You really know how to ruin a girl's life.
It wasn't inaccurate.
Bonnie couldn't even know the level of accuracy her insult reached. Ruining lives was what he did best. Most times, he took pride in his work.
And still. Her words were disemboweling. Disheartening. Figuratively speaking, he wasn't supposed to have one, a heart. But a statement like this from a girl like her made his chest hurt and he was sure, figuratively, the heart was there. Bonnie was just the only person who knew its name and called it. Mad sorcery, on her part.
Another skill of hers was to dismantle him completely and then put all of his pieces back together with one redeeming exploit. Like apologizing. She apologized for the one thing nobody else ever could, and had the gall to do it after it was too late. Maybe she didn't mean it.
But then that kiss.
She surprised him. He wasn't expecting to look over at her and see her eyes brooding with desire. He physically couldn't not kiss her.
Making out, as a concept, was never something that played into the ways he wanted her until that moment. It always seemed so dumb, and pointless, and gross. Slopping your face all over someone else's face and touching tongues…. It all just seemed so beat-around-the-bush. But then he saw her looking at him. She leaned, and the expression on her face told a conflicted story, but her lips were there and once he looked at them he couldn't stop looking and the only way to look away was to cover them up with his mouth, immediately. And he did, before he had even resolved consciously to kiss her. He put his mouth on her and his lips just sat there for a second, touching hers for no real reason. His heart started hammering and he exhaled into her, but he couldn't even get breathing right. The air came out of his mouth all long and shivery. He felt her lips quiver on his.
Her chin tilted up just slightly and from the corners of his eyes he noticed her shoulders shrinking in submission. He closed them and found solace in the darkness. Other sensations heightened. Like her breaths, coming faster now, but short, almost panicked. He could hear her heart going on faster and harder than his and he knew if he didn't take this further she would pull away. She would think harder about it and be withdrawn the entire drive home.
He lifted his hand and laid it on her neck, letting his uncertain fingers find their way along the skin. He thumbed her artery out of habit and quickly smoothed it away from that area, not wanting her to think this was about blood. He was quite positive by the human warmth spreading through his undead organs that this was about something else. Giving in to instinct, the muscles in his face pushed his lips into that kiss she was waiting for. To his delight, her lips mirrored him and it didn't feel gross. On the contrary, it felt like the best thing ever. Excited, he opened his kiss and nudged her tongue with his. The response was vehement.
In the cavern of their kiss, their tongues shared soft exchanges and violent swipes. It wasn't so consuming that he lost time; he felt every minute as it passed, heard every song as it played from beginning to end, yet could not find the boredom that usually claimed him after so long of one activity. No, he wanted to continue this for much longer. But it couldn't last, he knew. He knew by the urgency swelling in his blood, the progression of his actions, how every song that did pass required a new way of touching Bonnie, each change closer than the last to taking this one kiss the furthest it could go. The hand on her neck travelled up to cup her cheek, and trailed from there to graze down the front of her shirt. He concentrated on brushing his knuckles along her breast, winning a short moan uttered in a breath through her nose. He felt her hands timidly reach for him. One ironed his chest and one wrapped around his throat but applied no force. She was only feeling him. He liked that.
His hand on her dropped to her waist and pinched her body tight between his thumb and fingers, wanting nothing more than to wrench her from her seat and pull her onto him. And what did all of this mean? He was ready to fuck her; that was certain. But what was her intention? Just an hour ago, before he'd even found her, she was intent on abandoning him, again. Now she was fading into him. She made him wonder for three days whether she was even ok or not; just disappeared after leaving things on terms he thought were good, what with the text flirting. Now he was just supposed to let her back in and succumb to her random charms like it was so easy to forgive her for the pain she caused him? But she apologized. But how many times had he apologized to her without receiving the forgiveness he claimed he didn't want?
Letting a twist of anger influence his movements, he grabbed her waist with both hands and dug his fingers in. Instead of tensing, she moaned into his mouth.
God, her pulse sounded like his own blood pressure in his ears.
