Chapter 29 - Just Give Me A Reason
Get me outta here, cause my eyes are burning from these silly tears,
That you brought when you showed me you don't really care
'Cause you never loved me
-Esme Denters, Get Me Outta Here
"Okay team, everyone warmed up and ready?" James said, jogging on the spot to keep his pulse up. "We've got about 20 minutes until we start to play and we don't want to go and sit down so we'll wait here. Keep moving."
Everyone started bobbing on the spot and shivering despite their jumpers as the students all filed down excitedly to get seated before the match began. Gryffindors cheered for their team on the way past and Rue waved back eagerly, causing them to yell louder and wave their banners. Marlene laughed and turned to chat to James when someone called her name from the path and the team spotted the Ravenclaws making their way over, all smartly dressed in their navy and silver kit.
Raising an eyebrow when her name was called a second time, she watched the two teams face each other. The Seeker winked at her and she thought she recognised him.
"Marlene, I heard you've got a boyfriend now, am I out of luck?" He joked.
Funnily enough, Marlene didn't find it nearly as amusing. "No, I don't but you're still out of luck."
"But you are available?" He grinned and the Ravenclaw captain, Matthew, rolled his eyes.
"Not for you," Marlene retorted, "So shut up."
"Weren't you and Sirius a thing?" He said, stupidly deciding to push the issue.
Sirius glared.
"Because I heard from a reputable source that he took your v-"
He was cut off by three different people: James, Sirius and Matthew.
"Ryan, go back to the changing room," his captain ordered and he slunk off. "Fuck, McKinnon, I'm sorry, he's never known when to shut his trap."
Her cheeks were burning with embarrassment because now everyone was watching her but she shook her head. "It's fine, honestly, people gossip."
"No it's not," Sirius spat, having just been restrained from punching Ryan by James. "Let me kick him into the ground, the little rumour spreading piece of shit!"
The whole Gryffindor team just rolled their eyes at his dramatics and Emmeline rested her hand on his arm.
"Sirius, calm down."
"Ugh, you get off me too, you're no better than he is," he snapped and stormed off to the lockers.
Marlene sighed, watched him go and went back to jogging on the spot as some Hufflepuff's voice could be heard over the loudspeaker reminding everyone that they had ten minutes left. She glanced up and saw the rest of her team watching her with a range of emotions from concern (James) to jealousy (Emmeline).
"What?" She muttered, "It's not like he was wrong!"
James sighed. "Still, we'll make him apologise - it was uncalled for."
"No use, honestly," Emmeline shrugged, "If he's saying it, the whole school is saying it and you can't make everyone say sorry."
Marlene reluctantly agreed. "You know how much Hogwarts loves rumours. Especially rumours about Sirius. Look, I'll talk to him later and sort it out, but let's leave it for now, we've got a match to win!"
James perked up and adjusted his glasses. "Hear hear! Okay, I'll fetch our sulky Beater, you guys go and line up and get yourselves ready."
"Yes, Captain," Benjy teased and led them down to the pitch.
Once they were all together, Marlene shot Sirius a 'don't do anything stupid' look and took her place in the line with James and Emmeline. The Seeker for the Ravenclaws was keeping very quiet as Sirius' eyes burned into the back of his head.
"Okay, here we go!" Called the announcer, "First - the RAVENCLAW TEAM!"
The seven players ran out, hopped on their brooms and flew up to meet the cheering from their own house and Slytherin - who wanted Gryffindor to lose - and the few members of Hufflepuff who were friendly with the Claws.
"And current leaders… GRYFFINDOR!" The voice boomed and the Gryffindor stand burst into raucous cheering, banners waving madly.
James whooped too and they all ran out waving, even Sirius managing a smile. Rue, being one of the youngest, was practically bouncing with excitement and Benjy jokingly pushed her shoulders down as they all flew into position, leaving James and Matthew near Madam Hooch to start the game.
"Now, I want a nice, clean game, boys," she warned.
They shook hands and the Quaffle was thrown into the air and James quickly snatched it.
It was a fast game, for Ravenclaw had improved as much as Benjy had claimed, and the Gryffindor Chasers were working hard and being pushed.
