AN: Edited April 5, 2016.
Day 235
The next time Hermione woke up it was to the blinding luminescence of light. For many moments she scrambled to cover her eyes, avoiding the harsh rays. It didn't register where she was.
Then everything slammed back into her subconscious at once.
Draco, he came back for her. After forty-some days of doubting his return he came back. She lost hope after a month, deciding he had moved on with his life. Why would he bother coming back for her? Whether she was dead or alive, insane or sane did not affect his life. It was a cruel type of reality to accept that she was never getting out, that he had so easily forgotten her. It was then her sanity started to slip.
And then he returned with his soft whispers and his promises. It was so different from the rough, cruel words he spat at her during all those days they shared a wall, striking down her hopes with his negativity day by day. When he came back, he was so surprisingly different from the person he'd been when he was dragged from his cell. The man who came back to Azkaban lacked the negativity, the self loathing she'd grown accustomed to overtime. Maybe she had been a fool to doubt him in the first place.
Past his initial arrival though, Hermione couldn't recall much of anything. She remembered exchanging a few words of apology and forgiveness with him before blacking out, but nothing else registered in her mind. She didn't even recall if he came back for her alone or not. Everything was a blur of sudden light, and then the dizziness of being thrown back into blackness.
Rubbing her eyes several times she attempted to get see exactly where she was. After six months of miniscule light and stones for a bed she was having a hard time adjusting to this new landscape. The light was too much for her, and the soft bed beneath her body cradled her form in ways she had missed more than she liked to admit.
"Glad to see you're awake, Granger."
Despite her eagerness to open her eyes to the familiar voice, she just couldn't do it. The light really was bothering her, and she found that to be frightening. All she wanted to do was look out and see everything about the magical world she so dearly missed.
"I'll turn down the lights a little. I told those two buffoons you wouldn't want this much light after being condemned to darkness. But oh no, no one listens to me." There it was, the bitterness she'd grown so used to in Azkaban.
She blinked, shielding her eyes with her hands as she slowly tried to open them again. "Harry and Ron were here?"Her voice was scratchy and weak, and she realized she hadn't had anything proper to drink in months. When her sanity started slipping in Azkaban, it became more of a habit to spill her water when it was given than to actually drink.
It was somewhat sad that she knew he was talking about her friends, the two people she longed to see for so many sleepless nights in Azkaban. Now she was awake, stepping out of her isolation, and they weren't even there to see it.
"Yes, the two nitwits," he scoffed, sounding less and less compelled to continue the conversation, "Usually they are always in here, neglecting their jobs and trying to cope with the reality that you are back. They finally disappeared for a little while today, unable to delay life anymore, and I came for a visit."
"You three can't visit together?" she asked, though it sounded like a stupid question. Of course none of them could sit in a room together and handle it. Why would she expect that? Clearing her throat as best she could, she tried again. "Are they coming back?"
"Oh, probably rather soon. A Healer will arrive in a moment once they realize you're up. Once the news of you being awake gets out you'll never know peace again." She heard some shuffling nearby, and before she really knew what was happening a glass, smooth and light, was shoved into her hand. Propped up against the pillows she had just enough leverage to take a sip, marveling at his warm, surprising touch against the back of her head as she sipped the water, wonderfully cool against her throat. Once she finished he stepped back again, the glass disappearing from her hand as he again retreated from her into the room. When she spoke again, her voice didn't sound quite so strangled this time.
"It can't be that big of a deal. I'm sure missing people have been found since the war."
"You assume a lot Granger," he said sadly, his voice softer than before. She thought she saw the light dimming further from between her fingers, but she couldn't be sure. "You're all anyone's been talking about the past four days."
"It's been four days?"
He shrugged, an action she was barely able to catch. She could just barely make out his silhouette against the lights. "The world thought you were dead, a mystery no one could solve. The fact that you're alive surprised everyone. Soon as you're out of this hospital everyone in Britain is going to attack you with questions about what happened. You'll be lucky to ever know peace again."
Hermione's head was beginning to hurt. The forming headache wouldn't let her completely process what he was saying. Sure, those things made sense in many ways, but she wasn't sure what to say about it. What was she even supposed to say to that?
