I didn't want to wake up. I was so warm. Jake had one arm wrapped around me, his body radiating. I knew it was cold out, because my feet had been freezing the night before. But when Jake came, he had pressed his skin against mine, driving the cold away instantly. It had reminded me of the night back on the mountain, my own personal space heater.

"Bells?" Jake murmured, his mouth against my hair. I stretched back into him, keeping my eyes closed. He kissed the crown of my head and tightened his arm around me. "Bells, wake up." I moaned, my face scrunched up. He laughed softly.

"I'm never getting up," I muttered, curling into him in a ball. He moved his other arm around me and lifted me into a sitting position. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You're going to be late for work," he said, smirking. I smacked my palm against my forehead and whipped around to look at my clock, expecting it to be later. Thankfully, the tiny blue numbers only said 7:32, still an hour before I needed to be in the library. I sighed in relief and flopped back onto my pillows.

"Don't scare me like that," I reprimanded, smacking his leg. He flicked me on the arm and stood up, the bed shifting with his movements. I rolled over to stare at him, shirtless and beautiful.

"What happened with Sam?" I asked, yawning. Something flitted across Jake's face, too fast for me to figure out what, before he just shrugged nonchalantly.

"He was telling everyone about you knowing Chris," he said dismissively. "Nothing as intense as I thought it would be."

"Well, that's good," I said, finally moving to get out of bed. I tugged on the hem of my old t-shirt. "You really had me worried."

"You never need to worry," he said, smiling slightly. He took a step towards me and pulled me to him into a crushing hug, my feet lifting from the ground and my arms pinned to my sides. "I'll never let anything happen to you." I gasped a little, my air cut off, and he dropped me too fast, my feet scrambling to gain my balance. I just stared at him. The worry that had plagued me returned when I finally noticed the panic tugging at his eyes.

"Jake, what's going on?" I asked, reaching out for his hand. He pulled away slightly, his mouth taut.

"I have to get to school," he said flatly, reaching his hand up to rub the back of his head. "I'll call you later." He leaned down and crushed his lips to mine, pushing himself to me with unexpected intensity. His arms snaked around me and gripped my back, bending me to him. I felt dizzy, surrounded, overwhelmed. I reached out for him, closing my hands around his arms just as he yanked away. He backed towards the door, his eyes almost wet like he was going to cry. Then, he turned and darted from the house.

I stood there, slightly off-balance, suddenly alone. I thought back to my night with Chris. Maybe he'd figured out where I had been for so long and was upset with me. I hoped he wasn't jealous; I'd had enough jealousy to last a lifetime. He must just be upset about Leah, I reasoned. It wasn't me. He would've told me if he was mad. Right?

I decided to shower and make a small breakfast before leaving for work. The day was overcast and freezing, and even through my thick jacket I could still feel the icy wind. I ran to my truck fast and started it immediately, clawing at the dial for the heat. I chugged along the roads slowly, letting the heat warm me up before I pulled up to the library. There was only one car in the lot, and I recognized it immediately. I smiled and went inside.

Edward was standing behind the desk, organizing papers with inhumanly fast hands. His head popped up as I came in, and a smile broke across his face. I walked up to the counter and leaned against it, my elbows propped up.

"Hi, I was hoping you could help me with some books?" I asked teasingly, and he rolled his eyes.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Like a rock," I said, pushing off from the counter. I walked around to the back and squeezed in past him. I fell into my chair and rubbed my hands together, hoping to warm up. "What did you do all night?"

"I spoke with Alice, actually," he said calmly, still sorting packets of paper that I couldn't see.

"Shoot, I have to call her," I said, reaching for my phone out of my bag. "We talked last night, and I think it was important, but I hung up on her."

"She told me." I swiveled my chair around to face him, raising my eyebrows. He studiously ignored me, his back to me. "She was rather upset about that."

"I know," I said guiltily, opening my phone. There was only one message, a text from Alice, saying 'call me when you can'. I started dialing her number. Before I could hit the call button, though, Edward's hand was suddenly around mine. He gently slid the phone out of my palm. I gazed up at him questioningly.