They were edging ahead after 20 minutes, when Marlene was jolted out of her concentration by an outraged cry from the stands. Just a second later, the shrill sound of Madam Hooch's whistle being blown furiously halted the gameplay and everyone ground to a halt to stare at where Sirius was on the ground, Ryan next to him on the floor doubled over in pain.
Warily, Marlene flew lower, not sure she wanted to know what had happened.
"You've been playing this game for five and a half years at this school, Mr. Black, you should KNOW THE RULES! Grabbing other players brooms is strictly forbidden as is then SMACKING A BLUDGER INTO THEIR CHEST!" Madam Hooch screamed, breathing heavily. "Never have I seen such a callous foul!"
Sirius' eyes were unfaltering and unforgiving. "He deserved it."
"Well unfortunately for you, you are NOT THE REFEREE! Go off. You're out of the match."
James gaped, touching down and staring at the witch in horror. "But-"
"Potter, don't argue with me right now. Black - OFF!"
The crowd started getting restless as the Slytherins all cheered and the Ravenclaws booed loudly. Sirius swore and stomped off, refusing to meet anyone's eye. Eventually, Ryan straightened up and grabbed him broom off the ground, wheezing slightly but nodding to say he could play on. The game resumed but it was suddenly much harder for the shaken but steadily, much to James' obvious despair, the Ravenclaws got the upper hand, spurred on by a weakened enemy and a desire for revenge that meant they were fighting back harder than ever. Goal by goal, they inched ahead by 40, 60, 100 points until James seriously considered drowning himself in the showers after the game was over.
In a desperate attempt to save his team, Jacob practically fell off his broom to catch the elusive snitch before Ryan, slower than before the injury, could get to it.
But the damage was done and they lost by 30 points.
Gryffindor always threw a party whether they won or lost, but with James sulking in the corner despite people telling him it wasn't his fault, Sirius still in a foul mood from being sent off and the whole house nursing the wounds of losing, the atmosphere was fairly muted. Even so, as people got drunker, it started to liven up.
Having convinced Lily and Remus to ignore the technically illegal alcohol and join in, Marlene and Mary were dancing with Lily and suggesting boys for her to snog.
"I reckon Sirius would snog you," Mary teased, giggling tipsily and swaying along to the music.
Lily rolled her eyes. "We both know it's only Marlene he wants to snog these days."
They both glanced across at their friend who was engaged in an across the room glare contest with the boy in question.
"You snog the idiot if you want, he's not my boyfriend," Marlene said firmly, finishing her drink, smoothing her skirt down and checking her hair. "And I'm going to find someone else."
"If that someone else isn't Sirius or James then you're not allowed. Get Black and go and shag away your anger!" Mary retorted.
"Gee, lovely," Marlene sighed, "And no. He's got away with just shagging me for too long."
Lily and Mary exchanged looks. "So…. what?"
"I'm done, I think," she shrugged, "But I really just need to stop scowling at him and go and find someone, okay?"
And she was off before they could protest, weaving her way through the dancers towards the fireplace.
Her two friends gaped, horrified. "She can't break it off with Sirius!" Mary whined, "The sex has got to be too good!"
Lily had to laugh, despite it all. "Agreed, I bet it's amazing, but she's right and you know it - Sirius is being an idiot."
"Yeah, yeah," Mary smiled, "And now we have to find Hestia and tell her all the gossip."
"Come on then," Lily grinned, heading out to find out where she was.
Marlene stopped behind the familiar brown haired boy on the other side of the room. He was holding a cup of whatever punch was being offered as he chatted to his friends and so Marlene took a deep breath and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey," she smiled as Benjy's warm eyes rested on her.
"Hey, Marls!" He grinned back, "Good job today!"
"You too - all by yourself, as well," she laughed, rolling her eyes at Sirius' antics.
"Yeah, well," he snorted,
"I was actually wondering if you wanted to dance?" She smiled, glancing up at him from underneath her lashes.
Benjy seemed slightly surprised but smiled. "Sure, let's go!"
He finished his drink, got up and followed her out into the middle of the dancers.
"I mean it though," Marlene said as they began, ignoring Sirius' eyes on them as she placed her hands on Benjy's shoulders, "You did really well today, seriously well, being a Beater is hard enough with two, let alone one person!"
