New York was nothing like Gotham nor Jump City the pace was quicker and lacked the charm that I loved about both cities. Maybe I was just being bias as I never really left the cities I called home. Yes, in some words I had left them and visited other places, places that were both exotic and one of a kind but never for pleasure or relaxation they had always been on missions. Fighting and training didn't count so all those journeys around the world and universe never counted in my mind as I didn't get to explore or just enjoy the scenery. Maybe once I returned to Gotham and back to the team I'd consider the thought of possibly taking a vacation a real one. My thoughts wondered to the journal tucked away hidden in the dark depths of my room lost within all those pages was a list of places I'd love to visit one day but for now I was content with the way things were now.
Even though it was so late in the evening it seemed that the city was just coming to life. I watched from above as civilians, humans, began to mingle with one another some dressed in hardly anything while others were clothed from head to foot with several layers of clothing. Though I never voiced it out loud or ever hinted at the idea I envied every single human I ever crossed paths with. They had freedom to choose their own paths to make decisions without worrying of how it would affect the entire world. Growing up I could only dream of the lives I could have lived if I wasn't the person I was if the blood that ran through my veins were nothing more but that of a pure mortal. Yet even though I dreamed of a different life I never wished the life I lived on another not even on my worst enemy no matter how cruel and vile they might be I'd never wish for them to live the life I had.
Tilting my head back I stared up at the night sky it was dark but all the lights that illuminated the city blocked out the true beauty of nature the lights the stars offered to guide us through slumber. Another thing that I mentally wrote down on my list of dislikes of this city. Sliding the hood of my cloak off I reached up running my fingers through my long wavy hair. I laughed at my own action if you had asked me before if I'd ever let my hair grow out I would have thrown you across the room with my powers. I had always found long hair bothersome with all the work you put into maintaining and dealing with hairstyles but now that I let it grow I don't mind it as much. Then again I used a spell to help deal with the unwanted tangled mess that came with such long hair.
Tomorrow would be the first time in three years that all five former members of the Teen Titans would find themselves in the same city yet alone the same event. I felt nervous to reunite with them all though I did keep in touch with Kory and Victor after my resignation from the Teen Titans. I didn't with Garfield I had thought it was for the best as his relationship with Terra was going well and I didn't want to come between them. Though I do hear from Terra every now and then. We had come to a somewhat friendly relationship. As for Richard I couldn't come to face him after I left there were too many unanswered questions and unwanted emotions swirling through me at the time that I thought it was best to stay away. I had heard from some of the other Young Justice League members that he no longer went by Robin but Nightwing solely he protected Jump City now. There where moments when off on missions that brought me near my old home where I thought of stopping by the old T tower to see him but every time I made it to the city limits I'd turn around and fly off in the other direction. I'd always tell myself there were some stones that should never be turned over and that was one of my stones.
Lost in thought I didn't hear anyone coming from the east not until their hot breath was running down my neck, "It's been a long time Raven." Their presence alone felt heaving as well as unwanted.
My entire body went rigid I couldn't help but shudder at the deep voice accompanying the dark shadow looming behind me. "You aren't really here. Just another bad memory my mind has conjured up." I whispered into the on coming wind. "You are dead you aren't here not real."
Ghost finger touches from the dark depths of my mind traced the back of my neck brushing away my hair sweeping it onto the left side of my neck. Once more that dark deep voice whispered against my bare flesh. "I'm no memory I'm more than alive and plan to finish what I started on your sixteenth birthday four years ago."
I shook my head furiously my hands flying to cover my ears as I chanted over and over again. "No! No this can't be you are dead!" I fell forward my knees slamming against the cement I could feel the cold rooftop digging into my bare knees. "I watched you die for the second time. You can't be alive you just can't!"
A maniacal death gripping laugh brought goose bumps to my skin. His voice was filled with promises as he replied back. "Keep me in your thoughts my dark beauty because once your birthday comes around again I will be back." His glove encases hand brushed the skin that was exposed at the nap of my hairline. "You will be mine this time Raven and no one not even that pathetic excuse of a man Robin will be able to stop me. This time I will stop at nothing until I make you mine. Once I do I'll enjoy watching him grovel as I pit you against him. How fun it will be to watch you two suffer as you both fight until only one of you is bleeding out yet still breathing while the other one lays there cold and dead before your own eyes."
