Warning: I know, I know…I keep doing this, but…yeah. The latter part of this chapter has potentially disturbing content, which might actually be triggering. If you are unsure, please skip the italicized/bolded last bit of this chapter.
I was listening to Regina Spektor's song 'Oedipus' while writing said section. If anyone notices how different my style becomes in that scene…listen to the song and you might understand why.
Also: I considered getting an AO3 account, but then apparently you need an invite and there are +20000 people on the waiting list and I was like 'aint nobody got time for that' and am sticking with Tumblr and FFnet for the time being.
Can I just say that the character development I'm most excited about besides Loki is actually Clint? Boy, do I have plans for him...
Don't you hate it when you're reading a really good story on AO3 and then it fREAKING ENDS IN A CLIFFHANGER AND THE STORY HASN'T BEEN UPDATED IN MORE THAN A MONTH? My feels are shot and gOSHDARNIT AND YOU ALL WONDER WHY I TRY TO SADISTICALLY RETALIATE.
Enjoy this chapter, in which the house of Odin sucks at communication and would be That Family whose family road trip takes them five hundred miles away from where they originally intended.
"How's it going?"
Tony rubbed his eyes before calculating a formula on the screen JARVIS provided for him. "Give me a cup of coffee and I'll talk."
Bruce snorted. "You realize that drinking as much coffee as you do and nothing else can cause dehydration?"
"That's why I get my coffee iced. Eventually the ice will melt and everything will be fine. JARVIS, give me a screen of all of Sleeping Beauty's records, will you?"
JARVIS obediently pulled up a table of Loki's records. His breathing and heart rate were still unusually slow and his blood pressure was low, not to mention the wounds he sustained that were now added to the rest of the damage were barely healing. The only good sign that Tony got from the prototype was that the Mind Gem wasn't sucking Loki's life out, at least. Although, that could be due to the fact that Loki wasn't trying to use his magic more than anything else.
"Frankly, I think it's a good sign that this guy's still alive," said Tony.
"His body's not reacting well to the medicine or treatment I'm giving him," said Bruce. "I don't know if it's because of his biological makeup or because of the Gem…where's Thor? I was going to ask him."
"Not in Loki's room; that's all I know," said Tony, pulling up a holographic model of the prototype. "I had JARVIS lock him out of it."
"Lock him out—? What for?" said Bruce, aghast. "Why would you keep Thor away from Loki?"
"Because he's going to turn into stone if he keeps sitting there like a widow all day and all night," said Tony. "He needs some exercise. And food. And a life."
"It's perfectly normal for Thor to be worried," said Bruce. "Frankly, I don't know why you think your artificial intelligence can put up with Thor when he wants to do what he wants, even if your doors are made of the strongest alloy you can find."
"He wouldn't break through them if he thought he'd hurt Loki in the process," said Tony.
"Aren't they automatic?" said Bruce.
"Thor still doesn't understand the concept of automatic doors. I think we'll be fine," said Tony. "Dummy! Dummy, get me some coffee."
The spindly robot wheeled away from Tony's work room, crashing into the doorway along the way. Bruce raised his eyebrows.
"You need some sleep, Tony."
"Sleep is for the weak. And the inebriated. Which I'm not, this time," said Tony.
"You might as well be," said Bruce. "You're making JARVIS play Asian pop music again."
Tony turned sharply to one of the screens before quickly shutting off JARVIS' music player before the surprise music could reach the chorus.
"Ever since Reindeer Games messed with JARVIS, he hasn't been the same since," said Tony. "I should have thought twice when I challenged him to a competition."
"Finally found someone to battle for your genius title?" said Bruce with a wry smile.
"Hey, that was already you. Now this guy is battling for JARVIS' control," said Tony.
"Speaking of control, sir," said JARVIS. "I think I ought to inform you that you have a visitor."
"Tell them to go away, I'm busy," said Tony.
"I'm afraid that this visitor is already upon your outer deck, making her way into the tower as we speak."
"Excuse me?" said Tony. "She's on the outer deck and not the door? She?"
"Please don't tell me this is another one of your crazed fan girls come to steal your boxers," said Bruce.
"Well, can't say it never happened before," said Tony. "Wait, wait, hold on. Keep your doors closed, JARVIS. How did you not notify me about this earlier?"
