Harry Potter may or may not have been panicking.

But only slightly, just a little bit.

Alright, Potter, get it together, you've faced down Lord Snakeface himself, you can handle this.

Voldemort didn't use scalpels, though.

Harry's rather pessimistic side seemed to pause, considering.

Or needles. Thank God Voldemort never used needles.

That would have sucked so bad.

His rational side, never one to miss a mental party (although suspiciously absent during any major life choices) added in its two cents, which mainly consisted of, Focus, Potter, or you're going to die for a third bloody time. And your last moments would be spent on an operating table.

Although, he mused, that would certainly make an interesting Daily Prophet article. Boy-Who-Lived meets Death-By-Needles.

Yeah, no, that wasn't going to happen.

Harry started running over options in his mind, mentally evaluating all of the possible escape routes available to him.

There was a depressingly low amount of options for someone who was magically handicapped, tightly restrained, and under heavy guard of several capable, most-likely-hostile, witches and wizards.

Harry risked another glance at Luna, his eyes shielded by the dark mop of fringe perpetually falling into his face.

Luna, who was still fussing over her clothes, tugging this edge here and smoothing over that fold of fabric there, had begun to hum what sounded like an off-key rendition of "Teenage Dream." Harry frowned at that. Luna absolutely hated humming in the workplace. She loathed it with the fiery passion of fiendfyre. "If you're going to sing," she had told them, "Never hum. Humming is the human equivalent of the yowl of a Linkolus; it's annoying as hell and can kill you when it spits acid at you." She had stared down her employees, daring them to ask her what a Linkolus was. Or possibly remind her that "Luna, I don't think wizards spit poison.

No one had said anything.

"Okay then," she'd chirped, clapping her hands together and twirling in place, "Moving on to Rule Number Two: Don't, like, kill each other, I guess. And also, don't tell anyone about our super-secret Unspeakable projects. No one–and I mean no one–" she hissed the last two words with a cold fury, "Can know about our annual slumber parties and karaoke nights."

That was pretty much the entire Unspeakable Orientation.

Right, Potter, shutup, whatever. Focus, damnit. How the hell did you never notice her humming before?

Harry shook his head to clear it, slightly jangling the clinking chains of his restraints. He froze at the sudden sound, glancing furtively around at the room's other occupants. Cho and Ernie were bent over the various herbs and potions, Cho carefully wrapping her hair into an elegant bun on the top of her poised head, while Ernie was examining the various toxic-looking potions with a manic eye-glint that Harry was not appreciating. Seamus stood in the far corner, pointedly looking at everything in the room but Harry. He leaned back against the wall, shoving his hands into his pockets as he gave out a deep sigh. Harry rolled his eyes–he thinks this is bad?– while Dennis was hunched over the impressive collection of fine surgical tools, mechanically cleaning the gleaming surface of each instrument.

Hold, swipe, rub, repeat. Hold, swipe, rub, repeat.

Harry watched Dennis, hypnotized by the boy's smooth, consistent cleaning of the bits.

Potter.

So elegant…

Wizard-God-fricking-damn-it, Harry James Potter, you are about to effing die.

Was it sad how often in his life he had those words? Probably. He gave a mental shrug. Oh well.

A quiet thunk finally brought Harry out of his frantic stupor. Harry glanced over to the source of the sound, turning his head to the far wall as he did so. Seamus had apparently gotten antsy again and had started tapping his foot on the wall behind him. The steel tip of his Muggle boot had wandered over to strike the sole patch of wood in the entire room.

The weird door.

Harry smiled.

Well–that's gotta be at least the start of some kind of plan.

Luna snapped her gloves for a final time, the elastic stretching and bouncing to thwack against her bare skin as the potion's mark disappeared from view.

"Alright then, Harry. Are you ready?"

Harry shook his head violently, whipping it back and forth. No, he most certainly NOT ready to die.

"Oh, Harry," Luna giggled with a little, lilting half-smile, "You know that I'll always have your back." She turned to Cho, who handed her a tiny, sinister-looking, silver-tipped...thingy.

Huh, Harry relaxed, a relieved smile seizing his features. That one doesn't look two bad.

Luna trailed her finger along its side and the blade suddenly expanded to twice its size.

Damnit.

She turned back to Harry, tucking a stray piece of flyaway hair behind one dainty ear. She was still smiling, beaming almost, at him.

"Just trust me that I'll always know what's best for you, okay?"

Harry froze the instant the words left her mouth.

"I'll always have your back, Harry," Hermione was still smiling, "Just trust me that I'll always know what's best for you, okay?"

No.

NO.

NO.

It can't be.

Luna Lovegood.

Hermione Granger.

Does. Not. Compute.

He couldn't breathe all of a sudden, as if the very air had been stolen from his lungs.

This is NOT happening. Not now. Not after everything else we've been through.

No.

Not her. Not her, of all people.

Not. My. Hermione.

His one friend, the one that had stood by him through it all. Through Voldemort, through Hogwarts, through Ron's disappearing act. She was the one person that he could ever trust, the one person, his one close friend that had never abandoned him. She was his sister.

She was his family.

She was betraying him.

She was about to cut him open and examine his insides. She was about to slash into his skin, tear through his muscle, search his entire being to find out why he had turned mute exactly seventeen days after his defeat of Voldemort or, more probably, seventeen days after he had unwittingly reunited the hallows.

She was about to kill him.

Maybe not literally, but Harry knew Hermione, better than Ron knew her, even. He knew how vehemently she hated the isolation and constant loneliness she had felt in the Muggle world. He knew what that felt like. He knew what it was to discover that he wasn't some freak, some mistake of nature. They knew the joy of the magic world, the pure ecstasy of finally being accepted as one, as normal, or even more than normal, of being extraordinary in this strange universe where magic–real, honest-to-God MAGIC– was considered ordinary. And Harry knew that Hermione would do anything to keep her title, to prove that she could still evolve into more, that she had earned her status as the brightest witch of her age, that she could show that she was more than "just one of Harry Potter's best friends."

Harry knew that she was desperate.

Harry knew how far she would go to solve this mystery, his mystery. And the problem was, she knew her limits, but she was determined to pass them.

Harry was a problem.

And Hermione solved problems.

Luna and the others were still transfixed with the equipment while Harry had been having his mini-crisis. He thought he saw Seamus glance at him out of the corner of his eye.

Ok, Harry. Focus.

First things first. He needed a wand. At the moment, he couldn't even say the incantations, much less perform any wand movements while he was so securely restrained. That left accidental magic, which was not something that could be depended on.

In short, Harry Potter was totally, utterly, completely screwed.

So, uh, hiya there. Long time no see. :)

Sorry for the long wait, guys. Life got crazy...like I went to Germany and had a job and summer work and believe-it-or-not friends, and I just kinda lost passion for the story. Anyways, sorry about the looooong wait...you guys all deserve better.

Thanks to everyone that reviewed! I know it's said often, but reviews really do keep me doing. Please don't hesitate to criticize my work, either! I love hearing from all of you! PMs are totally welcome, too!

So...did anyone see that coming? I know that a few reviewers did... ;)

Sorry it's taking so long to get to Glee, but we will make it to that part eventually. I'm also thinking of making an Avengers/HP or Bones/HP crossover...thoughts?

Anyways, hope you guys are enjoying the last dredges of Summer break! See you in the reviews! ;)

*Have a lovely day, and as always, your cocoa today was served by Knickity :) *