Chapter 27- The Right Thing to Do Isn't Always the Easiest
It was well known by the Evans family and all of the staff at the manor that the screaming matches my mother and I got into was heard throughout the whole house. It was, however, an entirely new to be one of the people to be woken up by an Evans screaming match and not be the cause or active participant of it.
I jerked up suddenly and rubbed my pounding head.
"What's going on?" James muttered sleepily as he also sat up.
"No idea. It's Charlie, he's really angry. I can feel it... It woke me up." I said curiously as I got up and pulled on my robe.
"Do you want me to come with you? It sounds intense." James asked as I headed toward the door.
I glanced at the clock on the wall.
7:00 am.
"No, it's still early. Go back to sleep." I said.
He looked unsure at first but a large yawn escaped him before he decided to flop back onto the bed.
I shook my head and smiled as I decided to make my way downstairs. The logical place to begin any search, in my seven am opinion, is the kitchen. The fact that I know there will be coffee in the kitchen has nothing to do with it. Tea is well and all, but I've always preferred coffee. I know, I know. England should kick me out.
"Well, I'll simply refuse." I recognized Charlie's voice as I neared the kitchen.
Found him. But, who is he fighting with at this hour? Well actually, that should be pretty obvious too. My brain must be slow this morning, definitely need that coffee.
I pushed the kitchen door open and walked in.
"I won't allow it! It's your duty to this family!" My mother shouted.
Of course, just knew dear mum would be involved.
"Why don't you just disown me like you always threaten Lily, we'll be a packaged deal!" He said.
"What is going on?" I shouted.
They both paused in their argument and turned their eyes to me.
"She wants me to take Harry's place." Charlie said furiously.
"It's his responsibility! He's the only male heir left. Not that you'd care much about responsibilities." Mother said to me.
"Don't take it out on her. It's got nothing to do with her. I said I refuse and that's just how it is." Charlie said.
"You wait until your father hears about this!" She threatened.
"Where is father?" I asked curiously as I poured a cup of coffee.
My mother looked at me and rolled her eyes. She was probably aggravated that I wasn't taking her seriously.
"He's out of town." She said with exasperation.
I nodded and sat down at the table Charlie was standing next to. I picked up the morning paper as they carried on.
"He already knows I'm going to fight in the war." Charlie said.
"What war?" Mother asked.
"It's in the Wizarding World, not that you want to hear anything about that." Charlie said with contempt.
"So, you're going to ruin this family for some magic thing?" She said with disgust.
Charlie glared.
"I'd hardly call this a family." He said venomously.
She rolled her eyes as I sat down the paper and watched them with my full attention.
"You're the only male Evans left. You don't have a choice in the matter. You're to become the next Lord. For heavens sake, the media is already wondering where it is you've been these past months. The (social) season is underway! And your father won't be able to sit on parliament forever." She said.
"Pass it on to someone who cares." He said indifferently.
"Why can't you be more like Harry?" She yelled furiously.
"Harry is DEAD." Charlie said in an eerily calm voice.
My eyes widened and I looked up at Charlie. I'd never heard him like that before.
Mother walked forward and slapped him.
I jumped up and put a hand on Charlie's shoulder. He was shaking with fury.
Mother cast one hateful look at me before she turned for the door.
I looked after her to see James standing in the doorway with wide eyes as mother walked right past him, not as much as an ashamed look at him having heard the argument. She just kept going like it was nothing, going to sit at breakfast that had been prepared in the dining room. Like everything was perfectly fine.
And that is why I never wanted to be a socialite. To have to mask your emotions all of the time... She didn't used to be such a monster. When we were growing up my father wasn't Lord Evans until I was 11, when my grandfather passed away. She used to be a really loving mother who didn't care what people thought. She was even excited when I first found out I was a witch. That is, until Petunia mentioned it to someone and mother had to cover it up and witness exactly what her new world was going to be like… non accepting of the unordinary. And then she just got so carried away with it that I doubt she even remembers the woman she used to be.
"Charlie... Don't listen to her." I whispered as I tightened my grip on his shoulder.
He shrugged off my hand and walked for the back door slamming it shut at his exit.
