The elevator doors slide open on a floor I don't recognize. I'm lost.
Katie says to me, "You're lost."
"I'm not lost," I tell her. Derek showed me where the CT was last week. I shouldn't be lost. I mean we made out there so I should know where it is. I push Katie out of the elevator. Lost or not, I am not letting a brat like her know that, "How are you feeling?"
"How do you think I'm feeling?" I've made the executive decision that this girl has an annoying voice, "I'm missing my pageant."
I start wheeling her down the hall. I literally have no idea where we are. We could have somehow ended up in Mercy West Hospital across the city or Mount Sinai all the way across the country and I wouldn't be surprised, "You're missing your pageant." In high school I had pink hair and I wore all black. If there is anything I hated more in high school, it was pageant girls and now I need to deal with one all day.
"The Spokane Teen Miss?" She says this as if it is as important as Miss America, another pageant I don't watch, "I was in the top ten after the first two rounds. This is my year. I could've won." The corner I pushed the gurney around is a dead end. I double past the elevator and Katie asks, "Hello? You're so lost. What are you, like, new?" My only response to Katie is an angry face. I pull out my pager and page any landmarks I notice to Derek, begging for directions to CT.
Katie and I are going down a seemingly never ending hallway as I wait for Derek's reply, "I twisted my ankle. I do rhythmic gymnastics, which is like, really cool. Nobody else does it. And I tripped over my ribbon, and I didn't get stuck with someone this clueless. And that was like, a nurse." I hate this girl. I hate all pageant girls but I specifically hate Katie Bryce. My pager goes off and it is the only thing that stops me from leaping on the gurney and strangling my patient with my bare hands. I receive three consecutive pages that are just Derek laughing. After a moment he sends me a page with directions to CT. Then he sends two more of him laughing. Maybe instead of killing Katie I'll kill Derek, I think, but that would have to be after I thank him for the directions.
"I know where I'm going." I tell Katie after I put my pager back onto my scrubs.
She scoffs at me, "What did you have your boyfriend send you directions?" I don't respond, I just hope my face isn't as read as it feels. "Oh my god, you did!" Katie says. My face betrayed me, it seems, "Is it that dorky guy who was in the room? Or maybe…" Maybe I'll just kill myself and forgo all the trouble of murder, I think as I wheel Katie to CT.
At least I know my way to the cafeteria. I walk in as quickly as I can. There's a table filled with interns and I recognize Izzie, Cristina, and George all sitting there. George shoves an apple slice in his mouth as I approach and I'm willing to bet off of the guilty look on his face that they were talking about me. I'm too angry over Katie to care that they were talking about me. I announce my rage to the table, "Katie Bryce is a pain in the ass. If I hadn't taken the Hippocratic oath, I'd Kevorkian her with my bare hands." Looking up I see the entire table staring at me, part out of free and part out of judgement, "What?" I ask them.
Then I realize. They must have found out about Derek. That's probably what they were talking about. If my day hadn't started off bad enough with waking up on the couch hungover now the entire hospital is going to think I'm the intern who got hired because she is sleeping with the head of neuro.
Izzie starts to ask me, "Is it true Elli-" All the air is knocked out of me. I feel immense relief. They were talking about my mother, not Derek. I spent all of med school with people thinking I was only excepted because of my last name; I can handle that again. It's people thinking that I only married Derek for the job or that I only get surgeries because of my ring that I can't deal with.
Her question is cut off by Dr. Burke. I listen as he gives a speech about interns and surgeries only to announce that George gets the first one. As he talks I stare at him, trying to remember if Derek mentioned him. I'll have to ask later. Almost as if he can hear my thoughts I get a page from Derek.
I read you look nice in your scrubs and my head shoots up. My eyes scan the cafeteria until they land on him sitting at a table with two other attendings. He smiles at me, a large grin.
Quickly I type back wish I could be sitting with you and I smile a little as his smile widens, the crinkles that I love forming at the corners of his eyes.
Make friends his page says, followed quickly by an I love you.
Looking back to the other interns I watch for a second as George continues panicking over his surgery. I reply I know. I don't need to look back to know that Derek is shaking his head, bemused at my answer.
"Who's that?" Izzie asks me.
Looking around the cafeteria I respond, "Who?" I really hope she isn't talking about who I think she's talking about.
Her finger points directly to Derek, "That hot attending with the pretty eyes."
"I have no idea." I respond, fidgeting in my seat, "I mean I wasn't there when they introduced attendings," I pause for a second, I know for a fact Derek wasn't there this morning because we were just waking up around that time, "Was he not there when Webber introduced the attendings earlier?"
Shrugging I respond, "Dunno, maybe he's new or something."
"Maybe." Izzie says as if she's thinking deeply, "I wonder if he's single. Would it be wrong to date an attending?" The other interns laugh at her comment but I feel a little sick. Maybe we should have told people we were married. My hand instinctively moves to my breast pocket where my rings lay, it's comforting to feel them, even through the fabric of my shirt.
