Year Two: Starfire, Raven, Beast Boy: Age 16 Robin: Age 17 Cyborg: Age 18

Transformation

I rapped my fist against Starfire's door. We had just gotten her back yesterday, after she left earth during what she called her "transformation". She hasn't left her room all day and I was starting to get worried. Plus, I have something that I want to give to her.

I knocked again and tried to listen through the door. She probably won't be too happy about this, but I type in the masters code to her door. When it opens, I find her laying on her round bed, face down in her pillows. I stepped into the room and the door shut behind me. Is she asleep? Even as I walk towards her, she doesn't stir. I take a seat at the foot of her bed.

"Starfire," I say, quietly at first. "Starfire?" Louder now, and I shake her leg. "Hey, Star!" I somewhat shout this time, and in her surprise, she shoots two eyebeams into the wall in front of her. I jump, startled. She turns around in her bed to face me, eyes still glowing green. But they settle back to normal when she registers that its me.

"Robin… what are you doing in here?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing. You know, after the past couple of days."

"Oh," she says shyly. She floats up out of her bed and tucks her feet beneath her in an Indian pose. She settles back down on the bed in front of me. "I am doing the okay now." But something in her voice makes me question her.

"Star, you know you can talk to me." I place my hand on her knee and I notice that she stiffens. "What's bothering you?" I can see her considering answering my question. She lets out a long sigh and plays with her hands in her lap. But finally she looks up at me, and her eyes seem glassy with tears. Oh God, I don't know what to do if she cries.

"I suppose I just… If I would have had someone to be there for me during my transformation, I would not have been so afraid of what was happening to me."

"Well we were here for you." Starfire smiles at me.

"Yes, but that is not what I mean exactly. While it is nice to have friends like all of you, what I needed during this experience was… another Tamaranean. A female."

"So, your mother?" I watch as something changes in her expression, but I'm not sure what. She looks strangely like she just got shot; there's a pained look in her eyes, and I can't tell if she's breathing.

"My mother-" she makes a choking sound. I scoot towards her reflexively and touch her shoulder. My eyes watch her, but she won't look up. She sniffles. "My mother is no longer living." Her voice was so soft, I almost didn't hear it.

This girl who was always so bright and happy, so talkative and involved and curious. So strong in ways that I wasn't. She was my opposite, and I never really expected to have something in common with her. Not anything like this.

"Starfire, I'm so sorry." I was amazed at how gentle my voice sounded. I've never been one to comfort others. I guess I figured I didn't know how. But with Starfire… I always just want to protect her. And I can't protect her from a pain like this.

"It was a very long time ago. She was murdered." I widened my eyes.

"You don't have to talk about this," I say, rubbing my hand on her back. She finally looks up at me, her green eyes holding so much sadness. Right now, she looks much older than she really is. Like she's seen too much for her age. I only know so much about her. That she is a Tamaranean Princess. That she was supposed to be taken to the Citadel for a peace offering. I know that her sister is vindictive and manipulative, but I've never heard anything about her parents.

"It is okay. My mother's death is not the worst of my memories." I see her shudder at some memory, and it worries me. A parent's death is traumatic enough. What else has she endured? "After I was sent away in the treaty, my mother couldn't handle it. She fought with my father, ordering for him to demand my return. He believed she was endangering Tamaran with her behavior. He had her killed." I could do nothing but stare at her, and she stared back. I watched as the moisture in her eyes slowly faded, and she composed herself. Eventually she smiled.

"Robin, you are my very best friend. I do not mind sharing these things with you because I feel they will help you understand me." I nod, but in my mind I'm having a conversation with myself. Should I tell her about my parents? How we share a common loss? "Robin, do you think I am pretty?"

Her question caught me off guard and I lost my train of thought. I opened and closed my mouth several times, but she continued to look at me with those bright, curious eyes.

"Star, we've been over all of this. You didn't have to run away just because of your appearance. Even if you really were changing like you that you were, you still would've had us. We'd never stop being your friends just because of the way you look."

"Oh, I know that now. In fact, I believe I knew that all along. I was just scared." Now she looks away from me again and back down at her fiddling hands. "I just wanted to know what you thought about my appearance." She spoke with confidence, but she wouldn't look at me.

"Well, uhh… Star, you already know." My voice sounds hoarse and nervous. God, I wish Cy were here to slap me right now. Her shoulders slump. Why am I just so damn terrible at this stuff?

"I-I think you're r-really pretty, Star." For the love of God, may lightning strike me where I sit.

"More so than Kitten?" Starfire's voice sounds almost like a growl. I chuckle, and she shoots me a look.

"Yeah. Wayyyy more." She smiles, satisfied. My heart is, like, fluttering. She's jealous? Of someone who wanted me? My smile turns smug. I bet if she could read my thoughts, she'd blast me.

"So this whole transformation thing… it all happens when you turn 16?" I ask.

"Yes. Well, the week of a Tamaranean female's equivalent of the earthen 16th birthday," she clarifies. I nod, but then realize something.

"Okay then, so when is your actual birthday?" She smiles knowingly.

"It is today."

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"I was not really feeling the mood to celebrate my birthday," she says. Then she looks up at me from beneath her eyelashes. "But I am feeling much better now after this time with you." My cheeks grow warm.