"Doors properly secured, sir. And she did not appear on your property until 0.93 seconds before I alerted you."
"Oh my God, I have a flying squirrel for a fan girl," said Tony. He shut off all the screens in the work room and hurried out, Bruce at his heels. "Guys? Guys! Hey, SHIELD, you guys suck at your job."
Clint poked his head out from behind the corner, bow and arrow aloft. "What are you talking about?"
"Aren't there supposed to be some of you guarding my deck?" said Tony, making his way toward the bar and living room. "Yeah, great job, considering I apparently have an intruder coming in through this way."
"Intruder?" Clint's eyes sharpened. "We were told we had to keep certain somebodies from coming out, not getting in."
"Yeah, well, tell that to JARVIS."
Tony came out of the hallway into the marbled room, expecting a horde of parachuting fangirls at his deck. However, who he saw was no one he ever expected or recognized. At the glass door was a tall, golden woman, waiting patiently at the steps as if she knew he was coming around. Tony glanced back at Bruce, who threw his hands up in confusion just as well, before approaching the glass.
"JARVIS, establish a PA system between the outer deck and inside this room," said Tony.
"Coming along, sir."
First, the sound of static, before the communication system set itself upright. Tony cleared his throat, unable to stop gaping at the fair woman on the other side of the glass. She bowed her head slightly in acknowledgment of him. She was slightly older and had a somewhat familiar essence to her, even though he was very, very sure he never met her in his entire life.
"So, hi," said Tony. He could hear his voice on the other side of the glass. "I don't mean to be rude, but who are you?"
Bruce groaned audibly behind him.
"Are you Anthony Stark?" said the woman. Her voice was warm but firm.
"That's me," said Tony. "Did you…er, did you just fly up here or something?"
"This was the way I entered," she said.
He cast a glance at Bruce. Bruce had the look of why do you expect me to know on his face.
"The front door is always the best bet," he said.
"So much for tact, Tony," said Bruce.
"I apologize for the inconvenience, son of Stark," said the woman.
"Son of—? Oh shit. Oh no," said Tony. He had enough weird Asgardian godlings under his roof and he was definitely not trained to deal with this. "Wait—look, this is a little forward, but who are you?"
"I am Frigga of Asgard," said the woman. "Is Thor with you?"
"Asgard? Thor?" said Bruce. "Are you saying you're—er, that you know Thor?"
"Clint, go find Thor," said Tony, feeling a little dazed from all the events.
"Where am I supposed to find Thor?" said Clint. "In Loki's room?"
"No, no Loki's room, I locked him out."
"Is Loki all right?" said Frigga, her eyes widening at the sound of the name.
"The answer depends on who you are in relations to him," said Tony. Clint ran off to fetch for Thor. Even with Bruce and himself on one side and only this Frigga person on the other, he couldn't help but feel relatively outnumbered. This Frigga woman had an aura to her that was sweetly formidable.
"Tony, stop stalling and let her in," said Bruce.
"Is that wise?" said Tony from the corner of his mouth.
"If she was dangerous, I think she would have taken down the whole tower by now."
"Debatable," said Tony. When Clint reappeared with Thor at the elevators, Tony threw his arms wide apart. "Thor, buddy, help us out here. What the hell are all your people doing coming here without warning?"
Thor completely ignored Tony, his eyes widening when he set his eyes upon Frigga. He hurried forward, bewildered and speechless.
"Mother, what are you doing here?" Thor said.
Wait—mother?
This woman that Tony was locking out was Thor's mother, as in queen and potentially powerful goddess of Asgard?
"Thor," said Frigga, pressing her hands against the glass.
"JARVIS, can you open the door?" said Tony.
A small click, and the door was unlocked. Frigga stepped into the tower, closing the glass gently behind her. When Thor started to move toward her with arms held aloft to embrace her, she—in all her elegance and grace—stepped forward and slapped him across the face.
The look of pure perplexity on Thor's face didn't even come close to the absolute bewilderment of everyone else in the room.
"My son," said Frigga. Her voice was something comparable to honey set on fire. "Do you know how much distress you put us through?"
"I—what?" said Thor, absolutely confused.
Tony couldn't help but gawk. It wasn't every day that a woman flew onto his deck, walked in, slapped Thor, and berated him until he sulked like a puppy.
