Author's Note: Remember the warning I gave in chapter six? Well, brace yourselves, readers, because this is the first one-shot in this collection that takes place in, not the good epilogue universe, not the true epilogue universe, but a bad ending universe—specifically the "Gilgamesh rapes Shira" bad ending that Ascarde wrote. Back in "Fate/Gender Reversal," I only gave a brief summary of the omake because I wasn't sure if I'd have to raise the rating to M if I posted it or not. Now, though, after reading it over several times, I've decided that it's really not that graphic (and thank goodness for that!), so below, I have posted the omake (with some editing done by me, as I did with the first omake) before the one-shot properly starts, if only to ensure that readers don't end up too confused.
On a related note, in addition to how difficult this installment was to write, I've also been busy with finishing up with the spring semester and getting started on writing an original novel, so that's why it took so long to update.
Shira gasps, her vision clouded with red. Perhaps it was not the wisest idea to fight Gilgamesh...
Gilgamesh is laughing. Arrogantly, proudly, his armored footsteps looming ever closer. "What, is that it, mongrel? All the bite you had?"
Shira struggles to lift her elbows, lightning flashing through her spine. She cannot stand, so she falls and crawls away. Gilgamesh laughs even harder, easily striding over to her and pushing her to the ground with a golden greave. "I can't have you dying. I want you fully awake as I take you," he practically sneers with a voice full of lust. A golden ripple in the air, a flask comes out.
That's... Shira thinks with growing dread.
"Ah, I can see it on your face. Yes, this is a potion. Very observant. It's not just any potion, however; it's an aphrodisiac, I believe the term is these days. That petulant goddess Ishtar was good for one thing, at the very least. I got her to bless this flask." Gilgamesh is speaking so casually of what he is about to do. Shedding his armor in a shower of golden light, he kneels over Shira and wrenches open her mouth. He tips the flask over and the sweet substance drips into the mouth that is struggling to close.
Her vision goes fuzzy.
...
Gasp. Breath in, out.
Her body is slick with sweat. She doesn't want this. She can hear someone calling her name.
Sa...ber...?
A fleeting name. Barely more than a passing thought, so consumed is she by the potion blessed by the goddess of fertility and sex.
Saber hangs defeated, caught within the Chains of Heaven and forced to watch Shira as she moans in pleasure. His teeth are clenched so tightly the jaw is bleeding, the hand gripping the holy blade white and the knuckles snapping. He is spent, however. The chains that confined the Bull of Heaven will not move for a king that does not bear its friend's name.
Gilgamesh stands, donning his armor once again. "That was actually rather good. You're much better than most I've graced with the King's seed," he says, his voice still quite full of lust. "You'll make a fine slave in my kingdom."
BAD END
Tiger Dojo! A strange hint corner!
All is quiet in the dojo. Ascarde, Ilya, and Taiga are staring at Saber, who by now is crying.
Ascarde: I MAY have crossed the line there...
Ilya: You did more than cross the line.
Saber: *blubbering gibberish, pleading the images to stop*
Taiga: Like a twig.
Ascarde: He's not that far of—GEBOGH!
Ilya punches Ascarde two hundred and three times in a single, massive Taiga Shoryuken. Magnificent combo, Ilya-chan!
Burning Angel Wings to Dust, Part One
Her breath came out in shallow gasps as she stared mindlessly up at the twinkling stars in the sky. Her body felt as heavy as lead. Her heart was beating at a frantic pace. The only thought that came to her mind was how cold the night air was on her bare skin...
Wait...bare skin? She was naked? Why was she—?
Another gasp escaped her throat as pain coursed through her stomach, and she suddenly noticed how damp the ground she was lying on was. She...was injured? How had she gotten hurt this badly? And why...why did the area between her legs ache so much?
"You'll make a fine slave in my kingdom."
That voice...that haughty, masculine voice...wasn't that—?
Gilgamesh.
And with that realization, memories began rushing back to Shira.
Gilgamesh beating both her and Saber bloody...
Saber rejecting Gilgamesh's offer to become his loyal servant...
Gilgamesh threatening to punish Saber by forcing himself on Shira...
Saber begging her to run and her refusing to abandon him, declaring her love for him in the process...
Gilgamesh preparing to unleash Ea while she projected Caliburn...
Caliburn shattering in her hands and disappearing after being hit by that red light...
Getting clipped by Ea's power, which was enough to worsen the wound in her stomach...
Hearing Saber call out her name, then seeing long, silver chains shoot out from the Gate of Babylon to wrap around his wrists, ankles, neck, and torso...