"We should talk first," he said. His eyes were black, hard. I sighed.

"Edward, look, I don't want to talk about what happened last night," I started. "Chris is a friend, and you really don't have a say-"

"Not about that," he interrupted. "We need to talk about Alice."

"Alice?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. He nodded slightly.

"She'll be here in about an hour." I blinked. It was very quiet, with only the sound of the heater kicking on.

"Why?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted, gliding over to his chair and sitting down. "She wouldn't tell me. But she was in Chicago getting on a plane to Seattle when we last spoke."

"I'm surprised she didn't tell me." I was more surprised about other things, things like our conversation before I hung up, but I didn't want to talk to Edward about it.

"I just wanted to let you know, in case she does not find it worthwhile to tell you." I smiled, and his face stretched into my old crooked smile.

"Thanks." I reached back for my phone, and he placed it into my hand, the screen still showing Alice's number. I hit the button and held it up to my ear.

"Bella!"

"Hey, Alice," I said, turning the chair slightly so that I wasn't looking at Edward. "What's up?"

"We definitely need to talk about that boy, Bella," she said sternly, and I sighed.

"What's there to talk about?"

"Who was he? Where was Jake? And why were you guys talking about putting chocolate pudding on burgers?" I laughed, shaking my head. When Chris and I had been kids, we loved chocolate pudding. It was always our snack when we came home from school, and our parents had to buy it by the case to keep up with us. We were eating dinner together one night when we were about eight, and Chris had decided that maybe chocolate pudding on his hamburger would be delicious. He had almost puked, and I had spent the rest of the night laughing at him.

"Don't worry about the pudding thing, it's not important," I said, still laughing. I could feel Edward glance over at me, curious. "He's a friend."

"Bella," she warned.

"I swear, Alice," I said. "We were best friends when we were kids. Leah started dating him a few months ago and brought him around a couple of days ago. We were just catching up."

"How on earth could I see you? The last time I could see you was when Jacob...you cannot fathom what I imagined! I thought you'd decided to leave Jacob for this boy!"

"I'm not breaking up with Jake," I said firmly. Edward coughed loudly, but I ignored him. "Chris and I were just talking."

"I shouldn't have been able to see you like that, you know."

"I know. I'm not sure why you could. Any ideas?"

"Well," she began, her voice suddenly thoughtful, "Jacob blocks your future out entirely, even when you aren't around him anymore. So in order to see you, you would've had to make a conscious decision to stay away from him for an extended period of time. I can't even see you when you're at work, when you know you'll have to spend a set amount of time alone. This must have been different."

"I don't see how," I said, switching my phone to my other ear. I glanced at the clock: 10 minutes until the library opened. "Nothing was different."

"I need you to be honest with me," she said, her voice cracking over the line. "Do you have feelings for this guy?"

"Absolutely not!" I said too loudly. I hunched over the phone, turning my back to Edward completely. "I mean, no. Like I said, just friends."

"That makes no sense, then," Alice said, sighing. "The only thing that should have opened up your future like that would be uncertainty about staying with the wolf."

"Can't we just talk about this when you get here?" I asked, glancing at the front doors for people. Alice was quiet for a moment.

"Edward," she said flatly, almost menacingly. I raised my eyebrows and turned back to him. He was pretending to be focused on something on his computer.

"Yeah, he told me right before I called you," I said slowly. "Was it supposed to be a surprise? I'm sorry." She breathed out in a huff.

"Give me to him." I tapped his shoulder and he turned, looking innocent. I handed him the phone and he put it to his ear gingerly. I couldn't hear what Alice was saying, and when he spoke, his lips moved so fast that I couldn't imagine words coming from them. He snapped the phone closed and handed it back in less than a minute.

"She'll be here in about an hour," he repeated. He swiveled back around to face his computer. I sighed, shaking my head to clear my thoughts, and turned back to the counter.