"Of all the things you kept secret from me, you keep this," said Frigga.
"How did you—how did you find out?" said Thor.
"Do you think you can hide much from Heimdall? Much less your own mother?" said Frigga.
Bruce, Clint, and Tony were absolutely and irrevocably lost that it ought to be humorous how lost they were.
"I know I have disobeyed Father's commands," said Thor, his voice grave. "But I could not let Loki die alone. I had to go to him and bring him to safety, and I regret nothing of it."
Frigga looked positively appalled.
"Do you think that I am angry at you for that?" said Frigga.
Thor looked so lost that Tony would have laughed, if he wasn't just as confused.
"Then…then what is going on?" said Thor.
"The least you could have done was tell me, my son," said Frigga. "Instead of let me build up my magic in order to transport myself in between the branches of Yggdrasil to find Loki myself only to have Heimdall tell me you had gone off yourself with no direction, no magic, nothing to protect yourself or your brother with save your stubborn heart, and you had not even confided in your own mother of your secret."
Thor's eyes were so wide that he looked as if he shrank in age by many years. "You…you nearly sought Loki yourself? You would disobey your own husband?"
"Don't you turn this argument to me, now," said Frigga. "I asked Heimdall constantly where you and Loki were, but the both of you were shielded from view until recently, and for weeks I endlessly feared that the both of you were lost in the Void and that I could never reach you."
"I—I'm sorry for worrying you, Mother," said Thor. "I feared you would stop me."
"Stop you? Thor Odinson, let me tell you—" God, Thor's mother was intimidating. "As I was searching for a way to reach Loki, I ran into your own father making the same plans to sneak out of Asgard to find him."
Thor's eyes nearly bugged down and he choked on his own breath. "You—Father—Mother, how is this even possible? Father had chosen the Gauntlet instead of Loki, he stopped me from running to him—"
"One thing you and Loki ought to know is that you both did not inherit your recklessness from no one," said Frigga. "Asgard is facing troubles but your father will not stop fretting for the both of you."
"Thor, what exactly is going on…?" said Bruce, piping up in between the awkward pause.
"Right—oh, yes, of course," Thor said, flustered. "My friends—this is my mother, Queen Frigga of Asgard. Mother—I've spoken to you before of my companions. This is Anthony son of Stark the engineer, Bruce son of Banner, and Clint son of Barton. They have shown unending kindness to Loki and me—"
At the mention of her youngest, Frigga's face was strained with pain.
"How is Loki, Thor?" she said. "Where is my little boy?"
"He is still healing," said Thor. "But he…his progress is slow if not unchanging." He turned to Tony. "Stark, will you grant us access?"
"Right…right, sure," said Tony. "JARVIS, unlock the doors for them."
"Right away, sir."
Tony watched Thor lead Frigga to Loki's room, his heart unusually hollow at the sight of them. Maybe it was jealousy, or maybe he was just plain awful, but to realize that Thor and Loki, who were probably hundreds or thousands of years older than Tony, still had their mother around to care for them, made Tony realize how very little time he ever had with his own mother. He shook his head vigorously to shed these unbecoming sentiments (Twenty years. One would think he'd forget everything in twenty years).
"Hey, Bruce," said Tony. "Wanna help me fix that reactor really fast in case Mama Thor asks us about it?"
"Let's get working," said Bruce.
Thor hesitated at first when he approached the door. Loki's state would no doubt shake Frigga, but she walked forward before Thor could even warn her. The doors parted, letting them into the room. It was a rather lonely room, with only one medic cleaning his supplies on the side of the room. There was also Natasha at his bedside, reading from her paperback book, completely unaware of Thor and Frigga's appearance. She spoke in low tones, leaning toward Loki low enough for him to hear, should he be awake.
"What is it then to me, if impious war, Array'd in flames like to the prince of fiends, Do, with his smirch'd complexion, all fell feats enlink'd to waste and desolation?" she read aloud as she turned the page. Thor suddenly felt a surge of thankfulness and affection for Natasha. "What is't to me, when you yourselves are cause, if your pure maidens fall into the hand of hot and forcing violation? What rein can hold licentious wickedness when down the hill he holds his fierce career?"