Trying to crawl to Saber, ignoring the blood pouring from her stomach and just how much it hurt to move...
Gilgamesh kicking her to the ground and pulling out a potion from the Gate, not paying any attention to Saber screaming at him...
Seeing Gilgamesh's armor disappear, having her mouth forced open...
The contents of the potion spilling into her mouth even as she desperately tried to close it...
No...no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!
It couldn't have happened. Shira was just having a nightmare—that had to be it. There was no way that golden Servant had done those things. There was no way her virginity had been stolen by a man she didn't love. And there was absolutely no way the man she did love was forced to watch it all occur.
There was no way...there was no way...
And yet...if all of this was a nightmare, why wasn't Shira waking up?
"Actually, I have a better idea," Gilgamesh was now saying after a moment of thought. "Why don't I make you my wife instead of a mere bed warmer? After all, you are carrying my child."
Shira felt her heart stop at that last sentence. "...Wh-what?" she croaked, her voice no louder than a hoarse whisper. She was pregnant?! No—no, that couldn't be right, it just couldn't be right! Gilgamesh had already drugged her, stripped her, and raped her. Wasn't that enough? Did he have to claim that he'd knocked her up, too?
"That's a lie!" Saber practically howled in his fury from where the Chains of Heaven still trapped him, any shred of composure he'd had long forgotten. He was glaring hatefully, his eyes were blazing like wildfire, and he was squeezing Excalibur's hilt in a death grip, wanting nothing more than to be freed from these damnable chains so he could tear Gilgamesh limb from limb. "You're lying, you depraved bastard, you're lying!"
"Am I?" Gilgamesh asked rhetorically, turning to face Saber with a wicked smirk. "The potion I fed your Master did more than make her enjoy it as I violated her—it ensured her fertility. One time is all it took for her to get pregnant, and what woman would deny her child his father?"
"Why, you...!" Saber struggled fruitlessly against his bonds. "Unhand me!" A low hiss of pain escaped him as the only partially healed wound on his side began to throb, but he continued yelling. "Unhand me so I can kill you!"
"So you can kill me?" Gilgamesh scoffed. "We both know that I have won this battle, Pendragon. We're done here."
"This isn't over!"
Saber had barely spat those words out before Gilgamesh chose that moment to disappear into spirit form. The Chains of Heaven faded away as well, sending the knight falling unceremoniously into a heap on the brick road. With some difficulty, he managed to get up on his knees, Excalibur still clenched in his fist, having more than half a mind to track the eighth Servant down to murder him. Violently.
"Saber...?"
It was that small, weak utterance of his name that caused his desire for vengeance to be pushed into a corner of his mind. Saber switched his gaze to Shira, who was at last slowly crawling from the pool of blood she'd been lying in, gasping as she did so. For a split second, he looked at her bloodied, naked form, then just as quickly averted his eyes to stare at the ground, partially to give her what little illusion of privacy he could offer, but also due to the other emotions currently swirling within him now that his anger wasn't quite so hot.
Horror at what Gilgamesh had done to Shira.
Worry at how much damage this would do to her.
And guilt—guilt burning and festering in the pit of his stomach, guilt so strong that he wanted to vomit up everything he had eaten that day.
Because the fact of the matter was that he failed as a Servant. He hadn't been strong enough to defeat Gilgamesh or protect Shira, and because of his weakness, his Master—his idealistic, strong-willed, utterly selfless Master—was in the very same position he himself had been in not too long ago.
"Shira..." Saber's voice, sounding so soft and broken that he almost thought it had to be someone else speaking, trailed off. What in the world could he possibly say? Beg for forgiveness? That would hardly make up for Gilgamesh raping her, and even if it could, did he even deserve to be forgiven for being able to do nothing except hang in midair while that despicable tyrant not only deflowered Shira, but forced her to swallow a potion to make her submit to him?
"Where..." Shira began after she'd gotten herself onto a much less bloody part of the road, her head bowed, her palms pressed on the ground in front of her, and her body shivering, "where are my clothes?"
The question prompted Saber to glance around to see that Shira's shirt, skirt, shoes, socks, and undergarments were strewed about the road. About half of the articles of clothing were bloodstained and torn almost beyond repair. Gilgamesh had been anything but gentle when he'd ripped Shira's clothes off; to say nothing of how brutal he was when he actually—
Saber fought back the bile that came to his throat before he could continue down that line of thought. Carefully, as to not aggravate his wound further, he got to his feet to gather Shira's clothing, then stepped over to her once that was done.