Alice never came. I was worried at first, but Edward said he could hear her nearby, waiting. I asked if he could hear the reason she came, but he told me she was blocking him out by singing every national anthem in alphabetical order. Eventually, Edward said that she had met up with Jacob, whose thoughts were muddled and, apparently, almost unreadable. The two of them disappeared, which Edward said just meant that they were too far away for him to hear.

I tried not to worry, but I was suspicious and nervous all at once. Why would Alice go to Jake before coming to see me? I thought Edward was hiding something, something very important. Alice wouldn't have come into town for no reason. Chris's face flashed into my mind, and I tried to push him away and focus on inputting books back into the system.

"Bella?" Edward said as we were packing our bags to leave for the day.

"Hmm?" I didn't take my eyes from the computer, still typing away.

"I want to tell you where I've been." That got my attention. I spun to face him, and he looked almost guilty.

"I'm all ears," I said, folding my hands in my lap. He sighed, his eyes on my hands.

"I was in Denali. I could barely stand to be near this place anymore. I needed to get away. I knew that going to Maine, to my family, would be a mistake. They would ask too many questions, questions that I did not – or, rather, could not answer. I thought Alaska would be easier." I waited for more, but nothing came.

"You're lying," I said indignantly, and he looked back up at me with anger in his eyes. "Alice said she saw you in the Midwest. I know you weren't in Alaska."

"How do you know that Alice wasn't the one lying?" he countered, his eyebrows pushed together. "You so blindly believe my sister, but you once trusted me, too." It only took a moment for his words to stab into me like a knife, twisting in the pit of my stomach. I felt my face contort and I turned away from him, bringing up my hand to cover what part of my face I could. He was suddenly there, pulling my chair away from the desk and kneeling in front of me, gently pulling my hand from my face. I stared at him, unrelenting, as his eyes searched mine, pained and regretful.

"I do trust you," I said in almost a whisper. "Edward, please don't do this. We're at work."

"Just come with me," he urged. I bit my lip. "Bella, love, I just want to try and be good again. You said we were friends. I want that to be true." I sighed, not bothering to mention his slip-up. I nodded slowly, and he smiled, squeezing my hand.

"Let me call Jake to let him know where I'll be," I said, reaching for my phone with my free hand. Edward wrapped his slender fingers around my wrist and tugged my hand back, meeting up with my other one. I felt a sudden burst of anger boil inside of me.

"Alice can see that you're with me," he explained, his voice soft. "She may not be able to see you, but she can still see me. She's still with the werewolf, so she will let him know where you are."

"Why can't I just call?" I asked petulantly, feeling childish as I pouted. He rolled his eyes.

"You're still so stubborn," he muttered in a low voice. He let my hands go and glided back to his part of the desk. I pulled my bag out from under the table and slung it over my shoulder. Edward was standing at the back of the help desk area, waiting for me. We walked out wordlessly, our footsteps echoing. He locked the doors as we left, and he motioned to his car. I was already shivering, my teeth chattering together in the temperature. Edward turned on the engine and the heat as quickly as he could.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he pulled out of the parking lot. "And what about my truck?" He laughed lightly, turning the wheel.

"I'll bring you back here to get your truck later," he promised. "For now, you should eat. It didn't escape my notice that you didn't have lunch." At the mention of food, my stomach rumbled. I was starving, having forgotten to grab a lunch from home in my worried haze. I smiled lightly.

He pulled into the diner from the night before where Chris and I had met. The same waitress was working, and she smiled widely at me as Edward and I sat down, opposite each other. I asked for a glass of water, and Edward politely declined. I reached for a menu and scanned it hungrily.

"I am sorry," he said suddenly. I glanced up from the menu at him, and he was staring at me with a pained expression. "I didn't mean to say anything...improper earlier." I sighed and placed my menu flat on the table.

"It's okay," I said, and I was surprised to find that I meant it. "I'm the one who needs to apologize. I appreciate that you're trying, for me. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you." His face twitched.

"You don't need to worry about me," he said quietly. "I still have you, in some capacity. It'll have to be enough." It was the first time we'd really talked about things, about where we found ourselves, and I felt an invisible hand start to close around my chest. I fought against it, trying to keep calm.

