She was already at home when he rose the next night; he could smell her as well as feel her. And he smelled other things. He frowned and walked, still naked, to her bedroom, feeling that familiar, warm pressure in his chest when he saw her curled up in bed, sound asleep. Careful not to wake her, he eased into the bed beside her, touched his nose to her neck, and inhaled. Not just shifter, but many shifters. Unusual ones at that.
Her heart rate picked up, and he felt her consciousness. "Sookie, what is this? You smell of the woods, and you smell of shifter. And something even wilder." He inhaled again, trying to place the scent.
"And Were," she added sleepily.
"No, not Were. More than one kind of shifter." He pressed his lips to the pulse in her neck. "What have you been doing, my lover?" Endangering herself, no doubt. He didn't like it
Sookie's body tensed, and all remains of sleep were quickly washed away by sadness and discouragement. "I was in the search party for my brother, in the woods behind his home."
He pulled her closer to him and stroked her hair back from her face as he stared up at the ceiling. "I'm sorry. I know you are worried." He could help her forget about that worry for a while. Forgetting, it seemed to him, was a blessing not enough appreciated by the world in general. It had made him happier.
"Let me ask you something."
He savored the warmth of her breath as her lips moved against his skin. "Of course."
"Look inside yourself, Eric," she said slowly. "Are you really, really sorry? Worried about Jason?"
"Of course!" he said immediately, answering her first question. Of course he was sorry. Of course he cared that she was anxious and hurting. As for Jason, on the other hand… "Not really." He paused, wondering if he should have lied about that. She might not like him if she knew that he didn't give a fuck about her brother. But lying to her was more abhorrent to him than anything. "I know I should be," he went on in an attempt to soften the unkind truth. "I should be concerned about your brother because I love having sex with you, and I should want you to think well of me so you'll want sex, too." But I won't lie to you to have sex with you. I won't sink that far.
"But you'll listen, right?" she asked. For some reason, she was feeling relief and fondness; he didn't understand why. Perhaps truth was more important to her than meaningless assurances. "If I need to talk? For the same reason?"
Because he was sorry? Because he wanted her to think well of him? Or because he wanted to have sex? The answer was the same to all, so it mattered little. "Of course, my lover."
"Because you want to have sex with me." He thought he heard a smile in her voice, but there was also disappointment.
"That, of course, but also because I find I really do…" He couldn't say love, could he? Not truthfully. He hadn't known her long enough. But he couldn't remember what love felt like; maybe what he felt – this heady mixture of hunger and happiness – was what they called love. "I find I have feelings for you," he said at last. What those feelings were he couldn't say.
"Oh…"
She hadn't expected that. She hadn't known already, from the way he made love to her, that he cared about her. He would have to fix that. They lay quietly for a little while, Sookie making idle circles on his skin with her fingertips as he thought more about what name to assign what he felt for her.
Her voice when she spoke was so soft that it seemed almost a continuation of the silence. "Eric, I almost hate to say this, but I have feelings for you, too."
He knew her feelings, especially right now, when her consciousness was flooded with them: affection, a desire to protect him, an unexplainable sadness. No trace of love. But again he wondered if love was something he could even identify. Maybe it wasn't a feeling at all, but an action. How else to understand the phrase making love?
He lifted her fully over him, slid her shirt up over her arms, and tossed it aside. The other obstacles would have to be torn because he wanted her to stay right where she was. He pulled her down to kiss her while his hands removed every shred of fabric in his way.
"Not love exactly," he mumbled, kissing his way down her neck.
She unclasped her bra. "No… but something close." She held his mouth to her breasts with both hands and made a small sound of protest when he abandoned them to return to her lips. As he kissed her, she slid one hand down to grasp him, and he jerked beneath her. "We don't have much time, Eric," she murmured. "Let's make it good."
Not much time? What did she--
She was raising her hips to take him in, but he stopped her. "Kiss me," he said, indicating the part in question. He wanted her mouth on him almost as desperately as he wanted his mouth on her. She smiled and started to slide herself down his body when he stopped her again. He made a twirling motion with his hand. "Turn this way. I want to kiss you, too."
