Chapter 23 - Heart of Black
With our backs to the wall, Darkness will fall,
We never quite thought we could lose it all,
Ready aim fire, ready aim fire away,
An empire's fall in just one day
- Imagine Dragons, Ready Aim Fire
"Padfoot - PADFOOT!" a voice hissed noisily from beside Sirius' bed as the Marauders' Map whacked his head, wielded by a very alert James Potter.
"I'm awake," Sirius mumbled irritably, "What is it?"
"It's time to go! The moon's rising!" Peter replied, pulling back Sirius' bed covers. For someone who slept lightly he was surprisingly difficult to wake up.
As he opened his eyes sleepily, Sirius smiled slightly to himself as he remembered his plan and grabbed the blank Map off James, dragging himself out of bed and fumbled around on the floor for his clothes.
Sirius enjoyed full moons a lot more than the others, something they had never quite understood, because he loved the freedom and the danger of running around the woods at night in a very illegal way. But tonight was a little more than that; tonight he would be doing something to improve Remus' transformations even further. And his friends didn't have a clue...
Once they were on their way, Sirius kept a tight hold of the Marauders' Map, angling it in such a way that he could read it but not James and Peter and hopefully without raising suspicion - he wanted to keep this a surprise for as long as possible.
"You seem cheerier than usual, Pad," James whispered as he threw the Invisibility Cloak over all three of them, "Glad you're not being a miserable sod like before. Wouldn't want you being gloomy all through the holidays, would we?"
Peter grinned. "Sorry I won't be around at all, you guys, but Mum is insisting we go away. Cornwall, ugh."
"Don't worry about it Wormtail, Cornwall sounds awesome! Moony's going away too so it'll just be us too. Marlene as well, thinking about it " James said, nudging his shorter friend.
"Two weeks with just my mum and me along with my batty aunt and uncle?" Peter said, pulling a face, "Moony's off to South France the lucky bugger!"
Sirius didn't join in, just navigated them on a path that would keep them well clear of anyone who might be snooping around at this time of night.
"Padfoot, you'd better be coming back with me!" James warned, "I have some serious pranks lined up for when my Grandma visits!"
Sirius nodded. "Where else would I go, idiot? Too late to put my name down for staying at Hogwarts even if I didn't enjoy coming back to yours and annoying your lovely parents."
"You coming back with me doesn't annoy them, Sirius," James said sternly.
Sirius grinned. "Whatever... Let's get a move on before we're seen - this thing isn't covering my ankles!"
He wanted to be there to see this plan of his in action and he also wanted James and Peter to be there too. It was a fool proof plan that would help Remus a hell of a lot and he was sure they'd agree once they knew.
"Why are you in such a rush to get down there?" James asked under his breath as they reached the moving staircases near Gryffindor Tower.
"I'm impatient. I just need to let off some steam," he admitted, stopping abruptly to let the stairs lock into place before they all got on and hurried down them, trying to muffle their footsteps to avoid detection.
That at least was not a lie. He really did need to loosen up a bit and just run around for the night to let a lot of his pent up anger out. Sirius didn't like deceiving them but it would ruin everything if James and Peter knew too soon - the best part of his prank was the surprise of it all.
"Yes you really do," Peter grinned, "You've been terrifying recently, Padfoot!"
He rolled his grey eyes again and checked the Marauders' Map. "Mrs. Norris in the Charms corridor, we'll have to take the longer route, damn!"
James turned them to the left and along the deserted corridor that looped around the area where Filch's evil cat was patrolling, eventually getting them to the same point they would have been at if it wasn't for the diversion.
Now they just had to get down the steps to the doors and outside without being seen and they were free - Sirius was starting to get excited because this prank was possibly the best one he'd ever thought of: revenge and hilarity in one, what more could you want?
"Almost there," he said happily, casting a muffliato spell around them as James and Peter yanked one of he massive wooden doors open so they could slip out.
The grounds were bathed in the silvery distant moonlight they knew so well know as James folded up the cloak and stored it in his bag, Sirius also clearing the Map and handing it to his friend for safe keeping. Moonlight always made the shadows look darker and the light brighter but the bespectacled boy knew something wasn't right in the air: something about the apparent stillness and silence and Sirius' overly enthusiastic attitude unnerved him. The air was cool, crisp and tasted like rain was on its way and every hair on his body was standing on end already.
Still, they headed over to the motionless Whomping Willow quickly, knowing Remus needed them.