"It doesn't have to be that way," I pointed out, trying to push the building guilt from my mind. "Maybe you can be okay with this, someday."

"You know that'll never happen." I had a flashback to the year before, the constant torrent from Jake, his tiny speeches to try and get me to change my mind. I had hurt enough over Edward; I wanted to forget.

"All right," I conceded, picking my menu back up to avoid his fiery eyes.

"Do you remember the day in the clearing?" he asked suddenly, pulling me from my concentration. "The first time?"

"We're not going to do this," I said firmly. "If you brought me here for this, then I want to leave." His face soured, and his lips set into a hard line.

"I'm making casual conversation amongst friends," he retorted. The waitress appeared then, cutting him off. He glared at me as I asked for another minute, and when she asked if he wanted anything, he snapped at her, too harshly. She walked off with a dejected look on her face.

"Well that was inconspicuous," I said acidly. He rolled his eyes.

"I have no intention of being coy anymore," he said, just as sharply. "I'm going to fight for you just as hard as Jacob did."

"But Jake won," I pointed out with a scowl. His reaction was immediate, and I realized too late that I had slipped up, hit below the belt. I floundered. "No, shoot, Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Let me know when you actually wish to be friends rather than treat me as some object on which to take out your anger." He stood up, too fast for a public place, and strode out the door without looking back at me. I put my head in my hands, ashamed and horrified at myself. I barely heard my phone ringing from inside my bag. I yanked it out and checked the screen.

"Chris?" I said, pressing the phone to my ear.

"Hey," he said cheerfully.

"Look, now isn't really a good time," I said quickly, turning around to see if Edward was waiting for me outside.

"Tell me your troubles, Liberty Bell," he said in a sing-song voice. I smiled, despite myself.

"You want to do me a huge favor?" I asked, still looking outside. Edward's shiny car was gone from its parking space.

"Name it."

"Come get me, please." I sighed. "I'm stranded."

"With pleasure," he said easily. "Just tell me where."

"Honestly, I just can't believe you've got so much on your plate." I sighed, shaking my head slowly.

"Most of the time, neither can I." He chuckled and leaned back on his palms, listening to the sound of the water crashing below.

He had reached the diner fast, and I was waiting at my table still, stirring my straw around aimlessly in my water. I apologized to the waitress for not ordering anything, but she assured me that it was fine. Chris led me out to his car, a small and old sedan with fraying cloth seats and a chunk taken out of the dash like an animal had taken a bite. I liked it; it reminded me of my truck.

I didn't know where to go. I tried calling Alice and Jake both, but neither picked up. I told Chris to just drive to La Push, where he said Leah was too, so that we could wait for them. I didn't realize where I was directing him until the cliff came into view, and he pulled off with a weary expression. I assured him it wasn't as scary as it looked, and when I got out and sat right on the edge, he had decided to be safer and sit safely on the cliff, his legs folded on the rocks. The wind had stopped, and the air was chilly but bracing, almost welcome without the cold breeze.

"Tell me about him." I glanced over at Chris, and he was looking at me expectantly.

"Who?"

"This Edward guy." I sighed. Chris had asked why I had been abandoned alone at the diner, and it had all just sort of spilled out: my relationship with Edward, my friendship with Jacob, my final choice and Edward's subsequent downward spiral into what I could only call insanity. He had listened without interruption, letting the story tumble out of me at my own pace. I'd forgotten how good of a listener he was.

"He's...hard to explain," I said slowly, struggling for words to describe him without giving away too much. Chris might have known about the wolves, but the vampire secret wasn't mine to tell, not anymore. "He's old-fashioned. He's also sweet and overwhelmingly kind-hearted. When we were together, he was very protective and he made me feel safe. You remember how clumsy I used to be? It's gotten worse. A few years ago, I fell down a flight of stairs and was in the hospital for a while." Chris laughed, his head thrown back, and I pouted indignantly, smacking him on the leg with the back of my hand.