Her face turned red, and he could actually feel the heat of the blood under her skin. They rearranged themselves until they were comfortable; he knew from her blush and her nervousness that she had never done this before. It wouldn't take long to make her forget her unease. As she wrapped her lips around his length, he glided one finger inside her, stroking gently, then began to explore her with his tongue. Occasionally one of his fangs would graze her tender skin, and she would shudder – not with pain, but with a pleasure that set alight every blood cell of hers until he could feel all of them inside his own veins.
He wanted to see her eyes, he wanted his body to be inside hers, he wanted to feel her breasts against his skin. With vampire speed, he sat up and pulled her into his lap, biting her neck as their bodies joined. She cried out, and her head fell back as if her neck could no longer support it. A few sweet drops of her blood, that was all he allowed himself, though it took all of his restraint to close the two red wounds on her neck. Sookie raised her head and kissed him greedily, all the while moving with him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held herself to him as he guided her hips with his hands.
"Will you drink from me?" he asked.
She slowed her movements and gathered her breath. "But I'm not hurt or anything."
"Not for that. A lovers' exchange."
She nodded, her eyes dark, and bent her mouth to his neck. Her teeth pierced his skin swiftly and cleanly, and he held onto her body as hard as he could without crushing her bones to dust. She drank from him until his body healed itself, and when she returned her lips to his, he tasted his blood on them.
Never separating their bodies or their mouths, he rolled her onto her back, pushed into her one last time, and climaxed at the very moment she did. He stared down at her, leaning in briefly to kiss her. Now she could have no doubt that he cared about her; he had held back none of his passion, none of himself – not even his blood – as he made love to her. As far as he was concerned, he was hers.
Why, then, did he feel fear and grief from her? Why weren't her eyes as happy as he knew his own to be?
He still hovered over her, careful not to rest his weight on her. "What's happened? I can tell something is frightening you."
He saw tears forming in her eyes, but she blinked, and they were gone. "We have to go to Shreveport now. We're already past the time Pam said on the phone." She blinked again. Loss, her blood mourned. "Tonight's the night we face off against Hallow and her witches.
"Then you must stay here."
Her fingers slid gently over his jawline. "No. No, baby, I have to go with you."
No one had ever called him a baby, but he gathered from her tone that it was an endearment. He leaned to kiss her one more time, then helped her up from the bed. Her fear he understood, but why the sadness?
She took his hand and led him to her shower, where they washed each other in silence until he asked, "It isn't just fear that's bothering you. What's wrong?"
"I don't like the thought of losing you," she said softly. She turned off the water, pulled back the torn curtain, and reached for a towel.
He slipped his arms around her waist and kissed her shoulder. "Nothing is going to happen to me, my lover."
After a moment, she turned around and smiled up at him. "No. You're gonna be just fine."
Why did she still look so sad?
* * *
"Could you check the map and tell me which exit to take?" she asked, motioning to the folded paper stuck between their seats.
They had been on the road for almost an hour, and they hadn't spoken since they left Sookie's house. He didn't know what to say to her. Every passing minute increased her tension and sadness. He had reached for her free hand at one point, but she very quickly put it on the steering wheel and kept it there.
He unfolded the map and stared at the green, blue, and red lines. None of it made sense. "I don't know the meaning of any of this," he said, feeling rather stupid.
"Oh. I guess you wouldn't, since you don't remember any of the street or city names. It's okay."
She pulled over and parked the car, and Eric watched her as she knit her brows together and ran her forefinger over the map. Every time a big truck flew past them, the small car shook. At last she seemed to be satisfied, and she carefully pulled back onto the highway.
He wanted to make her smile. "Your word of the day was annihilate."
"Oh," she said with no smile in sight. "Thanks for checking. You're sounding pretty excited about all this."
He had to admit that he was, a little. He was excited about the prospect of going somewhere and doing something about his situation. No more hiding. No more forgetting. If all went well, he would be returning with Sookie as a lover more deserving of her.