"Here," was all he said as he dropped the clothes before the redhead. Without another word, he looked away so she could get dressed. Or rather, attempt to; with how large some of the rips were, particularly with the shirt, Shira would have to make some effort in preserving her modesty.
Shira stayed silent as she spent the next few minutes or so getting her clothes on. In the back of her mind, it occurred to her that she'd sooner throw them away—maybe even burn them—but it was either wear torn, soiled clothing or continue going naked. Neither of those choices were pleasant, but at least her clothes gave some protection from the chill, no matter how slight.
After Saber decided that enough time had passed, he looked back to see Shira still on the ground, one of her hands holding her shirt, the other her skirt, to keep them from either falling off, exposing herself, or some combination of the two. Her head remained bowed, her eyes staying focused on the road, so the blond couldn't see the expression on her face. He wondered if he even wanted to.
"We need to get back to the estate." Saber's tone, while still quiet, had now regained some of its usual calmness. "Are you strong enough to walk, Shira?"
A tiny shake of the head was her only response.
Saber sighed. Apparently, Shira's unusual healing ability either was going too slowly or had yet to take effect. In any case, he could see only one way for her to get moving, but would she even agree to it?
"I'm afraid I will have to carry you, then. I know you might not want anyone—least of all a man—touching you for any reason right now, but..." He was about to finish by saying, "There really isn't any other option," but allowed his voice to trail off again, deciding those words might sound too callous.
"Saber..." Shira finally looked up at him, her facial expression no more than a blank mask. He had expected her to look upset and distressed, or maybe angry and accusatory—heaven knew how much he'd deserve it—but her face showed nothing but emptiness, and her brown eyes, normally so bright and warm, now looked dull and dead.
When she continued to speak, her voice was as lifeless as her eyes.
"Just take me home."
Shira barely remembered going home that night, how she had laid limply in Saber's arms as he walked back to the Emiya estate. It was like she was staring without really looking at the city streets lined with lit streetlamps one minute, then the inside of her house's entryway the next. She dimly heard someone—was it Rin?—exclaim something, and the next thing she knew, she was in the bathroom, undressing and getting into the shower.
The jets of icy cold water from the shower nozzle rained down on Shira. It caused her skin to erupt in goose bumps, but she made no move to adjust the water's temperature. Instead, she let her gaze drift downward. The first thing she noticed was the dried blood being washed away from her now healed abdomen.
The next thing she noticed was the faint, dark-colored bruises that marred her hips and thighs.
She blinked once, then twice, nausea creeping its way into her stomach. Her eyes began to burn, and she suddenly heard rapid, irregular breaths, only realizing a second later that they were coming from her.
And just like that, the numbness that had taken hold of Shira ever since she'd gotten out of her drugged state broke completely.
Through her blurred vision as tears spilled down her face, she grabbed the bar of soap and began scrubbing at her thighs, her hips, her breasts, her shoulders—any part of her body that Gilgamesh must have touched. She scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed until her skin turned red from the force of her movements, but regardless of how much soap she lathered on herself, it couldn't wash away just how dirty she felt.
What did it matter if she didn't remember the rape happening? It had happened, Gilgamesh had violated her, whether she remembered it or not, and because of that, she might be—
No; I'm not pregnant, Shira mentally insisted. I'm not, I'm not—Gilgamesh was just being a bastard and wanted to make me and Saber feel even worse, that's all.
At last, the soap slipped from her hand, and she sank to the shower's floor and leaned against the wall. Was it really just that morning that she and Saber had left for their date? Of all the ways today could have ended, how could it have ended with her getting raped by a violent creep with a god complex? And all she'd wanted was to save Saber from getting killed—had that really been so much to ask?
The answer came with horrible clarity. You could've run at any time. You could've avoided the entire thing. But no, you just had to stay and try to protect Saber. You think you could've saved him? You think you could've beaten Gilgamesh? Look at you—you're an inept magus who can't fight worth crap. Some hero you turned out to be.
Wasn't that the truth? What exactly had Shira accomplished since the Grail War began, aside from almost getting killed on a nearly daily basis? She'd been stabbed by Lancer, maimed by Berserker, thrown out a window by Rider, and only continued breathing because of some healing power she still didn't understand.
She was useless. She was nothing but a useless, stupid, weak little girl who wouldn't even run from a man threatening to rape her.
Shira let her face be buried into her hands and sobbed.