He felt the tingle of thirst in his jaws. In his frustration, the fangs drew down quicker than usual and he wanted to bite her bottom lip to a pulp.
He didn't need to push her away. She pulled.
"Your eyes," she breathily informed. All too quickly, his anger with her vanished and he wished she'd come back to him. But the moment was gone. She retracted to the far side of the passenger seat and narrowed her sharp eyebrows at him, the gleam of fear in her formerly desirous eyes prominent.
"Fuck," he cursed between his fangs, relaxing into his seat and staring ahead.
"Do you even drink from blood bags anymore, or am I your only one?"
"I would've had time to get some blood bags if I didn't have to chase you down," he snapped.
Back to the usual, then.
Kai straightened himself up, ignoring Bonnie's disbelief trying to shame him from her side of the car. He shifted into drive and they were moving, leaving what happened at the wedding barn to stay at the wedding barn.
For the rest of the drive, he watched the clouds nervously. The storm looked like it stretched as far as he intended, far enough to get home before it passed, but as time wore on the clouds grew blacker and he gave himself more credit for his abilities. It looked like it would rain all day.
Occasionally he snuck a glance at Bonnie, who had lost herself in thought staring out her window. Her elbow was propped on the door and her chin rested in her hand. He noticed her smooth neck. The car began to vibrate loudly. He swerved over the grated asphalt that meant he was about to run them off the highway and they both snapped out of their reveries.
Fucking focus, he chided himself.
They eventually pulled up to her Grams' house and Bonnie seemed to level with herself. He expected her to need some alone time after the heated makeout session in his car and especially the following, light altercation. But she was hesitant to open up her door and get out.
She stared out at her front door pouting. "I don't want to be alone," she said.
Yes. He thought for a moment before suggesting, "Slumber party?"
She nodded.
"Does this mean you're going to invite me in?" he asked, laying a set of daring eyes on hers after they bounced up from her lips.
She bit her lip in thought, but her narrowed eyebrows didn't convey much approval.
Whatever.
"My place then?"
Five minutes later, they were walking into the little yellow house on Jubilee.
"I should've grabbed some pajamas, damn it. I need to get out of these clothes," Bonnie cursed. He realized only then how uncomfortable it was to move in the wet, weighted clothes he was wearing. She had more layers than he did, poor girl. Let's get you out of those. He suspected she was falling victim to prison world pros; she had gotten used to the instant solution of technical theft when something was needed, and often forgot to plan ahead. "Can I borrow one of your shirts?" she asked.
He wasn't sure if she was aware of how sexy she was being. Bonnie was the reserved type, but something evil twirled in her eyes. Maybe the freeform kindness she showed him earlier in the rain was turning her into a downright tease. Maybe she hadn't forgotten her pajamas after all.
"Yeah," and his voice lumped in his throat, "I'll go grab you one." He hurried up the stairs, peripherally catching her peeling her wet cardigan off. He hurried faster.
To his disappointment, she was not naked when he came back down. She was waiting patiently, politely, standing still and tense with her arms folded underneath the cardigan, draping it in front of her almost protectively. He approached her pursing his lips, wringing a very dry, very carefully selected David Bowie shirt. She offered him a hint of a smile but it didn't last longer than a blink.
"Here," he handed her the shirt and she accepted it. For a second, he wouldn't let go, but when she gave up too quickly on pulling it, he gave up on teasing her. He felt like an idiot.
"I smell like rain," she admitted as she bit her lip guiltily.
"That's a bad thing?"
"I'm sorry you went and got that, but I should go home. I'm a mess. I didn't think."
"Stay," he pleaded, feeling that weight in his chest again.
"I shouldn't. Really. I don't know what was going through my head. I need a shower, I need food, and…"
"You're rambling. Bathroom's down the hall. I'll microwave something. It'll be ready by the time you get out."
"Kai…" she sighed.
"Bonnie..." he sighed back.
After a short stand-off, she hung her head and shuffled down the hall. He watched her disappear around the corner and sucked his bottom lip into a nervous grin. Bonnie Bennett was about to get naked in his house. It was for a shower behind a locked door, but still. Score.