"Sookie, there's nothing like a good fight," he said.
Her knuckles on the steering wheel were white. "That depends on who wins, I would think."
When they finally parked beside a very normal-looking house, he reached for her hand to stop her from leaving the car. She had already opened the door and now it hung slightly ajar. She looked at him with a question in her eyes, and he answered it by kissing her.
His fingers rested against her neck as he met her eyes. "We could go back. We could go back to your house." He brought his other hand up to her cheek. "I can stay with you always." He kissed her again, relishing her. "We can know each other's bodies in every way, night after night." Another kiss. "I could love you." Her eyes were shining with tears now, and he could feel her strong desire to do exactly what he was suggesting. "I could work. You would not be poor. I would help you."
She smiled a little through her tears. "Sounds like a marriage."
Yes. "Yes."
She lowered her eyes, raised them to his again, looked to the side. Then she pulled away. She left the car without answering him, which was answer enough. If he did survive this night, then, she didn't want him. The affection he'd felt from her was nothing more than the affection one might feel for a lost puppy. He met her in front of the car without a word.
"I'm an idiot," she murmured.
I'm the idiot.
Sookie knocked when they reached the front door, but no one answered. She tried the knob, which was unlocked. "Hello?"
They went in together through a few rooms before they saw the crowd gathered. As everyone stared, they took their places in the only two empty chairs available.
Pam raised one eyebrow. "We expected you earlier."
"Hi, good to see you, too, thanks for coming on such short notice," Sookie mumbled to herself, clearly annoyed.
The crowd seemed to be waiting for him to do or say something, but Eric knew nothing about what had been planned. It was Pam who took over the meeting. He was increasingly glad to see her leadership skills on display since she would be taking his place if he had his way. Everything she said was matter-of-fact and sensible. Their plan seemed to be wisely constructed.
And then she said: "Sookie will go in first."
Eric didn't realize that he'd reached for Sookie's hand until he felt her warm fingers in his. He was squeezing it tightly.
"Why?" asked a voice from the crowd.
Eric did not bother to see who had voiced his own question; he was frowning at Pam.
Pam crossed her arms. "Because Sookie is human, and she's more of a natural phenomenon than a true Supe. They won't detect her."
She was also more fragile. One gunshot, one spell, and she could be lost to him forever. He may be brain-addled, but he was still their leader. But before he could protest, Sookie spoke.
"What am I supposed to do when I get there?"
"Read the minds of the witches inside while we get into position," Pam explained. "If they detect us approaching, we lose the surprise of it, and we stand a greater chance of sustaining serious injury." She cocked her blond head at Sookie. "Can you count them? Is that possible?"
"Yes, I can do that," Sookie nodded.
Pam smiled, but it wasn't a pleasant expression. "That would be a big help, too."
"What do we do when we get in the building?" asked one of the Weres.
"We kill them all." She looked around at her audience. "What else would we do?"
The tattooed one, Chow, agreed with her. "They'll do their best to kill us. They only made one attempt at negotiation, and it cost Eric his memory and Clancy his life." Chow met Eric's eyes, then added darkly, "They delivered Clancy's clothes to Fangtasia this morning."
If they were that dangerous to vampires, what could they do to Sookie, breakable as she was? Sookie laid her free hand over his. Calm. This was what she felt, but it was also as if she were projecting the feeling into him, willing him to be so. It was that strong. He remembered their blood exchange and allowed her peace of mind to become his.
"Someone needs to go with Sookie," said another Were, the one who had embraced her the night before. "She can't go close to that house by herself."
Of course she wouldn't be alone, Eric was about to say. He would be with her.
"I'll go with her."
Eric searched for the one who had spoken and found himself looking at a very familiar face, though he couldn't exactly place it.
"Bubba!" Sookie explained with genuine pleasure.
Bubba gave her a lopsided grin. "Pleased to see you, Miss Sookie. I'm wearing my Army duds."
"I see that," Sookie replied, smiling. "Looking good, Bubba."