"Agent Romanoff," he said softly. She looked up from her book, her lips still shaped in half-word. Her eyes fell upon Thor and Frigga and she sat up straight immediately, snapping the book shut in one hand. Thor could see Frigga studying Natasha intently from the corner of his eyes. He gestured to his mother. "Please meet my mother, Queen Frigga of Asgard. Mother, Natasha Romanoff of SHIELD. She is the prominent warrior I spoke to you of before."
"Enchanted to meet you, young lady," Frigga said, but she only had eyes for her son. Natasha bowed her head in response, tucking her copy of her book into her jacket pocket.
"I'll leave you two," she said under her breath before slipping from her stool and heading out the door before Thor could stop her. She fled from the room without a second glance back, letting the doors slide shut behind her with a misty click.
Frigga wordlessly sat next to Loki's bed, taking his still hand in hers. She closed her eyes, pressing his white knuckles against her lips. Thor sat next to her, his mouth becoming very dry. She sat still, silent as if praying, squeezing Loki's hand as if trying to let the warmth of her own body seep into his.
"Mother," said Thor, his voice cracking. "I must tell you something."
He heard the doors slide open and shut again behind them. The medic too had silently slipped away, leaving the family alone. Frigga did not respond, but she opened her eyes, waiting for Thor to speak.
"This is all my fault," Thor said.
"Do not do this to yourself," said Frigga, her lips brushing Loki's cold hand.
"I was the one who convinced you and Father that Loki had defected with the Chitauri," said Thor. "I was the one who kept anyone from trying to save him from their torture. And here—now—it was I who drove him out of the tower in a fit of sorrow. Had it not been for me and my harsh words, he would not have been so upset that he ran off, and he wouldn't have—the Chitauri wouldn't have—" His throat grew thick with his guilt and he lowered his head.
"It is my fault as much as yours," said Frigga. "He has committed terrible crimes, but he never deserved the torture he went through."
She brushed a loose strand of black hair from Loki's forehead, her fingers lingering as they grazed his mind. She pressed her lips together.
"It is as if he does not realize I am with him," she said. "My little boy does not know that his mother is here for him."
Thor squeezed Frigga's wrist gently. "He risked his life for me."
"Heimdall told me," said Frigga. "He finally caught sight of you on Midgard when the Chitauri had invaded this city. I would have come earlier, but I could not find the rips in space as easily as I had once known them."
"The Chitauri tried to take him back again," said Thor. "They almost did."
Frigga's hand hovered over Loki's chest. Frowning slightly, she let her fingers fall upon the disc that Tony had fastened on top of where the Mind Gem was in Loki's chest.
"I feel power stirring underneath that does not belong to Loki," said Frigga. "It recoils from my touch as if it is my enemy."
"The Mind Gem is in him," said Thor. "Thanos sewed it within him as a form of torture."
"The Mind Gem?" Frigga said, paling. When Thor nodded, she bit her lip. "Loki wields this unwillingly. Such power is not meant to be encased in a fragile body. If left unchecked, it may slowly kill him."
"Stark is working endlessly to counteract its powers," said Thor. "They are close to doing it."
"But until Loki is protected, they are very far," said Frigga. "It feeds on his magic, and with his energy so depleted, it hungrily takes all that it can. Little is left for Loki to heal with."
She placed a fair hand on Loki's forehead and closed her eyes. Slowly, a warm but dim glow emitted from the gaps between her fingers, sinking into Loki's skin. Thor watched, enthralled, as Frigga poured some of her own magic into Loki. Light streamed down Loki's body as if it was replacing the blood in his veins, sinking into the cruelest wounds.
"Mother?" said Thor.
"I can spare enough to help him now," said Frigga. "But I cannot counteract the Mind Gem's force. He will need his own strength for that."
Thor tightened his grip on his mother, feeling her warm magic trickle from her body into Loki. He imagined that he could see Loki's wounds underneath his bandages slowly knit together and his blood flow more cleanly, but all healing took its time, and he must be patient. He must be strong.
"Mother," he said after a while.
Frigga let her hand fall from Loki's head. She looked drained but still held herself upright. She gave Thor a pained, tight-lipped smile.
"The Mind Gem is a hungry one," she said. "It devoured my magic immediately, but bought Loki a little time to collect his own."
"Rest, Mother," said Thor. "You had a long journey from Asgard to here."
"I must help Loki," said Frigga. "Even if I stepped away, my heart would not rest."