"Anytime, Star. You know I'm always here." I take her hand, merely as a friendly gesture. But I feel something stirring beneath my skin. "How about we go show you what an earthen birthday is all about?" She grins and rises up from the bed, pulling me out the door with her.

Apprentice

"Robin… Robin, if not the others, then let me in. Please."

My room was dark and I could barely seem my own hands. But I don't feel that I'm worthy of anything but darkness. Slade. Robin. Now I see that they are synonyms. I never realized how much I was truly like him, until these past few days.

I betrayed my friends. A true hero never would've given in. They would've outsmarted the villain and saved their friends. But instead I did his bidding and I… I may have actually enjoyed it.

The rush of the escape…the chase…what the hell is the matter with me?

I've gone against everything I believe in. And yet, my friends forgive me. They let me come home. They were happy to have me back. And even Starfire, who I hurt more than the others… she showed me her smile, and the joy in her big green eyes.

Oh, Starfire. That night on the Wayne Enterprises building, when Slade punished them because I wouldn't listen… I saw it in her eyes; accusation, disgust, disappointment. She looked at me like I lost her trust and her friendship. That's what truly broke me. If I lost Starfire, I don't know if there would be anything left for me in Jump City.

But here I sit in the Titans Tower in Jump, in the middle of my bedroom floor enveloped in darkness. Listening to the desperate voice of my best friend outside of my door.

"Robin," she says sternly. She rarely uses such a tone. I perk up and look up toward my door. "I demand that I be given entrance. You do not need to be doing the wallowing in self pity." My eyes widened. I haven't been lectured like that since I lived in Gotham. "I will break down this door." She's kind of adorable when she's angry.

I roll up from the ground and walk to my door. When I open it, I'm greeted with a tall alien with glowing green eyes.

"Come in, I guess," I mutter. I turn back around and sit right back on the floor. I hear the door shut, but there is silence. My bedroom light is still off. Maybe she decided not to come in.

"It is quite dark," says her squeaky voice. I smile involuntarily. Suddenly there's a green glow in the room and I let her walk over to me. She joins me on the floor, mirroring my position of my arms wrapped around my knees, except she's floating. I don't look at her. I can't look at her. "Robin. What is the matter?" A laugh erupts from my throat and out of the corner of my eye I see her jump.

"Star, I… I was just working for Slade. Like, three hours ago."

"Oh Robin, but we all know why you had to do that. It is okay, any one of us would have done the same thing to keep our friends safe-"

"But you don't understand!" My voice rises to a shout. I place my hands on either side of my head. "I'm just like him."

"No! You will never say that again. You are not Slade, you are Robin. My very best friend, a kind, powerful hero."

"Or I'm Robin, Batman's protégé, leader of the Teen Titans, good guy gone bad." There is a soft thump as she sets herself down onto the floor, and before I know it, her arms are wrapped around my shoulders.

At first, I stiffen at the touch. It is much softer than her usual hugs. This is more… intimate. And while, as the leader of this team, I should pull away and show disproval of her actions, I cannot. Instead I lean further into her embrace and rest my head on her shoulder.

"I nearly lost it, Star. I was losing myself."

"But you came back to us, where you belong," she croons, rubbing her hand up and down my arm. My eyes flutter shut as I listen to her steady breathing.

"I'll never forget the way you looked at me that night," I say, my voice so quiet its almost inaudible. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh, you have nothing to apologize to me for. I am the one who should be sorry. For a moment, I almost believed… I saw you as someone else. Someone who could be like Slade." It's like a stab to the heart. "But you are not, Robin," she quickly amends, "and you never will be."

"But even you saw that it's possible-"

"No I did not," she interjects. "I lost sight of what was true. And the truth is that you are a good person. From the day I met you, you have been nothing but good." I feel her arms tighten around me. Usually I would continue to argue with her, unbelieving even if some part of me thought that maybe she was telling the truth. But the sound of her voice is so assuring.

I feel her arms tighten briefly before they release me. I lean away and look at her, seeing that a tear has dripped down her cheek.

"Star, wha-?"

"It is okay. I was just so afraid when I thought we had lost you. It was a selfish fear. I only thought of how hard it would be to lose my best friend."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes, you are," she says. My eyes widen. She giggles and rises up from the ground, pulling my hand and lifting me onto my feet. "You are going downstairs and spend some time with your friends." I laugh at her mock-serious expression, but she can't hold a straight face.

"Yes, ma'am," I tease as I walk with her to the door. I turn down the hall to the elevator but notice that she's no longer walking beside me. I look back behind me to see her walking the opposite way. "Star?" I ask, turning around. She looks back at me.

"I am feeling quite tired. I think I will just shower and prepare for sleep." I nod, feeling a little deflated. But I won't tell her how badly I want her to come with me and hang out. There was a time recently when I never thought we could be friends again. That I'd lost her forever. Instead of telling her this, I just smile in goodbye and begin to turn back around.

But then she floats toward me and touches my shoulder. I prepare myself for another Starfire hug, but I'm surprised when what I receive is a feather-light kiss on my cheek. I feel the blush creep along my face as I look at her in shock, but she just grins at me and turns back down the other direction. My eyes stay glued to her until I watch her disappear into her room.

I wonder if she feels the same fluttery feeling in her chest.

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