"Thank you, ma'am."
Eric didn't like placing Sookie's protection in the hands of someone he didn't even know, but she seemed to regard this "Bubba" with affection and trust. He was doubly reassured when Pam looked on the situation with approval.
"That might be a good idea. His… The mental broadcast… the signature… You all get what I'm telling you?" No, Eric thought, but he seemed to be the only one. "It's so… atypical that they won't discover a vampire is near."
"Where's Bill, Miss Sookie?" Bubba asked.
Eric frowned. Her ex-lover, the one who had lied to her and betrayed her.
"He's in Peru, Bubba," Sookie said. "That's way down in South America."
"No, I'm not. I'm back."
Eric, along with the others in the room, followed the voice to the doorway. Sookie's feelings were dancing erratically through his blood. Happiness – hurt – self-consciousness – relief – confusion – guilt – pleasure – anger. He tightened his hold on her hand before he even realized he had done it. I am your lover now. I am the one who wants to marry you and give you everything.
A conversation followed – a conversation that did not interest Eric – about a woman who had tried to torture Bill. Eric decided quite callously that she could have him, for all he cared.
"All right, then," said Pam when the lovers' quarrel was over. "Bubba will lead the way with Sookie. She will do her best to do whatever it is that she does, and she'll signal us." There were nods all around, and Pam continued. "Sookie, a recap: We need to know the number of people in the house, whether or not they are all witches, and any other tidbit you can glean. Send Bubba back to us with whatever information you find and stand guard in case the situation changes while we move up. Once we're in position, you can retire to the cars, where you'll be safer."
"This sounds okay," said Sookie with a nod. "If I have to be involved at all."
Eric squeezed her hand and smiled at her. She would be safe. Then they could return to her house and be together… assuming that was what she wanted. He wasn't so sure.
"But what will happen to Eric?" Sookie asked, surprising him.
Pam looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"
"If you go in and kill everyone, who'll un-curse him? If Hallow's coven dies, do their spells die with them, or will Eric still be without a memory?"
I'm not without a memory. I have many memories of the past few days.
One of the witches answered Sookie's question. "The spell must be removed. If it is removed by the one who laid it in the first place, that's best. It can be lifted by someone else, but it will take more time, more effort, since we don't know what went into the making of the spell."
"So you're thinking we need to save Hallow to take the spell off Eric?" asked Pam grimly.
"No, her brother, Mark. There is too much danger in leaving Hallow alive. She must die as quickly as we can reach her."
There were a few more loose ends to tie up, but at last Pam announced, "All right, let's go." She checked her makeup, then smiled brightly at Sookie. "Sookie, my friend, tonight is a great night."
"It is?"
"Yes." Pam went to Sookie and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and now they both faced Eric. "We defend what is ours! We fight for the restoration of our leader. Tomorrow, Sheriff," she continued more seriously with something like humility tinging her triumph, "you will be back at your desk at Fangtasia. You'll be able to go to your own house, your own bedroom. We've kept it clean for you."
He stared at her wordlessly for a moment. Return to his desk at Fangtasia? Return to his own house… his own bedroom? No, he would not. His place was elsewhere now, and she would be the leader. She had certainly proven herself so far tonight. But they could discuss that later, after the battle.
"If I die tonight," he told Pam, laying his hand on Sookie's shoulder, "pay this woman the money that was promised her."
Pam bowed her head. "I swear. Chow and Gerald will know, too."
He regarded her again, searching her face for something he couldn't find. "Do you know where her brother is?"
Sookie flinched away from them and looked at Pam in disbelief.
"No, Sheriff," said Pam immediately. Her surprise was just as palpable as Sookie's.
He nodded, satisfied. "It occurred to me that you might have taken him hostage to ensure she didn't betray me."
Pam gave him an odd smile. "I wish I'd thought of that. I wouldn't have minded spending some time with Jason as my hostage. But I didn't take him." She turned to Sookie. "If we get through this, Sookie, I'll look for him myself. Could it be Hallow's witches have him?"