The door opened as she covered up her fingers pressed tighter to her eyes. "You have a visitor Granger. I'll be back sometime, but your next set of guests will likely be your friends."
Someone said something else to her, but she couldn't really pick it up. She was lost focusing on Draco Malfoy and his strange behavior. If she remembered anything about the day she was set free from Azkaban, then she remembered that he had been there, soft spoken and kind. Now he was almost icy again.
Why did he call her Granger? After everything they went through together, after he called her Hermione, she thought she had earned a better spot in his mind than that.
It was too much to think about at the moment. With her mounting headache and the Healer in front of her asking questions she just couldn't focus. Closing her eyes, she nodded responses to the voice.
She could think about everything, but later. Right now if she overworked her head she feared she would just make herself sick.
"Hermione!"
The brunette woke with a start, hands shaking her body back into consciousness. The harsh lights of her room had been dimmed down from before, until little light existed at all. The large window to her right has been closed off and covered. This time the light was impactful, but not a blistering pain like before.
She gasped, closing her eyes to steady her breathing. The female voice that called out her name was very familiar.
"The water Ginny. We should give her some water. Merlin knows no one's been here since Harry and Ron left earlier. They'll never forgive us if she croaks."
The second voice was one that turned her stomach. A cup of water was shoved into her hand, not supporting her hold this time like Draco had, and she forced herself to sit up a bit to have a few gulps of the beverage, surprised how cool the liquid was once again. This time she choked on the drink, and someone quickly snapped it away.
Blinking her eyes several times, she tried to steady herself. Eventually she could focus on the two females in front of her.
Ginny and Lavender. She wasn't sure she could handle the two and their drama-filled antics right now. She might love the redhead like a sister, but Ron's former girlfriend was another story entirely. What she was doing here made her head hurt once again, and her mind began spinning with possibilities.
"Oh Hermione," Ginny sighed, sitting back down in her place beside the bed. She was kind of fuzzy, but the brunette would know her anywhere. "I'm so glad you're awake. It's been four days since they found you! We were so worried."
"You've been out for most of it," Lavender chipped in, standing further back. "A Healer said you woke earlier, but all you did was talk to him for a bit. I wish those boys hadn't left! They've been in this room as often as possible waiting for you to wake up. And imagine! We get to see your bright face before they do!" There was sarcasm dripping from her words, something unpleasant reaching through her that wasn't as happy to see Hermione as she let on.
They don't even know about Draco being here earlier. I guess he requested to not be mentioned.
She attempted a smile, but it felt worn and forced. Ginny sent her an apologetic smile in return, reaching out to squeeze her hand in an act of comfort. Lavender's actions were less genuine, sending her an uncertain half-smile instead. She wasn't even sure the girl was happy she woke up.
"We were so worried," Ginny continued. "When Malfoy came back from Azkaban… well, he was babbling about you. People thought he had gone mad really. No one had seen you in six- practically seven- months. It seemed at first like he was playing a cruel joke; else he had seriously lost his bloody mind."
Hermione's enthusiasm wavered then. So her friends didn't believe she might return after all. They doubted Draco when he returned.
Ginny looked sheepishly down at the floor, avoiding her friends squinted eyes for a moment. "Hermione, there's nothing I can ever say or do to take back the fact that I doubted him - doubted you. We truly thought at first that it was just some sadistic game. Everyone… everyone was so heartbroken after everything it's hard to imagine a miracle like this. But when he started taking funds out of his vaults, investing his time in the Ministry until someone listened to him, things changed. He wouldn't go to those lengths if he was fucking around."
"He wouldn't have done anything in the first place if he was messing around!" she cried, though it came out raspy and broken. "You should have listened - given him the benefit of the doubt. He came back from the one place I am certain no one looked for me. Didn't you ever, even once, think maybe there was some truth to the matter?"
The ginger glanced away. "Hermione… you were a war hero. When you were considered dead… things here fell apart. The people that loved you…. they had a hard time accepting it. But that's not what made us afraid to hope for your return."
She sat silently, waiting for Ginny to go on. The woman looked troubled, staring at the ground as though she might cry. It seemed like a ploy for comfort for a moment.