After he changed into dry clothes, he set up some music, choosing a more modern rock band he hoped she would appreciate better than his grunge classics. He flicked his wrist and all the candles between the living room and the kitchen lit up. He was going to make this rainy day in Hell a romantic proposal she couldn't refuse.
Bonnie turned the knobs in the humble shower and let the first spurts of cold water shake her out of the feeling that she wanted Kai to intrude. She had left the door unlocked, hoping he would be a pervert and test the handle. If he did and found that it wasn't locked, she believed her carelessness would inform him it was intentional.
Shower sex, she knew, wasn't the most romantic. It was the dirtier, more desperate kind of sex she felt that she needed. It was how she intended to keep herself from giving in to sentiment while she experimented.
As the water became warm and she felt the dried rain run off her naked body, she let herself be swept away by the memory of how his mouth felt. How his stubble scratched her and even though it begged her nerves to pure awareness of him and what she was doing with him, she kept on. How he manhandled her sides like he couldn't stand not being able to have her right that second, like he wanted to rip apart the piece of car that separated driver's seat from passenger. How she felt the same and the lust blooming like a smart tumor in her was so overwhelming it shushed all shame.
They were alone in the world.
Bonnie was no distressed damsel, but who else would fill the voids that she deemed ready for filling? And who would judge her for letting him? Only herself, but even she was bound to dissolve from this world by falling in love with him some time or another.
Falling in love. Now you've lost it.
Cheap, meaningless shower sex. She needed it now. Now, now, now, to crush the romanticism making her dizzy in the steam. Crush it to oblivion. Now, to stop the heart beat frustrating her cunt. Now, to stop her cunt from cutting up her brain. Now, to close with ceremonious finality the chapter of her life in which her body fell loyal to Jeremy, and that chapter's interlude in which she wondered briefly if it was stuck with Damon. Her body was stuck, now, with Kai.
She made herself heady waiting. The steam got to be too much and she stopped hoping he would come, knowing that if she waited any longer he would only come out of concern and find her passed out. That wouldn't be attractive. But it sounded just tragic enough to appeal to her in a morbid way.
She was beginning to scare herself…
Little time was spent assessing her appearance in the mirror. Kai of all people would take her as she came. She knew that much was true. She left her rain clothes in a heap on the floor and dressed herself in his T-shirt, braless. He had only one towel hanging on the rack and it had been used. It hung twisted, still damp in the middle from his last shower. She took it up and dried her hair with it, his smell coming off on her from the dark green fibers; it was a combination of his shampoo which she had already used and the other hint that was just part of the homey way he smelled. The towel didn't reek and that was good enough for her.
After soaking the water from her hair, she wrapped the towel around her hips and tied its corners. It would have to act as a long skirt. She wished suddenly and dearly that she had something more presentable to wear on her bottom half than a towel.
Having washed herself of the day's kindnesses, and kiss, she felt renewed. Not like a new Bonnie, or even like her troubles were less troublesome. She felt renewed to the state of herself that had more of a mind not to just up and fuck Kai. As tantalizing as the idea of just going at it with him or any man at this point was, self-control must prevail. It was the cornerstone of her personality. She recalled first coming to terms with being a witch and learning to control her magic, how it made her feel scared, confused, conflicted about her identity at times. When the ability to just bend physics at her own will became hers, she understood and vowed to herself with deep internal conviction that self-control must become her greatest strength.
It clicked while she was eating. They sat in their usual spot, across from each other at the island. He'd microwaved a couple of cheap instant dinners in plastic trays that came with an entrée and two sides. Both dinners were different and every other minute they would reach across the island and fork something off from the other's tray. He still hadn't quite gotten used to the fact that she was wearing a towel for pants and wasn't talking his usual storm. She stared in thought at the candle flame delicately swaying between them. And it hit her.
She was a fucking witch.
"Oh my god," she said before she finished chewing her bite of corn. He looked up. It was the first thing to be said in what felt like ten minutes.
"We're fucking witches," she said.
He stopped chewing for a second, widened his eyes and said, "No way."
