Chapter 24- Sometimes, It Just Needs To Rain
"She thought she knew everything. What she didn't know, she believed in with all of her heart. She said life was nothing but faith. Faith that you'll make a difference. Faith that your life will count for something. Faith that thing's will get better when you've hit the bottom. 'There's nowhere to go now but up.' She would say, and then she would smile. The way she looked at you, you couldn't help but believe her. She made you feel like everything was just something that we had to go through, but that we would get past it. I never thought that something would ever be the end of her. She was so strong willed. Nothing could hold her back. And it never did. Her spirit was free. She could not have been retained, or imprisoned. She was a fighter. She was a survivor. She had so much passion for life. There were so many dreams that she wanted to fulfill. And she would have. She was the perfect friend. The best example of loyalty and trustworthiness. She was the perfect partner, honest and pure. To have known her was to know beauty. The light that she seemed to shine on us will be missed, as this world seems to have become darker already. She will be remembered." He said.
He slowly stepped away from the podium and walked down the middle aisle of the guests. I turned around and watched him as he walked to the freshly dug grave that was just at the edge of the tents. He stood before it for a few moments before he collapsed to his knees with his head in his hands. I looked to my left at James who was looking straight ahead, watching someone else say their words of respect. Right now, Charlie needed me. I squeezed James' hand and he looked at me.
"He needs me." I whispered.
James nodded and stood so that I could get out of the row we were seated in. I walked down the aisle slowly, aware that there were probably people watching me. My friends were, for sure. I glanced behind me to see James, back in his seat and watching me. What would I do without James? On this thought, I walked faster toward Charlie. I knew that he had felt the same way about Leah.
I approached him slowly and knealt next to him.
"I dont understand. Why?" He asked softly.
"We don't always ask for things to happen. Sometimes they just do." I heard myself saying.
"Do you ever get past it Lily?" Charlie asked.
I thought about my rape.
"No, Charlie, you don't get past it." I said.
Charlie looked up at me with watery eyes.
"Charlie, mate, we're here for you." James said.
I turned around to see James put a a supportive hand on Charlie's shoulder.
"You just find something to replace it." I said to Charlie as I glanced at James.
Charlie nodded and bent his head down again, grabbing a handful of green grass. I felt a hand pull on my arm and let James help me back to me feet.
"We need to go." He whispered in my ear.
"What?" I asked.
James pointed to a middle aged couple walking toward us.
"I think Charlie would like to talk to her parents alone. We should leave." James said.
I nodded. Leah's parents arrived just as James lead me away. I could hear them speaking to Charlie, but I don't know what they were saying. I was too concerned about what I had said to Charlie. 'You just find something to replace it'. I had been reffering to James. But what if I lose James like Charlie lost Leah? In my heart, I know that nothing could ever replace James. I cast a sidelong glance at him. He was wearing a nice black suit, a long black overcoat, his hair was mostly flat, his cologne smelled wonderful, but what I couldn't get past was the look in his eyes. I knew that he was trying to be strong, for me. He always was.
"James." I said.
"Yeah Lils?" He said looking forward.
I squeezed his hand and stopped walking.
He stopped and turned toward me.
"It's ok to be upset. You don't have to be strong for me." I said.
James bit his lip.
"Lils, it's just that, I don't know how-" James started saying.
"What?" I asked.
"It's different when I comfort you, but, I just dont know how to handle it." James said. "How did you get through this when it was your brother?"
"I had you." I said.
James stared at me for about a whole minute.
Have you ever realized how slow a minute passes when you take the time to appreciate every second?
James closed the distance between us and hugged me. He held my head with one of his hands and he rubbed my back with his other.
"I need you Lil." James said.
I hugged him tighter.
"Good, because I need you too." I said.
James kissed the top of my head.
"How are we getting back to Hogwarts?" I asked.
"The Knight Bus." James said, his arms still around me.
"When do we have to leave?" I asked.
"Soon I suppose." James said.
I pulled back.
"We'll get through this Lil. Together." James said.
I nodded.
"Yeah, we will." I said.
As we were leaving, it started raining. I looked up at the sky and sighed, the somber weather was reflecting exactly how everyone here was feeling. I guess sometimes, it just needs to rain.