The morning didn't bring with it any peace. I had finally slept, my body and mind exhausted. Edward was gone; I'd made him leave, screamed for him to go. He was not the one that I wanted as I crumbled.

I sat up in bed, my eyes puffy and my throat scratchy. I glanced around the room, almost hoping that Jane would be standing at the foot of my bed; I deserved to die, after what I'd done to Jake. But I was alone. I wrapped my quilt around me to block out the cold and walked shakily into the bathroom. I cranked the shower as hot as it would go and stepped inside, letting the water hit my raw face. I stayed there, unthinking, unmoving, for what felt like hours.

I knew I needed to fix things. Everything felt wrong, and I was in another world where Jake hated me and Edward was no longer as beautiful as he once was to me. I needed to tell Jake everything, tell him about my regrets and my dreams and my life with him. If he still wanted me.

I got dressed and rubbed my hair within a towel before stepping out into the living room. It was empty, but through one of the windows I could see a tall and shirtless figure pacing. I was sure of what needed to happen. I was sure. I had never been so sure.

"Bella?" Jake's voice was strained as he pushed through the door, beating me again. I tried to make my expression calm, but I had no idea what my face betrayed. "I heard you moving around, so I assumed you were awake."

"I was coming out to get you," I said, pointing out the window where I'd seen him. "I really wanted to talk to you." I could barely look at him.

"Okay." He didn't move from by the door. I took a deep breath.

"I want you to tell me about Sam and Leah." His eyes pulled down in confusion.

"What about them?"

"Do you remember what you told me happened when Sam met Emily?"

"Not really." I wished he would unfold his arms and unstiffen.

"You said that he had to live with the knowledge that he broke her heart. You said he had to feel the guilt every day."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"What about me, Jake?" I had thought about this in my head for hours, how I would explain this to him, how I would tell him. "How do you think I felt?"

"I figure you're about to tell me." He was still so angry.

"Please don't be like this," I said quietly, finally looking him in the eye. His expression was unreadable. "I'm trying to apologize and it's like you don't even want to listen. If you don't want me anymore, just tell me already so I can stop making an idiot out of myself."

"Bells," Jake said, his voice suddenly soft. His face contorted into pain. "I just...I'll stop. I want to listen."

"I just want you to understand."

"I'll try. I won't interrupt." I took a deep breath.

"You must have heard Sam's guilt. You must know what it's like. But what if he hadn't imprinted on Emily? What if he'd just fallen in love with her? What if he hadn't stopped loving Leah because of some weird supernatural voodoo?" I took another breath and stepped toward him carefully.

"I loved you both, Jake. You can't just turn that off. I loved him for so long, and I couldn't just stop with a snap of my fingers. I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I should have come to you and asked for help getting through this. But I needed time to get over him. I needed time to stop loving him."

Jake was completely silent. I heard the heater kick on with a whir and a car pass by on the road. My mind raced, desperate to touch him, desperate for him to kiss me.

I had been wrong by not telling him. I had known how difficult it would be to choose one of them, and I had known that the fallout of saying goodbye to Edward would be almost unbearable. I had expected the pain and the ache. But I had chosen to keep it from Jake, to hide how hard it was for me. I had even tried to hide it from myself. But I had made a choice, the right choice, and I had to face the fallout.

Jake still hadn't moved. I was rooted to the spot, one foot in a half-step in front of me, my arms limp at my sides. His face was blank, like he hadn't heard a word I'd said. I was starting to feel the crushing hands of unease around my chest. And then, so fast that I barely saw him move, his lips were suddenly against mine, his arms crushing me against him, and I felt like I was whole again.

"I talked to Sam." I glanced up at Jake. We were lying against each other on the couch, rain pattering away at the roof.

"Did they find anything?"

"They got as far as Canada before the trail veered off into the ocean. They're on their way back."

"I guess I wasn't expecting much more." I tried to feel afraid, but I had known that they wouldn't find anything.

"Did Alice see anything?"

"I haven't talked to her."

"You should call her."

"In a minute," I said, stretching against him. He tightened his arm around my waist, kissing my head through my hair.

"Where did Edward go?" I asked, trying to keep my tone nonchalant.

"He's outside," Jake said, just as offhandedly. "I told him last night that I could have protected you myself, but he wouldn't listen."

"You should have come inside last night. I know it's freezing."

"Honey, you know you don't have to worry," he said, chuckling a little. I smiled.

"I'm just trying to be nice." He leaned down and kissed me softly.

"Go call Alice, okay? I'll be right here." I kissed him again and pushed off from his chest to stand. My phone was in the pocket of my jeans from the night before, and I had three messages, all from Chris.

Hope you're doing okay, call me!

