Warning, there is talk of eating disorders and drug use in this chapter.
You are always free to change your mind and choose a different future, or a different past.-Richard Bach
Once Amber got the horse ready for the ride, she told Spencer to mount Bronko, the bigger of the two horses her parents owned. He was a rather huge horse, his coat and mane where black, and he was a little mean looking. Spencer gulped as the horse walked over to him. The horse snorted at him and then didn't acknowledge his presence. Amber walked over to Spencer and handed him a pair of cowboy boots.
Spencer raised an eyebrow at her, "You want me to wear these?" He asked, even though he already knew the answer.
She nodded at him. "You have to, it's easier."
Spencer sighed as he slipped off his Converse shoes and slipped on the cowboy boots. While he did that, Amber grabbed Bronko's rein and brought him over to Spencer. "Put your one foot in the sturup, his head is going in the direction of your left so use your left foot. Put some weight on your left foot when you go to mount him, so you aren't putting all of your weight on your right foot. Then push off the ground with your right foot, grab the right side next to the pommel and quickly swing your right leg over."
"Pommel?" Spencer questioned, it was weird to him, not knowing about something.
"This part," she said as she pointed to the raised part in the front of the saddle. "Reach to the far right, having your forearm reach across the seat. Make sure, before you mount, that he is standing square, so his legs aren't far apart. If they are and you get on he will take a step the moment you put weight on him." Amber looked at Bronco's legs, his legs were already sqaure.
Spencer hesitated for a moment, he wasn't much of an outdoors man. But he had this feeling nagging at him, that he needed to try new things. He did what Amber had instructed, he slid his left foot in the stirrup, he grabbed the pummel, getting a firm grip on it. He then put some weight on his left foot, he pushed off the ground with his right foot, swung his leg over and quickly put his foot in the stirrup.
Spencer's face lit up as soon as he realized he was on the saddle. "Yes, I did it." He said as he looked down at Amber.
She smiled up at him, "Alright now get down."
Spencer stared at her, a blank expression on his face. "What? Why?"
"You have to learn how to ride, you can't just jump on a horse and ride it. It takes time and practice."
"Well, okay, can't you just teach me?" Spencer said as he shifted his weight on the saddle.
"Alright, I'll lead the horse. I want to lead anyways, I know of a little place we can go," Amber smiled. Amber walked into the barn and returned moments later. She walked over to Bronko and clipped the leading rope onto the center ring of the made a clicking noise with her mouth, and the horse started to move. She lead the house out from behind the fence through the open gate. She lead them to the dirt road, clouds of dirt appearing from under Amber's feet and the horse's hooves. Spencer held on to the reins and was just trying to get used to the motion. He felt like he was going to slide off the saddle any second, so he adjusted his posture and looked up. He watched as Amber led the horse, she was next to the horse, and was about 3 feet away from it. He watched as she kept her face forward and her expression somewhat blank.
It seemed as though they had been walking for hours, Spencer was getting sore, and was wondering where Amber was taking him. He knew he shouldn't really care. It was a beautiful day out, not too dry, not too warm. They were walking down a dirt road, a few farms with horses and cattle where the scenery as they walked down the dirt road. It started to get hot, the sun was beating down on them, it felt as though it had gotten hot instantly. Spencer realized that before there were a bunch of trees hovering over the pathway before seeing a bunch of cute little farms. As they walked on, Spencer started to sweat, he wasn't really fond of sweating. It was gross but it made him feel human. Spencer was now starting to get anxious.
"Are we almost there?" He questioned.
Amber looked over her shoulder and smiled, "Almost." She turned her head back to face the path. Spencer pouted to himself, his bottom was starting to get sore. They walked a bit longer and another pathway of trees hovering over the pathway greeted them. Spencer exhaled, he could finally breathe. "Close your eyes," Amber said without looking back at him.
"Why?" He asked slowly.
"You'll see when you open them."
He sighed to himself and closed his eyes. He felt the horse take about twenty more steps before the horse stopped. "Can I open them now?" He quietly asked.
"Yes," Amber sang.
