Chapter 13- Easier to Breathe
"Lily! Lily, wake up." I opened my eyes to see the worried look of James Potter.
I've grown accustomed to that look.
"Alright now Lily, are you ok?" James asked.
"Yes, I'm fine I just-"
"I think I should take you to the hospital wing." James said.
"No! No, I'm fine; I don't want to go to the hospital wing." I said.
Well then lets get you back to your dorm. You should get some rest." James said.
He was picking me up and I knew that this would happen to me everytime I tried to tell him. I knew I had to do this now.
"James stop. Listen, I have to tell you now." I said.
James set me down and we both sat in the floor. He looked at me expectantly and I could feel my heart beat getting faster. I was nervous, but who wouldn't be? It's not like I've ever told anyone before. Telling James was giving him my ultimate trust. I hope he understood that. I think he knew it was hard for me to say anything because he held one of my hands and started rubbing it. I slowly pulled it away from him and looked in his eyes. Here goes...
"James, what I've been trying to tell you is that, I was raped." I said slowly as I looked at the ground.
James did nothing.
"It was this past year at Drumstrang. One of the seventh year students attacked me. I was only fifeteen. The worst part is that I was awake the whole time. He didn't stun me or bind me. He didn't even use magic. I screamed every chance that I could, when he wasn't covering my mouth. But I still remember everywhere his hands touched my body, and I remember how much it hurt. It was so painful, but I only wanted him to stop. I was praying that I'd just die because I knew that nobody would hear me. We were in a top tower that's not even used. He had followed me up there I guess. I used to go there all the time because it had this roof where you could get the greatest view of the land and sky. Anyways, after he was finished (James cringed) he just whispered all these evil things that he would do to me if I ever told anyone. When he was distracted doing, other things, I screamed and someone heard me. It was my best friend. The only friend I had. She found us, but..." I stopped.
James made to say something but I silenced him with my hand.
"She found us and he, he pulled out his wand. He said this curse and then she fell to the ground. She didn't move, and just by the look on her face when he said the spell, I knew that she was dead. After he killed her, I thought for sure I would be next. But instead, he just kept on like before. And I had no choice but to let him while I stared at the body of my once best friend. No matter how much I tried to fight him, I couldn't. And my best friend was dead! She was dead because of me. I tried to save her, but, I couldn't. And I was hit unconscience. It wasn't until exactly a month later that I had any memory of it taking place. And then it was only because, because certain comlpications arose." I said quietly.
"You were pregnant." James said quietly.
"I was only fifeteen. I went to the headmaster but he didn't believe me. He said there wasn't any proof. And even though my best friend was murdered, it was all covered up. The students were told it was an accident and it never really got out of the castle."I said, tears pouring down my face.
"Two months later, at the end of the year, I fell down three flights of stairs." I said.
"You fell?" James asked.
"No, I was pushed. I know itwas because I went to the headmaster. He must have found out.I was probably supposed to die. But it was not my death that was achieved." I said.
"You lost the baby." James said.
"And I felt bad because, I was relieved. Am I horrible because I didn't want it?"I asked as I cried into my hands.
James wrapped an arm around me, but I quickly pushed him away.
"No! Don't touch me! How could you touch someone like me?" I screamed at him.
James had tears slowly rolling down his gentle face.
"Lily, please don't push me away. Lily, please? I love you!" He whispered.
He put his arms around me again and I only cried.
James held me in his arms and I felt like everything was going to be ok.
"Thank you Lily. Thank you for telling me, and for trusting me." James whispered.
"Thank you for loving me." I whispered back to him.
James' grip tightened and I knew I did the right thing. It was almost like this big weight had been lifted off of me now. I knew I had yet to tell James about my mother, but already itwas so much easier to breathe.