"Guys," Peter said nervously, "The Willow isn't moving..."
"What do you - shit," James cursed, immediately on alert, "Who's out here? Can't be Pomfrey or Dumbles can it?"
Sirius grinned. "Maybe the Willow is just taking a break, Prongsie!"
Turning slowly around to face his friend, James' face was pale and blank. "What do you know about this? Is this why you were in such a rush?"
"No one, Prongs," he promised, "And it's a surprise! You need to see it for yourself!"
Something flickered in James' eyes; suddenly he didn't recognise Sirius at all but at the same time knew exactly what he'd done. "Who stopped it moving? Where is he, Sirius? /What did you tell him?/"
"It's no one important!"
Peter was long used to James and Sirius half reading each other's mind and had to stand there worried and scared.
"No one important?!" he snapped, "No one important? He doesn't even matter to you? Do you /want/ him to die? Everyone is important, Siriis!"
"I-it's a prank," Sirius said, confused that James' reaction wasn't what he'd been expecting.
Not wanting to hear any more, James dived towards the tree, yelling at Peter, who looked like he was going to be sick as everything started to make sense, to follow.
"HELLO? SNAPE GET BACK! GET OUT OF THERE NOW!" he roared angrily as he scrambling as fast as possible along the half height tunnel towards the Shrieking Shack at the other end.
He could begin to make out the sounds of Moony angrily growling as he rounded the next corner and the terrifying, haunting sound of a door being pushed open. His blood ran cold and he forced himself even faster.
"SNAPE DON'T!"
Sirius had caught up with him by this point and bent double to catch his breath. "It's only gonna scare him," he panted.
"Oh that's good," James said sarcastically as he pushed forwards again, "So what's Moony going to do when he sees Snape? Laugh and go 'boo'? He will tear him apart! Just because he pissed you off?"
"No but-"
Their heads whipped around and Sirius went silent as a horrible yell was heard, strangled and trapped. The air crackled like a lightening storm and sent shivers down everyone's spines as they all understood what was about to happen.
"If he dies," James threatened, taking off again now the tunnel was getting taller, "I will never forgive you for this."
Peter ran too, terrified and shaking but knowing that he needed to help leaving Sirius standing there staring after them as he whole world began crashing down around him.
"SNAPE GET OUT OF THERE!" James shouted desperately, throwing the door back violently to find the dark haired boy cowering in the corner firing spell after spell towards the enraged werewolf trying to attack him.
The Slytherin didn't reply - probably couldn't reply - just scrambled backwards until he was pressed into the wall, panting heavily.
Barrelling over as fast as he could run, James leaped in front of Snape, wand outstretched. "Go, GO!"
Terrified, Snape forced his trembling legs to obey and scrambled towards the door where Peter was waiting and helped him out as Sirius pushed past into the Shrieking Shack's destroyed main entrance hall. James had already transformed and was attempting to force Moony back further away from the escape route, Snape and Peter. Transforming into Padfoot as he ran, Sirius also lunged forwards straight into the side of ferocious wolf, knocking it backwards. James ignored his efforts and braced his antlers on Moony's side, effectively becoming a barricade to let Sirius use his strength and adrenaline to push the werewolf into the next room along.
Only problem was, Moony really didn't like being told what to do and he growled angrily, lashing out at Padfoot causing him to howl and pull back instinctively, his shoulder immediately starting to bleed.
Why weren't they letting him after the human? Normally these strange animals were nice! Moony didn't like this, /he/ was in charge, not them. He'd show them.
He growled again, this time swiping a heavy paw at James that would have caused James to have to let go if Sirius hadn't hurled himself in front of it, diverting the swing just in time. Taking advantage of Moony's unsteadiness after being knocked off balance, Prongs placed both front hooves to Moony's powerful chest and pushed; Padfoot helped too by hitting the wolf's paws out from underneath him and adding to James' weight.
Still reeling from the attacks, the werewolf fell backwards into the second room and James transformed back and slammed the door shut before sealing it with a spell once he'd retrieved his wand from the floor.
Sirius also transformed back to his human form and pushed his hair out of his eyes.
"We did it," he said breathlessly and triumphantly, gingerly inspecting his shoulder.
His friend ignored him and turned for the door to run back to Peter and Snape who were hopefully far away.
Moony's furious pounding at the door grew fainter as they forgot about it, replacing that problem with another one.
