Palutena's Farting Dilemma
Well, Peach was right about one thing: The perfume definitely got rid of the smell. No longer could Palutena catch the scent of lingering bathroom particles in the air, for now her body odors had been replaced with something much more clean, like a mix between sweet bananas and rose petals. The aroma was simply captivating, and any Smasher who didn't have a strong sense of willpower found themselves becoming immediately infatuated with the smell if they so much as came within a six foot radius of the goddess.
"Hmhmhm, hey this isn't so bad at all," exclaimed Palutena as she trotted down the mansion's western hall. She passed by one of the commons areas, noticing a few Smashers turning their heads upon catching a whiff of her refreshing scent. "I'm still getting attention, but at least it's not negative attention. Oh!"
She stopped to say hi to Pikachu, who was making his way to the pool to relax after a hard day's match. He was easy enough to greet with a simple pat on the head and a scratch on the chin, but Palutena didn't even need to budge before the mouse Pokémon was captured by her scent. His cheeks suddenly burned with redness, so much so that the blush could be seen on his own nose. Almost as if in a trance, Pikachu sank to the floor, a series of bubbles and small hearts floating up from where he was lying.
Palutena gave a semi-disturbed look.
"Um… Pikachu? Are you okay?" she asked. She reached down, noticing that his body was unusually hot. Oddly enough he didn't look sick at all, and he almost seemed to flinch upon contact as if his fur had been overcome by a sensitive nerve. "What on earth…"
"Pika…" mumbled the Pokémon, although he seemed to be quite pleased about something.
"Hey Palutena," came a voice from behind.
Palutena turned around to find herself standing face to face with… no one.
"Huh? Someone there?" she said, looking around.
"Down here."
She glanced towards the floor to find Olimar staring up at her with a smile and waving. With her slender height and his apparent shortness, it's no wonder she didn't notice him before.
"Oh, hi Olimar," replied Palutena warmly. "Sorry I didn't see you standing there."
"It's fine… No one ever does…"
She remembered her perfume, hesitating slightly.
"So what's up?" she asked. She was secretly hoping that Olimar would notice a new smell in the air.
"Not much," he replied. "Just heading out to the garden to pull some weeds."
"That's nice."
"What about you?"
"Oh you know just… hanging around I guess," said Palutena. "I've been trying out this new perfume that Peach gave me." She pushed the side of her elegant hair back slightly. "What do you think?"
There was a small pause before Olimar responded.
"Don't ask me," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "I can't smell, remember?"
It took Palutena a second to realize what he meant before he tapped the side of his helmet. Being a resident of Hocotate, the air in the mansion was poisonous to Olimar, which is why he always wore his trusty space suit everywhere he went, even to the daily tournament matches.
"Ah, right," replied Palutena with a small laugh. "How silly of me to forget."
"It's no big deal." Olimar shooed his hand as if to dismiss her comment. "Anyway, what's in it?"
"Bananas and roses as far as I know." Palutena took another deep breath of her own scent. "Maybe with a pinch of cinnamon, although I think I smell a strawberry in there somewhere."
Olimar chuckled.
"Well whatever it is, Pikachu certainly likes it," he said.
Palutena looked down at her leg to find Pikachu latched onto it like a baby koala bear. It was kind of cute for a second before she noticed him start to move his body up and down.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?!" cried Palutena. She immediately began trying to shake Pikachu off her leg, hopping around on one foot as if this was some sort of comedy act. Pikachu didn't seem to notice at all as he continued to hold on tightly, muttering small "Pi's" and "Pika's."
Whatever was in that perfume was driving him to grab onto her and (for lack of a better word) hump her leg.
"Uh huh, I've seen this before," said Olimar, studying the weird performance before him as if he was a scientist (he kind of was). "It's a natural instinct hardwired into animals' brains to prevent problems with their internal reproductive systems."
Palutena stopped, holding up her leg as Pikachu continued to go to town.
"Huh?" she said.
"Pikachu's in heat," replied Olimar.
"Well yeah, I kind of figured that!" Palutena grabbed the small Pokémon, attempting to pry it off of her with all her might. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to be working. Even when she resorted to smashing his body against the wall, Pikachu was stuck to her worse than glue in a feather factory. "Don't just stand there; get him off me!"
"Okay, hang on!" Olimar ran up to grab Pikachu by the tail, but was knocked back when a jolt of electricity sprung from the tip and shocked him. "Ouch! That smarts…"
"Hey, is everything okay over there?" called Ike's voice from afar.
Palutena and Olimar glanced down the hall to find Ike and Toon Link walking past the intersection. The two appeared to be just standing there, having just stumbled upon the bizarre scene.
"Uh, yep! Everything's fine!" replied Palutena, trying to cover Pikachu with some of her dress. "We're just um, trying to install a new nightlight over here! Would you believe Master Hand put those Waddle Dees in charge of setting up the plugs in this mansion? Utter craziness I tell ya."
"Pika… Pika…" said Pikachu, who was apparently having the time of his life, or about a good a time as anyone being satisfied by one of Palutena's succulent limbs.
Ike and Toon Link exchanged an awkward glance with each other.
"Um… Alright if you're sure," said Ike. The two Smashers continued on their way to wherever it was they were going, figuring that they had seen much weirder things going on in the mansion before like the time Ganondorf tried sacrificing Sonic to the fire gods.
Palutena kept a raw smile on her face as she watched the swordsmen leave before turning her attention back to Pikachu with a look of pure irritation.