Have you heard from Leah? She's not back, I'm worried

Call me, it's important

I felt a tiny ring of alarm at his last text, but I tried to ignore it. I called Alice, who was out of the rain inside of the Cullens' old house, and she said she would be right over. She also promised to call the library and make sure I'd get the day off from work. I smiled as I hung up and walked back over to Jake, who had been watching with thoughtful eyes.

"Tell me something," he said as I settled myself back onto his lap and chest. He wound his fingers into my hair.

"Hmm," I hummed, closing my eyes.

"Would it be easier if you didn't talk to Alice anymore?" My eyes snapped open and I lifted my head to stare at him with hard eyes.

"Alice has nothing to do with anything," I said curtly. He frowned apologetically, touching my cheek with the back of his hand.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't talk to her. I'm sorry, that came out wrong." He sighed. "I was just asking a question."

"If I didn't have Alice, I think I'd lose my mind. She's my best friend."

"I thought I was your best friend." I raised an eyebrow at him, and he grinned.

"Just because I'm friends with Alice, doesn't mean I can't be in love with you. Besides, I thought you two were getting along."

"We are," he admitted, almost sheepishly. "I actually really like her. She's funny and she doesn't take my crap. But if there's a best friend competition here, then I'm gonna have to kill her." I smacked him lightly, scrunching up my face, and he laughed, the familiar glow returning to his face.

There was a knock at the door, and I disentangled myself from Jake. I stood, letting him adjust himself on the couch before opening the door. Alice flitted inside to get out of the rain, her black hair beaded with water.

"Alice, you didn't have to run over here in this rain," I complained. "I would have come and gotten you." She just waved her hand dismissively at me. I went into the bathroom and returned with a dry towel. She took it gratefully and ran it over her hair and damp clothing.

"Sam said the trail ended in Canada," Jake said, standing from the couch and walking over. Alice sighed, draping the towel around her shoulders.

"I was hoping they could catch up to him," she said, her voice unusually hard.

"Him?" I asked, and she turned to me.

"I could see their movements all night. They aren't trying to hide from me. They aren't aware of what I saw and what we know, from what I can tell."

"What happened?" Jake asked, his voice strained but interested. Alice motioned to the couch, and I took a seat besides Jake. She folded herself into the armchair, rubbing her temples with her fingers.

"You can't imagine how nice it is to be around you, Jacob," she said quietly. "I've had a terrible headache from concentrating so hard. Not seeing is such a relief."

"Glad I could help," he said sarcastically, but when I glanced at him, he was smiling.

"The Volturi are a strange family. Has Bella told you about their organization?" Jake shook his head. "They are very old, and their guards are more a collection than a family. They bring in those of us with special abilities, such as mine or Edward's. That way, the guards can serve as protection if ever there was danger coming. One has a particularly useful ability, one of extreme speed. You've seen how fast we can run, but this guard is nearly twice as fast.

"That's who I saw, and that's who was here. You didn't meet him on our vacation to Italy," she said to me, smiling slightly. "I couldn't remember his name until he returned to Volterra and Aro said it. William. I didn't recognize the scent because he is relatively new to the family, though he is a very old vampire in his own right.

"He was not sent to retrieve you. He was merely sent to seek you out. Aro was curious about you, and so he sent William to find out how you were coming along. You must remember, he believes you've been turned into one of us." I felt Jake stiffen beside me, and I reached a hand out to him.

"He was checking up on you. When William went to Charlie's house and nowhere else, it was because he assumed that you had left to live elsewhere with us. Edward's scent was extremely faint, and your room was empty. William assumed that you had followed through with your promise and gone with Edward to be turned."

"That doesn't make any sense," I said, puzzled. "I was there at Charlie's..." I trailed off, lost in thought. The more that I thought about it, the more plausible it seemed. I hadn't been to Charlie's for a while before dinner the night that the wolves found the trail. My scent would have been old, too. With my room almost completely cleaned out and my and Edward's scents old, it was a reasonable conclusion. Aro must have instilled his confidence in Alice's vision into William, who took Charlie's empty house as proof.

"You have to be wrong," Jake was saying, shaking his head. "If he tells the head vamp that Bella really did change, then there's no reason for them to come looking for her later. She wouldn't have to-" He cut off sharply, his face starting to contort.

"Unless Aro wanted to be absolutely certain," Alice interjected quickly, filling the silence. "I assume he would want to actually see Bella as one of us before he's satisfied."

"So there's no running, then." Both Alice and Jake turned to look at me, but I felt limp. "That's it. Even if he's happy now, he'll need to see me as a vampire. There's no way around that."

"Bella, don't talk like that," Alice said in a low voice. "I promised you that we would find a way to fix this, and I intend to keep that promise. We can't give up."