I sighed and turned toward James. He came over and offered me a hug.
"I'm ready to leave." I said quietly.
"What about Charlie?" He asked.
I shook my head.
"It's not very likely that he's still here." I said.
James nodded.
"We'll go home then." He said as he pulled out of the hug.
He grasped my hand, pulled out his wand, and apparated us to his house.
"Do you want any breakfast? My parents have already gone to the ministry and Sirius is probably still asleep, but the house elves always have something in the kitchen." James said.
I glanced out the window. It was still very early. I looked back to James and shook my head.
"Sleep sounds good." I said.
We walked up the stairs to James' room.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked as we lay on the bed.
"No." I said as I turned into his arms.
"Ok." He said.
I closed my eyes, just enjoying the peace.
"Lils...Lils wake up." James said.
"Lils…It's two o' clock." James tried again.
I rolled away and groaned. Funny how too much sleep can make you tired.
"Lils." James whispered before kissing my ear.
I opened one eye and looked over at him.
He smiled.
"Good, now time to get up." James said as he handed me a towel.
I opened both eyes and stared at the towel for a moment, still groggy from sleep.
"Go shower. You'll feel better." He said.
He ushered me into his bathroom and shut the door behind me, laughing at me as I muttered obscenities about him waking me up.
After I showered and changed my clothes, I checked the time and saw that I needed to be heading to Hogwarts. I sent an owl to Dumbledore last night when James was asleep with my agreement to the secret proposition he made on the last day of school and then he sent me one back immediatley with directions to come back today and discuss a few more things that we didnt discuss the last time we talked.
"Hey James, have you seen or heard from Charlie?" I asked as I walked into the kitchen to grab a quick snack.
I wasn't even surprised to see him in the kitchen. The boys always seemed to be close by to it, which is probably due to the fact that they're constantly eating.
"No, I haven't." He said.
I nodded.
"I think I'm going to go out for a bit. I know a few places that he could be." I said.
James stood up.
"Ok, let me just run upstairs quickly for my wand and I'll come with you." He said.
"It's ok. You stay here. I'll be fine. And looking for him will give me a chance to sort things out from this morning and stuff." I said lamely.
James gave me a strange look.
"Are you sure you should be going alone?" He asked.
"I'll be fine." I said as I pulled out my wand for him to see.
"I still think I should come with you." James said as he crossed his arms.
"Really, I'll be fine. Go try to keep Sirius entertained." I said.
"Are you trying to get rid of me?" He asked.
"Yes, but in a nice way." I said.
He narrowed his eyes and made a sour face. I laughed.
"I'll see you soon." I said as I grabbed an apple from a bowl of fruit on the counter and started walking back out of the door.
I was reaching for the handle when James grabbed my arm and spun me back around. His lips met mine as he pulled me into him. A few minutes later we broke apart and I looked up at James as I tried to catch my breath.
"What was that for?" I asked breathlessly.
He smirked.
"I just wanted to give you a proper goodbye."
He kissed my cheek swiftly and told me he loved me before walking out of the kitchen and leaving me still standing in the same spot, slightly dazed but otherwise splendidly surprised.
Charlie, Sirius, James, and I had all passed the apparation test a couple days ago. But, seeing as how nobody is supposed to be able to apparate in and out of Hogwarts, I had to floo. So making sure nobody was around, I walked into one of the many rooms in James' house that had a fireplace and floo'd into Dumbledore's office.
"Ah, here she is now." Dumbledore said as I stood up and dusted myself off.
I walked further into his office and Dumbledore gestured for me to take a seat across from him at his desk.
And then I noticed there was someone else in the room. He turned to look at me from his seat across from Dumbledore and I stopped walking.
He was beautiful. The man couldn't have been that much older than me. He was definitely still in his early twenties. He had dark black hair that just barely fell over his eyes. His light blue eyes were looking back at me, as if they were sizing me up. His face had a little stubble from lack of shaving; but his body, from what I could tell, looked fit. And he seemed relaxed, but tense at the same time. It's like he was lazily sitting in the chair, stretching his body out, but his eyes were sharp making it seem like he was ready to spring into action at a moments notice. He had the whole dark and handsome, mysterious stranger thing going on.
