A/N: I hope you guys won't hate another Jake chapter! It just spilled out! :)

I knew it was cold out. I could see the way that the wind ripped through the trees and the clouds hung heavy with flurries. Sometimes, I wished I could feel cold. Being so hot was like being trapped in hell. But tonight, I could finally feel it. It crept into my bones and muscles like morphine, numbing my arms, my legs, my chest. I knew I should be hurt. I knew I should be furious. But I was only cold, finally.

The noise of Bella's sobbing was deafening. I wanted to run, my escape from the pain. But I couldn't even get that. I had to stay. Bella was far from safe, and I didn't trust the vamp to be able to watch over her alone.

Nothing made sense. My head was foggy like I was half-asleep. I almost wanted to just concede, to go back in and tell her that she should just be happy with the leech. That way, at least, I wouldn't have to worry every damn day that she's going to die soon, and all because of him.

Because of him, we were both going to lose her.

I could hear a low growl from in the house, and I knew that he had heard me. I barked a laugh in spite of myself, wanting him to know the truth. I wanted him to blame himself as much as I blamed him. He got her into this mess and he was never going to be able to get her out.

"Jake?" My head whipped around at the sudden sound, my muscles aching to run back inside. Why wasn't I angry? How was I so calm?

"Where is he?" Bella demanded, her voice half-crazed. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "Where is my Jacob?" I felt a tiny fissure crack along the length of my cold heart.

"He's just outside," Edward said quietly, the rocking chair creaking as he stood up. I was almost pressed against the window, trying to hear. Bella sniffed for a few moments, and then suddenly there was the quiet noise of the bed moving. Had she gotten up to come look for me? Had he sat down next to her? My blood boiled, the cold finally fading, as I ached to go inside.

"Don't touch me!" Bella screamed, the bed squeaking again. This noise was different; she had gotten up this time.

"Bella, love-"

"Don't call me that!" She was hysterical. I heard the sound of her pulling books from her bookshelf and throwing them at him, the spines making contact with hard thuds. "Get out! Get away from me!"

"Bella-"

"No!" I was suddenly afraid, afraid she would hurt herself. If he didn't leave, I would go in and drag him out. "Leave me alone!" It was only a moment before Edward appeared outside, the front door shutting soundlessly. He sank down into a crouch, holding his head in his hands. He looked agonized.

Served him right.

His head snapped up and his eyes found mine. He flashed to stand right in front of me, his teeth bared. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Go ahead, kill me," I said nonchalantly. He didn't scare me.

"When Bella comes back to me, you will be gone," he threatened, his lips curled back. I chuckled and rolled my eyes.

"Sure, sure." He stalked away, his entire body tense, and stood stiffly in front of the door. I leaned up against the house, folding my arms across my chest.

"You can leave, dog," Edward seethed, turning to look at me.

"I'm not leaving her."

"I can protect her."

"Like hell you can." His lip twitched up, but he didn't say anything.

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Bella was crying again, but the new sound was less feverish, more subdued. She could've been crying from a sad movie. I wanted so badly to go inside and comfort her, but I couldn't find it in me to move. My feet were stuck. I just couldn't face her.

"She doesn't want you," Edward said curtly. I turned back to him and stared at him incredulously.

"You have absolutely no sense of boundaries, do you, leech?" He smiled smugly.

"Your thoughts are abnormally loud."

"Then think of something louder and stay out of my head."

"You know how difficult that truly is. Or have you already forgotten our conversation on the mountain?"

"At least the roles are reversed this time," I countered, trying to fill my voice with as much venom as he did. "Now she's finally with the right guy."

"The right guy!" Edward shouted, exasperated. "You could not be more wrong."

"She finally figured out who she loved more."

"I still believe that she does love me, too." I thought back to the cliff, about what I'd heard. Alice and I had walked up just as she'd started telling Chris about Edward's crappy personality. Alice had started to walk closer to them, but I'd held her back. I wasn't sure why I wanted to hear it, but I knew that she was going to tell him something important. I was a masochist for having stayed quiet for so long.

"When was this?" Edward demanded, rushing back to stand in front of me again. His acrid smell filled my nostrils and made me want to gag.

"God, stay out of my head!" I went to shove him away, but he dodged me quickly, moving back in front of me. His eyes were full of something that I didn't recognize. He looked almost... alive.

"She said she still loves me." His voice was desperate, his face haunted as he listened to her confession through my memory. He was pacing, back and forth. "I knew she loved me. I knew she still loved me."

"Now you know how I felt." That stopped him. He froze and turned to me, his face contorting. I shook my head and pushed off from the house. I couldn't look at him. I wandered around to the other side of the house, out of the force of the wind, and sat on the icy ground. I focused again on Bella, who had quieted. Her breathing was long and even, and I knew she had finally fallen asleep.

"I'm sorry, Jacob." I turned with a groan to face Edward, who was standing at the edge of the corner of the house, watching me.

"Just mind your own business from now on."

"That's not what I meant." He took a step towards me, gauging my reaction. When I didn't protest, he took another few steps and sat down beside me, leaning up against the wall. "I meant that I was sorry that you had to feel this way."

