Chapter 7- …It All Comes Crashing Down
I quickly walked outside into the cold weather and noticed for the first time that the lake had already frozen over. I sat down on a hill that overlooked the lake and pulled the letter from my mother out of my pocket and opened it letter very slowly. I knew this wasn't going to be good.
Once I had read the letter I screamed in anger, pain, frustration, and hopelessness. I was experiencing all of these feelings at once while also feeling nothingness. I was so angry at my mother, yet I was also crying and I felt so alone.
What did the letter say? Well, my mother has sold me! Like a slave. Slavery was horrible, but this was so much worse, more sickening in my opinion. People sold slaves for money. What did my mother sell me for? It was for a good impression on society. It was a little way to boost her popularity. I am now promised to someone! A betrothal! I'm supposed to marry someone that I don't even know! I don't know him, his name, and I know I don't love him.
I cried. How long? I don't know but it felt like hours. It must have been many hours, and each one seeming like it would last for eternity. There was no future beyond this moment. I only thought of my misery. I was sitting next to the lake just crying when I felt something wet hitting different spots of my face. It had started to rain, within moments it was a full-on down pour. It was like the sky was crying for me.
I just sat there on the ground, in the rain. It was so cold, but I was beginning to feel numb anyways. After awhile (I really couldn't tell you how long) it seemed like the rain was slowing down. Then I realized that it was turning into snow. The snow was falling beautifully. It was the first snowfall this winter. I had loved winter in the past, but sitting next to the frozen lake right now in this very moment had ruined it all. I couldn't see the snow as something I once loved to dance in, play with, and taste. It had lost its power to turn everything beautiful in its perfect whiteness. Now, it is only coldness. Like the coldness which yearns to overtake my soul. It freezes and destroys. It kills. The snow falls, no more bringing life with the joy of those it touches, but it brings death. I looked at the trees it was covering and I felt their pain. They were dieing. They seemed so strong and beautiful on the outside, but they were dieing on the inside. Or maybe, I thought, they were already dead.
It was getting dark outside. I had skipped lunch and dinner completely. The snow was still falling and the ground had been covered completely. I finally walked back inside the castle to the Head Commons. I opened the door to see James sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. I took a cautious step toward him and he looked up quickly when he heard the squeak of the floor board. When he recognized me, he jumped up and rushed to my side.
"Lily! Where have you been? Sirius was gone in Hogsmeade with the map and, I didn't know how to find you, I was looking all over the castle and-"James paused looking at me.
Map? What map? Why was Sirius in Hogsmeade?
"Are you okay?" He asked.
He put a hand to my forehead.
"Merlin, Lily! You're burning up!" He said.
I didn't really feel hot, just tired. Very tired. My head was tired of thinking. My body was just tired of everything.
"James, I-" I passed out.
I opened my eyes and looked around. Where was I? It was dark and I couldn't really make out my surroundings. I felt something move. I say I felt something move because that something was on my legs. I lay still until I realized that it was breathing. It was a person. That person sat up suddenly and looked at me. It was a very tired looking James Potter.
"Lily?" He asked.
James stood up suddenly and came to the head of my bed. The first thing he did was kiss me.
"I was so worried about you. Oh my god, I thought you were going to die." James said.
"What happened?" I asked sitting up with James' help.
"You passed out. You were burning up, so I brought you to the hospital wing as quick as I could. It was bad Lily, really bad. Madame Prynne couldn't get your fever to break. Dumbledore and McGonagall tried everything they could think of, but your fever wouldn't break. … I thought you were going to die. … I thought I was going to lose you." James said.
"How long have I been here?" I asked.
"Five days. Today is Thurs- well actually its Friday morning. About three I think." James said trying to read his watch in the moonlight that poured through the hospital wing windows.
"Five days?" I asked.
James nodded and I took notice to his appearance. His robes were badly wrinkled, his hair was mused, and he had bags under his eyes. I looked over to the chair James was sitting in when I awoke. It had a blanket and pillow in it.