"J-James?" Sirius said nervously, gulping as he followed his friend down the dark passageway, ignoring the shooting pain in his shoulder. "Ja-James?"
Reaching the other end after a few minutes of panicky breathing, Sirius exited the Whomping Willow to a sight he never thought he'd see: both Peter and James were crouched over an unconscious Severus Snape, trying to heal his wounds and work out what the hell had just happened.
Walking over silently, Sirius listened apprehensively to what they were saying.
"Didn't he tell you?"
"You think I would have let this happen, Peter?" James hissed.
"N-no, no, sorry, he just tells you everything," Peter replied, mumbling nervously.
James checked the Slytherin's breathing as he took a moment to breathe before the took him up to the castle. "Not this time. I want to know why the hell he thought this was a good idea," he snapped darkly.
Sirius coughed and James whipped around, standing up with clenched fists as Sirius shrunk back, intimidated by his friend's expression.
"What the FUCK were you THINKING?" James growled, moving so close to Sirius that they were nose to nose - Sirius could see each head of sweat on James' forehead and every contraction of his jaw in anger.
"It was a joke, Prongs," he tried, licking his lips.
"A joke?" he replied slowly, nodding, "Sure. Only problem is, /we're not laughing, Black/."
The use of his last name scared him more than anything.
"Y-yeah, he wasn't supposed to reach Remus, just the tunnel. I was supposed to stop him before that happened," Sirius tried to explain but James was having none of it.
"Oh you were going to play 'hero'? YOU WERE GOING TO SAVE HIM AND SCARE HIM TO DEATH FOR YOUR LITTLE REVENGE? What if you COULDN'T stop Remus, huh? What if you KILLED SNAPE AND MADE REMUS A MURDERER?"
Sirius was deathly pale as trembling all over. "No, that wouldn't-"
"But that's what you planned, wasn't it, Black?"
"Prongs, please..."
James balled his fist up and punched him square around the jaw. Not expecting it, Sirius crumpled to the floor immediately, legs giving way more because of who was punching him rather than because of the punch itself.
"You don't get to call me that, Black," James spat, "Only Marauders use those nicknames and you are not a Marauder."
"James," Peter said warningly, "Don't..."
"Why?" he snarled, "He would have made his best friend - HIS BROTHER - A MURDERER FOR THE SAKE OF CHILDISH REVENGE! He would KILL SOMEONE he doesn't like just because they ANNOY HIM!"
"James," Sirius pleaded, voice rasping and desperate. Never, not even when his parents had shouted at him, had he felt so alone. Scrambling to his feet, he reached forwards as his eyes burned with tears only to have James knock him down again.
"Does it fucking hurt? I hope it does," James roared although his heart was breaking along with Sirius' and Peter's, "Because I can guarantee that it wouldn't hurt nearly as much as Remus would if he had succeeded in killing someone: 'Morning Remus, you killed someone last night, yeah, Sirius let it happen - you coming for breakfast?'."
"Please stop," Sirius begged, beginning to cry. He'd fucked up. He'd fucked up so badly and he knew it but he couldn't stand here and listen to this, not when it was coming from James' mouth, not from his brother.
"No! You think this would ever have stopped for Remus? For me and Pete? For Snape's family? Don't ask for pity, Black, because you would have been the murderer but Remus would take the fall. He'd be arrested or killed and you know it!"
"James!" Peter interrupted.
"No, Peter, what if Snape saw us? What if he saw Prongs and his dog? Your rat? We could all be arrested and sent to Azkaban for that and it would also be HIS FAULT!"
Peter didn't know what to do: Sirius was so deeply in the wrong that he couldn't possibly side with him and show him support but James was going too far, the anger that had surfaced was taking and clouding his vision much more than was necessary.
"You know I was once told something and knew it wasn't true but now I'm not so sure," he said coldly, turning back to face Sirius on the floor who looked up desperately.
"Once a Black, always a Black," James spat, kicking Sirius hard to stop himself helping his friend up. "Get out of my sight. Don't speak to me or Peter or Remus. Don't visit Remus in the Hospital Wing. Don't sit with on the train tomorrow. The Sirius we loved is gone if he'd do this."
Letting out a little panicky breath, Sirius got to his feet and wiped at his eyes. "Please..."
"Go."
He couldn't face it, so he went.
