Disclaimer: Nothing recognizable is mine. A lot of the dialogue is direct from the show. No copyright infringement intended.
"Allison," I tell everyone. They need to know that she isn't a faceless victim, even if she fought back, "Her name is Allison."
Derek looks up at me for a second and our eyes meet over his surgical glasses. He repeats her name with purpose before going back to work. I know he's thinking about me as he works. Not that those thoughts are distracting him from the surgery, but he is thinking at least partially about me. I once was Allison. I remember the night I told Derek. It was in his arms that night as I finally told someone about my experience and cried that I knew I loved him. Ever since he's been protective of me and while sometimes it can drive me insane, at the end of the day I love him even more for it.
My thoughts go back to the surgery when Burke pulls out a piece of flesh from the victim. He asks us, clearly confused, "What is this? Does anyone know what this is?"
Staring at it, it takes a moment to process before I gasp, "Oh my god."
"What? Spit it out, Grey," Burke demands.
"She bit it off," I reply, still shocked.
All eyes are on me after Burke asks me to clarify. "That's his," I pause for a moment and gesture towards the flesh Burke is presenting, "Penis. She bit off his penis." As soon as I say this there's a few quiet groans and grimaces from the men in the room as they think of their own. Burke drops the severed penis into a dish as quickly as possible.
Walking through the hospital halls with a penis in the cooler gives me the strangest feeling. I feel as if everybody knows what I'm carrying. As I wait in the Chief's office his secretary asks if she can see it. Stunned, I look between her and the cooler before she decides better. It's then that the Chief comes in and I'm forced to endure an awkward conversation about my mother. Nobody except Derek and I know about her Alzheimer's everyone else believes that the great Ellis Grey is traveling and writing a book.
I placed the penis cooler down on a table in the Chief's office, prepared to leave. Then his secretary tells me I need to take it with me and I'm confused. I thought that a severed penis was the Chief's responsibility. But apparently because I collected the specimen I am now the proud guardian of a severed penis in a cooler.
"Custody of a penis," I say, just to clarify.
Chief Webber replies, "Yes. Until the cops come for it."
"Okay. Well, what am I supposed to do with the penis?" I ask.
He has no answer.
Despite the fact that I know George has a crush on me, I've befriended him. He's a sweet guy and he means well. When he saw how shaken up I was about Allison having my shoes, he convinced me to join him at the happiest spot in the hospital. Nearly every person has been in a room like this before. Surrounded by people with only hours age differences than them. George and stand side by side looking through the window at the newborns. Everything is so new and bright and shiny outside this room. Every bassinet is holding potential, an untouched human who has everything to gain and learn. It's incredible, looking in on them.
"You are really cute," I whisper at the babies. Looking at them, I can't help but think of my future children. Derek and I will have children one day, I know it. He's going to be an incredible father. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be a terrible mother but he'll be so good I won't be able to damage the kids that much. Every day I get closer to having my future children, which is a strange thought. Definitely not this year, I will not be the pregnant intern, but in three or four years Derek will be standing at this window staring at our baby. It makes me happy and excited, just picturing our future imaginary baby.
But as I look at the babies I notice one, a newborn boy, start to discolor. He's crying and squirming and right before my eyes he turns blue. Without thinking I hurry into the nursery, my stethoscope against his chest in an instant. Cyanosis is serious, it's a symptom of dangerous heart conditions and can be a precursor to more severe conditions. By the time I'm with him, his skin tone is back to normal but when I listen to his heart I hear a distinct murmur.
As I'm listening, a pediatrics intern comes in. She's mad at me for going out of my department, which is understandable because I am technically breaking hospital policy by doing this. But he's a newborn baby and he deserves a fighting chance and to at least have tests run because of his murmur. Grabbing my penis, I leave the nursery. I need to talk to someone with authority about that baby right away.
So far today I've been presented with terrible perspective roommates, two patients I can't help, and a severed penis in a cooler. After another set of failed interviews, I find myself in the ICU watching Allison. Looking at her and thinking about the baby in the nursery, I feel helpless. I'm absolutely lost in thought until Derek comes to my side, also looking in at Allison.
"Mer," He says as he joins me, "I've called every hospital in the county," As he speaks Derek moves into the room and checks Allison for pupillary response, "Sooner or later, the guy that did this is going to seek medical attention, and when he does, that penis you're carrying around is going to nail him."
"Where is her family?" I ask him.
Derek answers matter of fact, "Doesn't have any."
"No siblings?" I ask him, not believing such a damaged girl would have no one.
Shaking his head, Derek leaves Allison's bedside and goes to update her chart, "No. Both parents are dead. She just moved to Seattle three weeks ago. Welcome to the city."
I keep staring at her and listen to the steady beat of her monitors and machines. She could have so easily been me. Without Derek, if something would happen to me, she would be me.
Noticing my silence and staring, Derek checks on me, "Meredith, you okay?"
"Yeah," I lie to him, "I'm fine," He knows I'm never fine when I say that, "I just...have to do something. I have to go."
As I start to leave Derek grabs my arm. Our eyes meet and he asks again, this time worried, "Mer, are you sure you're okay?" Smiling sadly, I shake my head a little before I start to walk away again. He releases my arm but his steady stare lets me know how much he cares.
"I'm going to stay with her," He tells me, letting me know where I can find him if I need him. The words go unsaid, but I know that as I walk away he's telling me he loves me.