Title: A Beat in My Heart

Chapter 8 - The Perfect Host

Author's Note: BeverlyAngst & WesleyTorture ahead. You might want to get about two or three Kleenex, because if it is as hard to read as it was for me to write...then you're in for it. It was actually so long a chapter I had to break it up into three chapters or it would have been 40 pages long! Thank you for the rock star reviews...love you gals...and guys!

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"Captain's log - Stardate 43571.6 (July 28, 2366)
We have reached McKinley Station slightly ahead of schedule due to a medical emergency on board the Enterprise. As our ship is in dock for Engineering design upgrades and a full decontamination of a virus that has ravaged her personnel, we must pray for the speedy recovery of one of her own."
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Earth - Starfleet Medical 1 hour 45 minutes later.

Commander Riker, Counselor Troi, Geordi and Dr. Crusher wait in the Intensive Care area on the Isolation Ward of the medical facility. Captain Picard having been identified as a source of a remedy for Wesley's ailment had gone back with the doctors almost as soon as he and Wesley were beamed down to the planet.

Beverly paced anxiously back and forth in the too small room. She appreciated her comrades being there, but as she tugged on her collar, the 14x12 room seemed to be closing in on her. The warm July sun filtered through the window, the sound of Riker's boot tapping on the floor echoed, and the hum of the air condenser circulating air in the too white, too clean, room was driving her mad. So crazed in her groove of padding back and forth like a caged tiger in a cell, she barely noticed the nurse calling her name.

"Dr. Crusher, I have your son settled, we have revived him, you may follow me..."

Beverly didn't care what the rest of the nurse's words were, she broke away from her comrades leaving them in her dust as she fell in step beside the nurse. She was handed a gown and mask to help protect Wesley from further infection. She didn't even bother to look back at her friends.

After five days of torture, pain, and grief for her son, she had prayed that Starfleet Medical would have the answers she desired. They had awakened Wesley from his induced coma, extubated him, and found that he was disoriented and sicker now than he'd been when she'd put him under. It was more than thirty minutes before he could focus on the sound of her voice, but when he finally did she was rewarded with a beautiful thing: Bright brown eyes found her face and in them was recognition.

"Mom?" he whispered, his voiced muffled by a mask.

"Yes Wes, I'm here...how are you feeling?" she stroked a hand across his forehead and adjusted the heart monitor just inside his shirt.

"Hurts..." he whimpered as his body shuddered and his breath hitched. Beverly felt the cold hands of death clutch at her heart and squeeze tightly. She would give anything in the universe to take away his pain; to take his place, to suffer for him. She never wanted to see her son endure this much suffering again. He'd been hurt too many times in his young life.

"I'm sorry...I know it hurts. But were here at Starfleet Medical, we're going to get you the right medicine to make you better. Okay?" She squeezed his hand and he gently squeezed back.

"Sleep...Wes...I'll be right here..." She kissed his forehead as his eyes closed once more, and she placed the oxygen more securely on his nose and mouth.

It was at that time that a set of heavy footfalls distracted her from staring at her son's delicate features as she saw she was no longer alone in the isolation room.

Jean Luc came in and kissed her cheek, and then perched himself on the other side of Wesley's bed. He was also wearing a EVP mask.

"The doctor is on his way in. He tested my blood, they've been checking it along with a few other crew member s blood on the Enterprise to determine why Wesley has been affected so much worse than we were." Beverly nodded.

"Have you eaten?"

Beverly ignored his question. How could she possibly eat? Her son hadn't eaten in days, how could she afford herself that luxury. She turned to face the approaching figure dressed in near full isolation gear.

"Dr. Crusher, I'm doctor Parrish, I am an infectious disease specialist here at Starfleet."

There was no time to stand on formalities, no time for decorum. Beverly didn't care what the doctor's name was, she didn't care what else he had to say. She was only interested in one thing: A cure for her son.

"What have you found?"

"I've looked at Wesley's blood work and studied his charts as well as your impeccable notes on his condition over the past week. In the interest of time, I'll get right to the point. His white blood cells are acting like old cancer cells of the 22nd century, his youth is actually his enemy. For every healthy cell he produces the bigger the army the virus has to convert to use against him."

"But shouldn't his body be able to at least fight off the fever, it has been nearly unbreakable. He's been unable have any relief or even convey his pain or discomfort for days now."