Stumbling and crying, bruised and defeated, he left as fast as his tired feet could manage. It took him a long time to reach the Entrance Hall and an even longer time to stop crying (which he never really managed. He didn't care about Prefects or McGonagall or even Filch anymore, he just needed to get back to the dorm and collapse. His nose was bleeding, his shoulder hurt every time he moved it and he wanted to scream until his throat was sore.
Sirius knew he deserved it.
Having taken to waiting in the Marauders' dorm for them all to return on full moons, Marlene was curled up in James' bed wearing one of his older Quidditch jumpers she had stolen years ago, which only just fit her now. She had no idea what had happened and just rolled over, pulling his duvet tighter around herself, sleeping lightly but peacefully.
The Gryffindor Common Room was completely deserted when Sirius finally arrived, the Fat Lady swinging open without even asking for the password when she saw him. Sirius wasn't sure whether to just stay down there but he needed a shower and he knew the bathrooms were soundproofed - he could cry and scream and sob and no one would hear. Trudging up the stairs slowly, each footstep a Herculean effort, he gripped onto the rail tightly like he'd faint if he didn't (which was quite possible). Eventually he made it to his dorm: the sign on the door still read 'The Marauders - enter at your own risk!' and he wanted to break down there and then.
Opening the door slowly, he stumbled in and pushed it shut as fast he could behind him, letting out a small sob as he collapsed against the wall, breathing speeding up dangerously, rasping. Where was he going to go? The Marauders were his whole world, he lived with James ('Not any more' the voice in his head sneered) and they were gone, probably forever. Head in his hands, he let out a louder sob, not even realising anyone else was in the room.
Marlene was woken by his choking breaths and noisy sobs and shot upright, wand in hand. "S-Sirius? Where are the others?" she asked nervously.
He just shook his head and gripped his knees so tightly it felt like he was going to snap them clean off. His knuckles were turning white with the pressure but still he couldn't stop shaking.
Scrambling out of bed and over to him, Marlene forced him to look up at her, only making it worse when he saw he concern in her eyes: he didn't deserve her concern. He didn't deserve her anyway but especially not now. Not now he'd ruined everything. He couldn't breathe, everything was spinning, his head was throbbing and he wanted to be sick.
"Sirius, what's wrong?" she said shrilly, very worried.
The floor seemed to be tipping around him and his chest was so tight it felt like his heart was going to burst through his ribs. Sirius couldn't even focus on her face properly.
"I don't know what happened but I think you're having a panic attack," Marlene said quickly, "Look at me!"
He couldn't, he could only hear the deadly cold voice in his head.
"Once a Black, always a Black," it said, "Don't speak to me. Don't ask for pity... Been a fucking murderer... You are not a Marauder."
"SIRIUS! You have to calm down," she said sternly, trying to keep cool as he sobbed, whole body shaking.
"I can't," he panted, grabbing her arm, "Marlene, I can't!"
She desperately tried to remember her first aid training that her mother had taught her when she went through a phase of wanting to be a Healer: they had to hold their breath if they couldn't calm down of their own accord.
"Can you take a massive breath in for me?"
"I feel sick, everything's spinning," he muttered, closing his eyes as he struggled for breath.
"I know, Sirius, but you have to trust me," Marlene replied firmly, "Take my hand, here. Deep breath in and don't let it out, got that?"
Nodding once, he moved his hand to hers and felt some relief that she was there before desperately filling his heaving lungs with as much air as he could without passing out.
She saw he'd done as she asked and took a breath herself. He wouldn't manage to hold is breath for long enough so somehow she had to make him. Leaning forwards, Marlene kissed him firmly.
His tear filled eyes widened with shock and his grip on her hand tightened but he didn't protest or pull away.
After a few long moments, Marlene leaned back, a small sad smile playing on her lips. "The fact that you didn't even attempt to kiss me back proves just how bad this is. Please tell me what's wrong."
Sirius was breathing a little more evenly now, deep shuddering breaths as he continued to cry, tears constantly trickling down his cheeks.
"I-I-"
"Yes?" she asked softly.
"I messed up," Sirius whispered miserably, closing his eyes again. "So badly messed up."
"So?"
"Prongs, he-"
Only Marauders use those nicknames...
"James and Peter hate me. Remus will too," he tried to explain desperately, not wanting to say what he'd done in case she hated him too. "You most likely will if I tell you."
"You can tell me," she promised, "And I'm not going to leave you like this no matter what you've done. It can't honestly be as bad you think - you haven't killed anyone have you?"