Rin's blue eyes were narrowed as she looked at Saber from across the dining room table. "So, you mind telling me why Shira looked like hell when you came back and is now apparently trying to drown herself in the shower?"
Saber's voice was as cold as a graveyard in the middle of winter as he explained as briefly as he could. "We encountered the eighth Servant. He revealed his true identity as Gilgamesh. I fought him, he defeated me, and then he raped Shira."
For a few seconds, all Rin did was stare at him, wide-eyed with shocked disbelief, as she digested what he'd told her. Soon enough, her lips pressed together, and she dug her finger in her ear before speaking. "I think I must have a buildup of earwax, because I could've sworn I heard you say that Shira got raped by the eighth Servant."
"Yes, that is exactly what I said. Do you believe I would jest about something like that?"
"And I'm supposed to believe you just let it happen?"
Is that her way of saying I am to blame? Saber wondered, taking note of the tinge of anger that now colored Rin's voice. His face fell as his icy exterior slipped, and the latest pang of guilt stung at him. He let out a heavy sigh, his gaze dropping to the tabletop. "Shira was too injured to get away," he went on tonelessly, "and Gilgamesh restrained me with one of his Noble Phantasms—the Chains of Heaven, he called it. He pulled out a potion that would...force whoever consumed it to be intensely aroused. He poured it down Shira's throat, and then..."
He left the sentence unfinished, not wanting to talk about it anymore. The hand placed in front of him on the table curled into a fist as undesired images of Shira under the potion's influence flashed into his mind. Her face twisted in ecstasy, her moans of pleasure, the lustful words coming from her mouth—all of it so inappropriate, so wrong. The only positive seemed to be that Shira had been unaware as the rape occurred, but as far as Saber could see, it mattered so little that Gilgamesh might as well have not used the potion at all.
"No wonder Shira looked half dead when you came in," Rin muttered darkly. After a few seconds of thought, she continued in a normal voice. "So, Saber, what will you do now?"
"You have to ask?" The initial coldness seeped back into the knight's voice as he looked at the black-haired girl again. A small, grim smile crossed his lips. "I am going to hunt Gilgamesh down and kill him."
A single blast of Excalibur's power would not do. If fate smiled on Saber, Gilgamesh's death at his hands would be slow, prolonged, agonizing. Yes, it was true that the King of Heroes was incredibly powerful, but surely there was some weakness that could be exploited. And once that was done, Saber intended to make Gilgamesh suffer for what he had done to Shira. How, though? Should he slice off the golden king's arms and legs? Rip his tongue out of his mouth? Castrate him and force him to eat his own manhood?
Perhaps such thoughts were unbecoming for a knight, but Saber didn't care.
At present, Rin returned his smile with a vicious smirk of her own. "Somehow, I knew you'd say that. Let me know when you go exact revenge. I might just decide to join you."
Shira was found sitting on her futon when Saber went to her room a while after his conversation with Rin. The redhead was now clothed in pajamas, hugging her knees to her chest and staring miserably into space. If she noticed that her Servant had slid her door open, she made no acknowledgement of it.
"Shira?" Saber began tentatively. After a few seconds passed without a response, he decided to go on. "Would you like something to eat?" It would give her a distraction, if only for a moment.
But there was still no answer, unless a blink of her eyes could be counted as one.
"Do you...want me to leave?"
Shira squeezed her eyes shut at that; the question seemed to have made her even more upset, if the grimace forming on her face was any indication. A couple of more seconds passed in silence, and she opened her eyes and shook her head slightly, though she still didn't look at Saber.
He stepped from the doorway into her room, walking over to her and sitting beside her on the floor. Up close, he could see the tear stains on her cheeks, and he felt a strong urge to reach out and wipe them away. He kept both hands remaining at his sides, however. Carrying Shira home was one thing, but Saber doubted she'd want him to touch her any more than necessary.
"Shira..." he repeated, "I'm so sorry about what happened tonight." It wouldn't change anything, but now that he was here, he had to at least try to say something that could give her even the smallest comfort. "Gilgamesh had no right to take advantage of you the way he did."
"No..." Shira, her voice sounding a bit raspy, at last lifted her gaze to Saber, removing her arms from around her legs as she got out of the fetal position. "Don't apologize. What happened was all my fault."
"What? Shira, that's not—"
"It is," she interrupted forcefully, feeling the next round of tears building in her eyes; it was amazing that she had any tears left. "I should've run when you told me to. I didn't listen to you—I never listen to you. I should've, but I didn't—I couldn't, not when you would've been—when he would've—" She looked away as a choked sob escaped from her throat.
