I sighed.

"If he's running, though, you could tell him that I need him." I sounded whiny, like a child. "Can you please just do this for me? It's just one favor." He took off for the forest, and I hoped that he was going to call Jake. I waited, hopeful, for a few minutes. Finally, he poked his head out from behind one of the huge trees.

"He'll be here in a few minutes," he called, annoyed. "Don't go anywhere." I obeyed, sitting down to wait for him on his front doorstep. He came out from almost the same spot Paul had been, hastily pulling up the waistband of his sweatpants. He ran over to me, a mix of anger and worry creasing his features. I hugged him as tightly as I could, my fingers clawing to be closer, my heart aching for more contact. I waited a moment for my heart to reassemble itself before I could speak.

"Jake," I whispered into his chest. He hesitated only a moment before wrapping his arms around me, crushing me to him. He carried me in the hug through his front door, and in the privacy of his house, I crumbled. I felt the tears falling, but I grabbed Jake's face, crushing my lips to his. He pulled away, wiping my tears. His eyes swam with questions, questions I couldn't answer. I pulled myself back to kiss him. He picked me up gently and carried me to the couch, lying down with me splayed out on top of him. He knotted his hands in my hair, gasping my name. I ran my fingers across his skin fervently, trying to stop the tears still streaming down my face.

"Bella, honey, stop," Jake mumbled, pushing my face carefully away from his. Water droplets splattered across his cheeks. "Please don't cry. I'm sorry I left." I wiped my face, propped up on his bare chest.

"I'm not going to leave you," I spluttered, an invisible hand tightening around my insides. He brushed the hair out of my face.

"Oh, Bells," he said with a small smile. "I know that. I know you'd never leave. I'm-"

"No, you don't get it, you don't understand," I pleaded, desperation squeezing me again. His eyebrows pushed together.

"What don't I get?"

"Alice-she didn't see me leaving. She saw-" I couldn't force the words out, terrified of what might cross his face.

"Bella, tell me. What? What did she see?"

"She saw me dying," I managed, my breath gone. Jake's face was unchanged for only half a second before my words sank in. I had never seen this look in his eyes. Jacob was always so unflinchingly happy that I didn't know this new look had ever lived within him, buried in wait. Any other pain I'd caused him – having to watch as I stayed with Edward for so long, pulling me out of the ocean after jumping off the cliff – paled in comparison to this. Jacob was gone, replaced with grief. I wondered if my expression mirrored his.

He shoved me off of him so fast that I barely felt the move. He was suddenly crouched on the floor, his body curling into itself, his shoulders vibrating too fast. I immediately realized the danger and climbed over the back of the couch, trying to make it out the front door. I didn't make it. Jake exploded, his wolf taking up the entire living room, and the agonizing howl that ripped from his mouth was absolutely inhuman; he had become his wolf, given himself over to the wildness of the beast. I backed into the door, reaching for the handle, terrified, thinking only of Emily's scarred face. He saw me then, and I could feel the tension in the air, the decision. He warred with himself, trying desperately to phase back but unable to comprehend the depth of his own human emotions. Outside, I heard a distant howl, crying out for him. He turned towards the sound and instantly tried to shrink down in size, hunching down and inward.

The front door flew open, and suddenly Edward was there, gripping my waist. He yanked me out of the house with too much force, my feet flying, and began to run in the direction of Forks, away from La Push. I heard an infuriated snarl from back in the house and then Jake was outside, the front door frame shattered around him. Edward kept running, and I was blown away at how easy it was to lean into him, to settle into his arms.

It took me only a few seconds to realize how wrong it all was. Everything was backwards; Jacob was in pain, and I was running away from him with a vampire, a vampire he hated. I shoved against Edward's chest, squirming.

"Let me go!" I pleaded. "Jacob needs me!" Edward stopped, and the abrupt change in speed felt like I'd hit a brick wall. I rubbed my head. I kicked out of Edward's arms, turning around to run to Jacob. He snared his arm around my waist, keeping me against his stone body. I tried to ignore the ache shooting across my skin, but I lost the battle. I fell into him, letting him hold me there, facing Jake. He was coming fast now, and he skidded to a stop in front of us. His teeth were bared, but not in my favorite wolf grin. He looked truly and absolutely deadly.

"I will when you can calm yourself, dog," Edward spat, answering Jake's thoughts. He snarled again, crouching lower to the ground. His fur stood on end.