"I've had a lot of experience with this virus, and it's all part of the way the Leutscher virus behaves Dr. Crusher, it's how it was engineered. If he were older, then his blood and platelets wouldn't act in this manner. Metabolism and cell production process speed up the ability for the cells to multiply and it's unfortunate that Wesley has an exceptionally high metabolic rate."

"So you're saying the reason my son is so sick, is because he's so healthy." she said almost laughing at the ludicrousness of the idea.

The elder doctor scratched his head scarf revealing his brown hair streaked with grey.

"I know how ridiculous it sounds. But if he were your age, my age, or even older this might not have affected him as badly."

"But there were children that I treated and they were fine...wait...might?"

"Yes, I was also about to mention that Wesley also has another condition which may have gone unnoticed prior to this. It would appear that he has Epstein Barr syndrome which can also lower the immunity to fight off infection. It was noted as a possibility in his chart from many years ago but nothing of late has been documented."

Suddenly it all hit Beverly and she nearly collapsed to the floor. Wesley had been diagnosed with the immune deficiency more than two years ago when she left the Enterprise in the charge of Dr. Pulaski. He'd gotten a case of Gondolian flu while on an away mission and they'd discovered the underlying condition then while trying to fight off the infection without antibiotics. He had to be given the antibiotics so he could regain his health.

"Oh no..no..no...the shots I gave to try and boost his immunity..."

"Beverly...you couldn't possibly have known..." the doctor countered placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"He's my SON! I should have known...Oh God!" she screamed pulling away from the doctor frantically.

"Beverly...what do you mean?" Picard asked.

The immune boosts that Beverly gave her son were intended to help support his immune system to help fend off the virus, but in actuality the constant exposure to other crew members gave the virus a chance to fight his immune system and break down the antibodies he was producing over time. This subsequently allowed the virus to eventually take over to the point where once the fever started it ran uncontrolled and ravaged his body shutting down his cells and progressing to various organs beginning with his lungs and intestines. From there it entered the liver and now had a direct line to his lymph system.

Now it all made sense to her. The rapid onset of symptoms, he reached the breaking point. It would seem that his fate had been sealed after the first injection weeks ago.

"I did this to him..." she cried walking up to her son and rubbing her hand softly through his hair.

"No you did not. You did exactly what a good doctor should have done, actually even more so. Beverly, we have tested several others, there is no way you could have known the virus would behave this way with your son."

The doctor reached out and put two hands on her shoulders.

"Look, I support your idea. I want to start the transfusion from the two available donors. We will start with Captain Picard. If it works, then Lieutenant Sanders that works here at Starfleet Medical has been tested and is another viable candidate. He has the same blood type and had the virus several months ago while on Caldos."

Sensing Beverly's elevated state of stress, Deanna arrived in the room followed by Commander Riker as they each took up a stance on each side of her. They'd heard her voice yelling in the hallway. Beverly barely noticed them as the counselor stood next to Beverly holding her arm to keep her from falling.

"When can you start?" she stammered.

"Now. If the captain is ready."

Captain Picard stood up, patted Beverly's hand and followed the doctor out of the door.

"We're about to take Wesley in a few minutes. "

"Can I have a minute alone with him.?"

"Absolutely." the nurse said as she and the others left the room.

Beverly sat on Wesley's bed and placed a soothing hand on his chest. He startled awake. She adjusted the cloth covering his chest and smiled as his eyes calmed down and he tried to reach for the oxygen mask on his face but found he was too weak to raise his arms.

He pointed upward to the oxygen mask, and for a moment; a brief moment, Beverly almost refused him. He was about to go in for a procedure - for the last chance to save his life.

She shook her head.

"No sweetheart, your lungs are too weak right now, you should be intubated, but they don't want to sedate you that heavily...you have to keep the oxygen on..."

His eyes pleaded with her, a tear forming at its edge as the crystal drop rolled down his pale cheek.

Beverly felt her heart sink. She was sick. What would he ask? What would he say? She gently moved the mask to the side of his face, and wiped away his tears.

"Keep it soft and short..." she whispered.

Wesley took a struggling breath and stared into her eyes.

"I don't think... I'm gonna make it..." He whispered. A small, sad smile came to his lips.