"Can you see when Aro will come?" Alice closed her eyes for a moment.

"Last night, he was satisfied with William's report. He had no plans of coming here or sending another guard for the foreseeable future."

"But both you and Edward said that no one would come to check up on me until I was 30, but I'm not even 20 and he already sent someone," I pointed out dejectedly.

"I will figure this out," she promised. I wasn't convinced, but she seemed confident in herself. She stood up suddenly, sighing.

"I have to go," she said hurriedly, glancing at the door. "Edward needs me. But I'll be back later. I won't leave without saying bye." She smiled widely at me, her teeth dazzling, and she flashed out the door, leaving Jake and I alone. He exhaled loudly, throwing his head back and staring at the ceiling.

"Is it just me, or is all of this extremely exhausting?" I smiled wanly and kissed his cheek, and I noticed that his eyes were rimmed with fatigue.

"When was the last time you slept?"

"Probably a few days," he said, yawning. I furrowed my eyebrows together.

"You need to sleep," I said, dismayed. He shrugged.

"It's part of the job."

"I need you to sleep. I'll be fine."

"I need to protect you."

"You heard Alice. That William guy is long gone, and no one is coming back for a while." I waved my hand indifferently. "I'm fine, really."

"Maybe a little nap wouldn't hurt," he said finally, rubbing his eyes. I smiled and stood, reaching out for his hand. He took it and let me help him up. His lethargy was obvious. I tugged him gently to my room and helped him onto the bed. I leaned down and kissed his forehead, and when I pulled away, his eyes were already closed, his breathing even. I stepped out of the room quietly and went back to grab my phone. I went into my texts and dialed Chris's number.

"Bell!" His voice was cheerful, a strange change from the rest of the morning.

"Chris!" I said, trying to match his enthusiasm, and he laughed.

"How've you been?"

"I'm all right. Things are...better."

"Really? Did you take my advice?"

"Not yet. I might have forced Edward to go away so I could fix things with Jake." Chris laughed again.

"That sounds just like you."

"Gee, thanks," I said sarcastically.

"Did you get things off your chest? You sounded really bent-up last night."

"It's a long story. I'll tell you later."

"All right," he said, shifting the phone to the other ear. "So do you want to help me with something?"

"Hmm?"

"I need help finding Leah." I walked into the kitchen, cocking the phone between my ear and shoulder, and reached for a glass from my cabinets.

"She still isn't back?"

"Nope. And she left her phone here, so I can't call her." I filled up my cup with water and took a sip.

"Jake heard from her a little while ago," I said, glancing at the clock on my oven and trying to count back. "She was with Sam and them last night. I think it was really important."

"Wolf stuff?" I froze. I almost dropped my phone. It was the first time he had mentioned the wolves, though I'd known that he was in on the secret. It was jarring to hear someone else refer to it so nonchalantly, like he was as comfortable with the idea as I was.

"I-uh-I don't-"

"Wait, you do know, right? I mean, you're dating one of them. I figured you knew too." I bit my lip and glanced back at my closed bedroom door, wondering if Jake would be okay with me talking about this with Chris. I sighed.

"Yeah, I know," I admitted. Chris made a noise of agreement.

"I've been curious, but I didn't know how to bring it up."

"Me neither," I said, smiling. "Jake told me that Leah spilled, but I completely forgot about it once I saw who you were."

"Leah didn't warn me about anything," he said, his voice echoing. "We were out one night and we were fighting, and all of a sudden she started shaking and ran off. When I followed her, I ran into her wolf. I thought I was going to die. But then suddenly Leah was standing there where the wolf had been. I definitely thought I had lost it. It took her all night to calm me down."

"You should've seen me the first time I saw Jake!" I thought back to the first time I'd seen the wolves in the clearing with Laurent, then again the first time I'd watched Jake explode into a wolf in front of me. I understood how he could be unnerved by it.

"I'm totally with you, Bell." We both laughed, and I felt calmer than I had in days.

"Don't worry about Leah," I said, switching my phone to the other ear and finishing my water. "She should be back soon."

"I believe you."

"Call me if she still doesn't come back in a few hours and I'll try and get in touch with her."

"Will do. Hey, you promise you're doing all right?" I smiled, glancing back at my room.

"Everything is great," I said quietly, cupping my hand around the phone.

"Call me later?"

"Absolutely."

"Bye, Bell."

"Bye." I shut the phone and held it in my hand. I set my glass down in the sink and went into my room, shutting the door quietly. Jake was lying face-down against the pillows, his back moving slowly up and down as he breathed. I smiled and sat beside him, putting my hand against his back, and waited for him to wake up.