He laughed. "Again, thanks, but-"
He was cut off by Marlene's lips pressing against his, a nervous hesitance in her eyes like she was asking for just grinned and kissed her back eagerly like he'd been wanting to do for months. Breathing a sigh of relief that he hadn't rejected her and given Sirius something to crow about, Marlene relaxed, shut out the people staring and continued, leaning against him.
When they eventually pulled apart, Marlene's cheeks were flushed.
"Well," she breathed, smiling up at him. "Want to get out of here?"
"Sure. Please tell me Sirius is fuming…"
Marlene glanced over her shoulder and giggled. "Yes, but I want you to know I'm not just kissing you to piss him off," she added hastily. "It's part of the reason, granted, but not all of it!"
"Just an added bonus," Benjy teased, stealing another kiss.
"I can't deny that," she laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the door to find some cooler air and escape the curious looks of the other people. "I'm just going to grab a drink, I'll meet you out there," she smiled.
Benjy nodded and headed out of the Common Room, grinning. Pushing her way back towards her friends, Marlene stopped and tensed up when she left a larger hand wrap around her wrist.
"Sirius," she muttered, knowing it would only be him. "Don't."
"Why'd you kiss him?" He snapped.
"Because I wanted to," she snorted, turning to face him, "I believe you're familiar with the concept. You don't own me, remember?"
His scowl deepened. "You can't kiss him!"
She yanked her hand away, snatched up a drink and stepped back. "Watch me."
And, as Sirius gaped at her retreating back, she exited Gryffindor Tower to find Benjy Fenwick.
"Hey!" Marlene grinned when she spotted him sitting on the floor around the corner.
He looked up and grinned back. "Hi! Thought you'd got lost."
"No, just cornered by a pissed and pissed off Sirius," she teased.
"Ah, okay. Nothing serious though, pardon the pun?" Benjy checked and Marlene shook her head.
"No, there were too many people around for him to want to make a scene. He was just being childish again," she smiled, lowering herself down to sit next to him on the floor, "And he knows he'd lose if we fought over it."
He snorted. "True, true," Benjy grinned, sipping his drink casually.
Marlene laughed too and leaned over to kiss him again because he was being so nice about it all.
"Marlene, I'm not going to jump ahead or make a big fuss or try to judge what you had - or still have - with Sirius because I know you've been friends a long time. I just want you to know that I really like you and you don't deserve to be messed around with. So if you want someone to talk to, even if it is about him, I'm here."
Marlene smiled gratefully. "I know, and I'm done with him, really. He's… not for me."
"You make it sound like he's a type of music you don't like," he teased.
She giggled. "What type would he be? Screamo?"
"Heavy metal, for sure."
Marlene had to hold her sides as she laughed. "Okay, what would… McGonagall be?"
"Classical!"
"Me?"
"Hmm…" he grinned, "Pop. People like you, you're lively and you normally sell a lot of-"
"Oi, I'm not a prostitute, thank you," she squealed, crying with laughter.
Benjy sighed dramatically and she whacked him. "Okay, what would I be?"
She thought for a moment. "Country. Because you're a bit random but everyone loves a good country song deep down."
Benjy smirked playfully. "Is that your way of saying you love me really?"
"Oh shut up, idiot," Marlene snorted, rolling her eyes and pushing his shoulder.
"Yes ma'am," he joked, kissing her again happily as she looked up at him.
Marlene kissed him back eagerly, cheeks pink, until he pulled away.
"Uh, Marls?"
"Yeah?" She smiled.
"It's a while off, but my Dad got me tickets to see an Arrows game for Christmas but he's not a massive fan so I wondered if you'd want to come with me? It's in the summer holidays so you don't have to decide now, and it doesn't have to be a date or anything - I was going to ask you even before all of this… this..."
"Kissing?" Marlene teased, "But an Arrows game?! I'd love to!" She grinned.
"Like I said, it's ages away, but you're the only person I know who's as dedicated as me."
"You are actually the best. I'll think about it, but I doubt I'll need long to decide - what are the chances of me turning down a professional Quidditch game?" She beamed.
