Chapter 3: Silent Secrets
I remember a time, when I was like the everyone else. I was always going with the flow with my friends. Sometimes, I would be whatever they wanted me to be, did whatever they wanted me to do, even if it wasn't very nice. In others, I simply watched as Kotori chan and her friends 'played' with the other kids in our class. I was simply an ordinary Jane Doe in an ordinary plain world.
"Oi Hajime chan! Get me a soda!" Kotori chan would tell me.
"O..Okay!" was my standard reply.
When it came to playtime, I would always lend my toys to the group. Although sometimes they came back broken, I would always smile and say "It's alright!". In the end, I was only ever kept around as a toy. When those children were bored of me, I was tossed aside. I made a mistake however, and those few years in elementary school was the hardest for me.
"Hey did you hear? Hajime was the one who killed the rabbit?"
"Ehhh so cruel!"
"The worst..."
Their whispers, intentionally at a volume loud enough for me to hear, but soft enough that the teachers won't. I was locked in, with nothing to lean on and no one to support me. The rumours got worse and worse, and I was accused of things I never did. I was the go-to criminal, punished simply because I existed to be punished. I could not understand those people, never could see their reasoning. I think that was when I became hungry.
In retrospect, I should never have been friends with them. My family was considered relatively well off, actually we were quite rich. Those kids just wanted to use me. Knowing this, I still trusted them. It was during summer break in my third year of elementary school, that my family was transferred. Dad got promoted and was to move to the city. Secretly I was glad, that I could get away and start anew though I would have to keep the fact that I was living in literally a mansion secret. Mom could see though, she always could.
While we were packing up, I sat in the corner of the living room folding some paper. Mom was always showing me how to fold them into pretty birds, planes and flowers. They looked so pretty, I had to try it myself.
"Hajime, sometimes being yourself is all that is needed." She said one day.
"Being myself? How?"
"Being yourself means doing things yourself and thinking for yourself. You mustn't do something simply because everyone is doing it, that would make you everyone but no one."
"Everyone but no one? I don't understand mom!" I pouted.
She laughed "Think about it Hajime" and she went off to make me a couple of sandwiches. I was a very hungry kid by that point.
For my birthday that year, she got me a pair of scissors. The prettiest pair of scissors I have ever seen. The silver of the metal and the crane like shape of it, all of it appealed to me. Until today, I still use them, when no one is looking. It took a few more years, but soon I understood what mom was trying to tell me. In the meantime, I made a few friends in school.
"Hajime chan is always smiling isn't she?" They always say. No one sees though, the frown on my face, the anger in my eyes. No one bothers to talk to the real me or even try to acknowledge the real me.
"Haha not all the time. I don't think I smile in my sleep!" and they laugh. Whether it was with me or at me, I simply did not care. They were simple people living a simple world and I was getting hungrier with each passing second.
Hajime always did things herself. Always shouldering everything, even when it did not concern her. Sugane could not get the thought out of his mind, in fact alcohol only seemed to ingrain that single thought deeper into his brain, though it should have done the exact opposite. Perhaps the next drink might work a little better.
"Oi Sugane, you look like you're going to die." Joe said.
"I...hic...do not!" I could barely protest before I fainted and fell face first onto my table.
"...Lightweights, they always look the toughest right before they fall..." Alan the barkeep said.
"Well he has a lot on his mind." Joe said picking up Sugane's phone. As always, it was fixated 24/7 on Hajime.
"How is she?"
"Still sleeping..."
And that was all they said about her in two months. Sugane stirred and mumbled something along the lines of 'Stupid Hajime'.
"He should just confess." Alan and Joe said simultaneously, sniggering at their fallen comrade.
Sugane remembers his first encounter with her. The fiery way she spoke, the spirited way she walked, the presence that she exuded. She was everything he was not, but exactly the same. Like two sides of the same coin, opposite ends of a spectrum. The light in her eyes always shone the brightest when she spoke to him, he noticed. A feeling of mutual understanding. Sure they fought over many things, but sometimes they laughed with each other. He forgot when this happened, but he thinks it was sometime after
Here lay the girl. Once a fiery ball of existence, now a cold representation of death.
"You shouldn't think like that Sugane." OD said lightly tapping his head. "She is strong, she will make it."
A call came, a few days later, it was Mrs. Ichinose.
"Hello, this is Mrs. Ichinose. If possible, may I come over today?"
"Yes of course." Sugane replies. Leader of course was not amused.
"Whoever heard of letting a non member enter our base?" he cried out.
"Now now Pai Pai" OD began, followed by a "Don't call me Pai Pai!"
Eventually they agreed and soon Mrs. Ichinose came over.
If Hajime was a ball of energy, her mom was anything but. She carried herself in a dignified and regal manner, befitting that of royalty. She also had a rather, motherly feel to her. The warmth in her voice was enough to make the whole team relax in her presence. A truly impressive mother Sugane felt.
"Oh please don't flatter me!" she said blushing a little when told by Tsubasa. Hajime's dad it seems, could not get out of work to visit but sends his regards anyway Mrs. Ichinose says.
"Oh please call me mom" she tells Sugane, causing the team to snigger at him. Blushing a little, he declines.
"I insist!" she says with Hajime-like vigour. As expected of Hajime's mom he supposes.
"Y...Yes M..MOM!" he says nearly screaming at the end. This cute scene unbeknownst, was broadcasted live onto Gatchannel, for the whole world to see.
An hour passes and they are in the apartment. 'Mom' was cooking a dish that looked a lot like what Hajime made for them a year ago. Only slightly more colourful and with extra spice, punch, sweet, sour and basically everything else you could think of. Her rain-bowl dish she calls it.
"It was a favourite of Hajime's" she explains wistfully.
It was already evening, when 'mom' said she needed to leave. Sugane as gentlemanly as he could, asks if he could escort her. Bad mistake he realises immediately.
"Why of course Sugane," she says sweetly, calling him on a first name basis already. "I have something to talk to you about too."
He voice sounded cold and emotionless then, but was replaced with the motherly warmth quickly enough. The walk to the roadside was short and brisk, the cool air settling in. She talks, Sugane listens. She tells him a little of Hajime's past, he can't help but feel sad. She gives him a pair of scissors. He stares questioningly.
"A birthday gift," she explains "for when she wakes. She used to use this all the time in elementary school, until she decided to move out and live on her own. I don't think she remembers owning this pair."
"Why me?"
"Because she trusts you the most."
It was long and silvery, with ornate designs and carvings and a crane shaped handle. Gold inlays lined the ornate carvings and handle, an elegant and simplistic design. She tells him that Hajime is eighteen this year, and that the scissors were a pair Hajime wanted, many years ago.
"She was so cute back then," 'mom' tells him "jumping up and down in front of the glass case overtime we walked by at the mall. Her little yelps of 'Mom I want this I want this!' is something I will never forget. I bought it for her, when she was only ten, now she is eighteen." She tears up a little then "Take care of her Sugane, take care of my precious daughter." were her last words before she jumped into the car and was driven away.
A sour aftertaste, he thinks. That rain-bowl dish was definitely something Hajime would like. Looking at the scissors however, reminds him nothing of Hajime, simple and straightforward. He realises that there are some things that even Hajime hides from him.