I took a deep breath and continued to my seat, next to the handsome stranger.
"Lily, how are you?" Dumbledore asked.
"I'm very good." I said nervously.
He smiled.
"I would like you to meet Donovan Mihailov. Mr. Mihailov, this is Miss Lily Evans." Dumbledore said.
He smiled at me and I almost fainted. Wait- Mihailov? That name was all over the trophies at Drumstrang! I've heard of him! He was the only person to ever be in Drumstrang's dueling club that went undefeated his entire time in the organization. And it was a very prestigious organization. I'd never been allowed to even watch the matches, but I'd heard plenty of rumors about them.
"I've heard a lot about you." He said as he stuck his hand out for me to shake.
You could barely trace any of his German accents, which I knew to be where he was originally from. He was kind of a legend at Drumstrang.
I reached out my hand and shook his.
"Nice to meet you." I managed to mumble.
His smile got even bigger and he let go of my hand.
"Lily, Donovan has been working with us for awhile now. He's been doing a lot of undercover work for us, and he's one of the best in the field. He's agreed to train you for the next month, before we send you out." Dumbledore said.
"A month?" I spluttered.
"Yes. We're not sending you out in the field without any type of training, regardless of any other special qualifications you have for the task. I'll need a minimum of one month to train you and in that time you'll be in a secret and protected training camp the entire time, with no connection to the outside world." Mihailov said.
I swallowed. It felt like the impact of my decision to accept Dumbledore's offer to join the secret Order of the Phoenix on the last day of school was finally hitting me. I mean, I knew it was going to be serious. And I knew I'd have to make sacrifices. But I also knew that this was what I wanted to do. I just, I didn't think it would all be happening so soon.
"When?" I asked.
Dumbledore looked at me over his glasses.
"Immediately. We'll give you a few days to fully prepare. And my dear, I trust you know what this means? After your training you'll be going straight into the field on top secret missions, for unknown amounts of time." He said.
"I understand, sir." I said.
He nodded.
"Very good. I'll leave the two of you to finish out the details. I'm afraid I have an appointment in London." He said.
And with a nod of his head he disapparated from within Hogwarts. Just like that.
Donovan turned to me and his polite demeanor changed.
"Listen Evans, I'm not going to sugar coat this for you. What you're doing is very dangerous and life threatening. Do you understand? This isn't some secret spy game. I've devoted my life to this. What we're doing is of the utmost secrecy. What we do cannot, and I mean absolutely cannot, get out. That means from here on out, Lily Evans is dead. You have no more family. You have no more friends. And you have no more lovers. Do you understand? Do you understand what you're really getting yourself into? You're young, but Dumbledore seems to think you have some assets that would greatly benefit our side. And that's the only reason I've agreed to do this. But I have to know now that you're ready to fully commit to this, that I'm not wasting my time on some teenager who thinks she wants to be a hero. We're out there doing the work and we'll never be recognized for it. We're not Aurors, we're much more important in this war." He said.
I swallowed but slowly nodded my head.
"I know what I'm doing. I'm not here for any glory." I said.
He stared at me for a moment before he also nodded.
"We'll give you a few days to cut everyone you know off from you. Leave no connections. It's your story. Just make it acceptable. We don't need posters going up with your face on them to blow your cover, understand?" He said.
"Yes." I said again.
"In a few days, you'll receive an owl from me with co ordinations for you to meet me. Only with me can you enter the training grounds. Bring your trunk and keep your belongings to strictly clothing and essentials. Any photos you might think you want to bring will only put you and those people in danger should they be found. Bring nothing that would identify you as Lily Evans." He said.
I nodded again.
"I understand." I said.
"Pack for cold weather and things that you can do physical activity in comfortably." He said.
"Yes sir." I said.
He stared at me for a moment longer.
"Right. I'll be in contact with you soon. "He said as he stood up and made his way to the fireplace.
He floo'd out without a look back and I was left alone in the room.
I sat there for a moment longer and then I started crying.
Everything was about to change.
