Chapter 5 : Hunger Passions
Hajime remembers her childhood. Days on days of oppression, days on days of hiding. Everyday, she grows tired and weary and restless. It was her sixth birthday, mom gave her a diary.
"But I want a pair of scissors..." she pouts but mother never relents. Thus, she was here writing in her book, drawing colourful birds and cubes of different colours and finally, she stops. Somehow she doesn't like the drawing, she thinks the small green bird could look better. She draws for years and years, eventually she moves on to making paper birds. In the beginning they look like planes, then months go by and they have beaks, then more months pass and they have proper wings.
At the age of nine, she has mastered paper bird making, each bird as detailed as can be. Individual feathers, made from many thin strips of paper, of different shades of the same hue, make up the bulk of it, but the details on the feet, the beak and especially the eyes, oh how she adores those emerald transparent paper eyes.
She retires from paper bird making, moving on now to watchmaking, then sculpting, painting was easy though. Hajime has countless hobbies, they all serve to distract her from school and the people she calls 'friends'.
In middle school, she makes more friends. Proper ones this time, she chooses carefully and cautiously, all with a smile on her face. She no longer requires hobbies, though she still makes stuff from time to time.
Her shelves are covered with notebooks. She has noticed, over the years, that the notes seemed to have acquired individual souls. Each 'dear diary' she wrote for her future self, each 'note to self' or 'shopping list' she writes, was directed at a person who may or may not even be able to recognise her. Hajime looks through her notes, smiling at how simple and trivial her little self was, no longer sympathising with her child self. After all, everything that happened defined who she was today, she may not have enjoyed her elementary school years, but she no longer regrets them. She has grown up a little.
Every time she wrote in her book, she knows that the future recipient would never judge her, never hurt her, never shut her out. Overtime she read her notes, it felt like it was the notes themselves telling her what to do, telling them about themselves.
"...so you want to eat ice cream?...Tomorrow?...Vanilla it is then after school!" she listens to her book some more, "you want chocolate instead? Hmmm...Well I guess we could have both!"
Her friends giggle at her antics, they don't mind her though they have come to accept her quirks.
Having ice cream in the park in the morning. How happy she feels, happier than before. She feels glad that her parents let her moved here, so peaceful and quiet and nice. Interesting place too, she sees a boy with blonde hair holding a katana. Perhaps he is from a katana making family, or a descendent of a long line of samurai, or maybe even a Yakuza? His uniform belongs to a neighbouring middle school, and his messy blonde hair seems to imply he is some sort of delinquent. Curious, she decides to approach him and ask.
"Excuse me, but is your family a katana maker, or a descendent of a long line of samurai or maybe even part of the Yakuza?"
"Thats rude!"
"Sorry, but I don't often see blonde people walking around with a katana in hand."
"Aah...well I have my reasons..."
"Is that so?"
Well he seems interesting enough, maybe she should invite him to have some ice cream? She is about to ask, but the boy disappears, actually was there even a boy to begin with, she can't remember quite well.
"Ohh well."
Hajime is nearing the end of her middle school. Her grades have shown that while her Maths, Science and History were good, her languages Japanese and English however, were sorely lacking.
"I don't understand, how Hajime can score so well in everything but her languages..."
"Ha ha I don't score thaaat well."
"A+ in Maths, Science and History. Average score of 98 in all three of them, how is that anything if not excellent?"
"Well it just seemed obvious you know? Like reading a storybook and playing chess you see?"
"...No."
"Like in History you sort of know how it was at that time, and you can guess how the people felt and thought and stuff like that. In Maths and Science, its like reading a book you see? Like the story is set and you are just reading through, following the hero's adventure and stuff ."
"Hajime...you are a genius..."
"Why do you say that?"
"You don't study at all! And then you score so well"
Her friend pouts and the others laugh, consoling her. Hajime thinks about it, and joins in as well.
"Well if you want I can teach you!"
It was her first year in high school. Most of her friends went some place else, though two of them joined her. She notices a blonde boy in her school, carrying a katana around.
"That's Tachibana sempai. Tachibana Sugane sempai. Isn't he dreamy?" her friends and female classmates swoon.
"Sugane sempai huh? Interesting."
Hajime swears she has seen him before, but dismisses it. After all, it isn't so weird to bump into the same person, if both of them live in the same general area.
Hajime bumps into him a few days later, literally. Their eyes meet for a fraction of a second.
His first impressions of her: She was annoying and klutzy, though somewhat cute. He notes though, that her eyes seem a little heavy.
Her first impressions of him: Is straight and boring, has handsome features. Seems to be hiding something though. More info needed.
Smiling she apologises and they both walk by past. They forget each other soon enough though.