Beverly was stunned. Her false bravado that she had so tightly held in place as she waited for the transfusion, was shattered in an instant. The words brought a cold knife to her gut. Words she had dared not think, had dared not dream - not now...not when he's so close. She nearly collapsed onto him her head resting on his chest. She couldn't chance looking at his face as she tried desperately to hide the tears.

"Don't say that...don't you dare say that Wesley Crusher!" She sat up and looked at defeated, tired eyes as he struggled to get a breath, she placed the mask back on his face.

"You can't leave me, I won't give up, and I can't lose you...please." she begged.

Wesley took a long look at her and closed his eyes, drops of tears still intertwined between his lashes. She stared quickly at the monitors, his heart was still beating, his blood still moving. It was now or never. She had to put the fate of her son in someone else's hands.

As a nurse and orderly came in, turned on the anti-grav unit on his bed and prepared to take him away, she softly kissed his cheek.

"I love you Wesley. I'll be waiting for you..." she whispered in his ear. His eyes fluttered briefly toward the sound of her voice and then closed as he disappeared from her sight.

After thirty minutes the nurse came out with more distressing news. His lymph nodes were enlarged around his throat blocking his airway, making breathing nearly impossible. Blood flow to his brain was being strained by the intense swelling. She allowed them to proceed with the additional minimally invasive surgery to repair damage to his lungs and airway. They would have to sedate him and pray he had the strength to come out from under the anesthesia.

Beverly sat down on the hard plastic seats in the waiting room and she prayed. She soon found herself surrounded by other crew members, but she didn't care. She could only pray that Wesley survived the procedure; that he would come back to her.

Receiving Picard's blood and the treatment for his lungs took more than an hour to complete.

While they waited in a family room, the harsh reality began to set in.

Picard came back into room led by a nurse.

"I begged him to lie down, he assured me that you are his doctor and his place was with you."

Picard shooed the nurse away as Deanna relinquished her seat and Picard sat down next to Beverly.

"Besides he out ranks me, and threatened me with insubordination if I sedated him." she smiled walking away.

"How are you feeling Captain?" Deanna's hand brushed across his arm.

"I'm perfectly fine, has there been any word on Wesley?"

"No...not yet..." Riker answered.

As if he had heard his own name being mentioned the doctor emerged from behind closed doors.

When Dr. Parrish walked in Beverly leapt from her chair. The somber look on the doctor's face did not bring her comfort as she began wringing her hands trying to stop them from trembling.

"How is Wesley?"

"He's resting as comfortably as we can make him, we were able to clear up some of the inflammation in his lungs. He has significant inflammation in the brain stem however and the antibiotics do not seem to be having a significant effect. I've never seen anything like this."

"Doctor, His B/P is up to 160/140 and his pulse is up to 142 at last check." the nurse said.

Beverly's hands flew to her head to cover her face. "This is not happening." she thought to herself.

"Increase the Neodexterine to 50 ml per hour, Give him 40 mg of Asinolyathin and check in and output levels every 15 minutes.

"This is not happening."

"Dr. what is his prognosis?" the Captain inquired.

"This is not happening." her voice admitted outloud as her thoughts escaped her lips this time. The doctor sighed heavily removing some of his sterile gear revealing his dark brown eyes, and bearded face.

"I'm sorry Doctor...Beverly, the progression of the virus is too advanced. It has encompassed the entire lymph system. Almost every cell has become degenerative and all organs are now compromised including the brain. Just as we feared, trying to save him, may have sped up the process and.."

"How long...?" her timid voice requested.

"His prognosis is..."

"HOW...LONG...?" she nearly screamed scrambling forward to grab the doctor.

"We want to make this painless for him, otherwise a series of aortic or neuro aneurysms could occur and prolong his suffering...When you are ready we can give him medication to reduce the pain till he no longer feels..."

"How long...please..." she begged.

Her eyes were filled with unshed tears. It was clear she was on the brink of falling apart in front of the entire medical staff. Jean Luc wrapped his arms around her waist as the realization of her question dawned on him. His face paled as he too stared at the doctor awaiting the words. Deanna and Will held each others hands as they stared in silence.

She watched as the doctors lips moved. His voice seemed to carry a tone in slow motion, as his lips formed the words:

"72 hours ...at most."