Just as I finish eating my pager goes off. Parents 4023. Katie's parents are in her room. I sigh, tell my fellow interns that I'll see them later, and head to see the beast.
Once I enter Katie's room I find two well-dressed tall blondes, she looks just like her parents. Before I can finish introducing myself as Dr. Grey, a title so new it feels foreign, Mr. and Mrs. Bryce begin bombarding me with questions. They want to know if we know what is causing the seizures if we know what caused the cause if we can fix is if she can compete in the next pageant. On and on the questions go and I am paralyzed with no answer. I stutter out an apology to them and say that I'll track down Dr. Burke for more information for them.
Opening a door, I come face to face with an irate Bailey, she barks, "What?"
"Katie's parents have questions. Do you talk to them, or do I ask Burke?"
Bailey shakes her head, "No, Burke's off the case, Katie belongs to the new attending now," My heart starts pounding in anticipation of the name she's going to say, "Dr. Shepherd, he's over there." From where we're standing I can't see him but I know who is on the other side of the wall. Logically I knew Derek and I would need to work together one day but I had really hoped it would be after I was an established intern and not on my very first case. Walking forward my eyes fall on Derek and I stop. I don't think I'm ready for this. Looking at him right now I don't see Dr. Derek Shepherd head of neurosurgery, I see Derek Shepherd my husband who cheats on the Sunday crossword puzzle and has fallen asleep on the toilet multiple times after long surgeries. He's talking with a couple of other attendings and smiling. I'm not ready for this. My body tenses up and I'm about to walk away when he looks up and his eyes fall on me. It doesn't register to him at first that I'm there, his eyes fall back to the chart in his hands before his head snaps up again to look, me directly in the eyes.
I'm not ready for this. After blinking once, I spin on my heels turn to the door behind me and hurry away. I hope he doesn't follow me. I'm walking down the hall in a manner that I hope shows purpose and not panic.
Maybe he won't follow me, "Meredith," He calls out. My luck has been awful all day, "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Actually," I start to say. Any protests I have a futile as he pulls my arm, "I was…" I don't finish my statement because he knows as well as I do that it was an excuse. Derek pushes me into the stairwell as he smiles. He looks over his shoulder before closing the door behind him.
"Dr. Shepherd," I say as I check to see if anybody else is in the stairwell.
In mock offense Derek responds, "Dr. Shepherd? This morning it was Derek." There's a playful light in his eyes and I hate him for the humor he finds in this, "Now it's Dr. Shepherd."
He's standing too close to me for it to be work appropriate but he's my husband and despite all logic I don't move away, "Dr. Shepherd, we should pretend we aren't married," I whisper the word, "Like we agreed."
"We aren't married?" He asks smiling, "So we didn't sleep together last night? Or eight years ago? Because both of those moments and all the time in between are fond memories I'd like to hold onto." As he speaks he leans closer to me.
I want to kiss him. Instead I say, "No. There will be no memories," I continue, "I'm not your wife in these walls, and you're not my husband. We can't exist. We agreed, right?" He nods along with my words but I know he's about to contradict me. After five years of marriage and eight years of knowing each other I know when he wants to rile me up and right now is one of those moments.
"You took advantage of me and now you want me to forget about it." Derek responds.
Despite myself I smile at him, "I did not take-"
He cuts me off, "I was drunk, vulnerable and good-looking and you took advantage. I didn't want to make these rules but you decided to have the conversation then and if I wanted to have sex with my wife I needed to agree. You took advantage of my weaknesses." He pretends to be deeply concerned and I feel my smile grow.
"Okay, I was the one who was drunk, and you are not that good-looking. And you agreed, Derek."
"Well, maybe not today," He says, "Last night, and our wedding day, and when you got me drunk and made drunk decisions about secrets, but last night I was very good-looking. I had my red shirt on, my good-looking shirt, you took advantage. I mean all my shirts are good looking but that shirt, my wife picked out that shirt for me, very good-looking." He walks past me to lean against another railing creating space between us that I do not enjoy.
I turn to face him arguing, "I did not take-"
"You want to take advantage again?" He steps closer to me, closer than we were before, "Say tonight?"
"No. You're an attending. And I'm your intern. And I'm here for forty-eight hours so definitely not tonight." He's staring at my lips and all I want to do is kiss him, "And stop looking at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you've seen me naked," I say, "Like I'm your wife." He smirks at me and I really really hate him sometimes. He takes another step closer to me and I snap at him, "Dr. Shepherd. This is inappropriate," Now he looks truly confused, "Has that ever occurred to you?" I start to walk away. My hand is on the doorknob when I hear him sigh. I stop in my tracks. I turn around to face him and take clear eager steps until I'm in front of him. As I walk I lift up my arms. I toss them around him and kiss him passionately. Just as he begins to respond to the kiss I break away. I know I must look frazzled but I smile at him jokingly as I brush some hair behind my ear. Waving my finger at him I say again, "Inappropriate." His laugh follows me out the door.