Chapter 38: Silence
Ever since I saw my reflection the scream had not stopped. Not when I was speaking to Capricorn, not when I sobbed into Dustfinger's pillow, it never stopped. I covered my ears, I still heard it. I placed the pillow on my head to attempt muffle the sound, but it only got louder. The more I tried to silence it, the louder it became. All I wanted was for it to stop. Just stop, that's all. I wanted to forget, I wanted to shut it out, anything to stop that scream.
It was not simply the scream that drove me mad, it was my imagination. I wouldn't shake that vision I had of Lizzy and Eric. The sight of Lizzy's arms being blown off by the bomb. I couldn't stop. The expression of fear and sorrow frozen on her face wouldn't disappear. Her eyes forever open, showing only horror. What she must have seen to have died with that heart wrenching expression plastered all over her face.
I saw Eric, still alive, screaming for help, only to have it cut short by the stroke the knife pressed against his neck. I watched his eyes dull, the life drain out of him. I watched as his body went limp and was cast unto the floor by a man whose face was covered in blood and a smile so cruel and sinister that it made you doubt whether or not he was a man. The face warped and I saw that it was mine. It was my face covered in blood. I pressed my hands against my face to try to make the images stop, but stopped when I saw that they were covered in blood.
I killed them. I said 'no'. I brought this upon them. I condemned them to death. I might have well been the person to carry out the act, I was guilty enough. I wish that I had at least seen them die. I owed them that much, yet Dane tore that away from me. The real torture was not knowing. I had to know if they were alive or dead. I had to. Yet I never would. Dane took everything, he left me with absolutely nothing. And the worst thing he robbed me off was the chance to say good-bye. I never got to say good-bye.
I sat up and brushed away my tears. Something told me deep inside that his isn't what they wanted me to do. They didn't give their lives so I could wallow in self-pity. They died so that I could live, so that everyone could live.
I literally slapped myself in the face and said," Get a grip. If you cave then their deaths would have been meaningless. Buck up and give that bastard what he deserves."
I looked up and Resa was standing right in front of me holding out a piece of paper. Are you alright? It read.
"No." was all I said in reply. I could still hear the scream, it seemed as though it would never go away. Resa sat down next to me and held me to her chest. The screaming stopped. There was finally silence. I finally had a moment of peace. I had almost forgotten what silence had sound like. I felt warm tears of relief roll down my damp cheeks. I hugged back and allowed her to stroke my hair. She reminded me of my mother. I felt that same comforting feeling in her arms, the same security. Those feelings only deepened once Resa began to hum. She may have been mute, but somehow, she could still hum. Her voice had that comforting feel to it like a mother singing to her baby.
She pulled back after I finished crying. She wrote on a scrap of paper and handed it to me. I heard what happened with Capricorn. I want you to know that you can always come to me. I'm always willing to listen. I laughed a little to myself when I read that.
"That's not what I'm upset about Resa. I've already punished that bastard enough. He probably won't come after me like that again. I'm a lot tougher than that." I explained as I handed the paper back. She quickly scribbled more onto the paper. Want to talk about it? I handed the paper back.
"Not in particular, but just so I can keep sane I think that I should explain. I wouldn't want you to hear Basta's warped version." I began.
"I am from America, well New Jersey to be more precise. Oh, don't make that face. New Jersey is a lot better than all the rumors make it out to be. It's called the garden state for a reason. Moving on, I didn't look like this back then. I was your average thirteen year old. I had school, friends, and my biggest worry was what I was going to wear to dance. It all sounds like a fairytale now." I reminisced.
"It all changed when I stepped onto that boat twelve days ago. That was back when I was Helen Seraman, was five two, and had jet black hair. A lot has changed since then. You could say that I was born on that boat. I met two people on that boat; their names were Lizzy and Eric. I never should have brought them into this. If I hadn't… Anyway, we became close friends in those nine days on that boat. Eric and I actually dated for the last few days." I explained.
"Apparently I had a dream journal; I don't remember any of the dreams though, except for the very end of the one I had on the ninth day I was on that ship. That's when everything changed. Apparently, my memories of all of my dreams were wiped and every drop of ink I used to record my dreams leaked out of the pages. That day Basta and a man appeared, demanding a woman named Elizabeth, who I was apparently dreaming about. Eric, Lizzy, and I were brought in for questioning. He thought that Lizzy was Elizabeth. She actually looked a hell of a lot like me. Anyway, he threatened to killed Eric and I if Lizzy denied him. You see, he wanted to create a perfect world shaped in his image. He wanted to become a god. We knew that we couldn't let him do that. He ended up trying to suffocate me, I punched him, and…" I trailed off. Resa placed her hand on mine and gave me a comforting look.
I took a deep breath and continued," And I became who you see before you now. I had turned into smoke and I became Elizabeth. I got him to settle down and explain things. Once I denied him, he threatened to… to murder Eric, Lizzy, my mother, my father, and every other person on that boat. I was going to cave, but…but… but Eric yelled at me to say no. So I denied him again, and then he knocked me out. When I woke up I was in the back of Basta's car driving over the bridge into this village." I finished.
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