The sharp intake of breath from her left did not startle her as she realized her world was suddenly going dark. The air around her had gone suddenly thin, too thin to breathe. The images of the world around her went from brightness to complete dark in a matter of seconds and she felt herself falling.

"I'm so sorry, I couldn't do more for him."

Picard looked down at Beverly in his arms, a shell of her former self. She was painfully thin as she seemed to be dying a little each day with her son. He glanced over at Troi, who was now an emotional wreck having taken on the emotions of Beverly as well.

"Captain, should we get her a bed. She should probably be checked out." He took off his dark scrub hat and angrily crumpled it in his hands.

"No...just take us to Wesley. She needs...we need to be with him." he said.

"As soon as he is back in a room, I'll come find you. The nurse will show you a place where she can rest until that time comes." He picked up Beverly in his arms and carried her to an empty room as they waited for Wesley to return from recovery.

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Forty-Five minutes later.

ICU-10

Beverly was incensed that she was made to take IV fluids while her son lay alone in recovery, but her anger in Jean Luc and the doctor's decision soon faded as she finally made her way back to see her son. The nurse wanted to make sure he bathed and resting more comfortanbly when she saw him, and as she watched him sleep she could see that he didn't look so pale, his lips were no longer tinged blue from lack of oxygen and his hands were warm and pink again.

Picard stared at Wesley. It is obvious that he is in pain as Beverly watches him struggle even with the oxygen to draw in air.

"His breathing should get a little easier in the next hour. It has improved significantly from this morning, he's receiving a treatment now." the nurse said as she adjusted some controls, hyperjet-injected something into his shoulder and left the room.

As the couple stared at him it is obvious that the constant pain meds are not enough to ease the pain of the virus that is continuing to ravage his internal organs as he is consciously aware of his deterioration.

Beverly kissed Wesley's cheeks, and placed his hand on her face and stayed by his bedside. She did not move from that spot for the rest of the day and into the night. As he slept and briefly woke, she remained by his side into the wee hours of the morning until she fell asleep lying on his side tightly holding on to his hand.

Picard gave up trying to get her to leave long enough for them to change the linens or to get something to eat, he just sat in the corner of the room and listened to the sounds of the machine keeping Wesley alive and the slight murmurs that Beverly would say to him each time he stirred.

Picard was beside himself. What could he say to her? He can't stand to see her suffer but it also kills him to see Wesley in such agony. While ruminating on this thought he looked up at Wesley and noticed he was looking to the side of him. Wesley's exhausted eyes were staring at a fixed spot on the wall, it was clear he was unaware of his surroundings. The medication he was on was a variance of brief moments of lucidity, measurable hours of pain, and too few hours of relief.

Picard stood up placed a hand on her shoulder as she turned to look up at him, her red eyes stained with tears.

"Beverly..." he choked...his voice breaking.

"No." she stopped him immediately.

"Please...just listen. I can't fathom the pain you feel watching him this way, but I think of him as a son too...I have now for some time."

"I know...he knows." Picard was surprised by that statement.

"He's suffering terribly."

"Don't you think I know that?" she seethed.

Wesley's eyes shut tightly as a wave of pain seized him. His blood was thick and crushed his arteries making his head pound furiously and his muscles spasmed constantly. No amount of pain medication seemed to ease the agony. His blood pressure was through the roof and his heart was beating at over 150 bpm struggling desperately to pump enough blood to keep his young body alive. The genetically engineered virus had finally found its perfect host.

"Beverly...please let them take the pain away." he said choking up.

"We're going for a walk today..."

"Beverly."

"It's his birthday." she seethed..."His birthday..." she sobbed..."I can't...not today." she whimpered as Picard wrapped her in a warm embrace.

"We'll go for a walk today, there's a beautiful pond nearby where we can take him. We can get the doctor to make him comfortable and ...be with your son."
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A death sentence?...hmmmm harsh. *sniff, cry...sniff* gosh that Author is so mean...oh wait that's ME!
Please review! 10 reviews gets part 2 of this chapter...yeah hostage...blah...blah..blah...

Epstein Barr is an immune system disorder that makes the body's defense system attack healthy cells causing inflammation, flu like and other serious symptoms. Actor Wil Wheaton (Wesley) Has Epstein Barr which is also similar to what it feels like to have mononucleosis.