Saber gently took Shira's hand in his, no longer being able to stand remaining motionless. "Please don't blame yourself. I promise you, you have done nothing wrong."
But his words fell on deaf ears. "I'm an idiot!" Shira cried. "All I do is make a mess of everything! I can barely perform spells, I can hardly defend myself—for God's sake, I'm not even strong enough to be a proper Master! Maybe...maybe we really should break our contract and you can go be someone else's Servant or—"
"Shira, that is enough," Saber cut in, suppressing a wince at the reminder of the argument they'd had on the bridge. "Yes, you have a habit of rushing into danger without thinking things through, I will not deny that, but that is no reason for you to shoulder the blame for Gilgamesh deflowering you."
You wanted to protect me; you have always wanted to protect me. But I'm the one who vowed to protect you, and I failed to do so tonight. The blame lies with me, not you.
"And as for breaking our contract," the blond continued out loud, "do you truly believe I would no longer want to be your Servant?"
Shira said nothing at first, the silence only broken by the sound of her sniffles. Her eyes drifted to the hand that Saber was still holding. For a second, he wondered if he'd overstepped his bounds, but Shira didn't tell him to let go of her. Instead, a slight, sad smile formed on her face.
"Somehow, this conversation sounds familiar," she commented.
Saber opened his mouth to ask her what she meant, then closed it as he abruptly realized exactly how familiar this conversation was. Just two days ago, he had been blaming himself for getting raped by Morgan le Fay, while Shira tried to tell him that it wasn't his fault. Right now, in this current situation, their positions had reversed: Shira blaming herself for Gilgamesh raping her, and Saber trying to tell her that she wasn't at fault.
He could almost taste the irony.
"Saber, I..." Shira's voice broke him from his thoughts, and he noticed that she was now looking at him anxiously, even fearfully. "I know this is selfish—it's probably the most selfish thing I've ever wanted—but more than ever, I don't want you to go. I don't want you to leave once everything's over. Promise me you won't leave—please don't leave me."
Her voice was cracking by the end, her grip on his hand had tightened, and for a few seconds, all Saber could think of was how quickly Shira had gone from noting the irony of the conversation they were having to begging him to not leave her. And what was she talking about, anyway? If he was going to leave, wouldn't he have already—
Oh. Right. The Grail. Saber's wish. The War itself.
In all honesty, his wish to redo the selection of the king had been the last thing on his mind ever since Gilgamesh raped Shira. For the last few hours, thoughts of avenging his Master and what he could do to help her had been all-consuming, leaving room for little else. With Shira's pleading came a reminder of Saber's motivation for fighting in these Holy Grail Wars in the first place, and with that reminder came the uncertainty of how he should answer the redhead's plea.
The King in him told him that it was his duty to use the Grail to have a more qualified person rule instead of him—if he cared at all about Britain, he would go through with that plan. But the knight in him was urging him to think of Shira—if he cared at all about her, then wouldn't he want to stay with her and try to help her recover from this ordeal?
Of course he would—of course he did. But could he really do it, just like that? Could he so easily give up the very wish he'd been fighting for, abandon his kingdom to its collapse, all for Shira's sake? And even if he could, would it be possible for the Holy Grail to allow him to stay to begin with? After all, the Grail had been destroyed in the last War, so the fact that Gilgamesh still remained in the physical world was obviously not due to any wish...
Saber realized he must have been silent for too long when Shira's anxiety appeared to increase.
"Look, it's not like I ever expected you to love me back or anything—"
"I promise."
"I just don't know—wait, what?" Shira interrupted herself, her desperation replaced by confusion.
"I promise," Saber repeated simply, "for as long as I still draw breath, I will stay with you."
What other answer could he give? In the face of her distress, to deny Shira what she wanted (needed?) to hear seemed as though it would destroy her just as thoroughly as Saber disappearing for good. And as he watched the slow, relieved smile spread across her features, he knew he didn't have the heart to take back what he said.
"Thank you," she said gratefully.
"There is no need to thank me," he told her, trying to smile in reassurance. But if I end up disappearing when the Grail War concludes, I will understand perfectly if you come to hate me.
Author's Note: Originally, this one-shot was going to be longer, but I soon realized that, while I have a plan on how I want it to end, it's getting to that end that's causing me trouble, so I decided to split the one-shot in two.
No idea on when the second part will be written, but in the meantime, I'll be going back to the good epilogue universe for the next chapter.