"Edward, let me go," I begged, my heart pulling me to Jacob. I pushed out of his embrace and ran to the wolf, who raised out of the crouch as soon as I moved towards him. He dipped his head down to me, and I grabbed a handful of fur on his neck. His eye, trained on me, was still burning in agony. I kissed his neck, burying my face into him. Edward snarled, the sound identical to the noise from the day before. Jake stiffened, glaring back at him.

"Yes, mongrel," he seethed. "I came back to keep an eye on her. You have no idea the pain I feel watching you with her." Jake growled again, low in the back of his throat. I peeked out at Edward, who was slipping down into an attack position. I then saw why: Sam, flanked by 6 other huge wolves, burst through the tree line behind us, staring at the vampire that was no longer allowed on Quileute land.

"Go, Edward!" I screamed over the sudden roaring of snarls that erupted from the pack. He stiffened, but he listened; his back disappeared so fast that I was no longer sure if he really had been standing there at all. Jake, sure he was gone, curled up on the ground, his body coiled around me. I leaned into his fur.

Sam barked harshly at one of the smaller wolves, who turned back into the forest and emerged a few seconds later on two legs. Embry ran to Jake, kneeling down in front of his face.

"All right, man," he said calmly. "You gotta phase back. Bella needs you. We're all here for you. But you gotta phase back." Jake turned up to look at him, whimpering. I felt the pain radiating out from him and wanted to cry again.

"Jake, it's all right," I heard Quil say. I hadn't seen him change, but he was jogging over to us, too. Sam and the others sat, waiting, watching. I could see the fire burning in Sam's black eyes, reflecting Jacob's pain. "Let's get him back to the house. Maybe it'll be easier there." Embry nodded, and together, they flanked Jake, helping him up. He pointed his muzzle at me, pointing slightly up. I understood and climbed onto his back, holding onto the fur around his neck. Together, we walked back to his house.

My chest tightened again when I saw the ruined doorway. Quil sighed.

"Aw, man," he mumbled. "Billy is gonna be furious." Jake ignored him, walking around to the back. I climbed off, my hand hesitating by his face. He pushed his wet nose into my palm and turned back to the forest. Embry emerged from the house with a pair of shorts and followed after Jake. A minute later, the two walked back over, Jake's face still gaunt. I held my hand out to him, but he refused to look at me. I recoiled with a spasm of pain.

"He's just ashamed, Bella," Quil whispered to me. "He knows he could've killed you, and he can't forgive himself." I watched Jake trudge back into his house through the hole where the door used to be and felt an overwhelming amount of pity for him, my Jacob. I followed him back in, where he was in his room with the door shut. Embry was standing there trying to reason with him.

"Jake, you have to come out here," he was saying. "What about Bella? What if Cullen comes back?" There was a low growl from behind the door, but he didn't open it. I crept over to the door and put my hand against the cool wood.

"Jake?" I murmured, hoping I sounded calm. "Please come out. I need you." He immediately flung open the door, staring down at me. I reached for him, and he didn't flinch away. I grabbed his hand, and he pulled me in carefully to wrap his arms around me. I could feel him shaking slightly, terrified. I understood his emotions completely.

"What can we do?" Jake asked suddenly, staring at his friends. They glanced at each other, at a loss for words.

"We don't even know how she d-"

"Don't say it. God, don't say it."

"Sorry," Embry apologized before continuing. "We can't do anything except for what we're all doing now. Maybe Alice can see more if we give her the chance." Jake tightened his arms around me, and I felt him nod.

"We need to see Alice. Bella, can you call her?" I glanced up at him, at the indescribable pain haunting his face. I pulled out my phone and hit my speed dial. She answered almost immediately.

"Where are you?" she demanded.

"Can you meet me at my house in twenty minutes?" I asked, impatient.

"I'm already there," she answered. "See you then." I clicked the phone shut and glanced around at the splintered front of the house.

"Embry and I will take care of this," Quil said, nodding at me. "You go talk to the vamp."

Jacob was speechless. I drove as carefully as I could, somehow calm. I thought of anything besides Jacob's wolf, the explosion of fury, the absolute terror I felt watching him. I focused on the road and held his hand loosely in mine, his muscles slack. He looked like he could barely hold himself upright.

Alice was waiting outside for us, having heard my truck from miles away. She looked so tiny. I pulled in carefully and went around to Jake's door, opening it for him. He spilled out, barely in control of his body. Alice helped me half-carry him inside to the couch. He was defeated.

"We have to figure out when it happens so that we can stop it from happening," I said immediately, eyeing Alice. "Can you try and see into Jake's future again to see if there's anything that tells you what happened to me?"

