A/N: Hi everyone! After a very hectic year, I've finally dug this back up and I really hope to finish the story! If you're still with me, thank you so much for your patience, and I hope you like it!

It was cold when I left my house, the kind of cold that rips and aches. I drove carefully, the rain beating on my windshield. It didn't take long to pull up; no one was driving around in this weather.

"Alice?" I took a step into the Cullen house, shaking the freezing rain from my hair. She was turned away from me, sitting on the floor like a beautiful statue. She moved slightly, like she was unhinging herself from her concentration. She turned to me and smiled.

"I didn't expect you to come looking for me," she said, standing lithely. "I would've come to you."

"I wanted to give Jake some peace and quiet." I'd left him sleeping, his arms flopped across the bed and his mouth hanging open.

"I spoke with Edward," she said suddenly, her eyes hardening. "He told me about what happened." I felt my lungs tighten. I didn't want to think about it.

"Jake and I fixed things," I said carefully, trying to change the subject. Alice narrowed her eyes slightly, catching on, but she didn't push it.

"I'm glad," she replied, smiling. "The dog is really starting to grow on me."

"Alice."

"Oh, you're too sensitive," she chided, waving her hand in the air. "I'm just teasing."

"He likes you too," I said, not sure if he would be mad at me for telling her about our talk. "He thinks you're funny." That made her laugh.

"I'm surprised he understands my jokes! The pack's humor is so crude sometimes."

We went on like that for a few minutes, skirting around the one thing I couldn't bear to think about. Something had changed, a tiny slip of the fissure line in my heart. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it was almost a nagging in the opposite direction: rather than pulling me to Edward, it was pulling me away. I wanted him in my life as a friend, but he'd proven that it was impossible. A squirm in my stomach told me that maybe, I'd just be better off without him.

I called Chris. Jacob wasn't going to wake up for a while, and I needed something to take my mind off of everything that was happening. I felt like things were spinning out of my control, but with Chris, things seemed to fade, at least a little bit.

We met back at the diner, if only because there was really nothing else to do in Forks. I got there first, so I got us a booth by the window and ordered a glass of water. I only had to wait a minute before he walked through the doors. He seemed almost jumpy, his eyes shifty and his pose tense. And when he sat down, he immediately flagged over the waitress and asked for a soda.

"Where's the fire?" I joked. He turned to me and smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he admitted, eyeing the waitress who was walking back over with his drink. He drank half of it in one gulp. "I'm just really nervous about Leah."

"Still? I thought I told you not to worry about her." He rolled his eyes at me.

"I haven't heard from her in too long," he said, an edge to his voice. "What if something went wrong? You said it's fine but what if it isn't?" I felt like laughing at him. I'd never imagined that he would be the worrisome type.

"Didn't we just talk on the phone earlier today?" I teased. "You really worked this frenzy up in a few hours?"

"You're the worst," he mumbled, sipping at his drink again.

"Trust me," I said, grabbing a menu. My stomach was suddenly rumbling. "It's a…" I couldn't think of the right word; I still didn't feel comfortable talking about the wolves with him. "It's a pack thing. I used to worry too, especially when Jake would disappear without even warning me. But it's easier now."

"How did you get used to it?" I thought for a minute, putting the menu back down on the table.

"I guess I didn't ever really get used to it," I admitted, and he looked at me matter-of-factly. "I mean that it's still not easy. I still worry. But now I just trust that they'll all be fine. They can all handle themselves out there doing whatever it is they do." He smiled at me, a genuine one. I returned the smile, still feeling weird to talk to an outsider about this but feeling more reassured than before. The waitress came and took our orders, and when she walked off, Chris sank back into the booth.

"What are they doing?" he asked. I furrowed my eyebrows, not understanding. "The...pack, I mean. What's so important that it's taking this long?" I was quiet for a minute.

"I'm not sure if I'm allowed to tell you," I said honestly. And I wasn't. At least, not the truth. I wasn't sure what story Leah would come up with when the pack finally got back from Canada.

"So you know?" He was looking at me incredulously. I bit my lip.

"I probably know about as much as you do," I lied, but he could tell. He'd always said I was a bad liar.

"Do you at least know when she's coming back? Or if she's okay?" I felt my face soften.

"Of course she's okay," I said, glad to be able to give him something. "And they should be back today. I wouldn't be surprised if they were back already." He smiled wide, his eyes crinkling.

We spent the rest of the meal talking about his life in California and my life in Forks. He was so interested to hear about the mundane things that happened in the small town, compared to the rush of his life in a huge city. Talking to him was effortless, and I was struck again by how nice it was to have a friend, a normal human friend, in all of the chaos of my regular life. We didn't talk about the wolves; I didn't want to give away anything without knowing what he'd already been told by Leah. But catching up was just as nice.

