One Scream

It had been three weeks since Kahlan Amnell had spared the life of her sister's murderer Cara Mason. Three weeks since said murderer had joined her, Richard and the wizard Zedd in their quest for the Stone of Tears. There were times just the sight of the former Mord'Sith made her physically ill as she thought about the atrocities she'd committed in the name of her master, but almost instantly that disgust was overshadowed by the image of the haunted look in the once expressionless eyes and the single tear slipping down her cheek and that made Kahlan angry. She did not want to feel sympathy for a monster and so she had very little to say to their unwelcome companion that wasn't insulting and it just angered her more when Cara refused to acknowledge it.

Now she followed behind the others, unwilling to have the Mord'Sith behind her. The fact that Cara didn't seem to notice or care about her distrust only served to aggravate Kahlan further and she found herself making snide comments to the blonde just trying to get a response or any sign that the emotion she had witnessed hadn't been a hallucination or another Mord'Sith trick.

Cara had felt the hostile eyes burning a hole through her back for days. She had mostly ignored it, knowing that had their positions been reversed, she would have been far less…'forgiving' and believing that the opinion of a Confessor was irrelevant. However, as it had become clear that the Mother Confessor had no plans to act on her hostility, the looks and insults were pointless and becoming quite tedious to one who was already struggling with controlling the emotions that had been ripped from her in Stowecroft. Still, she remained silent and merely waited for the next baiting comment, taking a perverse pleasure in knowing her failure to respond irritated the other woman.

"It's really that easy for you isn't it?" Kahlan finally asked, unable to contain her anger any longer.

The cold tone of the Mother Confessor's voice made it clear to Cara that she was talking to her.

"What?" she asked casually, not even bothering to look at the antagonistic woman behind her.

Kahlan gritted her teeth as the infuriating woman refused to acknowledge her. "Everything that happened yesterday, learning that the man you murdered, your father, was innocent, you can just forget about it after a good night's sleep?"

Cara's steps faltered at that and Kahlan found herself less triumphant about drawing a response than she had expected.

"Yes," Cara answered after a long, awkward pause.

"I thought so," Kahlan scoffed. "I mean what's one more innocent death in your already long list right?" Kahlan actually flinched as she heard the horribly cruel words leaving her mouth but she simply couldn't help herself. To her surprise, she realized she'd actually nearly caught up to the Mord'Sith, close enough to catch a glimpse of her face and she saw the fierce clenching of a strong jaw. She finally knew she was a lot closer to getting a response than she thought and it would be more of one than she would be able to handle. She prudently decided to fall back, smugly assuming she'd made her point.

"Well said Mother Confessor," Cara replied dully. "You truly would have made an excellent Mord'Sith." With that, Cara increased her pace so that she passed a startled Richard and Zedd and took the lead, leaving Kahlan to stew in the resentment of the shame she was feeling.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

"You're pathetic," Kahlan sneered, running her eyes derisively over Cara. "You claim to be a great and fearsome Mord'Sith, yet look how easily you were defeated and abandoned by your own sisters. You weren't even worth an honorable death. And how easily you wept at your trial, like a pathetic little girl."

"That's not…" Cara tried to protest but Kahlan's hand was around her throat.

"You were a mindless tool for Darken Rahl, now you're a mindless tool for Richard, obeying his every command like a whipped puppy. You have no purpose in this world except to say 'yes master'," Kahlan scoffed nastily. "I should have killed you. The fact that you still draw breath is an abomination. It is an insult to my sister, to me and to the memory of your father."

"Then kill me," Cara hissed, fighting the pain that stabbed at her with every venomous word.

"Are you begging Cara?" Kahlan's lips lifted in a smile far more unpleasant than even Denna's. "Are you begging like your father wanted to beg you not to kill him? Like my sister and the other confessors begged you? Like every single innocent person you've tortured and killed begged for their life?"