Benjy grinned happily and leaned back, finishing his drink. "Good, because if you'd turned me down this would've got awkward really fast."
Marlene shut him up with another sweet kiss.
When Marlene returned to the Common Room, the party was mid-clean up, with bin bags everywhere and the remains of half finished drinks on every surface. Several sixth and seventh years were picking up the rubbish and Lily flashed Marlene a quick grin.
"Had fun with Benjy?" she teased.
Marlene just rolled her eyes and laughed. "It was good, yeah."
"Sirius was looking for you," Lily added apologetically, "Just to give you a heads up. I think he's had quite a bit to drink, as well."
Marlene groaned and slumped into a chair. "Oh, yay," she said sarcastically.
Lily laughed and chucked her the roll of bags. "Well while you wait for his rage to descend, you could help?"
The blonde sighed dramatically but picked herself up again, opened the bag and went around picking up the cups and wrappers. They worked in silence for about five minutes until the door opened again and Sirius stormed in, face pale and stony. Marlene sighed, knowing this was going to go badly.
"Sirius, can we-"
"Are you dating him?" he demanded.
"No! We're just-"
"Kissing?" Sirius snapped.
"SIRIUS! Let me talk, please," she begged.
Sirius glowered but shut his mouth.
"We're not dating, no, but we like each other. And he invited me out soon," she explained, "and I know you don't like the idea but I do, and I hate all the fighting and the… tension between us. It's not good tension any more!"
He continued to glare but privately agreed with her. "It's just - you didn't even tell me, okay, and I know we're not an official couple but-"
"Yeah you got that right," Marlene scowled.
"Yes, okay," he huffed, "But you could've told me. It would've been nice to have a warning before you started snogging his face off in the middle of the Common Room!"
Marlene just laughed. "You don't deserve one! Like you said, we're not a couple so I am entitled to kiss whoever I want without bloody warning you first!"
"No!" Sirius spluttered angrily, "No, you can't, you and him - no, you - just, no, you can't!"
"I can."
"You're mine, you can't date Benjy Fenwick!"
"THEN YOU SHOULD'VE ASKED ME OUT YOURSELF, SIRIUS!" she yelled, clenching her fists.
At the anger in her voice, Sirius actually stepped backwards, shocked. Marlene met his gaze furiously, eyes stony.
"Do you hear me? You don't get to be jealous when the girl you've been messing around with for months finally moves on from you and finds someone who's not just interested in sex."
Sirius shook his head. "You know you were more than that! You told me you know that, that it didn't matter that I couldn't date you yet, Marlene, you-"
"I changed my mind," she finished, shaking her head.
"You said you were okay, you never gave me a chance to fix this!" Sirius retorted, getting defensive now - she couldn't blame this all on him!
"You've had how long now? Months? We first kissed literally months ago, don't use the 'no time' excuse on me, Black, cut the crap," she muttered.
The second she reverted to his last name, Sirius knew he had lost. It was like that whole school year had been wiped away and they were back in fifth year with him desperately trying to get her attention only this time Sirius understood what he needed to do but Marlene had a boyfriend.
Marlene, on the other hand, was just hyper aware of the fact that everyone who had previously been cleaning up had stopped to stare at the arguing couple. Her chest heaved as she tried to calm down enough to finish what she had to say.
"I care about you a lot, Sirius," she began, "And I know you care for me too - as more than a shag. But right now you can't or won't take it any further. So I'm making the choice for you. I refuse to be left hanging, I'm moving on. It's not because I hate you, even if what I said before makes it seem like it is. Don't give me a reason to hate you, please, I just…"
"Don't want to wait for me?" he said bitterly, understanding now but only feeling the rejection hitting him repeatedly.
"Sirius," Marlene said quickly, rubbing her temples, "No, I-"
"Fine, I get it," he muttered, turning away. "Benjy will take you on dates /and/ shag you, clearly he's superior."
"Yes, something like that," she retorted, not in the mood for his self pity. "Now go away and stop acting like you own me. I tried to be nice, Sirius."
Sirius shot her a look loaded with anger, hurt and resignation, like he'd known all along that their relationship would always end like this - before it had really begun. And then he left.