"Lily! There you are. Any luck finding Charlie?" Sirius asked as I walked into the Potter's kitchen.
"No, didn't find him." I said slowly.
James was leaning against the counter holding a water bottle and he looked at me and tilted his head, scrutinizing me.
"You're sweaty." I commented as I sat next to Sirius at the kitchen bar.
"We just had a quick one on one game of Quidditch." He said.
"Ah, who won?" I asked.
Sirius grumbled something and rolled his eyes. James started laughing from his place across the room. I looked over toward him and he pushed off the counter and walked over to me. He leaned forward and lightly kissed my cheek.
"Don't listen to him love, he's always been a sore loser." James said.
I nodded half heartedly.
The boys shared a quick glance with each other, thinking I didn't notice. They were both probably concerned by my lack of enthusiasm.
"Well, I don't know about you, Lilykins, but I'm right famished." Sirius said.
A house elf rushed over.
"What can I get sir?" It squeaked out.
I stared at the tiny creature as Sirius made his request. I know a lot of wizarding families have house elves, and even Hogwarts, but I knew there was no way I ever wanted any. I just felt so bad for them. I know that they say they loved to do work, and loved having things to do, but it's only because they don't know any better. I started picturing a house elf liberation, or a house elf uprising where we gathered them all together to stand against oppression. It would certainly be a lot safer fight than the one that was currently going on in the wizarding world.
"Lily!"
I snapped my head toward the voice.
"What?" I asked.
"I've been calling your name for a few minutes now. What were you day dreaming about?" James asked.
"Hm? Oh, it was nothing. I just dazed off for a second." I said.
He nodded.
"I asked if you wanted me and Sirius to go out with you and look for Charlie. It will be getting dark soon." James offered.
"Oh, um, I think he'll be alright. I'm going to go lye down for a bit. I've a bit of a headache." I said.
I got up and walked out of the kitchen, up the stairs, past my usual room and into James'. Not even bothering to turn on the lights, I kicked off my shoes and lay on the bed. I closed my eyes and sighed as I put my face in his pillow, breathing in his wonderful, peace-bringing scent.
The bed dipped down and hands started rubbing my back. I moaned as my muscles were rubbed tenderly, slowly and relaxingly.
"Are you ok?" James' voice said softly.
"Mmm." was the only sound I made.
"I noticed you'd been crying. I hope it's not from this morning. You know your brother will be fine, right? He's pretty tough. He'll be able to deal with it."
James hesitated before he finished with,
"And your mum only wants what's best for the family."
I sighed again. I didn't really want to talk about anything right now.
James seemed to pick up on my mood because he didn't say anything else. He just kept rubbing my back, my shoulders, and my arms. It felt so good. And yet, I had to figure out a way to leave all of this, to leave him. And I only had a few days. This was what I was most afraid for. Not the danger I was about to put myself in, but for losing James. This was going to be the hard part.
I was afraid, but I knew that with my Occulmency and Legilimency I would be perfect for spying on the Death Eaters and maybe even getting into some of their inner circles. The kind of information that I could obtain could be enough to stop this war. Or if not stop the war, then it could definitely save people's lives. I'd be able to learn the Death Eater's plans, know who their members were, where they were meeting, what they were up to, all by using my Legilimency.
How could I not have joined when Dumbledore presented me with the proposition? How can I not fight and make sacrifices, when lives are at stake? But, how could I give up my friends? They are amazing people who care about me and took me in when I had nobody at Hogwarts. They are more like my family then my parents are. And then there's Charlie. I knew that I was going to tell him. Dumbledore knew I was going to tell him. But what if he becomes an Auror and I'm not there to congratulate him? Or worse, he dies and this would be the last time I saw him. And James. He is my world. I know people talk about soul mates, and honestly I've never really believed in it. But James, he's like a part of my heart and soul. Life without him and his love, it's terrifying. It's not something I would ever choose.
Donovan said he'd dedicated his life to this. I completely respected him for it. But it also terrified me. Not just that I would be risking my life every day, but what I would be sacrificing. And I felt completely selfish for that. I guess sometimes, the right thing to do isn't always the easiest.