Sirius' breath caught in his throat. "Nearly. I nearly killed someone, Marlene."
She closed her eyes: shit.
"Merlin, Sirius, how?"
"I told Snape how to get into the Whomping Willow, he found Remus and we only just managed to get him out and James - it's my own fault. He says he never wants to see me again!" he said quickly, breath speeding up again as he told his story, "I swear I wasn't trying to kill him or hurt Remus! I just thought I'd scare him and make him leave us alone. I didn't think this would happen, I promise!"
"Deep breaths," she reminded him, "You'll sort it out, you always do."
"I don't think I can," he said desperately, looking into her eyes, trying to find a shred of optimism.
"Course you will. Need another kiss to calm down?" Marlene replied, only have joking.
"Maybe," Sirius said, struggling to keep calm, eyes going in and out of focus as he tried to lock onto her face as an anchor.
She kissed him again, purely to help him even though she wished it was for another reason, and cupped his cheek softly. Having never ever seen him like this, she didn't know what would help but Marlene did know she needed to keep him calm, distract him and just be there and care: Sirius thought he had no one, Marlene had to show him he had her.
"It'll be okay, Sirius, I promise."
"I just-"
"Shh, don't think about it right now," she said, cutting off his sentence by kissing him again and slipping onto his lap.
Slowly, his still shaking hand let go of hers and moved to her waist nervously as he began to kiss her back for something to do instead of panic. Marlene's other hand went to his shoulder to steady him.
"You need a distraction. Even if it's just for an hour. You can worry after that, okay?" Marlene said, keeping her head down as something James had said months ago came to mind: she'd asked why Sirius slept around so much when he didn't like any of the girls and James had answered with 'it's a distraction'.
"Marlene, it's fine, I'll be fine," he replied, meeting her upwards gaze.
"We both know that if I go now you will not be fine," she retorted, "So don't even try that one."
Fiddling with the bottom of her large jumper, Marlene only second guessed herself for a moment before tugging it over her head, leaving her in her bra and pyjama bottoms. She looked down at her lap again, running her hands down his chest.
"And we both know that you wouldn't want to shag me just because I'm sad," Sirius said as soon as he guessed what she had in mind.
"No, Sirius, this isn't pity sex, this is me providing a distraction we both want," Marlene replied, looking up at him from under her eyelashes.
He let out a heavy breath and closed his eyes, torn between desperately wanting her and knowing this wasn't how he wanted this to happen.
"Why would you want this when you were trying not to talk to me?" Sirius muttered, opening his eyes and looking at her intensely, self control wavering.
"Why would this involve talking?" Marlene replied with a sly smirk.
He almost smiled back, lips twitching in amusement.
She leaned up and kissed him before he could protest any more, running her hands through his hair like she loved to do (why was his hair so goddamned sexy?). Giving up all restraint, he quickly rested both hands on her waist and returned the kiss, feeling the usual rush of emotion he felt around her come flooding back through his wall of panic. It made everything light up like a switch had been flipped, and the cold in his limbs was replaced by a familiar burning heat.
The feeling of his hands on her bare skin brought back flashes of memory from the New Year's party - his lips on her neck, hands everywhere, knowing what they would have done if James and Lily hadn't interrupted.
This was slower, gentler, more hesitant but there was still raw lust there, building under the surface: Marlene was pressing herself against him, fingers tangled in his hair and legs wrapped around his waist; Sirius was struggling with the knot of emotions bundled up inside him, each one fighting for dominance. Currently the need for an escape in her was winning and the way she was kissing him - like she would die if she didn't - tore Sirius away from every other feeling.
Clearly she had been right about a distraction because when she had to pull away to catch her breath his immediate reaction wasn't to start crying again. Instead he clumsily tugged them to a standing position and pushed her back against the wall, lips meeting here a little more desperately and a little more roughly than before.
"This is the Sirius we need," Marlene said with a breathy laugh, nails scraping across his neck almost accidentally.
She was about to continue but Sirius picked her up and turned and walked over to his bed before dropping her down carefully, closing his eyes for a moment.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked her quietly - the last thing he wanted was another one of his selfish needs pushing away the last person who cared.
"I've never been surer," Marlene replied firmly. She wasn't lying to help him either - she was sick of avoiding him, she was tired of looking the other way and pretending her heart didn't jump whenever he looked at her.