She ignored him and continued her train of thought out loud, "Magic is…is…pure willpower. It's you answering your own prayer. And we can do it."
"Neat, isn't it?"
"Kai…we don't need some stupid ascendant."
He laid his fork down and wiped his mouth. With a frown, he declared, "You are incessant."
"Just listen. Whoever made the first prison world had to come up with the idea and make the spell that performed what they wanted. Just because they willed it to exist, it did. Kai, we can will ourselves out. We can find a loophole in this world and magic ourselves out. We just need to create a new spell so that we don't need the ascendant. Maybe we can spell some kind of bridge between this world and the real one, I don't know. But it's possible. It's fucking magic, anything is possible!"
Bonnie smiled with the confidence flitting inside her and waited for him to catch up. She waited for the dull disappointment on his face to perk up, for him to feel inspired with her, feel hopeful, feel anything. He took a swig of his beer and swished it around in his mouth, rolling his eyes in what she hoped was consideration of her idea. Finally he swallowed, set his beer down and leaned toward her with his elbows on the island. He gazed dreamily into her eyes but she couldn't tell all of a sudden whether this was his poker face or not.
"You know how I always ruin every moment we have with my bloodthirst?" he started. "You're the same way, but about getting out of here."
Bonnie tightened her jaw and pursed her lips. She refused to let the falling sensation in her chest swallow her whole.
"Why can't you let me have one shred of hope?"
"Any hope here is false hope. You're just leading yourself on."
"Like you're being honest with yourself that you'll be able to make it here like you did last time? What are you gonna do when eighteen years pass and nobody has conveniently dropped in with your key out? What are you gonna do when a hundred years pass and you're still twenty two, and you're fucking crazy from being alone?"
"I'm not alone."
"You will be. Or do you think I'm gonna just be here forever? I'm human, Kai. I know I've been throwing the concept around like it's nothing, but what are you gonna do when I die?"
He turned his eyes down and Bonnie braced herself to hear something she didn't want to. He began picking at the paper label around his beer bottle.
"I guess…I'll sit in this chair, drink myself to sleep, wake up in the morning and begin a new fucking day."
The thought of him being alone again and fine with it imprinted a kind of welt on what felt like her soul. At least in his imagination he mourned her enough to get drunk. She knew he didn't mean any of it. Without her, he would lose it. Over the last few weeks, for as much as they fought it and each other, they had grown close. Just like she and Damon grew close in 1994. Spending enough time with one other person and nobody else would do that. They could be worst enemies or best friends, or both at the same time, and it wouldn't change the fact that they needed each other.
She was too exhausted. That and her dignity kept her from crying him a river this time. She stood up and took her tray to the trash can. Without looking at him, she started to walk out of the kitchen.
"Where are you going?" he called angrily.
"Couch. I need a minute. And when you're done you pick the fucking movie this time."
When she opened her eyes, the movie was over. The TV was off. All the candles had died and the room was gloomy with the utter darkness of a cloudy night that let no moon shine its guiding light. The rain still fell in dying smatterings on the tinny gutters, barely patting the wet streets, too weak to hit the windows anymore. It would vanish by morning.
She'd awakened with a small gasp because something touched her.
She thought she felt him leave at one point in the movie, or maybe she imagined him muttering about being too tired and going to bed. She was too hazy with sleep to respond, though a mute part of her reached out and pulled him back to stay, if only to fall asleep on the couch with her. Whatever actually happened, he was there now.
It felt more violent of an awakening than it was meant to be. All Bonnie saw when her eyes snapped open in the darkness was the darker form of Kai standing over her.
Author Note: Thank you to everyone who's been following, favoriting, reading and reviewing. The suggestions and wishes and wonders and compliments are just what I need as I'm trying tirelessly to pound this out before school starts. The sleepless nights are real. If things go according to schedule, The Invitation Barrier will be a complete story by next Wednesday. If. It is entirely possible that I will favor time and care over speed. Either way, I will try to round it out nicely with a little bit of what everyone wants to see. Again, thank you thank you thank you. (And yes, the David Bowie shirt in this chapter is a tribute. R.I.P.)