"Have you been here the whole time?" I asked.
"Yes, I haven't left the hospital wing once." James said.
James looked dreadful. He yawned and rubbed his eyes behind crooked glasses. At that moment, I felt something strange. I couldn't understand it, but it was nice. It was this strange feeling inside me. It was happy, but it burned. I don't really know how to describe it any better.
"Come here." I said.
I pulled down my blanket and scooted over.
"Are you sure?" James asked.
"Yes." I said.
James took off his glasses and shoes and climbed into the bed beside me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him. I didn't protest, I wrapped my arms around him and held him just as close. That was the way we fell asleep, and the way we were found.
…
I was released a week later. Christmas break was close, so Dumbledore suggested that I stay out of class until holidays are over so that I can rest and make up the work I've already missed. It was a very nice gesture and I was more than thankful to accept it.
James was being protective of me since my hospital discharge. He wouldn't let me go outside of the castle at all. The only times I even left the Head commons were on days James would escort me to the Great Hall for a meal with my friends. Usually he would have a house elf bring us food in the Head commons. I was not someone to take orders from anyone, but I thought it was cute and I think he liked it.
I was sitting by the window watching the snow fall one day while James was gone to class when I heard a noise behind me. I turned around and seen Remus coming down the staircase with a light dusting of snow covering him. Obviously he had come in through James' window.
"Remus, what are you doing here?" I asked in pleasant way.
I was glad to have someone to talk to.
"McGonagall let me out of Transfiguration, seeing as I have no partner. So I decided to visit you without James' constant supervision." Remus said.
"Oh." I said smiling.
I started talking to Remus and told him about my mother's letter. He was shocked at the news.
"You have no idea of who he is? What if he's not magical?" Remus asked.
"Does it really matter? I wouldn't care if he were gorgeous or deformed; the muggle Prince or Amos Diggory. I could never have any feelings for him." I said.
Remus was quiet for a couple of minutes before he asked me another question.
"So you have feelings for James then?" He asked.
"Yes, of course I do. We are dating you know." I said.
"I know more than you think. Like the fact that it's all just pretend." Remus said.
"What? How did you know that?" I asked.
"I didn't actually, that was a bluff. I had my suspicions from the beginning though. You see, I knew it didn't make sense because James would never cheat on anybody and he broke up with Emily Meyers the next day. Though I wouldn't really say that he was dating her, it was more of a fling thing. Anyways, I heard it from Lana Isaacs, one of the Hufflepuffs who seen the famous incident, she told me exactly what happened. I figured that it was an excuse to get away from Diggory. Who wouldn't want to get away from that womanizer, he's quite possibly worse than Sirius and that's saying something. Now, the part that confuses me is why you are still 'dating' James when Amos Diggory has a girlfriend." Remus said with a smirk.
"Well Remus, if you're so clever, then how about you tell me?" I said.
I crossed my arms and huffed loudly while Remus laughed. He was so bloody annoying. He always knew everything.
"I have a theory." Remus answered.
I rolled my eyes.
"Of course you do." I said.
"I think it has everything to do with the day you woke up when you were in the Hospital Wing." Remus said.
What? I was confused. The day I woke up, Madame Prynne made me drink all kinds of nasty potions.
"So what are you doing for Christmas?" Remus asked, changing the topic.
"You're so annoying some times." I said.
"I'd prefer observant. My question?" Remus said.
"Well, I'm definitely not going home! I already wrote to my horrible mother telling her that I'm staying here to study for NEWTS. My excuse was 'to prepare for the test that allows me to become a full witch.' Hopefully the prospect of me becoming a fully trained witch who can use magic whenever I like will scare her enough to just accept that I'm not coming home and she'll leave me in peace for the entire break." I said.
Remus laughed at the way I explained the NEWTS to my mother.
"You can't stay at the castle for Christmas!" Someone shouted from behind us.