Sirius was hovering above her nervously, still trembling slightly and breathing deeply, if not raggedly. The lost, pained look in his eyes made her want to cry too. Reaching a hand up, Marlene traced his jawline softly and fumbled for the bottom of his top, pulling it off slowly and dropping it off the side of the bed.
"Sirius?" Marlene said carefully as his eyes went out of focus for a moment but were drawn back when she spoke, the dark grey swirling dizzyingly. "I'm here, okay? I'm here and I'm not leaving."
He had absolutely no idea what to say to the sincerity in her voice so just crashed his like down against hers again, feeling the desperation start to mount.
"I'm not leaving," Marlene repeated breathily before pulling her pyjama trousers off and tugging him down closer to her, mind going fuzzy at the thought of what was happening.
"Thank you," he choked out, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you," he repeated, leaving a trail of his touch from her ear to her collar bone, every impact setting her skin on fire and making it harder to think of anything but the feeling of his hand on her thigh getting higher and higher.
"Everything will be okay, I promise," she whispered, blinking to stop herself crying. "You've got me and you'll get them back too."
Sirius didn't reply, not trusting his voice not to break. There were too many emotions tearing at his heart and he was screaming at himself to just ignore them and try and prove how grateful he was for what she was doing at the same time. Hopefully she would see how much he needed her.
"I've got you," Marlene breathed.
And that was the last thing she said before neither one of them could think any more, lost as the tsunami of feelings broke around them.
They fell silent after a while, once her breathing had slowed down and his heart wasn't about to break out of his chest, her head on his chest, his hand in her hair. Marlene didn't ever want to move and Sirius was just dreading the moment he would be forced to face what he'd done again.
"Feel any better?" she asked hesitantly, not moving her head but bringing her hand up to rub small circles on his chest.
It still hurt, his whole body ached with the grief and the pain and the loss but it was a dull, constant pain now - at throb not a stab - and so he nodded and she felt it and was glad.
Their little oasis was shattered by footsteps on the stairs and the door slamming behind the furious James before either of them could react. Sirius froze, squeezing his eyes shut and Marlene's hand crept into his, clutching at him as if she could protect him. While them curling up was innocent enough, they had forgotten to put any clothes back on after having sex and James' look changed from just angry to about to implode with rage, disgust and over-protectiveness all at once.
"I sincerely hope you didn't do what I think you did," he spat, averting his eyes as Marlene yelled and pulled the duvet over them both and sitting up immediately.
"And I'm going to take that as a yes," he added, giving Sirius a filthy look, "How low can one person sink in my esteem in the space of a few hours, Black?"
"James don't!" Marlene said warningly as Sirius sat up and looked at the ruffled hair boy blankly.
"You, shut up - don't defend him!" James hissed, throwing his ruined top to one side.
Marlene looked taken aback as she grabbed her jumper off the floor and slipped it on along with her pants and pyjama trousers.
"How many times did he have to fuck you to make you side with him when he nearly killed someone?" he continued, stepping forwards.
Sirius stared in horror and clutched at the duvet.
She looked up at James, her expression equally angry.
"How dare you?" she snarled, "How dare you, James? I am not siding with him because we had sex. In fact I'm not going to side with anyone!"
While James wasn't looking, Sirius searched the floor for his own clothes and dressed silently.
"He fucked up massively, James, and I am fully aware of that but yelling at him and hurling abuse until he breaks down and almost has a full-scale panic attack is also fucking up massively!" Marlene said, hands on her hips.
"Marlene, leave it, it he's right," Sirius muttered.
"See, Marlene, your boyfriend agrees," James sneered, "You're standing there with you pink pyjamas and your little knitted jumper like you can ignore what he did! Well you might be able to but I can't! Does he even know what you were? What he's done? To you and to us?"
She slapped him angrily, blinking away tears and leaving a red hand shape on his cheek. "We are not talking about me, James, so don't even go there. Why are you being like this? He is your brother! I-I thought you were like mine too, yet you stand here disgusted with me and wanting him dead?"
"He is not my brother!" James snapped, lunging forwards towards Sirius.
Leaping in front of James' fist, Marlene hastily knocked his arm away before it could reach the trembling and frozen Sirius.
"STOP IT, STOP IT!" she yelled hysterically, hating the icy look in his usually warm hazel eyes, "JAMES, PLEASE!"
"Get out of my sight, Black," he spat, gesturing towards the door.