Once he was out of the room, Lily shooed everyone off even as they began gossiping about what had transpired. Then, she slipped onto the sofa next to where Marlene had sat down heavily.
"Oh, Marls…"
"It's not that I don't care about him and he doesn't deserve more pain but I couldn't just wait around any more…"
"I know," Lily said gently, "And you've done the mature thing."
"Merlin, everyone knows now," she sighed, "He doesn't deserve that."
"But you deserve Benjy, and now you've got him!"
Marlene had to crack a smile at that and leaned her head on Lily's shoulder. "True. And even if that doesn't work out, I still have my girls."
"Oh, always," Lily promised with a tight hug.
By lunch time the next day, Marlene seriously regretted having her conversation with Sirius in a public place because the entire school seemed to know the intimate details of her relationship with Sirius: the arguments, the jokes and even, apparently, the sex. Another fact that people seemed to know despite it having never been said out loud, was that Sirius was the first person she'd slept; Marlene was both shocked and slightly embarrassed that people were confused as to how she hadn't had sex before Sirius. Lily looked about ready to slap a bitch when yet another person (who, from a quick glance, seemed to be wearing a green and silver tie) called across the corridor.
"Oi, McKinnon, if Black's done with you, I'll have you!"
She rolled her eyes and raised her middle finger in his general direction as Lily continued scowling and hurried them into the Great Hall for dinner.
They sat with the Marauders - including Sirius - but James just offered them both a small, reassuring smile and they descended into an awkward silence. Someone came over and Marlene glanced up, groaning when she noticed it was the Ravenclaw from the Quidditch match the previous week.
"Oh God, not you again," she sighed, "I am not in the mood for your shit so-"
"What I said was totally true then?" Ryan grinned, squeezing into the seat next to her.
"Fuck off," she huffed as James and Sirius finally reacted, glaring across the table at the boy.
"Nah, I like it here!" he joked, nudging her. "So you were a virgin yeah? But he-" He pointed across at the furious Sirius, "Slept with you and dumped you? Ouch, gotta hurt, that one. But it was a bit stupid, I mean, it's Sirius Black!"
"Ryan, I don't know who on this table is going to hit you first if you don't stop talking in approximately two seconds," Marlene snapped.
"But I'm having fun!" he pouted, "I like knowing who's available for a bit of-"
Marlene yelled in frustration and slapped him hard as she stood up, clambering off the wooden bench hastily and brushing her hair off her face.
"You are such a twat," she snapped and turned around, storming off to the other end of the Gryffindor Table.
Lily spun on her seat and smiled sweetly as Ryan looked surprised at Marlene's prickly response. "I know she didn't mention me specifically on the list of people who would hit you, but I'm number one currently."
He laughed nervously as James' face split into a grin, and he scurried back to Ravenclaw and the safety of his friends.
"Nice one, girl, remind me not to cross you!" Mary joked, watching Marlene go with a sad smile before turning to Sirius and narrowing her eyes. "But you're not getting away with this either, Black."
Sirius barely heard her - he was too busy watching Marlene too.
She'd stormed down to the opposite end, ignoring the looks that followed her. "Benjy!" she called, before dropping into the seat next to him and groaning.
He looked up from his food and chuckled. "Hey!"
"I'm so sick of this shit," she whined, "You know I had that fight with Sirius? Everyone knows! Everyone knows we had sex and everyone knows he was my first guy and everyone knows we had a thing that's now over!" she said, going red with irritation.
Benjy just laughed and pecked her cheek. "It'll blow over, promise."
"Maybe, but right now I could easily kill someone."
"Want to get out of here?" he offered.
"Merlin yes," she smiled, taking his hand and breathing a sigh of relief.
He grabbed them some food, handed it to her, collected his bag from under the table and led them out of the Great Hall.
"Have fun!" Mary called teasingly and Marlene cracked a smile, waving back as they exited. She thought she heard a glass slamming furiously onto the table but didn't look back to check.
Once they were far enough away, Marlene tugged them into a classroom, pushed Benjy onto a chair and clambered onto his lap.
"Uh, hi there," he snorted when she sighed happily and kissed his jaw.
"Hi."
"Are people really being that annoying?"