Remus and I turned around to see James coming into the Heads common room from the main entrance.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because nobody stays for the holidays. You'll be bored out of your mind!" James said taking a seat next to me.
Remus sat back quietly watching us.
"You're coming home with me." James said.
"What! James, I can't do that." I said.
"Why can't you? Besides, Sirius is coming, and my mum says she'd be delighted to have you." James said.
"Yeah, sure she did." I said.
James pulled out a letter from his pocket and gave it to me. It was from his mother, she said she'd be delighted to have me.
"You already asked her?" I asked.
"I was planning on asking you tonight." James said.
"What if I said no?" I said.
"Are you going to say no?" James asked smiling and raising his eyebrows.
"Are you sure about this?" I asked.
James rolled his eyes and kissed me. It was a very lovely kiss if I do say so, but I caught Remus smirking when I opened my eyes.
"Besides, I don't think I could go a day without kissing you." James said.
Remus was grinning and his face betrayed that fact that he was trying very hard not to laugh. I glared at him playfully when he actually did start laughing.
"What?" James asked him.
"Oh nothing, I need to talk to Sirius." Remus said.
He got up and walked out of the common room.
"What's going on with Remus?" James asked.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"Who knows? Now where were we at?" I asked.
James started to laugh.
"Right here." He said as he started to kiss me again.
I wrote to Charlie, telling him I was going to James' for Christmas. Charlie was furious when he found out what mum had done. It had been his suggestion for me to stay at Hogwarts. This would be my first Christmas without Charlie. I was really sad that I wouldn't get to see him. We had been writing a lot since I had been released from the Hospital wing. Apparently, I really was close to dieing because Charlie said that the day I passed out he got really sick all of a sudden. He said he could tell that there was something wrong with me and that he couldn't reach me telepathically.
The first day of break was on Saturday. All of the students who were leaving for Christmas had to ride the carriages down to the train.
James had to literally pull me in to one of them. Everyone gave me strange looks.
"How can you stand so close to them?" I asked Sirius.
Sirius gave Remus a look like he thought I was crazy before he glanced at the creatures.
"Stand close to what?" Sirius asked me.
"Those right there! Can't you see them?" I asked.
"See what, Lily?" Leah asked with a confused look.
"I understand. It's ok Lily, its safe." Remus said.
Remus gave me a sad look and I couldn't understand why everyone was looking at me strangely. Didn't they see them?
The train ride wasn't as lonely as it was the first time I rode it. I sat with James' arm around me the whole time. Sirius and Peter played exploding snap while everyone else talked. Everyone except Remus, that is. He didn't say a word the entire time. He read the same page of his book throughout the ride while glancing at me. I thought there must be something bothering him, but I didn't say anything with everyone around.
It took a while for the nine of us to get our luggage off of the train but we finally managed it and as soon as we were all off of the train, I heard a familiar voice shouting my name.
"Lils!" Everyone turned towards the person shouting my name.
"Charlie?" I screamed in excitement.
I dropped my trunk and ran to Charlie, jumping in his open arms.
"Oh I missed you so much Lils!" Charlie said.
He kissed me on the cheek.
"No offense, but who the bloody hell are you?" Sirius asked.
Charlie gave me a hurt look.
"Lils, I can't believe you didn't tell your friends about me." Charlie said.
"That would have contradicted the 'secret' part of secret lovers." I said.
Everyone gasped and opened their mouths in shock. Charlie and I busted out laughing.
"You should have seen your faces!" Charlie said.
"Guys, this is my brother Charlie! We're twins!" I said.
"Twins?" Leah asked looking at Charlie.
"Yeah." I said.
"Bit kinky isn't it?" Sirius asked.
"You must be Sirius." Charlie said sticking out his hand.
Sirius smiled broadly and shook his hand.
"The one and only." Sirius said.
Everyone introduced themselves to Charlie.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"Surprising you!" Charlie said.
"Wait a second." James said.
"What?" Charlie asked.
"How did you get past the barrier onto the platform?"