Title: A Beat in my Heart
Chapter 5: Past Demons
Author's note: It's been a year since I wrote an ER/or X-Files story and I need to get on to that so this may be the last chapter of this for awhile. Thank you to those who have reviewed and have offered suggestions, and have kept me going over this last year. It's been rough but I feel like my muse is finally back so I'd better use it while I can!
0800 hours
Beverly slowly came to awareness as a long exhausted yawn escaped her lips. The darkness of the room startled her as she realized she was lying in her chair. A glance to her side stole her breath, as she bore witness to the tangled empty sheets where her son was laying what seemed like mere minutes before.
She leapt to her feet.
"Wesley?" she said softly, hoping not to startle him if he wandered to the bathroom or hopefully into the kitchen.
When her efforts to find him in the bathroom and kitchen bore a fruitless search, she pulled her hair back tightly with a clip and called for the lights in her room to a 100%. It was then that her terror was magnified. Her eyes caught the image of his IV and catheter, both tinged with blood, and several droplets of blood dotted the sheets. Smears of blood lead in a haphazard path toward the door. A scream tore through her as a cry escaped her lips.
"Wesley!" she shrieked.
Beverly ran towards the door, ignoring it as it swooshed open before her. She ran down the corridor, first one way and then the other as her search turned up empty handed. The Alpha shift, now on duty, was startled by her screams.
"Dr. Crusher, is everything alright?" one lieutenant asked pausing in a corridor.
"Have you seen my son? Wesley...have you seen Wesley?"
"Ensign Crusher? No, sir, I don't believe so. Is he in uniform?"
Beverly shook her head furiously..."No, no...he's very sick, I must find him." she yelled over her shoulder heading back to her quarters.
She ran to the comm panel in her quarters.
"Dr. Crusher to the bridge." her frantic voice stated.
"Go ahead..."Picard s stoic voice replied.
"Captain I...I need...I need... I need a sensor sweep of deck 3."
"What am I searching for Dr. Crusher?...Doctor?"
Captain Picard stared at the star field in front of him and then glanced at Data who turned to look at him. There was silence on the comm for nearly 30 seconds before Beverly Crusher once again emerged on the bridge.
"Are you alright Dr. Crusher?" Riker inquired, startled by her sudden appearance.
"I'm fine." she ground out. "Wesley is missing...and..."
"I hope he doesn t show up in engineering again in his underwear trying to work...I mean for a sick kid he was pretty strong the other day." Geordi remarked from the science station.
Dr. Crusher whipped her head around, her blue green eyes alight with fury. She shot a stare at him, that would have withered Geordi away like kindling in a fire, as he quickly turned back to his console, suddenly very concerned with the instrument panel.
Picard reached out and touched her arm, as he closed the distance between them. Just a squeeze of his hand on her arm, and the rage subsided and he could feel her arm start to shake.
He knew that look. She was terrified, on the verge of tears, but here in present company he knew not even a drop would escape her lid, as he released her arm and turned to face his crew. Picard ran his hand over his bald head and listened.
"If he's not wearing a comm badge he will blend in with any member of the ships complement in a sensor sweep." Worf interjected.
"I know...I know. He has an exceptionally high body temperature, somewhere in the 39-41 degree range fever these last few days ..."
"If we search for a specific body temperature in excess of normal human body tolerance we may be able to locate him." Data added.
"Make it so."
"Captain, we have to find him, he's very sick, and with his high fever he's been having some pretty serious hallucinations. There is no telling what his state of mind is right now."
"Mr. Crusher is also very resourceful...he could be launching himself in a class one probe by now."
Picard turned to Beverly as the color drained from her face. A near snarl of contempt aimed at Riker made him cringe as Jean Luc's hand softened on Beverly's shoulder.
"Mr. Worf, Go to yellow alert."
"Captain, finding Ensign Crusher is hardly ..."
"Finding Ensign Crusher is our top priority at the moment, the safety of senior and bridge personnel is just as important as the safety as any member of this crew. Am I understood Mr. Worf.?"
Worf hadn't meant to sound uncaring, but was only concerned with matters of protocol. He considered Wesley a friend; he had after all helped him attain his rite of ascension. He cleared his throat. "Aye sir."
"Yellow alert will force all non essential personnel to their quarters clearing the halls so the search for Ensign Crusher can be completed more efficiently." At his command Beverly released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and sat on her perch near the bridge ramp.
"Aye sir."
"Sir, unidentified heat source, deck 3 section 27. "
"Lt. Worf , Mr. Data, please go and search for Mr. Crusher. He may respond more favorably to a familiar face."
"Aye sir."
He was shivering. This rabbit hole was dark and cold. The whirl of the winds howled beside him. He felt the claws of death clutching at him and he was frightened. He closed his eyes tightly and let the darkness claim him.
Several minutes later...
"It seems there is an unidentified heat source coming from this sector, the access panel for this Jeffries Tube."
Data peered down at the shaft and noticed the bloody fingerprints at its entrance.