Tears were trickling down Sirius' cheeks and even the fact that James had only ever seen him cry once before couldn't distract him from the anger pulsating through his veins and roaring in his ears: what Sirius had done was wrong, black and white wrong. He slunk away, feet dragging along the floor as he wiped desperately at his eyes.
"Aren't you going to follow, Marls? Aren't you going to go and comfort him?"
"Yes," she replied, trying to stop her voice shaking, "You're angry because he could've destroyed Remus and Snape's life, right?"
A muscle jumped in James' jaw.
"What do you think you've done by saying those things, James?" she continued, sobbing.
"The right thing," James yelled, pacing the room.
Marlene let out a gasping breath, shaking her head as she tried to smear away her tears.
"No, James, you've just destroyed his life. You are everything to him. You, Remus, Peter, your parents. His family! You've taken all of that and stamped on it before stabbing him in the back!"
"You're saying he doesn't deserve this?" he laughed, slightly hysterically.
"Yes," Marlene said furiously, "I'm saying he doesn't deserve this, nor do you or Remus or Snape or anyone! No one deserves to have everything taken like this, no one deserves to lose everything. An eye for an eye? It doesn't work! That's not how the world WORKS!" Her whole body was trembling and she couldn't stop crying.
"Then go! Go fuck him to your heart's content!" James laughed, pointing to the open door.
She went.
Pausing by the door, she turned back, blue eyes rimmed with red and brimming with tears.
"I thought you were kinder than this, James. I thought you loved him enough to know what this means. He understands what he's done, do you?"
Marlene found Sirius easily, his legs seeming to have given way at the bottom of the stairs where he sat, silently crying. Crouching down next to him, Marlene tugged on his hand and sighed.
"You can't stay here all night, Sirius, come and sit on the sofa and I'll get some blankets or something," she begged, hoping he wouldn't put up a fight: it was the early hours of the morning now and she needed to sleep but wouldn't until she knew Sirius was settled.
The adrenaline had gone now and he complied without a fuss, getting up and sitting on the sofa she pointed to and staring blankly at the wall opposite.
Marlene wanted to say something but decided against it and just slipped away to get something to keep him warm - the fire was starting to die down now, the wood was reduced to fine ashes and just a few logs remained.
Her dorm was quiet, the only sound being the steady, calm breathing coming from the other three girls. Taking the time to draw deep breath, Marlene closed her eyes and tried to refocus: her main priority right now was getting Sirius to sleep and then grabbing a few hours herself. Then tomorrow she needed to go and talk to Remus (and possibly Snape too, if she dared) to try and address the situation to see how much she could do to help both of her friends. Clearly this couldn't go on forever or something even worse was bound to happen to Sirius and probably Remus, James and Peter too.
Returning to the Common Room, Marlene found Sirius in exactly the same place as before, eyes fixed on the crackling embers of the dying fire as if it held the answers to everything he needed to know.
"Sirius?" she called nervously, heading over quickly and placing the blanket in his arms. "Sirius you need some rest before the journey back tomorrow or you'll collapse. Please lie down?"
Surprisingly, he did as she said, pulling the rug around his shoulders tightly and resting his head on a pillow at one end.
"Thank you," Marlene whispered.
She turned away from him towards the stairs, ready to climb into her own warm bed and try to sleep after everything that had happened but, on hearing a small noise from Sirius, she paused and padded back over silently with her bare feet.
Her hand stopped just above the blanket when she heard his muffled sobs and realised he was still shaking all over. Desperately worried for him all over again, Marlene crouched down in front of the sofa, found his hand under the blanket and slipped her hand on top of his.
"It'll be okay, Sirius, I promise," she whispered, trying to stop the tears welling up in her eyes as well.
Sirius didn't reply.
She sighed. "Budge over, I'm not leaving you like this."
He did so slowly and Marlene curled up next to him on the deep sofa, hand still clutching his, and pulled he blanket back over to cover them both with difficulty.
"It'll be okay," she repeated quietly, feeling his tears on her shoulder.
He felt younger than he had done in a long time, more like the broken boy he thought he was than the arrogant teenager everyone saw. Despite that, Marlene was still here and he could smell her shampoo, feel her heart beating and head her gentle breath and to him it meant he was safe.
Neither of them was entirely sure who drifted off first but by the time the sun started to rise in the East, shafts of hazy light filtering through the windows of the Gryffindor Tower, both of them were fast asleep.