"What do you mean?" Despite myself, I was curious.

"I had always known that Bella loved me," he said, staring out at the darkness. "When I first fell in love with her, I was unsure. But once her feelings were clear, I always knew. I can see now how impossible it must have been for you to know that she loved you but not be able to have her."

"I never knew, not really," I admitted. "I always told her that she did, but I could never be sure. I had my suspicions, though. When she kissed me on the mountain, that was the first time she finally realized it for herself." Edward was quiet for a minute.

"Even so," he said flatly, "you loved her for so long before she realized. You had to live every moment knowing that you loved her and she wasn't yours." I tried not to think of the long nights that I'd stayed awake in bed, wishing Bella was mine.

"I can't imagine losing her, though," I blurted out unthinkingly. I immediately whipped my head around to face him, ready to spring away, but he only looked sad, the sadness of a man who'd lived far longer than me.

"I've lost her before," he said. I could hear the strain in his voice as he struggled to keep calm. "This is preferable. Though she isn't mine, she is alive, and she is happy with you."

"I told you that I could make her happy."

"I see that now. I was so determined to be the one in your place that I let it cloud my judgment. I always knew that you were better for her. She didn't know it at the time, but I doubt that she was really so willing to throw away her life."

I didn't know how to answer that. We sat in silence for a few minutes. The wind whipped around the house and tiny flakes began to flurry around in the air. I could still hear Bella inside breathing evenly. I wondered when she would start talking in her sleep; I wondered what she would say.

"You know I can protect her just fine without you, right?" Edward laughed spitefully.

"I don't trust that you can fend off the Volturi if they decide to make a visit."

"Alice would see them coming, wouldn't she?"

"Aro knows of the blind spots in her visions, so it's a possibility that they could come. Perhaps not all of them, but it would be enough." I blanched at his easy demeanor. How could he possibly talk about Bella dying so nonchalantly? He turned to me and looked as if he'd aged a hundred years, his face gaunt and lifeless.

"The thought of Bella dying is enough to kill me." His eyes drooped. "I cannot begin to tell you the agony I felt when I believed her to be dead last year. It was as if I had died myself. But this time...I will have to watch the Volturi kill her and know that I can do nothing to stop them." I scrunched up my face, puzzled.

"What do you mean, you can't do anything?"

"My sister tells Bella what she believes will calm her down. But in the end, if the Volturi do come, we are all powerless to stop them. Bella is a human who knows too much, and my sister and I will be two vampires who broke our promise to change her. We will all be seen as guilty. That is why Alice's vision cut out when she could see Bella go to Italy; it isn't because she interfered, but because she is to be killed as well." I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I could feel my vision start to blur. Every time anyone brought it up, things were worse, always getting worse.

How many blows could I take before I finally fell?

I tried to stand, but my legs wobbled. I sank back to my knees and felt myself start to shake. I felt sick. I couldn't breathe.

"I'm sorry," Edward said quietly. "I did not mean to cause you such pain." I couldn't answer. "I just wanted you to understand what we're facing. You should know what's coming, in case things go as badly as Alice has seen."

"You've known all along." My voice was tight.

"Yes."

"And that's all right with you."

"Jacob Black, you do not know my torture." I flopped back down, my body spent. I was so tired. When was the last time I'd slept? "I can keep myself composed around Bella because I do not want to frighten her. But I am facing not only Bella's death but my own. I fear that I will never see her again, in whatever sort of afterlife we are sent to."

"I think you shouldn't keep this from her like this. She needs to know. This false hope is just going to hurt her more when it finally happens."

"Alice saw her going to Italy, though." I took my face from my hands and glanced at Edward. He was calm, his face composed, staring at nothing. "You have to understand, the Volturi will not want to come here. A single guard, all that Aro sent out this time, is much different than an entire killing squad." I winced. "And with this new news, things could very well be quiet, at least for a while. Aro will believe that she is with us, and if he were to contact Carlisle, I am sure that he would attest to her transformation. It will leave their minds quite soon, if my understanding of their minds is correct."

"So what does all of that mean?"

"It means that if you and Bella keep out of trouble and out of the Volturi's attention, she may be safe for another ten years before they decide to check up on her again."

Ten years. The thought made my cold, cold heart start to pump again, my mind working in a million ways. I could figure out how to protect her if we had ten years to plan. We could be okay. She would be safe.

Hundreds of thoughts ran through my head: Bella laughing, Bella and I finding a place together, Bella and I going to college, Bella in a white dress, Bella alive and well and beautiful. Suddenly, I couldn't hear the wind or Edward or anything.

Until I could.

"Jake." It was a whisper, a tiny voice, but I would know it anywhere. "My Jacob." I wanted to run inside, to kiss her and hold her and assure her that everything would be okay. I didn't care that she loved Edward still. I didn't care that I was supposed to be mad at her. Everything was okay, and she was safe.

"Jacob," she said again, sighing and rolling over in bed. I was alive again.

"Though I do not think they will return, I would like to stay here in case they do." I turned to Edward, and his eyes were so sad. He smiled very weakly and stood up, his movements disconcerting like always. "I will circle the neighborhood and see if I can find anything else." With that, he disappeared into the darkness.