"I can try," she said, nodding. She knelt down beside Jacob and, without asking, pressed her hand to the side of his face. He didn't even have the strength in him to wince; he was numb, unseeing. I sat beside him, my hand on his knee. I waited, hoping Alice would see something, anything, to help Jake. After what felt like hours, she opened her eyes again, staring at me.

"The good news is, it's not the Volturi," she said finally, removing her hand from his face. "They would have decimated the wolves when they found you with them, and none of the wolves are missing from his future. That leaves a few different options. I don't think Jake is responsible, as I feel no guilt or shame. So, my best guess would be that it is an accident, or possibly something out of any of our control." I glanced at Jake, who hadn't moved.

"That's good, Jake," I whispered, touching his unmoving face. "If it's an accident, then we can stop it before it happens. I'll just be more careful, and maybe-"

"Bella, I almost killed you earlier and you're trying to convince me that everything is going to be fine?" he growled, his eyes finding mine. Alice inhaled sharply

"He tried to kill you?" she demanded, staring at me. I waved a hand at her, hoping she understood that I wanted her to drop it.

"But you didn't," I said, smiling. "I'm still here. You could never hurt me. And we'll get through this together." He looked up at me and reached his hand hesitantly to touch my lips. I kissed his fingers, and he seemed to relax slightly. He sat up, pulling me into his lap, and kissed the top of my head.

"So you have no idea?" he asked, turning to Alice. She shook her head with pursed lips.

"If only I could see through the next few years!" she cried, exasperated. I wanted to comfort her, watching her pace back and forth too fast, flitting from spot to spot like a fairy.

"This isn't helping anyone," I said finally, breaking the silence. Alice stopped, glancing over at me. "Why don't you go back to the forest to try and figure out if there was another vampire there?" I had already figured out exactly who it was, and I imagined that Jake knew too. But he didn't say a word as Alice nodded and darted from the room. I nestled into Jake's chest.

"Maybe we should get back to your house," I murmured. "We should help Quil and Embry with the door." He sighed, but he didn't argue. He picked me up as he stood, cradling me in a ball in front of him, and I smiled. I kissed him, slow and deep. We walked back to the truck, heading for La Push.

The damage was pretty extensive. Jake had torn apart drywall and the entire door frame, but thankfully the foundation was still intact. With Billy away on a fishing trip only until the next afternoon, we had to work fast to fix the house. We piled into my truck, Quil and Embry hanging on in the truck bed, and drove to the nearest hardware store, where we stocked up on wood and drywall sheets. It took the rest of the day, and well into the night, to fix the house, but when Jake and his friends finished, it just needed some paint to look normal again. Jake swore there was extra somewhere, and I promised to hunt it down in the morning. Alice called, deep in the forest, and asked for the rest of the night to continue searching; she was sure that, with enough effort, she would find what she had been missing. Quil and Embry took off, exhausted, to get some sleep, and Jake and I stayed at his house. I had called Charlie earlier, telling him that Alice was in town and we would stay at her old house. He never pried much when Alice was involved.

Jake had returned to his old self, either forgetting about what Alice had seen or at least blocking it out. He had forgiven himself, after extensive pleading, for phasing and ruining the door, but he said he still was upset that he had almost hurt me. I swore that it was fine, and he seemed to accept that. He had joked through most of the day, knocking Quil with a hammer more than once. I was glad to see him again, my Jacob.

That night, we curled up in his bed, exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open, and he yawned, his mouth wide. He tucked me into his side, and I sighed into him. I peeked up at him through my hair, and his eyes were warm.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked. I laughed a little; the nibble of familiarity, Edward's old question, stung.

"How warm you are," I said, kissing his chest. He smiled and closed his eyes.

"I really am sorry for earlier," he mumbled. He was barely awake now. "I could've really hurt you."

"I don't hold it against you," I whispered back. "I trust you not to hurt me." His breathing was even and quiet. He settled into me, asleep. I wanted to stay awake, wanted to make sense of the day, but my lids were heavy. I fell asleep just after Jacob.

The sunlight streaming through the window woke me. I stretched out into Jacob, but I was alone. I flailed for a moment, confused and not knowing where I was. I looked around, still in his room, and calmed down. He peeked through the open doorway.

"Aw, crap, you're up," he whined. "I wanted to surprise you." I sat up slowly, yawning.

"Surprise me with what?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. He disappeared for a moment, returning with a plate of eggs and a glass of orange juice. I grinned.