"The Death Eater's that weren't caught yet made a fool of you," Lavender said, speaking up. Her voice was more leveled than Ginny's, and she looked less terrified of the topic. "They still thought they could rise up, build some sort of resistance. And that resistance could only exist if people like Harry were dead. So, they used you. The best friend of the boy who lived? It was too easy for them to distort you."
Hermione shifted uncomfortably, looking between the two females. "And what do you mean by distort?"
"Dehumanize," Ginny muttered, looking away. "I won't delve into the details Hermione, they made us all sick. You don't want to know about them. It will help you sleep better tonight not knowing. Just know that it was twisted, and it hurt us to the core. We thought you were dead, and these people rose up and tried to make a fool of you. It broke us down, your best friends. Most of them have been locked away, but I'm sure there are still some rogue Death Eater's out there somewhere."
She nodded dimly, thinking over Ginny's words. Too much was going on right now for her to process everything, and she didn't force the topic further. But the two women in front of her were very curious.
Neither cried. Neither looked exceptionally relieved that she was alive. Stunned and exhausted maybe, but she expected at least Ginny to cry in relief that she was alive. Instead they were both being calculated, educated, and blocking out some of their emotions. It almost felt like a fake conversation.
They had been there a while now conversing with her, but Hermione no longer wanted to listen to them. There was something fake about their presence, and she wasn't appreciating the calculated company as much as she would someone who got emotional over her return. They were laying out the facts but never really sharing their honest feelings. Even Ginny, one of her best friends, was holding back. She hadn't even offered to hug her.
She found herself wanting to talk to Malfoy, and that was surprising. Did she expect him to be a more interesting person to learn all the bloody details from? He wouldn't hold back, at least she didn't think so. He didn't seem like the type of person to cushion the blow.
Well, he was the only person to believe she was alive, the only person who came back for her. Then again, he was the only person who had concrete evidence that she was alive as well.
Still, something in her yearned to see what he had to say on these matters. If Ginny wouldn't be open with her, and Lavender wouldn't even show some real, human emotion for her, then she didn't quite know what to do with everything they were saying. She just wanted a little time alone to think.
"I'm tired," Hermione said at length, drawing both girls attention. "I need to rest. This is the longest I've been up since returning and it's wearing me out."
Lavender shrugged, accepting her answer without question. Ginny however was less deterred. "You don't want us to stay with you? The Healer's say you've been having dreadful nightmares."
"That happens when you're captured, locked away in a prison for months on end, and abandoned by your friends."
She could see that her words cut the ginger a little, who flinched and looked away in guilt. Lavender looked just as unmoved as before, barely raising an eyebrow at her jab.
"Harry and Ron will likely come by before I return," Ginny sighed, standing from her chair. "They are so eager to see you Hermione. Every time they've come by, you've been asleep for the entire visit. It's lucky that we caught you awake."
"I believe you woke me up from a nightmare."
Her ginger friend nodded again. "Right. Well, hopefully they will come back tonight. They so want to see you, to talk to you. They've both been beating themselves up about you since you disappeared. They were barely living with the idea that you were dead."
Actually I think they are both doing pretty well off. I guess we'll find out when they finally arrive. If they've been here oh so often, then why have I only ever seen Ginny, Lavender and Draco?
She nodded before closing her eyes, hoping it would signal to her friends that she did not want to speak anymore. The shuffling of feet and following closing door told her they understood, and she opened her eyes to an empty room.
Finally. All I want is to rest and think.
She rubbed the bridge of her nose, pondering what to do. Hopefully she would be alone for a while, and she could think of all the new things she was learning.
Day 240
Harry and Ron had come by every day since she had seen Ginny and Lavender, stopping in once a day for long periods of time to talk to her about her day, tell her about theirs, and to discuss what happened during her absence.
Things were shocking really. Learning of the deaths of people such as Tonks and Remus were devastating, but she was almost more upset that Yaxley had been killed as well. She could never get back at him for all that he put her through.
Even more upsetting, they were holding back names. They tried to act like they were sharing everything with her, but she could see it in their eyes, fuzzy or not. They were trying to protect her from some type of pain, something they felt she couldn't yet handle. She wished they would just come out with it already.
On her fifth day resting in the hospital she found herself at peace. Harry and Ron would not stop by today, they had already told her of a training they had to attend to. She had requested from them that they ask Lavender, Ginny and Luna to not return until tomorrow. Even Neville was asked to stay away. The very people she should want to see the most she wanted nothing to do with. Truth be told, she felt isolated and strange around them, as though she didn't know what to do with herself.