"I will not have my body soiled by a mere Pokémon," she said seriously, producing her sceptre from seemingly out of nowhere. "I'm sorry Pikachu, but you leave me no choice."
"Wait! Don't blast him!" cried Olimar. "I have a better idea." He blew his whistle, summoning a group of Yellow Pikmin who came stampeding down the hall. The troops stopped before their leader at attention, awaiting their next orders. "Alright guys, get Pikachu off of her!"
The Yellow Pikmin pack gave a salute, and the next thing anyone knew they had all jumped on Pikachu and began bashing their heads into him with no mercy. Since they were the Yellow type, they were completely immune to Pikachu's electric attacks, but that of course didn't stop the Pokémon from shocking Palutena accidentally.
"Gah- Olimar!" she cried in between jolts. "You better- Ah! Hope this- Ow! Plan works!"
"Don't worry; I have everything under control!" he replied. "Keep going men! Show that mouse who's boss!"
The Pikmin continued walloping poor Pikachu, so much to the point where there were several visible bruises on his fur. Soon enough, the Pikmin were able to pry Pikachu off of Palutena, falling to the floor in a heap of exhaustion and muttering a "Pika Pi…" before drifting off to sleep.
Palutena quickly examined her leg for any sign of… stuff… but thankfully all that was there was a few chafe marks from Pikachu's aggressive rubbing.
"Thank you, Olimar," said Palutena, a little tuckered out from all the excitement. "That took much longer than I thought it would though."
"Eh, they're Pikmin, not miracle workers," he replied calmly. "But I'm glad we took care of that." He turned to his Pikmin. "Great job guys. Do me one more favor and carry this sad sack of potatoes to his room. I'll call you if I need anything else."
The Yellow Pikmin gave another salute before gathering around Pikachu's body and lifting him up with a valiant effort. They then began carrying him down the hall, all the while muttering their signature, "heeve-ho, heeve-ho" chant that all Pikmin did.
"That was so strange," said Palutena as she watched the Pikmin leave. "I've never seen Pikachu act like that before."
"It's got to be that perfume," replied Olimar. "There's something inside of it that made him go crazy like that." He glanced back and forth down the hall in case anyone else was coming. "If I were you, I'd stay away from the others. If that smell did that to Pikachu, imagine what it could do to Greninja, or Charizard…"
Palutena shuddered at the thought.
"It's only the Pokémon through right?" she asked. "I mean, I passed by a room where some of our friends were sitting and no one came chasing after me like that."
"Anyone who can think cognitively should be fine. I wouldn't put it past any of the nonhuman Smashers though." Olimar tapped his foot in thought. "You ought to figure out a way to wash that smell off pronto before things get out of hand again."
Well this was just fantastic. This whole day Palutena had been worried about her little farting problem, afraid that the Smashers would find out that she can't stop letting loose gases like something out of a twisted Super Smash Bros. fanfiction. Thankfully, she hadn't felt the need to fart since her teatime with Peach, but now she was dealing with another issue entirely. The perfume may have covered up the stink, but this whole mess was starting to smell of something equally foul.
"I can live with the smell," said Palutena plainly. "I just need to watch my back from now on." In actuality, if this perfume was in fact covering her farts, she figured she would just deal with the lighter repercussions. Really all she had to do was put up with this until all of her internal gases were relinquished, so the trade-off didn't seem that bad at all in comparison.
"If you need any help, I could always lend you some of my Pikmin," said Olimar. "All of them should be fine except for the Red ones since I do believe they have noses."
"That's very nice of you, but I think I'll be okay. Maybe I'll go check up on Pit or something and see how he's doing."
Suddenly, one of the nearby doors opened up, and out stepped Captain Falcon, Donkey Kong, and Mr. Game & Watch. They appeared to be in a bit of a relaxed state, having finished whatever activity it was they were doing in one of the commons rooms.
"Man, that was some show," said Falcon, giving his back a long stretch. "I didn't think we'd ever be able to marathon the entirety of Dragonball in one day, but it really helps when you skip the episode previews!"
Mr. Game & Watch nodded his head, popping a 2D popcorn into his mouth casually.
"But man, I'm kind of hungry," muttered Falcon. "You guys wanna grab some grub?" Something in the air suddenly caught his nose, and he found himself sniffing around for a bit before saying, "Hey hey! Something smells womanly out here!"
He noticed Palutena and Olimar further down the hall, but also saw that Donkey Kong had become enraptured by the scent. The big ape had a huge grin on his face as the smell of Palutena's perfume entered his nostrils, and it wasn't long before small hearts and bubbles began rising from his face like something out of a cheesy anime.
Palutena froze in her heels, realizing that Donkey Kong had more than just the bananas in her perfume on his mind.
"On second thought," said Palutena, "I'll take whatever Pikmin you can lend me."
She immediately ran off, using her Super Speed to fly down the hall at an incredible pace. Olimar didn't even have time to notice before he realized Donkey Kong was stampeding towards him with an unhealthy amount of lust in his eyes.
"P-Palutena, wait for me!" cried the space man, before he sped away as far as his stubby legs would take him, Donkey Kong in tow.
As the three Smashers disappeared around the corner, Captain Falcon stood there scratching his helmeted head in confusion.
"Um… What just happened?" he asked.
Mr. Game & Watch shrugged his shoulders and gave an exasperated sigh. He was always good at doing that since it was one of his taunts.