"God, Bell, I always knew you were a klutz," he said between breaths, "but I never thought you'd get yourself killed!" I sighed exasperatedly and waited for him to stop before continuing.

"He's brooding, always contemplative. He loves music and the arts, and he's so smart. He's funny, and conscientious, and patient. He was everything I wanted, back then."

"What happened, then?" Chris asked. I turned to him, raising my eyebrows in confusion. "I mean, why did you leave? If he was so great, what made you go?"

"Jake," I said simply, matter-of-factly. "When it came down to it, I knew who I couldn't live without."

"But you still love him." I turned away from him, towards the horizon. The clouds had receded, and the moonlight was glinting off the calm ocean like there were dancing lights on the water. The wind ruffled my hair, but I barely noticed the cold.

"I love Jake more." It was, as always, only the best that I could do.

"That must be tough," he said softly. I blinked a few times, holding back the tears that I knew would fall if I wasn't careful.

"It's bearable, now," I admitted. "It was so hard, at first. I felt like I was falling apart. I would have to think to myself, 'just get through one more day, then you can call him'. I never did, though. I was good."

"But you're friends now."

"Not really." I couldn't believe I was telling him all of this. No one, not even Alice, knew how I still struggled, even months later. "He hasn't gotten over it. He still loves me, I know it. That's why he left at dinner tonight. He said he wasn't going to stop fighting for me, and I got mad."

"Understandable, though."

"Of course it is. But that doesn't make it any easier." We were quiet for a few minutes, our silence stretching. Chris scooted up a little to sit beside me, dangling his legs over the cliff carefully. He nudged me and I glanced up at him, at the understanding smile on his face.

"You want to know what I think?" he said suddenly, straightening up a little. I waited. "You should tell him all of this. Maybe, if he knew, then he would understand where you're coming from and lay off."

"That's the last thing I want to do," I said, groaning. "I never want to talk to him about this kind of thing. If he brings it up, I shut down completely. I just get angry, like he was the one that left me, not the other way around."

"So you feel guilty. Big deal." I shook my head, too fast.

"No, I don't," I said automatically. Chris just stared at me doubtfully.

"Bell, this is guilt, plain as day. You need to accept that." I looked down at my hands, tracing the tiny crescent-shaped scar there. I tried to swallow, but my throat felt dry.

"You're right," I said in a tiny voice. I felt him move a little closer, comforting me. The floodgates around my heart cracked and crumbled, and everything gushed out, my pent-up anger and guilt and pain. "I hate myself. I used to not even be able to stand it. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for weeks. I broke every promise I ever made him and didn't even give myself time to get over him. I jumped right into things with Jake. And that opened me up to a whole world of indecision. Every day, I had to fight against the part of me that wanted to be with Edward again while Jake was holding my hand. I used to stay awake at night and imagine that I was with Edward, knowing full well that I would have to face Jake in the morning with another night full of shame in me." I felt the tears start to spill over, and I couldn't stop them. Chris was quiet still, giving me time. I felt my stomach start to clench, feeling almost sick. And then it was coming again, the torrent of words building again.

"I love Jake, I really do. And I love Edward, no matter how long it's been. I can't stop myself from loving him. And with everything that's going on, I wish he was back. Jake makes me feel safe too, but not like Edward did. I just...sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice. Sometimes..."

"What, Bell?" Chris asked as the silence stretched on endlessly. "Sometimes what?"

"Yeah, Bell." I whipped around to see Jake and Alice standing behind us, Jacob's arms crossed across his massive chest and Alice's eyes so full of sympathy. From the way Alice's face was contorted, I knew they'd heard it all. I expected him to look furious, but he just looked defeated. His voice was so flat that I almost didn't recognize it. "Sometimes what?"

"Jake, I didn't know you were there," I said pleadingly, standing up and stumbling over to him. My guilt, my endless shame, was on display for the one person that I'd tried the hardest to keep it from, and I felt myself unravelling. "Please, don't-"

"It's not important right now," he said in the same flat, disconnected tone. He turned to Alice, who motioned back to me, and he swiveled back robotically. "There are more important things. We need to talk to you."