I tried to calm down. I was too worked up. Bella could still be in danger. I wanted to think that Edward had been lying, but I couldn't believe that. He had been honest with me, just as he had been on the mountain. And if he thought things were going to be okay, I could think so, too. I would ask Alice in the morning and see what she thought. If her thoughts were anywhere near his...

I needed to talk to Sam. He needed to know what was going on. I slunk into the shadows beside the house and checked around me, making sure no one was awake and watching. I phased easily, unthinkingly. But the sudden barrage of voices was overwhelming.

Here, go that way.

No, it's this way, run!

The water, always the water.

God, I really wanted to kill something today.

Jacob? It was Sam.

It's me. Did you guys find it?

Nothing yet. Jared this time. We're in Canada. It jumped into the ocean.

Always the water, Embry repeated angrily.

For now, I think it's gone, Sam assured me, almost uneasily.

Look, I have some news. I thought about what Edward had said. Colin laughed.

I always knew he would come in handy! He was grinning.

For now, we're coming back to La Push, Sam answered. We should be back by morning.

Let me know if anything new comes up, I urged.

I will.

When I phased back, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I could hear Edward flitting around the houses around us, checking for any signs of danger. Bella was mumbling, something about pudding. I felt better than I had in months.

I moved in front of the door and sat down in front of it, waiting for morning.

The night was long. It felt like decades of waiting before Bella finally woke up. She had said my name a few more times through the night, her voice low and mumbling. I could feel Edward flitting around the neighborhood, but I tried to tune it out. I just listened to the even sounds of Bella's breathing.

She got out of bed and clomped to the bathroom, her steps louder than usual. I couldn't imagine why; it sounded like she was clumsier than normal. The shower turned on with a sputter and I heard her close the shower curtain with a rattling sound.

And then I was panicking. Would she want to talk this morning? Would she come see if I was still there? Would she want the leech after what had happened? I felt like Jell-O. My arms didn't work. It was like my bones had been removed from my body. I couldn't stand it. I needed to talk to her.

Could I stop myself from being upset? I didn't know. I was still angry with her, though my relief was overwhelming. Maybe it would be enough to fix things. Maybe, after what Edward had said, I could forgive her for everything.

She stepped out of the shower and I stood up fast, my legs asleep from being folded all night. I started pacing, unable to control my anxiety. I felt like I had to move around before I saw her. Everything about us was movement and going forward; I didn't want to stop.

I could hear her shallow breathing moving into the living room, and I wanted to be the one to face her. I wanted to be the one to go to her. I paced a few more times before gaining my nerve back, and then I threw the door open and just stared. She was holding a towel absently in one hand, her hair messed up and wet. She looked at me like I was a ghost. As soon as her eyes met mine, she looked away, staring down at her feet.

"Bella? I heard you moving around, so I assumed you were awake."

"I was coming out to get you," she said, and she pointed a finger out the side window. "I really wanted to talk to you."

"Okay." I tried so hard not to sound angry, but even I could hear it. I tried to remember how happy I'd been when she'd picked me, when she'd first kissed me, when she'd first invited me to spend the night that first time...

"I want you to tell me about Sam and Leah." What?

"What about them?"

"Do you remember what you told me happened when Sam met Emily?"

"Not really."

"You said that he had to live with the knowledge that he broke her heart. You said he had to feel the guilt every day." I was so confused. Where was she going with this?

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"What about me, Jake? How do you think I felt?" Felt about what? Is she talking about me and Edward? My head felt foggy.

"I figure you're about to tell me."

"Please don't be like this." She turned her eyes up to me and stared at me, her gaze piercing. "I'm trying to apologize and it's like you don't even want to listen. If you don't want me anymore, just tell me already so I can stop making an idiot out of myself."

"Bells." I knew I sounded angry. I tried to calm down. "I just...I'll stop. I want to listen."

"I just want you to understand."

"I'll try. I won't interrupt."

"You must have heard Sam's guilt. You must know what it's like. But what if he hadn't imprinted on Emily? What if he'd just fallen in love with her? What if he hadn't stopped loving Leah because of some weird supernatural voodoo?" She took a step towards me. I didn't move.

"I loved you both, Jake. You can't just turn that off. I loved him for so long, and I couldn't just stop with a snap of my fingers. I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I should have come to you and asked for help getting through this. But I needed time to get over him. I needed time to stop loving him."

Everything was wrong. How could I be so happy and so angry at the same time? I felt like I was being pulled in all different directions. What the hell was happening to me? I was usually so concrete. I always knew what I was feeling. I hated not being in control.

I was so tired. I wanted to sleep.

But I wanted to hold her so tightly that everything was okay again.

I felt it then, like a tiny snap. I was just...okay. I wasn't angry. I could forgive her and we would be okay. I just knew we would be all right. Everything was better and we were fine. I barely remembered what I was so angry about. All I had to do was reach out to her, and everything would go back to normal.

It was only natural to step towards her and kiss her. It was like an unconscious movement. And with her in my arms, I knew everything was going to be okay.