My eyes flew open my head snapping back but like I thought I saw nothing there was no one there I was alone yet it felt so real. His touch felt real. My voice was weak as my hands slid from my ears my voice was weak almost fragile. "Are you really alive? No I watched you die we all did."
Shaking free of the chains that were trying to drag me back to the darkness I had escaped I rose to my feet. Brushing myself off I mentally evaluated all the possibilities but this couldn't be real it just couldn't. I stood there for what felt like eternity but I knew better than that. This wasn't the first time I had a moment like this and it wouldn't be the last. Just like every time before I would evaluate the incident and later on cross it off as my mind playing a horrible and sick joke on my already sensitive nerves. I'd blame it on fatigue and lack of proper nutrition then forget about the incident all together.
Taking my phone from my pocket I flipped through the few contacts I had until my phone found Victor taking a deep breath I pressed call bringing the phone to my ear. Within seconds the loud booming voice of my old friend filled my ear causing me to pull the phone away a good two inches. "Rae! Did you finally make it?! Do you need me to you up anywhere?"
He really hadn't changed much I rolled my eyes a faint smile appearing on my lips as I replied back. "Yeah I'm here and thanks for the possible deafening side affects." I laughed faintly as I heard skin slam against metal followed by a female voice yelling out "Victor Stone! What did we discuss about?!"
I could hear the half robot male rubbing the area his girlfriend had hit. His voice became soft almost childlike as he tried to get out of trouble. "Aw Jinx come on. I haven't talked to her in years," He was exaggerating we had actually talked two days ago. "can't blame me for being excited to see an old friend now can you?"
"I can blame you we discussed this you would let her arrive and do as she pleased we gave her our address when she wants to rest she knows can head right over and do so. The guest room is always there waiting for her." I could only picture the puppy eyes look Victor was giving the the hex casting sorceress. My money was on it wouldn't get him far.
After a few more moments of them two arguing back and forth one pleaing while the other one threatened to dismantle the other one I held back my laughter. I had always found them quite the interesting couple odd yes but they seemed to balance each other out. From what I recalled of what Victor had told me he was currently trying to teach his former villain girlfriend how to get down and dirty under the hood. They had their fights here and there but so did every other couple they were normal yet not at the same time.
Jinx took the phone from Victor I could hear that she was walking away from my former team member. "Okay you got two minutes to decide to either run and explore the city or wait where you are and Victor will come get you. He really has missed you. I can say that having you actually physically here hasn't made me the happiest girlfriend on the planet."
"Jinx there's nothing for you to worry about I love Victor yes but only as a younger sister would love her older brother. You know very well that I confide in him. That he's always been the one I turned to when I needed someone to listen to my problems and help me figure things out or just distract me from the chaos my life was." Memories of everything I had ever told him rushed at me he knew so much about me yet there was still so much he didn't know about me at the same time. I trusted him with my life but I also didn't want to drag him into my problems. I had no right to.
For a moment she said nothing to my words. I only hoped she heard the sincerity in them. I really did only see Victor as an older brother nothing more. Biting my lower lip out of nerves I awaited her reply yet I got nothing instead Victor's voice filled my ears once more. "Okay I tracked your phone I'll be there in five Jinx promised to have dinner ready for us when we get back."
Do I even have a say? Things really hadn't changed only time had moved on that was about it or so I chose to believe. Even though I knew he couldn't see me I nodded my head. "See you in a bit. We have a lot to catch up on."
"Not just that there are a few things I want to discuss with you Rae things that are best we talk about tonight so you don't get caught off guard tomorrow." My heart ached at his words I wasn't sure why but it did.
Hiding the worry and nerves his words stirred in me I forced a smile. "Alright see you in a bit." With that I ended our call I didn't wait for his response not because I didn't want to hear it but because I'd prefer to hear whatever he had to say in person. Something told me I wouldn't like to hear it either way but that I still needed to hear it.