"There are all kinds of conduits and thermal couplings in the wall and Jeffries tube." he could easily electrocute himself or freeze to death in there."
"Sir the readings suggest a human with fading life signs and a high temperature." They stared at each other briefly and set their pace to enter the Jeffries tube. Not seeing anything at first, they noticed the smear of dried blood on the floor of the tube and then they could hear the the sounds of a slight tapping.
"Data easily maneuvered into the hole and stumbled past more of Wesley's dried blood along the way. As he passed the sensitive electrical equipment a door opened. His cat-like eyes peered through the opening and immediately fixated on a figure. Seemingly broken and deeply asleep, was Wesley Crusher. His skin was a color that was more android like than human. He yelled back to Commander Worf, that he'd found him.
Before the Lt. Commander could complete his detailed description of their whereabouts, Beverly Crusher approached the entrance to the tube with an anti-grav bed, Nurse Ogawa at her side and male Nurse Nelson in tow.
The captain was suddenly in the corridor his eyes wide with anticipation, as he stood behind Beverly. If she noticed him she made no mark of it, for her eyes were glued to the pale body emerging from the tube.
Data gently slid Wesley out of the tube behind him as he pulled him and placed the languid body on the bed.
Dr. Crusher immediately scanned him with the tricorder...his blood pressure was dropping, his pulse still thready and despite the chilled tunnel he was removed from he was still very warm to the touch.
Picard was shocked at what he saw...Wesley's deterioration from mere days ago was devastating. It was a wonder that Beverly was holding it all together. "How is he doctor?" he inquired.
"Thank God he found a space that actually helped his condition. He's cooler...but still very sick."
"Dr...should we get him to isolation?"
"No, I'll take him back to my quarters."
"But Dr...he'll need new blood work and..."
"Thank you nurse, I'll take the samples and check them myself. Now please, I need to get my son back to our quarters..."
Beverly didn't notice the stares of her comrades, Data, Worf, her two nurses...the captain...
In the unflattering light of the corridor, Beverly's demise was evident. Bags under her eyes indicated nights of missed rest, her face was gaunt, her usual perfect hair was frayed . She was a mess. Not only was she trying to be Wesley's mother, the only family he has, but she was taking on the weight of his doctor, scientist, and protector.
As the nurse reached out and grasped her hand, she felt the prickle of tears at her throat and she was afraid if she started she'd surely be unable to stop.
"Beverly, please let us help you. We love you, we love Wesley, and you re our family too. Please don't shut us out."
Beverly quickly turned from the nurse s teary eyed confession and held fast to her son's hand. She nodded somberly as she noticed Wesley began to stir.
"It's alright sweetheart, you're safe..." she whispered covering his frame with a shiny metallic sheath. His weary eyes focused on her for a moment. Absolute confusion danced in them as he glanced up into the faces of the nurses, Data and Worf as well.
1300 hrs
A security detail was placed at the door. Now that she had Wesley under lock and key she had to do everything in her power to get him well. She added the assistance of Dr. Hill to monitor Wesley using the ships computer in case she fell asleep again. Nurse Ogawa and Dr. Hill alternated visiting her quarters with more supplies.
Over the next 24 hours she continued to watch her son's health deteriorate. He was in and out of consciousness and when he didn't wake screaming from horrible night terrors, he suffered painful tremors and was sick with fever. But now, thanks to her staff she had a clue. Wesley's immune system was shot, she would have to give him more platelets to get him strong enough to fight. It was then and only then, did she see some meager improvement.
That afternoon Wesley's fever broke long enough for him to sleep uninterrupted for six hours. If not for his harsh coughing it would have been a healing rest.
Beverly sat on the bed and feathered a hand through his hair when a scar on his shoulder caught her eyes. With his temperature elevated the usually unnoticeable scar was pink and raised and stood in stark contrast to his skin. She rubbed two fingers across it and felt the tight rough skin. A full body shudder assaulted her as vivid images raced through her mind.
Beverly saw her son pinned to the ground, his uniform already stained with blood, his blood; and she saw her own hands break her son's arm. The scream of agony that erupted from Wesley's throat echoed in her mind as she dislocated his shoulder fracturing the collar bone, and she covered her ears rocking back and forth to make it stop.
She closed her eyes for a moment to clear the thoughts from her head, but when she opened them her hand was covered in blood. She gasped quickly snapping herself out of it as she clenched her fist and felt the hot wet tears fall from her face. Beverly's strangled sobs reached the ears of her son as he opened his brown eyes to look at her.
Beverly could never escape the torture that she put her son through. She never remembered exactly what happened to him, she just knew that she was involved in nearly causing his death. It terrified her. She leaned down and kissed the wound on Wesley's shoulder. His eyes closed once more in realization as he struggled to place a warm hand atop hers, and her cries eased. He understood.
Beverly felt she was to blame. She couldn't stop herself from hurting her son then, and she was deathly afraid she wasn't doing enough to save him now.
Well, the next chapter is a doozy...I can promise you that. Title: Fantasies fulfilled with P/C D/W action. But now it's off to ER land ...TTFN Please review.