"It's possible," Sookie replied with a shrug. "Claudine said she didn't see any hostages, but she also said there were rooms she didn't look into. Though I don't know why they would have taken Jason unless Hallow knows I have Eric. Then they might have used him to make me talk, just the way you would have used him to make me keep silent. But they haven't approached me. You can't use blackmail on someone who doesn't know anything about the hold you have on them."
She was so clear-headed, even under the fear and anxiety this evening would bring. Pam seemed to appreciate this in Sookie as much as he did.
"Nonetheless, I'll remind all those who are going to enter the building to watch out for him," Pam assured her.
"How is Belinda? Have you made arrangements to pay her hospital bills?" Sookie sighed at the blank expression on Pam's face. "The waitress who was hurt defending Fangtasia? You remember? The friend of Ginger, who died?"
Pam still seemed nonplussed, and Chow answered instead. "Of course. She is recovering. We sent her flowers and candy. Plus, we have a group insurance policy."
"Good," Pam nodded. "You have to keep them happy." She looked at all of them, lingering on Eric's face. "Are we ready to go?"
"I guess so," said Sookie, sounding more resigned than excited. "No point in waiting."
Pam stepped away, and Eric was about to lead Sookie off to a corner where he could talk to her. He wanted to restate his offer, assure her that he meant it. But the ex-lover approached them.
"How was Peru?" she asked him. Her feelings were a void. Perhaps she was feeling so many at once that they all canceled each other out.
They chatted for a few minutes before Eric decided that this ex-lover should know that Sookie was no longer his to betray. "This is Bill, your former mate?" he asked her, though his eyes were narrowed on Bill's.
"Uh, this is… well… yes, sort of," she faltered.
He slid his hands over her shoulders in what he hoped was a reassuring way. She had no reason to regret this fool before her.
Bill frowned at Eric. "You really don't remember me." He sounded surprised. "Truly," he said, talking to Sookie now, "I thought this was an elaborate scheme on Eric's part to stay in your house so he could talk his way into your bed."
You fucking son of a bitch. This Bill could say whatever he liked to Eric, but how could he dare insult Sookie by implying not only that she was a whore, but a stupid, naïve one at that? He felt his fangs straining painfully at his gums, but he held them in check. Now was not the time.
Sookie turned in his arms and laid a hand on his chest. "We need to get in the car."
The strange vampire, Bubba, was riding with them, it seemed. He was Sookie's protector, so that only made sense. Sookie said nothing as she guided the car through the dark, empty streets of the suburbs, but Bubba was humming a song that Eric recognized, even if he couldn't place it.
Occasionally, he touched her cheek or her hand, trying to remind her of his presence. Trying to remind her that he cared about her and wanted her more than anything he might win back or earn tonight.
"This is a crappy car," he said to break the silence.
She didn't smile; there was no expression on her face at all. "Yes."
He touched her shoulder. "Are you afraid?"
"I am," she said with a short nod.
They rounded another block, and Bubba still hummed in the back seat.
"If this whole thing works, will you still see me?" He watched her face as it fell alternately into shadow and light with each lightpole they passed.
"Sure," she said, too quickly, too dispassionately.
He said nothing.
They parked near a convenience store and walked wordlessly to the corner where they were to separate. If he lived through this, he might never experience her the way he did now, as the center of his consciousness, his lighthouse in the fog, his lover. He pulled her to him and kissed her, trying to pour into her everything he felt. It was like making love without the act itself.
"You're not supposed to be kissing on anybody else, Miss Sookie," said Bubba. "Bill said it was okay, but I don't like it."
If the bastard hadn't been Sookie's protector, Eric would have killed him. Instead he separated himself from Sookie slowly and turned to Bubba. "I'm sorry if we offended you." Then his eyes were on Sookie again. "I'll see you later, my lover."
She touched his cheek and smiled at him, but her eyes belied what her lips tried to convey. "Later."
It was she who left him, and he watched her walk away until she rounded the corner.
* * *
AN: According to the book, Bubba was humming "Love Me Tender." Awwww.