His phone buzzed as the waitress was taking our checks: Leah was back. We said our goodbyes with smiles and promises to meet up one more time before he left for California again, and then he drove off, toward La Push. I contemplated what to do. If Jake was up, then I wanted to be home. If he was still sleeping, I didn't want to sit around waiting. I felt suddenly felt jumpy, just like Chris when he walked into the diner. So I got in my truck and, without a destination, started to drive.

I ended up at Charlie's. He was on a fishing trip with Billy, so the house was quiet and empty. I let myself in with my key and shut the door behind me. I looked around the house, seeing the comforting familiarity of Charlie's scarce decorations. Something new caught my eye, and I squinted towards the shelf on the far wall at something I didn't recognize. I walked slowly to it, trying to see if I was imagining things. But I reached out and picked up the picture frame, holding it up with a strange simmering in my stomach.

It was a picture of me and Jake. I didn't recognize the photo, but I could tell that it was from the party at the end of the summer. We were sitting around the fire that Sam had made towards the end of the night. Jake was huge, sitting on the ground in the white shirt and jeans that I loved, his head tilting back and his mouth spread with a laugh. I was sitting on his lap, curled up so tiny next to him, and my hand was blurry as I reached up to cover my face, my smile wide. What was so weird about the shot was how alike we looked: the same easy laugh, the same shining eyes, our bodies leaning into each other.

And suddenly, I knew I was about to cry. I couldn't tell who had taken the shot, but Charlie had somehow found it and kept it. He not only kept it, but he framed it and put it on the shelf next to the photos of my graduation and a few birthdays. That shelf was reserved for only the most important moments and people. I was so touched, overwhelmed with emotions. I knew Charlie had been happy about us, but I hadn't truly realized how much.

I remembered how Jake and I had finally agreed that it was time for him to know; it would be easier for both of us, and for Billy, to stop keeping it a secret. Jake and I had planned to go to his house for dinner and tell him then. When he'd gotten home from work, Charlie had been almost angry; I'd been at Jake's for almost a week straight, still using the feeble excuse of helping Billy with Jake's recovery, which was getting harder to stretch. Charlie had sat down at the dinner table and, before taking a bite, he'd turned to both of us, his eyebrows bunched together.

"You two are lying to me," he'd accused. And I hadn't even tried to deny it; we had been lying, just to keep things easier for as long as possible. Jake had broken into a wide smile.

"Yes we are," he's said proudly. "We're lying to you big time. But not anymore." I'd blushed and hid my face in my hands. I hadn't been embarrassed until Jake started making a show out of it. Charlie had glanced at Jake, then at me, then back to Jake.

"Well then, boy, tell me," he'd demanded, sounding so unlike himself. I'd turned to Jake and motioned for him to say it; he'd been so excited to be the one to finally tell Charlie.

"It's official," Jake had said, beaming. "Bella and I are dating." It had taken Charlie a minute to process, his expression blank for a few seconds before a grin crept slowly onto his face, overtaking every feature in joy.

"Bells," Charlie had said, and I'd looked up to see his warm smile, so happy, and I'd smiled back. "God, that's the best news I think I've ever gotten." Jake had whooped, to my great embarrassment, but I'd let him celebrate; I knew how much it meant to him to have Charlie be happy for us. My family, complete.

A very tiny creak broke me out of my thoughts. I snapped back to reality, and I swiveled around quick, the frame still in my hand. In an instant, my hands were empty, and Edward appeared by the kitchen doorway, holding the frame in his marble fingers. His eyes were sad.

"It's a nice picture," he said emotionlessly. I pretended my heart wasn't beating fast.

"Thanks," I said, trying to keep my voice just as flat. "It's Charlie's, so don't break it." His head shot up, too fast.

"I wouldn't do that." I believed him, but I reached out for the picture anyway. He handed it back wordlessly, and I carefully propped it back up on the shelf.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, feeling the quiet of the house pressing down on us. He blinked.

"Am I not allowed to see you anymore, friend?" he said, putting an acid-like emphasis on the last word. I sighed, exhausted. I realized then that I was so tired, tired of arguing, tired of hurting, tired of everything. I wanted things to stop for a while. Chris's voice, tiny in my ear, was as good an idea as any; I took a deep steadying breath before looking Edward right in the eyes.

"Look," I started, my hands feeling limp and useless at my sides, "you obviously know I still love you. I know you heard it in Jake's head, from when I said it to Chris. And I think you need to know it, or at least hear it from me. Because I do still love you." His eyes were burning like fire, his posture rigid. I couldn't read his expression. "But that's the problem: I still love you. Do you remember how hard it was when I was with you but I loved Jake? That's how hard it is for me now, except this time, I feel so..." My voice trailed off, trying to find the will to keep going. I had to get it out.