Well, maybe she didn't miss Lavender that much. The girl was a royal pain, and she was still hostile to the brunette every chance she got.
The fact of the matter was, Hermione felt different from her friends. The war ended several months ago, and aside from Hermione herself her friends knew what happened to pretty much everyone they had connections with during the war. She was learning everything at once, on top of having nightmares and trying to get better after her malnourishment and isolation in Azkaban.
And on her first day alone since arriving she got an unexpected visitor. It had been a long time since she had properly seen him- since before she was kidnapped really. The last time he was in her room, and when he picked her up from the prison floor, she hadn't really gotten a good look at the blond. But now she could see him clearly as he stepped uncertainly through the door.
It looked like he had aged ten years in the past six months since she properly saw him. His face was drawn, worn down by a crease in his brow and a plethora of bags beneath his eyes. His hair which was once worn in a perfect style is now in disarray, framing his equally upset face. It's apparent that he has not been sleeping well.
"Look who's awake," he said evenly, looking over the girl in the bed with a curt nod. "It appears that I chose to come visit on a good day. None of your goody-two-shoe friends are sitting in here."
She blinked twice, taking in what he was saying. "I think you're more hostile than in Azkaban, which is saying something."
Draco's brow knit together just once as she spoke. "This is the real world Granger. And the real world hasn't been great to me since my return. That and I spent the last three months of my life trying to get someone to believe that you were in Azkaban."
"Well-"
"And I wasn't hostile in Azkaban," he interrupts. "I was actually rather friendly if you ask me."
"Yes Malfoy, I actually agree with you on that one. You weren't an utter prat."
She kept her guard up, eyeing the blond who saved her life. He hadn't done anything to make her doubt him so far, but his attitude today made her wonder about him.
He shrugs, relaxing back in a chair. "I see you're adjusting to light again."
"The Healer's gave me something to help with that. It would have taken much longer if they went at it the natural way."
"You mean the muggle way?"
She let his comment slide, at least for now. "I'm just getting used to it. They are still worried about my weight and the nightmares, plus occasionally I panic and they have to inject me with potions. They are afraid to send me home yet."
He tilted his head to the side, eyeing her uneasily. He already knew about the dilemmas keeping her there at St. Mungo's. "Home?"
"Yes, back home."
He seemed to hesitate a moment, as though unsure how to ask the next question. "Well Granger… where exactly is home now?"
Hermione paused, thinking over his question. He had a good point- she didn't quite know where home would be now. With her parents off in Australia and her home empty it had probably been foreclosed when payments stopped coming. Someone else probably owned the establishment now.
So… where exactly was home now?
Her silence spoke more volumes than words, and he humbled at her silence. "I'm sorry for asking."
"No… it's okay. It's a good question. I guess I don't really know where home is right now."
"There will be someplace that speaks out to you, someplace you consider home. You'll know it when you find it again Granger."
She scoffed. "You're more confident in that than me."
"I've been outside more than you have," he countered. "People are still looking for you, awaiting the return of Hermione Granger."
"They can wait longer," she sighed. "I don't want to return to anyone. I don't think I can handle the publicity."
"Oh, but they are ever so excited to see you," he continued, smirking at her frown.
"Can it Malfoy," she snapped, hearing the sarcasm in his voice. "I don't want to go outside and tell the media my sob-story. I don't think it is anyone else's business what happened to me. Outside my circle of friends- and you of course- I don't really think anyone needs to know what happened."
"And you think that is going to work? People thought you were gone, and then it was like you emerged from the dead. No one is going to forget that, and certainly no one is going to forget you. As soon as you leave St. Mungo's the questions will come."
"I'll have to floo out," she grumbled.
"Well you can't ignore the outdoors forever."
She knew he was right, no matter how much she wanted to disagree. Being Harry's friend as a child brought up memories of how it was to handle the limelight, to be questioned on end about someone's life. She just couldn't imagine it being her life.
"My friends come by often," she remarked, trying to brighten the mood. "They couldn't come today, and I asked the others to stay away so I could have some time to myself."
"Shall I leave then?"