"Not everyone, just some kids and a few random people in the hallways and things but I can always feel Sirius' eyes on me and it's the worst!"
Benjy fed her a sandwich and wrapped his arms around her. "I can imagine. But people will forget soon, right?"
"I guess," she smiled, leaning back against his chest.
"And you know where to find me, if you need me!"
"I do," she laughed, "And… about that?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you want to do something sometime, like, properly? Officially?"
"As your boyfriend," Benjy grinned.
Marlene went pink. "Yeah, I guess."
"You only guess?" he pouted.
"Fine, yes, as my boyfriend!" she giggled, rolling her eyes.
Benjy just kept grinning, looking pleased as punch and Marlene pecked his cheek quickly, very happy.
"Just a warning though," she smiled, glancing up at him, "I haven't had a boyfriend since third year so I might be a bit rusty."
He laughed. "Good, it means I get to be really cheesy and we can hold hands and walk to class as I hold you books and everyone gets jealous!"
"Sounds perfect, although I can carry my own books, strong woman of the 70's and all that!" Marlene teased.
"Of course, but it's cute, if a little outdated," Benjy retorted, grinning goofily.
"James will approve. He's taken over big brother duties ever since… ever since Mason died," Marlene smiled, suddenly hit by the grief again. She thought it might have been the first time she'd said that out loud.
"Will I get the 'hurt her and I hurt you' talk?" he laughed, noticing the look in her eyes but deciding not to comment.
Marlene was grateful and gave his hand a quick squeeze. "Yup, basically!"
"I'll be on the lookout," Benjy chuckled, "But I have to go and get some work done. Catch up later?"
"Definitely!" Marlene beamed, slipping off his lap and standing up. "I'll be in gryffindor all evening!"
"I'll come and find you," he promised, kissing her gently and heading off, leaving a very content Marlene standing in the middle of the classroom and watching her boyfriend walk away. Letting out a small squeal of delight, she raced off to find the girls and tell them everything.
"WHAT THE FUCK?"
"Mate, please, it surprised me too, but if she's happy -"
"HAPPY? With HIM?" Sirius yelled, kicking the end of his bed angrily.
"Sirius, chill!" Remus said sharply, not in the mood for his friend's selfish hysterics, even if he understood how Sirius was feeling.
"CHILL? She's DATING HIM, Moony!"
"Because you didn't want to!" James sighed, "Merlin, Pads, we love you, Marauders forever, yada yada, but you nearly had her and then you went and ruined it by refusing to take her out! You can hardly blame her."
"I do have her!" Sirius snapped, "She's only trying to prove a point, she doesn't really like him. She'll come crawling back."
"Considering they've been on the sofa cuddling and doing homework for the past two hours, I'd say-" Peter began but Sirius glared furiously at him and he quickly fell silent.
"Sirius, come on, you don't own her," James sighed, giving his best friend a pleading look. "And if she's happy… don't you want that?"
Sirius was stumped because any idiot could've seen her bright smile earlier and despite everything, that was all he wanted.
"Yeah," he muttered, rummaging by his bed and finding a bottle of some Muggle alcohol he'd stashed there. "I need some air. Please don't follow me."
Whenever Sirius brooded with alcohol it ended badly but the boys knew from experience that stopping him now would only cause more problems. They all nodded slowly. He grunted and opened the door.
"I will get her back. She's mine."
And then he left silently, the remaining Marauders exchanging concerned looks because they knew how far sirius could go when angered or shunned and none of them wanted Marlene or Sirius hurt - again.
Helloooo! So this chapter was such a long time in the making (literally about five months) and promised I'd never be that cruel person who left readers hanging for months and months but, in my defence, I'm mid exam season right now and have just seriously struggled to find the time. Hopefully I'll have loads of free time over the summer to develop this story more! Also, sorry about the shitty formatting, was not having fun today...
Just a quick thing: would people want the name of this fic to change? I started this a very long time ago when my name coming up with ability was limited and, let's face it, Blackinnon Love ain't the best. I like the feel of 'This Wild Love of Ours' or 'This Love of Ours' but I'm not sure. Lemme know what you think, drop some suggestions or tell me which of those you prefer!
Thanks again for reading, remember to review and follow etc, I love you!