"I don't beg," Cara retorted, trying to sound indifferent and hating the tremor in her voice that slipped through

"No. You just weep like a weak little girl," Kahlan snorted. "I'm not going to kill you," she continued smugly. "Watching you live with the fact you killed your father for nothing more than a lie is far better vengeance than I could have ever imagined."

"KILL ME AND BE DONE WITH IT MOTHER CONFESSOR!"

Cara jerked awake at the shout, blinking furiously to clear her head before she realized the shout had come from her. She looked around the fire and saw Richard and Zedd staring at her with shock and even more unbearably, pity. Then her eyes landed on Kahlan and an unfamiliar ache twisted in her gut at the unreadable expression on the Confessor's face.

"Cara, are you alright?" Richard asked kindly.

"I'm fine," she said coldly, grabbing her agiels in a desperate hope of regaining her composure. She quickly got to her feet, memories of Nathair revealing the truth as she lay dying from Confession, the echoes of dream Kahlan's malicious accusations, the remembered visions of her father's weeping face all swirled wildly in her mind and threatened to drive her mad.

"I'm going to check the woods," she snapped shortly.

"Cara," Kahlan called after her. She wasn't sure what she wanted to say, but hearing Cara screaming for the Mother Confessor to kill her had shaken her.

She had not forgotten Cara's broken expression when she learned the truth about her father and she couldn't even begin to imagine what was going through Cara's mind. Instantly she knew it had been her earlier taunts that had caused the nightmare and she felt ill, knowing she had willingly inflicted torment on another person. Whatever Cara had done after she became a Mord'Sith, Kahlan should have never used her father against her. She had only been a child, stolen from her family, tortured and left to the rats until she had become crazed to the point where killing the little beasts eased her mind and then she had been told the man she had adored above all others had sold her to the women who hurt her. Her mind had not been her own at that point and Kahlan could only imagine what she would do had it happened to her. Sighing, she got to her feet.

"I'll go talk to her," Kahlan told the still bemused men and followed after Cara, wondering if she was going to get an agiel in the chest for her effort.

It didn't take her long to find the aloof young woman. She was standing stiffly in a small clearing, agiels in both hands and clearly hoping for someone to fight.

"Cara," she said quietly, knowing better than to sneak up on a Mord'Sith. Particularly one who was more agitated than normal.

"What?" Cara said shortly. So many other replies sprung to mind, but she refused to give the Confessor any more satisfaction than she had already.

"Are you alright?" Kahlan asked softly from behind her, unwilling to approach the dangerous woman.

"I'm fine," she replied shortly. There was anger in Cara's voice but Kahlan heard something else. There was a raspiness that told her more than anything that this 'unfeeling monster' was holding on to her emotions by a very thin and frayed thread.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," Kahlan offered.

"Care to be more specific?" Cara retorted.

Kahlan sighed, not surprised the blonde was making this difficult. "All of it I suppose, but mostly what I said about your father. It wasn't right and…"

"If I accept your apology, will you leave me in peace?"

Kahlan fought her instinctive irritation. "Forget it," she muttered and returned to camp cursing the day they stumbled on the abandoned, beaten woman.

She returned to her bedroll, irritated and confused. As a Confessor, she always talked about compassion and forgiveness, but the Mord'Sith had no compassion when she killed the innocent. She had no mercy, no forgiveness. She had no feelings except those she was ordered to have. Or so Kahlan thought. The tear she'd seen, the clenched jaw in reaction to Kahlan's taunts, the raspy sound of impending tears went against everything she had been led to believe.

"Is Cara alright?" Richard asked sleepily.

Part of Kahlan, the part that cried out for justice, demanded to know why he was so protective of a woman who had hurt her so, but the part of her who had been raised to know that things were not always as they seemed, refused to go down that road.

"She's fine," she lied.

Just then a terrifying primal scream broke the night silence.

"That came from the direction Cara walked in," Richard said with alarm as he drew his sword.

Kahlan, pulled her daggers as they ran into the woods, prepared for battle. What they saw froze them all in mid stride. Shock left them temporarily unable to move as they approached Cara from behind and saw her standing alone with an agiel pressed against her throat.