"No! No, stay. You're the only person who comes in and doesn't ask how I'm doing every ten minutes. It's sort of nice to just have a regular conversation."
His eyebrows knit together. She thinks this is regular? We've barley ever spoken except these last fractured weeks.
"That's because I know everything that happened," he responded with a shrug. "I was with you in Azkaban for a part of your stay. I learned what happened beforehand, now I'm just not too sure what happened after I left you there."
Hermione sighed. "I knew you would ask about that at some point."
"Granger, you were a kicking madhouse who wouldn't let me get near when we arrived. You hid from the light and said nothing to your friends. Did something happen while I was gone?"
She thought she heard concern laced into his words, but she couldn't be sure with him. "No… not really. Just the utter loneliness set in. Nothing happened that was anymore unusual than what you saw while there." She shook her head, eyes dropping down, "I can see why people go insane, and my time without you was not all that terribly long."
"No, it wasn't. It's a good thing too. People who go in there rarely return unchanged."
"Well I am changed," she replied matter-of-factly, eyes rising up again. He wasn't watching her anymore, instead focusing out the window, currently covered by drapes. "I'm just not entirely sure how I've changed yet."
He nodded thoughtfully, tapping his foot against the side of her bed. Despite his impeccable clothes, his facial features did not match his attire. He was troubled.
"Something's bothering you," she remarked. "Why do you come here so often?"
He scoffed. "I don't come here often, only when I can." When she didn't look convinced, he sighed and went on, "Why not? I'm the one that saved you, that got the bloody numbskulls to listen. I figured it might be… expected that I ensure you don't croak."
Although she could hear sincerity in his voice, she didn't completely believe him. "No, it's something else. If you just wanted to check in on me then you could do so without having to talk to me. A quick glance in here or an inquiry from one of the Healer's here would work just the same. Yet you come in here and strike up conversation."
"I can learn more from interacting with you than from glimpsing through a door. Besides, the Healer's would never disclose the information to me. Just because I led people to you doesn't mean anyone out there trusts me. A lot of people still think I should be in Azkaban."
"I'm glad you're not. You'd go crazy without company."
He almost smirked at that, a gesture that made her feel better about the blond. He hadn't quite been acting like himself since arriving, but seeing his lips twitch into the familiar look calmed her mind a bit. He might be somewhat out of character right now, but his typical self was still hidden beneath.
Silence followed, and within that silence the pair sat together lost in their own thoughts. It was Draco who broke the quiet atmosphere.
"Will you go back to Weasley now that you are free?"
Puzzled by the question, Hermione glanced his way. That was the last question she ever expected him to ask. Why would he care?
"I honestly haven't thought of Ron that way, not since returning. He's been so distant since I came back, even when he comes in with Harry it's like he doesn't know how to talk to me. It hasn't been on my mind, at least not in that way. Ron, well, he didn't seem excited for my return like a lover would be. A friend certainly, but a lover?"
The blond nodded, dropping the topic. She couldn't help but wonder what he meant by asking that.
"You need to rest," he remarked shortly after. "I'll go."
"Will you come back?" she asked, knowing she sounded needing. She was hoping to continue a genuine conversation with an actual person, the real conversations he provided. Her conversations with others were fractured, but at least speaking to Malfoy she felt like she was having a real conversation, and she would miss it if he did not return to talk.
He eyed her curiously. "I might. I figured you would prefer to spend more time with your friends."
"They aren't really acting like friends right now," she muttered. "At least, not the way I always pictured friends reacting when one of their own returns."
"Not enough excitement on their behalf?"
"Something like that."
Draco shook his head. "Get some rest Granger. Your body needs it. I will return sometime."
She watched the blond man leave, his figure disappearing out the door without another word. Left alone again she could feel the emptiness of the room, and realized that she really did miss human connection after all those days of solitude.
Lying down, she forced herself to think happy thoughts. Anything to earn herself a good night's sleep.
A/n: I decided to continue this story. It will not be overly long, likely no more than ten chapters, if that. If you liked it as a standalone story, feel free to read no further :)
Thank you to everyone who favorited, reviewed and followed this story. You guys are awesome! If you want to follow me, you can go through the link on my profile to my facebook page as well! Until the next chapter dearies!