Feeling the nerves starting to tangle themselves twisting and turning in tight knots in the center of my stomach I began to levitate in a butterfly mediation position. Slowly my eyes fluttered shut as I let everything around me dissolve and focused solely on my chakra I could see the violet spiritual power swirling around behind my closed eyelids. I stayed like that until I felt calm and in control once more. I could sense Victor's arrival but yet I didn't move from my position and he didn't push me to either. He knew that once my body and mind found peace he'd have my full attention.
Without opening my eyes, I unfolded my legs as they easily touched the concrete rooftop. "Hey." One word that's all that escaped my lips but still I didn't dare open my eyes because if I did I felt that everything would crumble.
"Raven as both your friend and as someone who thinks of you as a younger sister I thought it was only right that I tell you this now. I don't want anything to hurt you." Victor cold metal hand reached out wrapping around my small pale one giving a gentle squeeze. This action alone made me think of the worst possible scenario yet that never prepared me for what it really was.
Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes catching his dark blue gaze with my own gaze. "Tell me."
Hesitating for only a mere a second he stared at me really stared at me. I knew exactly what he was doing. He was assessing if I was fine enough to take whatever news he was holding back. Pulling my hand from his grasp I took a step back putting a larger distance between us. "Just say it Victor. I'm no child I can handle whatever it is you are hesitating to tell me."
With the nod of his head he took a deep breath before opening his mouth the words spilling from his mouth like daggers. "Robin…I mean Nightwing he's coming to Starfire's wedding." Of course this information didn't come to me as a shocker I was expecting him to be there. He had been a large part of Kory's life after all. What I didn't expect where the words that followed after. "He's not coming alone he's coming with a date someone with whom he's been working with it seems. No one knows her alias name just the name she goes by in the hero circuit Batgirl." He paused watching me carefully but I didn't give any hints that his words were slowly killing me. "From what I was able to gather they've been seeing each other for a few months now it seems to be getting pretty serious between the two of them."
Masking my emotions, I smiled up at my old friend my voice lacked real enthusiasm but I managed to force it into my response. "I'm happy for him out of everyone I know Richard deserves to find love even though he didn't find it with Kory I'm glad he found it elsewhere."
"Raven you don't have pretend with me. I know you love him you left because of the feelings you couldn't name nor control. It's okay to feel it's okay to cry to scream anything please just don't hold it in." Victor took a step forward his arms held out ready to pull me into one of his tight bear hugs. As he took another step I took two back no matter how many times I thought of this moment it seemed that none of that compared to this I could only imagine what seeing with him with her would feel like.
Grabbing the hem of the hood of my cloak I tugged it over my head using the shadows the cloth casted to mask my silent tears as the fell freely from my watery eyes. They ran like hot molten lava burning my skin my voice held no emotion as I headed for the edge of the rooftop. "I feel tired I think I'll call it a day and go rest. Tomorrow is going to be a long day and knowing Kory she'll drain me of every drop of energy she can manage to squeeze out of me."
"I'm sorry Rae I truly am." His voice filled with the sympathy that I so badly wished would disappear.
"I know you are Victor." Tears began to slid down my cheeks drops staining my cloak and the cement beneath my feet. My voice was weak barely above a whisper. "So am I."
Taking flight into the night I wished I could disappear with the night but I knew if I did I'd be nothing more but a coward. It was time I faced my nightmares. I reminded myself that I no matter what happened all I wanted was for him to find happiness and it seemed that he finally did. Now it was time to face my feelings to find closure and finally end that chapter of my life. There was no longer a chance for something more only time to move forward and leave the past as it is the past.
Reaching Victor and Jinx's home I snuck in through the window not wanting to see Jinx I just didn't have it in me to force myself to entertain a conversation in the state I was. I'd allow myself this one night to wallow in my misery but as soon as the sun rose I'd stop and hold my head up high face the world and leave my feelings for the former boy wonder in the past.
Throwing myself on top of the sheets I let myself cry freely the tears staining everything yet I didn't care. I was allowed my moment of weakness and this was it. I allowed everything that I had been holding in all this time flow freely my feelings for Richard the pain at knowing I'd never get to tell him I loved him to never entertain the idea that someday he'd realize that he was more than just a mere friend and act on it. All of that would vanish soon enough. As the night engulfed the city sleep embraced me with its dark beauty.
Writer's Note:
Feedback would be greatly appreciated thanks for reading.