"We will in time," said Thor. "Loki will return."
"But will he return to us?" said Frigga.
Thor hesitated and let a tired sigh escape his lips.
"So long as he returns, I will be at peace," said Thor.
Frigga stroked Loki's black hair absentmindedly, her eyes hungrily searching his still face. Thor was reminded of their childhood, when Loki couldn't sleep after hours of tossing and turning in his bed, and Frigga would come to his room and sing to him lullabies, stroking his head until he was eased into sleep. Thor once teased Loki for this, but now he wanted nothing more than to have this rest as well. To have the peace underneath his mother's hands, drifting into a dream where he didn't fear waking up.
Where Loki would wake up alongside him. Where Loki would not fear the love of his family.
When there was no fighting, no hatred, no anger, no accusation. When it didn't matter who was king or even what was a king but that there were two brothers and they were inseparable. When the golden world did not crumble to dust.
"Oh, Mother," said Thor. His voice shook. "I'm so, so tired."
Frigga wrapped her arms around Thor and he let himself sink in her embrace, wishing never to resurface.
Loki hid, holding his breath, curled in a ball, trying to disappear in the space. He wondered how long he could last without taking a breath. Don't make a sound. Don't make a sound he will hear you pleasedon'tmake a sound stop it stopbreathing stoplookingstop
He was coming. Loki could hear those heavy footsteps, feel the dust billow at every step, and he could feel the pain already, pain coursing through his veins his muscles his bones his everything until he was the epitome of pain no he was pain he was Pain he was PAIN
Cover your mouth. Don't let a sound come out of you. Let a sound come out and you're dead. You're dead you're dead but you're not because you're Death.
He knew. He knew Loki was here. He could hear the heavy, hungry breathing. He could almost feel it in his ear, consolidate into liquid and pour into his head. Like poison in the ear. Killing the true king. Killing the real king. Screams. Death by screams. Poison screams.
This was worse than the times when the Chitauri hunted him, pursued him like the beast he was and they the hungers to rid the world of monstrosity. This was worse than the times they shot him with arrows and strung him to a spit. This was worse. This was worse.
"Death." He was whispering. Loki wanted to cover his eyes. "Death, come to me. Death, I am here. Let me take you."
Death. Death.
Loki did not know what Death looked like, but he could guess. Inky black hair, a white thin face, and eyes too large and too light.
His shadows shifted and Loki almost cried out. He knew. He knew. HE KNEW.
A rough, coarse hand reached out and grabbed Loki out of his hiding place by the hair. Loki swallowed a scream as he was jerked out into the open. He could see Thanos' wild, burning eyes as they raked his body.
"Oh, Death," Thanos said. "How pale you are. How beautiful."
Scream, oh scream. Please, just let me scream because that's all I want that's all I can do that's all please please just let me scream because there's nothing left of me but my name and my voice and you're taking that too—
"How beautiful you are, Death," said Thanos."How much I love you."
Love made Thanos hungry.
Lust made Thanos blind.
No no no no NO NO NO NO PLEASE LET GO PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME PLEASE LET ME GO
Monsters. Insects. Crawling into the holes in his body, eating his insides. They were chewing tunnels through his body and how it hurt how it hurt.
Please no leave me alone please don't I can't no oh no I am not who you think I am open your eyes please no no oh no
OH GOD NO PLEASE STOP
PLEASE STOP THIS END THIS NO MORE DON'T LET THEM IN ME PLEASE
(Thanos was so, so in love with Death)
So hungry was love so hungry so ravenous so greedy so desperate SO DESPERATE THIS IS A LIE YOU ARE MAKING A LIE YOU ARE LOVING A LIE A LIE
Loki was gone, all of him was gone, not even his body was his anymore he was nothing, his voice was dying, his eyes were fading, he was nothing, he was hiding and now he was gone and no shadows belonged to him anymore and was this dying was this the end could there be anything left for better or for worse? All he had was his name. Himself. All. That is all.
Please no more I can't take this anymore please it hurts it HURTS IT HURTS SO MUCH AND YOU'RE TAKING ME ALIVE YOU'RE HURTING ME YOU'RE TAKING ME YOU'RE KILLING ME OH DEATH HAVE MERCY COME HERE AND HAVE MERCY
In the end, Loki lost even his name.
Thanos made him become Death.