In her second year, she commemorates the first day by buying a new notebook. It seems like the newcomer wants to eat out today, so she brings her lunch box to bask in the sun with him.
"But when the television mentioned Gatchaman, I just couldn't take it anymore!"
Gatchaman, they were all the rage today it seems. "Gatchaman huh? Interesting."
She leaves her half eaten lunch. Though she has had her fill, she still feels empty, she yearns for much more.
"I'm soo hungry..."
How wistful her whispered wording, so laced with yearning. So pure her wish, simplicity and complexity mix. He arrives, ready to deliver to her, the much desired wish of hers.
She remembers how it happened. She knows how she fell for him. Unlike the others, he sought to understand her, to know who she was. He never dismissed her as anything else but herself, though if only he could get him to call her by her name instead of 'Newbie'. Yeah their relationship was rocky to begin with, but over time she understood who he was as did he. It began as an argument, questions thrown in each others faces, then it became discussions, reasons for their actions. Soon they spoke more casually, seeking to know rather than to understand.
"Why did you reveal yourself?" He says, a day after the tunnelling incident.
"Well its rude not to show your face when addressing someone right?"
"So you knew what you were doing then?"
"Of course! I'm not so irresponsible as to do something like that on a whim you know~"
"...I see."
This was probably were it began. Their true 'knowing' of each other, their similar but different one track mindedness. Sempai seemed to like being a hero, and he has more than once acknowledge this fact subtly in his own way, yet he never reveals himself to public. She understands that it was to follow Pai Pai's orders, but Hajime feels that things should be different. She discusses it with Pai Pai and Sempai at the dinner table.
Over time, Sugane trusts her more, Hajime begins to seem more like a simple girl. A simple girl with her own simple thoughts, troubles and joy. He smiles more with her, as does she. Sometimes though, he sees her smile melancholically, as if she were deep in her mind thinking of things, worrying over her worries. He is troubled when this happens, for some unknown reason. There were times when her smiles felt forced and troubled, the others either take no notice or ignore this. Credit to Utsutsu though, she too notices.
"I have noticed it too." she says. Of the rare few times they have spoken together in private, Sugane and Utsutsu worry over their mutual one and only best friend.
It came as a shock to the team, when she decided to thrust Berg Katze into her soul. She notices though, that Utsutsu and Sugane are relatively unsurprised by her actions. Rather, they worry more on her mental condition than her choice to take him in.
"With it inside you, constantly yapping and insulting and annoying you, we must make sure you are alright!" He screams at her, with Utsutsu nodding behind him. The insults did not fall to deaf ears, as Katze too began hurling insults back at them.
"Ha ha well I'm alright." She smiles her perfect smile, one she has practiced for years. Utsutsu feels something is wrong with the smile, though she accepts it as it is for now. Sugane sees a woeful representation, a hollow smile.
One day, they walk alone in the park, Sugane holds his cup of cola in one hand while he carries his katana in the other. Hajime finishes her lemon tea, and proceeds to eat three packets of gummy worms, a cupcake and some doughnuts.
"You are going to get fat if you continue like that Hajime."
"Thats rude sempai! You shouldn't talk about a girls weight you know~"
He laughs at her pouting face. "Sorry" he giggles.
They keep silent for a while, walking under star lit skies. Somehow, they wander onto a mountain cliff, a few kilometres away overlooking the city, with the aid of their suits of course.
"Hey sempai?"
"Yeah?"
"...If I ever become unable to handle Katze-san..."
"..."
"...Should I lose control, would you do what is necessary at all costs?"
A rare moment of weakness, a mere second of vulnerability.
"Don't say that, of course you can handle it."
"You never know, if someday...Promise me you will do your duty..."
"...Hajime...I can't do that..."
"Come on sempai, sure you can." She says a little too offhandedly and forced.
"You're being selfish ...Fine...But that should be no excuse for you to give up okay?" He had so wanted to say 'for me' or something along those lines.
"Alright sempai!"
She smiles a smile that seems foreign on her face. Somewhat different and more joyful. Wistful, but joyful nonetheless. He smiles too, slightly, reserved, controlled, but true. As expected of him she thinks.
"Come on sempai!"
"Hey Hajime! What are you doing? Wait!"
She jumps off the cliff, head first. He follows suit, diving after her. Like birds soaring through the nightless clouds. They enjoy each others company, and every now and then they return to this same cliff, simply to admire the same starry night's sky together. Sparse but few words were exchanged during these expeditions, but there were words. Mostly though, they spoke silently, an unseen connection between and only them.
Sugane moves on to university, Hajime begins her final year. They don't go on their night travels as often anymore, too busy prepping and adjusting. When they do, they cherish each second. Two lonely people, finding solace between themselves. It is enough for them, they need no more for now.