Spencer opened his eyes,a path of trees lead to a little hide away, a secret spot. Bright green grass cover the ground,with a beautiful lake next to it. On the other side of the lake was more lush green grass. A huge tree was next to the lake, it was sitting right next to the lake, making a perfect place to lay under and watch the were scattered across the open area, keeping most of the grass shaded. Spencer took his right foot out of the stirrup and got off the horse the same way he got on, slowly. Once his feet hit the floor, a rush of excitement flooded over him. He followed the lake, about a minute later, came to the end of the lake, but what he found was even more beautiful. The lake lead to a cliff, a cliff that lead to an even bigger lake. The view was breathtaking,the water was so pure looking. Birds were chirping, the sky was a bright blue and it was...peaceful. Spencer walked back to where Amber was. He walked back over to her as he watched her take off Bronko's saddle.
"This place is...quite beautiful," He admitted.
Amber smiled at him as she gently took the saddle off the horse. "I was just here last night,"
Spencer's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Last night?"
Amber set the saddle down in a safe place, she straightened up and turned to him. "I was mad after that dinner with my parent's and I sort of snuck out of the house. I grabbed Bronko here and took off. I've been here before,the first time was when my parent's were looking at the house, back when I was about 18. I had lived here with them for a few months. I visited this spot many times, to think of what I wanted to do, and where I wanted to go. After a few months I decided to move to D.C," Amber lightly laughed at herself, " I almost didn't even recognize the house when we arrived, they've really fixed it up since I the last time I was here."
"What made you want to move to D.C?" Spencer asked as he walked closer to her.
Amber thought for a moment and answered, "I had been to D.C twice before, once for a middle school trip and another time for a three day vacation with my parents. I remember the cherry blossoms, how beautiful they were. I just love people watching in the cafe next to the bookstore. It's refreshing how cheerful most people there are."
Spencer watched her as she walked over to him. She smiled up at him, Spencer smiled back, but his smile quickly faded. "Last night, you said that you were ashamed to eat when you were younger," Spencer saw Amber roll her eyes as she turned to face the lake. "you hid food, you have controlling parents...if you don't mind me saying, I believe you had an eating disorder."
Amber's head whipped to her left to look at him. "How...is it that obvious?" she asked.
"You were a teenager, had parents that tried to control your every move. Nit picked at everything you did. I can tell that because they still do it to you now. You feel like you will ever make them proud of you,"
Amber turned her body towards him. She sighed and said, "You are correct, as always," she said with a soft smile. She looked down at her feet, embarrassed that he finally figured it out.
"I'm proud of you." Spencer said.
Amber looked back up, "You are?" she questioned.
Spencer nodded. "I know it's hard to break an addiction,I know an eating disorder isn't by choice, no addiction is. But it becomes additive to most people, it's a way to cope. Bulimics use it to release pain, anorexics use it for control. But they both get a form of a high from it..."
"How would you know about addiction?" Amber said, cutting him off from his ramble.
Spencer avoided eye contact with her. "I know,because I was addicted to dilaudid." Spencer looked right at her, to see what her reaction would be.
Amber's expression went from blank to sad in seconds. Her eyes were starting to water, she looked up at the sky. "Tell me," she said to the sky,she blinked a few times, trying to rid her eyes of possible tears. She looked over at him and said, " everything,"
They sat under the tree next to the lake. Spencer sat, his legs crossed like he was a little kid waiting for story time at school. Spencer told her everything. About how Tobias had drugged and tortured him. And how he ended up becoming addicted to it. Amber listened to his every word. She sat on the ground, her knees up against her chest and her arms locked around her legs. Spencer ended up spilling out his past; how his mother was a paranoid schizophrenic, how his father left his mother and him, how Gideon had left the same way his father did, and how he had never had a real girlfriend before. He spent what felt like hours, pouring out most of his heart to her.
"Wow," Amber said as she inhaled a deep breath. "I...would have never..." she trailed off, trying to figure out the best way to word it. She looked away from Spencer, she watched Bronko as he walked around the area, trying to find from grass to eat. "I did have an eating disorder..." Amber trailed off once again, still watching the horse.
"Don't feel obligated to tell me about your past. Just because I figured out some of it doesn't mean you have to tell me," Spencer said, Amber was now watching him and not the horse. "I told you about my past because I wanted you to know now. Since we've been together, I've barely told you anything about me. You can tell me when you are ready and when you are, I'll be here to listen." Amber unlocked her arms, got on her knees, leaned over and kissed Spencer gently on the lips. They pulled apart from their kiss, Spencer tucked some of his hair behind his ear as Amber beamed.