"So what, Bella?" Edward's voice was soft as he took a step closer to me. I still couldn't tell what he was thinking. I took another deep breath.

"So guilty," I said finally. He blinked in shock, taken aback. "I feel guilty for putting you through this after everything I ever promised you. I feel guilty for hurting you. I feel guilty for the things I've done to Jacob. I know you heard the worst part too, but I used to think about you every night and pretend we were still together. It wasn't fair to Jake, and it wasn't fair to you. I feel guilty for what I've done, to both of you. And it's time that I owned up to it." The silence was deafening. I felt deflated, like the indescribable thing that had been hovering inside of me had finally floated away. I couldn't stand still; with Edward a statue, I walked around the living room, picking up a beer can and an old napkin that were sitting on the coffee table. After I'd thrown them away and walked back out of the kitchen, he'd moved to sit on the couch. I sat down beside him.

"I cannot help but feel responsible," he said in a small voice. I had to lean in to hear him. "I know that I haven't made this any easier for you. I didn't know that I was hurting you by not letting you go. I don't want you to feel guilty for anything you chose to do. You did what you thought was best, and I cannot change that. I realize now that I just want you to be happy, regardless of with whomever that might be." I looked down at my hands folded in my lap.

"I'm not trying to make this about you," I said, hoping he understood. "I just wanted you to know what's happening. This isn't about you doing anything wrong. I'm just coming clean." We were both quiet for a minute. The rain picked up outside, the noise beating against the roof.

"What would you like me to do, Bella?" I looked up at him, and he was staring at me so intently that I lost my train of thought. It took me a minute to respond.

"I love Jacob," I said simply. I didn't know what else to say. Hurt flitted across his face, and then it was gone again.

"What would you like me to do?" he repeated. I knew what I wanted.

"I want you to move on and be happy." So slowly, he reached his hand up and brushed his cool fingers along my jawline, a familiar touch. I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand, but his fingers slid away. When I opened my eyes again, he was gone.

By the time I got back to my house, Jacob was sitting up in bed, his phone to his ear. I couldn't hear the voice on the other end of the line. Jake glanced up and saw me, and a smile stretched across his face. He patted the bed beside him, still listening to the person talking. As I put my bag down, he made a noise of agreement.

"Okay, well, just let me know if anything changes," he said quickly, already pulling the phone away from his face. He was still smiling at me.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up," I said, climbing up beside him and resting my head in the perfect spot on his bare chest.

"It's all right," he said, breathing deeply. I moved up and down with him. "Where have you been? You stink." I laughed.

"I went to go see Alice."

"Anything new to report?"

"Nothing yet. How about on your end?" He scoffed.

"They're no help." He motioned to the phone in his hand. "They're totally useless. Alice is a much better source than them." I made a face.

"Don't be mean," I chastised. He ruffled my hair, and I leaned into him.

"Leah says she might be leaving again." I pushed back slightly to look at him. He picked at his teeth, disinterested.

"Why?" I asked, thinking of Sue. "She doesn't need to leave again. I mean, sure, Chris lives in California, but they can always visit each other."

"I guess she doesn't want to move back in with the pack," Jake said easily. "Sam said she was unbearable in Canada. She's still just trying to piss everyone off, which is working, and then Paul said something stupid to her about not needing her, and so she's thinking of leaving again." I let that sink in.

"I think I'd leave too," I admitted quietly. "She's had it so hard, and it can't be easy to be weirdly brain-linked to Sam." Jake shrugged.

"Sue won't be happy." I thought of her smiling face and frowned.

"When is she leaving?"

"Probably tomorrow, maybe the day after."

"It's her life, but she should call her mom more often," I conceded. "Maybe I'll talk to Chris about making her call more often." Jake laughed.

"It's nice having a little linkage there," he said, kissing the top of my head as I settled back against him. He was so warm.

"He told me how she got around Sam's orders," I said slowly.

"Hm?"

"She phased by accident in front of him. Just like everyone thought."

"I wonder how she got around telling him about the rest of it."

"I don't think he knows all that much," I said, and I felt my eyelids start to droop. I was more tired than I thought.

"You should ask him sometime, see what she told him," Jake murmured. "We really do need to know how much he knows." I faintly noticed his unthinking slip into the pack plural. I sunk further into him.

"Ask later," I mumbled, sleep tugging at me. Jake tilted my head up to kiss my forehead, and the last thing I heard before I fell asleep was his soft, gentle humming, a lullaby I could listen to forever.