A/N: First real attempt at a modern M/M! Hope it works!
Place de la République
They were silent walking through the city's rain slicked streets. It smelled like water and smoke and something else. Some flower as they walked by the florist. Bread as they passed the little corner bakery. It didn't matter. The sky was a sad, grey, mucky cloud. Mary hated the day, how it mimicked them.
She hadn't been sleeping, not since he'd proposed. She couldn't explain it. For weeks now she'd fallen asleep to a film playing quietly on the television.
"Who's it you like again?" Matthew had asked one evening.
"Cary Grant."
"Right," he'd said, and she'd hated it.
She hated him. How much he cared for her. How his heart was an open envelope for her and all she needed to do was put her own heart inside of it and seal it shut. Sometimes he'd come in the living room and put a blanket over her as she lay curled up on the couch late at night, because he knew she'd wake up cold. Because he knew her.
Maybe she was scared of it. Scared that someone could know her so fully.
So they walked in silence. She had pulled the sleeves of her blue jumper down so they could cover her hands and she could grip the fabric with her fingers. It was cold. It was raining. Of course it was. Paris in April.
She hated how he opened the umbrella. How he'd thought to bring one, even though it always rained. She hated that she took shelter beneath it. She loved being close to him. She hated that she loved it.
They hurried. Her shoes were wet.
"Why are you stopping? We're almost there," Matthew asked. There it was, that same infuriatingly touching concern reserved for her. Rain cascaded down the umbrella and splashed beside them.
"I can't do it anymore, Matthew."
"What do you mean? Do what? We're almost there."
"No, not the stupid opening! I don't care about that!" she shouted over the rain. She did care about it. Instantly she regretted saying she didn't. "I meant us, I can't do it anymore. It's unfair to you. You deserve better."
He rolled his eyes. "Don't be like this, Mary. Don't."
"Stop it, Matthew," she said impatiently. "Even you can see we're not well-suited for each other!"
He tilted the umbrella in his frustration and some grey water fell on her. She cursed. He apologized. She hated that he apologized.
"What are you talking about?"
Mary laughed. "We've been off and on for years now! First this, then that. Can you count the times we've broken up and gotten back together?"
"It doesn't matter, Mary! Why must you always be so cruel?"
Her heart ached. She didn't want to do this. But they'd been on the edge of this precipice so many times. They were horrible together. They devastated each other time and time again.
"I have dumb friends that come over whenever they want and that annoys you, I spend my life in restaurants, critiquing them! I drink, I smoke too much. You don't sleep at night, you spend your life in books, you're scared of being two instead of one...Do you think that reassures me? So we don't have any business being together, not really, but I want to be with you! Don't ask me why, I don't know, but I want to try. And if you don't love anyone else, love me!"
She shook her head. She was crying. "It's the rain," she said, wiping the tears away. She couldn't admit how much she loved him. She loved him too much.
"I want you to be next to me when you wake up, I want to stop all the bullshit. I want to make love with you for years. I want to have children! That's the first time I've thought about that!" he exclaimed, astonishing even himself.
"How many times have you been wrong? How many times have you believed yourself?" he continued. "How many times have you spent the night with someone and said to yourself, 'I never want to sleep with anyone else'? Do you think that kind of thing happens every day? No! So, I don't care what you say. It's not over!"
She sobbed and fell into his arms, and he caught her. She loved that he caught her, knowing he always would. Her cries were stiffled in his shoulder, and then she was kissing them, kissing his neck, his cheek, his lips.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whispered against them. He couldn't hear her words over the rain which was now drenching them, but he could feel them.
"I love you!" she laughed. "I don't want you to change for me!"
He smiled as mascara ran down from her eyes. It's the rain, she'd said.
"I love your stupid friends when they come over and ruin our evenings, I love going out to eat at all those crappy restuarants! You smoke too much, I've been telling you that for years." She laughed again, a happy laugh. "You're right, we have no business being together. It's stupid. We're always angry at each other!"
"Shhh," he soothed as she cried out each word. God, she was beautiful when she cried. Her lips were blue.
"You want to have children?" she asked breathlessly, remembering what he'd said.
"I-"
"Because I do, too! I've never wanted children, not ever! Not until you!" she stopped crying and smiled now.
He ran a hand over her cheek, brushing sopping hair from her face.
"So I want to try, too. I want to wake up next to you. I don't want you to love anyone else but me."
"I don't love anyone else. I never will as long as you walk the earth."
She kissed him again. She smiled against his lips.
"No more bullshit," Mary said, shaking her head.
"No more bullshit," he echoed. "So is that a yes?"
She looked up. "What?"
"Is that a yes?" She knew what he meant. He knew she knew.
"Yes."
A/N: Many many thanks to Cls2011 and On either side the river lie for their encouragement and help with this! The title comes from a wonderful song of the same title by Coeur de Pirate. If you speak French, I took inspiration from those lyrics! If not, it's a beautiful song and worth listening to anyway.