"Jake, you shouldn't have."

"We needed a nice morning." The eggs were perfect, and I ate every bite gratefully.

"Thank you." He leaned down to kiss me. I felt the familiar tingling in my toes, the fluttering in my stomach. He slid his hands down my sides, settling on my waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly, moving closer. He pushed me gently down to lay on the bed, his massive body hovering over me. My breathing hitched in my throat, and he mashed his lips harder to mine. His hands on my waist slid up under the line of my shirt, touching the bare skin over my ribs. I shivered, though his touch was hot.

I had thought about Jacob in that way before. He was everywhere when we slept beside each other and everywhere when we kissed. When we kissed, it was so different from kissing Edward; we didn't have to worry about anything together. I was just so afraid that I could never bring myself to do more. I wasn't afraid of him, I was afraid of myself. I was a klutz on my feet, and I could only imagine how much worse it could be lying down. My lips stopped moving instinctively, my body screaming for me to stop him.

He pulled away slightly, staring down at me. His eyes smoldered. He looked at me like I was beautiful. I let myself go, trying so hard to be better, for him. I ran my fingers down his bare back, and he sighed. He lowered his face back to mine, and his tongue traced the line of my lips. I shivered again, my fingers pressing into his back. Carefully, he lowered himself down onto me, still holding himself up slightly on his elbows. His hands explored my ribs, my stomach, my back. I kissed him as hard as I could, pressing myself to him.

My phone rang suddenly, and Jacob groaned, his hands still wrapped around me. I exhaled deeply, stunned, like being woken up in the middle of the perfect dream. I reached over for the phone, extracting myself from his arms, and flipped the phone open without checking who it was.

"Hello?" I asked, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat.

"There is no easy way to say this, so I won't put it off," Alice said, a hint of sadness tinging her perfect voice. "Tomorrow, Jasper is going to need me very badly. A human is going to temp him, and I want to be there to help stop anything bad from happening. I have to leave, and I have to leave fairly soon." I wriggled out from underneath Jake.

"I was hoping you could stay a few more days," I complained, almost begging.

"You understand why I have to go," she said quietly. Of course I did.

"I'll be back to Charlie's in twenty minutes," I said urgently. "Please don't leave until I can say goodbye."

"I wouldn't dream of it," she said. I shut the phone and fixed my shirt, which was pushed up too high to be decent in public.

"Jake, Alice is leaving," I said softly, kissing the back of his head. He still hadn't rolled over. "I have to go, but I'll come back right after. Give me an hour." He turned his face out towards me, his eyes glazed over with disappointment. I kissed him swiftly, not allowing him the chance to drag me back down onto the bed, and half-ran to my truck.

Alice was waiting patiently for me beside her shiny yellow Porsche. I was overjoyed to see her, and I parked too fast, the truck lurching as I shifted gears to run out to her. She laughed, her head thrown back.

We went inside for a few minutes, savoring the last moments before she had to leave. She assured me that there had been no other vampires, that it was just Edward that morning with Jacob. She told me about Maine ("beautiful, if you like that kind of thing") and I told her about the pack ("difficult to keep track of but wonderful when you were on their good side"). She talked with her hands, waving them animatedly. I missed her vibrancy in Forks, any prospects of friends seeming dull in comparison. Her amber eyes, bright and intrigued, never left my face. But, eventually, she had to glance at the clock in the kitchen. Her face fell, and mine mirrored hers.

"I hate that you have to leave," I whined, knowing I sounded immature but not caring. She pulled me into a tight embrace and broke apart too soon. I wanted to hold her here, make her stay. But I knew – better than most – that Jasper needed her. I wouldn't argue with an excuse like that.

"I promise, I'll come back soon," she sang, kissing me lightly on the cheek before she danced to her car. The engine purred, and she honked the horn as she drove off, waving her slender arm out of the window at me. I waved back, watching her until she disappeared around the corner. I climbed into my truck and drove back to Jacob.

I let my mind wander as my hands unconsciously drove the familiar route. Where was Edward? I wondered what had happened to him after the wolves chased him off. I had vivid daydreams of him finding me at night, sneaking into my room and erasing every doubt I ever had. I could no longer see myself as one of them, though, which was a relief as well as a pang of pain. The life I had wanted, the family I had dreamed of belonging to, was no longer in my plans, and I felt somehow left behind.

Jake was waiting for me outside, a grin plastered on his face. He flung me over his shoulder, screaming and laughing, and carried me back inside.