"Well,we better get back, it will be dark soon," Amber said, as her long brown hair fell over her shoulder as she stood up. Spencer looked out into the distance, she was right, it was probably at least eight o'clock from the look of the sun starting to set. Spencer looked at his watch and he was right. She walked over to Bronko, grabbed the saddle, set it down on the horses back and strapped the saddle on him. "Do you want to ride him or walk?" Amber asked as she made sure the saddle was strapped and wasn't too tight or too loose.
"Well, I might as well ride him, I am wearing these cowboy boots after all," Spencer said as he walked over to Amber and Bronko. Amber giggled at Spencer's response, she watched him as he mounted the horse in record time. She clipped the leading rope back onto Bronko and they headed back to her parent's house.
Once back at Ed and Kim's house, Amber, Bronko and Spencer headed into the barn. Amber came to a halt, causing Bronko to do the same. Spencer dismounted from Bronko and Amber entered Bronko into his stall. She took off his saddle, she clipped a rope to his bridle, to keep him from moving while she brushed him and cleaned his hooves. Spencer stood there, his arms folded over each other as he stood leaning against the door. He watched Amber as she groomed the horse. She was laughing and smiling, her laughter filling the barn. He loved this woman so much, he never thought he could love someone so much. His heart swelled with joy when he looked at her, it took him awhile to get his breath back to normal when he did look at her, and he felt this electricity when they touched. Spencer didn't really care what had happened to her in her past. Well okay, he did, but he only wanted to know so he could make sure that whatever happened,wouldn't happen again.
Later that night, after the two of them got cleaned up, they sat down for dinner with Amber's parents. Her parents asked what they did that day and they told them. Kim thought it was good that they were having a good time in Texas and that they were having some alone time. Ed on the other hand, didn't look like he was all that happy about them 'having some alone time'. He looked as though he was biting a bullet locked between his teeth, his mouth tightly clenched. When dinner was finished, the four of them sat in the living room and chatted while sipping some hot cider. After about an hour, all of them decided to hit the hay.
Amber laid awake that night, she couldn't sleep again. The moon was shining in through her window, Spencer's words were still floating around in her head. You can tell me when you are ready and when you are, I'll be here to listen. Would she ever be ready? He told her everything, spilled his heart out. He trusted her, to tell her everything that happened to him over the years, and then know that she wouldn't leave him because of it. He was a great profiler, he knew she wouldn't judge him and he was right.
Just then, there was a quiet knock on her door. Amber laid still, thinking it was just her imagination. There was another knock, this time a bit louder. The doorknob slowly turned and Spencer peeked his head in.
"Am?" He whispered as he opened the door a bit more.
"Yes?" she answered back as she sat up and turned towards the door. The room was quite dark,even with the moon shining in through the window, everything was blurry. Amber fumbled around in the dark for her glasses sitting on the nightstand. She slid them on and could see, nothing was really clear, since it was still dark.
"I couldn't sleep," Spencer admitted as he rubbed his eyes. Amber's heart almost stopped; Spencer was so innocently adorable. "I can't sleep without you next to me," he informed her.
A chill went down Amber's spine, she always wanted to hear a guy say that. She moved over on the bed and patted the spot next to her, inviting Spencer to join her. Spencer slid in under the covers and Amber laid back down. Spencer reached over and slipped off her glasses for her. He turned to his right and set them down on the night stand.
"Thank you," she quietly giggled.
"You are quite welcome," he said as he turned his upper body back towards Amber. He kissed her nose and the two of them lightly laughed.
"Good night," Amber said as she shifted to sleep on her left side. Spencer slipped his right hand over her stomach, his left hand went under his pillow, and then cuddled up to her. Amber traced his knuckled with her fingertips, she let out a happy sigh and closed her eyes causing her to drift off to a peacefully sleep.
With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.-Ralph Waldo Emerson.
A/N- The beginning of this was a bit of a pain to write. Writing about how to mount a horse seems easy at first, then I realized that I wanted this to be something Spencer didn't know about. Sorry this took so very long to update. I know where I want to go with this story, I just have to figure out how to get there! So, I'm going to take it a chapter at a time. I am no where near finished with this story, and I am not going to abandon it. I love it too much and I'm very proud of it. I didn't think so many people would respond to it. So thank you all! If I don't update again for awhile, I apologize, school is starting up again soon!I'm only taking 3 classes, so I'll make time to write. Thanks for the faves, reviews, and for reading. And thank you for your patience!