Kahlan stared in horrified awe as the scream of the agiel blended with Cara's wail of what could have been anguish, fury or pain. It was most likely all three and Kahlan realized with a sickening knot growing in her stomach that the agiel was placed exactly where her hand had once rested.

Kahlan was about to call out to her but something told her that if Cara knew there were witnesses to her emotional breakdown, it would send her so far back into her old persona she would be of no use to Richard or anyone. She quickly turned to Richard and Zedd with a finger to her lips, shaking her head before they could say anything. She made a gesture and the three of them returned to the camp each shaken by what they'd just witnessed but relieved the screams had finally stopped.

"Why didn't you let me stop her?" Richard asked, with a rare touch of accusation in his voice.

"It's not what you think," Kahlan said, hurt by his tone but not blaming him for it. "It pains me to admit it, but that was just as hard for me to see as it was for you, however do you really think she would like to know we witnessed that?"

"She's right Richard," Zedd agreed. He had no fondness for the Mord'Sith but knowing her past and having seen such a raw, painful outburst from the proud, stoic woman was awful for even him to see. "For a Mord'Sith, to know we had seen such a display would destroy her more than confession."

"She was torturing herself," Richard argued. "She could kill herself with that agiel."

Kahlan shook her head. She didn't know Cara Mason besides what she'd learned in Stowecroft but she knew Mord'Sith. "She won't. There is no honor in killing herself, especially because her emotions overwhelmed her, but pain… pain will rid her of those emotions and give her back control."

"But why her throat? That had to be unbearable."

"Because I didn't confess her," Kahlan replied, guilt once more flaring inside of her. "I think the agiel to her throat was a substitute."

"I should have seen that the trial had affected her more than she let on," Richard said guiltily. "This is my fault for dredging up a past she didn't want to remember."

"No Richard," Kahlan sighed and looked away in shame. "This is my fault. Even though I did see remorse in her eyes at the trial, I can't forget that she killed my sister. Every time I look at her…well let's just say I've been making my opinion of her quite clear since we left Stowecroft and I was less than kind about what happened with her father."

"Kahlan, that's not like you," Zedd chided gently in surprise.

"I know," Kahlan exclaimed tiredly. "I just…I can't get past it. I can't forget what she did. I won't. She killed my sister and forced Denee to kill her child. She killed my sister Confessors. How can I just ignore that?"

"You can't," Cara interrupted tonelessly, startling the other three members of the group. "I'll take watch," she said not looking at any of them.

"Cara," Kahlan started but then paused, having absolutely no idea what to say. An apology was out of the question but the memory of Cara's nightmare and her pitiable scream ate at her, just as much as the little tear.

Richard looked at Cara, desperate to try and ease some of the pain he knew she must be feeling but her very stiffness shouted to leave her alone so he would. She'd had enough people force their will on her.

"Goodnight Cara," he sighed, not surprised when he received no response. "Wake me when it's my watch." He heard a grunt in reply and suspected she would do no such thing. Shaking his head, he said goodnight to the others and lay down in his own bedroll.

It didn't take long before Kahlan heard the not so gentle snoring coming from Zedd and Richard which left her alone with Cara and her own thoughts. Neither was a pleasant option for her but sleep wouldn't come either. She lay near the fire, back deliberately turned away from Cara knowing that she did so more out of courtesy for Cara's privacy than any lingering malice and that increased her frustration tenfold. She was desperate to hold onto her hatred of the Mord'Sith. She owed it to her sister, to the other confessor's who'd lost their lives for no other reason than it had been ordered by a monster. She felt it was a betrayal to all of them that her hatred and desire for revenge was fading, to be replaced by a reluctant understanding and pity for not just Cara but all the Mord'Sith who were once young girls whose innocence had been twisted and perverted into mindless killers. Still, it was the blonde who was tugging the hardest at her emotional strings and she wasn't sure if she could bear it.