Disclaimer: Nothing recognizable is mine. A lot of the dialogue is direct from the show. No copyright infringement intended.
Dr. Burke had dismissed my concerns about the newborn in peds without a second thought and I'm feeling dejected. Cristina finds me there, sitting in the lobby after a failed conversation with the Head of Cardio-Thoracic Surgery.
"What're you doing down here?" She asks me as she leans against a nearby chair.
I sigh, "Just sitting here with my penis. What about you?"
"Hiding from Alex."
I glance through the large glass windows that surround the SGH lobby and think about how much easier everything was before becoming an intern. Before coming here, I didn't need to hide my marriage, I didn't need to see myself in rape victims, I didn't need to worry about an untreated baby, and I most definitely did not need to carry around a severed penis in a cooler.
Without thinking I blurt out, "I kissed Derek."
"You're married," Cristina replies, as if the kiss means nothing.
"In the elevator," I add, hoping she realizes how absolutely wrong and immoral and totally breaking the rules that kiss was.
Cristina's voice is emotionless as she repeats me, "Oh, you kissed him in the elevator."
"I was having a bad day," I argue, as if it gives me an excuse for breaking my own self-imposed rules, "I am having a bad day."
"Oh, so this is what you do on your bad days. Make out with Dr. McDreamy," She says, starting to walk away.
Following Cristina, I mention, "Well, that, and you know, carrying around a penis just makes everything seem so shiny and happy."
Munching on a potato chip, Cristina teases, "George said Alison was wearing your shoes."
Nobody else understands why it is so unnerving to me that she's wearing my shoes. Honestly, I'm not so sure why it freaks me out so much. Maybe it's because of my near incident with rape. Maybe it's because I hadn't planned on wearing these shoes but something about them seemed to call to me this morning. Maybe it's because I have been running on no sleep for the past week and a half since starting my internship and I might just be dying slowly inside. No matter why, I think it's weird that Allison is wearing my shoes. No matter what anybody else says, it's weird.
Even weirder than our matching shoes is the car the swerves and comes to a halting stop outside the hospital. The driver stumbles out, his entire abdomen and groin covered in blood. Just steps away from his car he collapses to the brick and hospital staff immediately jump into action. Cristina and I run out. Looking at him I know who he is. The only thing to do is to call security. I found the owner of my penis.
Just earlier that day I was in this man's would-be-victim's surgery and now I stand in his. Burke said earlier that Allison was a fighter and looking at her rapist I know he was right. The rapist has more damage and he didn't succeed in his attack. Instead he lost his penis and with the combination of teeth tearing and stomach acid, he's never going to have that again.
It's late by the time Cristina and I get out of surgery. Bailey's ragtag group of interns, that I am a part of, have all congregated on the extra gurneys in the basement. Despite the fact that we have the rapist in custody in the hospital, the police won't send an evidence team until the morning so as I take a break, I'm still accompanied by my penis cooler.
All five of us are sitting in a line when George asks a question that is on all of our minds, "Who here feels like they have no idea what they're doing?"
Every single one of us raises our hands. Then Bailey spots us and she scatters us just as quickly.
With no surgeries or patients to check on at the moment, I go back to the nursery window. The baby, the one that I was worried about before, has his parents watching him through the window. They look enamored. Just like every time I'm at this window, I can't help but picture Derek one day looking throughout our own children with that same look in his eyes. Shaking that thought from my mind I turn to the newborn's parents. Since I noticed something wrong, something that has not been addressed, it feels like my responsibility to tell them. They need to know that something might be wrong with their son.
The peds intern from before gets her resident and I'm about to be torn a new one when Burke swoops in and saves the day. He quickly takes charge of the patient, informs the baby's parents what tests will be done, and then leads me away.
"You're a busy man," I say to him, the excuse he used before when he said he couldn't help the newborn.
He shrugs and replies, "I'm a busy man."
The next time I see him, Burke tells me that I was right. The baby had a birth defect, a serious condition known as tetrology affirmed lower pulmonary artresia. Surgery, which Burke is scheduling for tomorrow, can almost guarantee the baby a long and healthy life. Despite Burke's threat about making my residency hell on earth, I'm glad I did this. That baby needed me. Maybe I can't do anything for Allison and maybe I can't un-do my own past with a similar close call, but I can make someone's future brighter and that is enough for me.
By the time I make it back to Allison's room it's been over twelve hours since I was last there. It's just about seven in the morning and I'm itching to get out of the hospital and get a good night's sleep. Or I guess a day's sleep. I just need sleep at this point. I've been with the severed penis for nearly twenty-four hours and despite all the time that's passed, it seems Allison hasn't woken up. Derek's sitting in her room, working on his laptop, and he tells me there hasn't been any changes in her status.
I ask him a question that I already know the answer to, knowing my husband, "Have you been here all night?"
"Mmhm, yup," He confirms my question before looking up at me and saying, "You know if I were in a coma all four sisters would be here. All their kids too. I'd want them here. Having no one? I can't imagine that."
Looking at Allison laying in that bed, comatose and alone, I'm sent back to my attack. I was seventeen and I hadn't been home in two weeks, not that my mom had noticed. I'd just been sleeping in the streets of Boston being a free spirit. It was well past three in the morning when it happened, out of nowhere a man ripped me from a bench and started going for me. It was terrifying and traumatic. The only reason nothing more happened was because I was close enough to a twenty-four-hour diner run by a sweet old couple who heard my screams. If I was anywhere else, I would have been Allison. It could have been me and back then, my mother counted for nothing. In reply to Derek all I say is, "I can."
In a fluid motion he closes his laptop and takes three large steps across the room towards me. Despite the fact that we're hiding our marriage in the hospital, he holds me. He puts his hands on my upper arms and looks straight into my eyes. He looks worried, I know he's probably been worried about me all night. Lowering his voice to a soft whisper so nobody passing by can hear he promises me, "If that were you, god forbid, you would be as far from alone as possible. You'd be absolutely surrounded. My sisters would be here. My mother. And I'd be by your side the entire time," He gently brushes a stray piece of hair behind my ear, "I'd be there, okay?"
With a small smile, I nod. I can imagine Allison's position because it used to be me. But it isn't me anymore. Ever since meeting Derek I've had a safety net, somebody to be there with me no matter what. If something were to happen, he'd be with me.
Once Derek is sure that I'm fine, he smirks a little and moves to lean against the door frame. He jests, "So we're kissing here but we're not married here?"
I roll my eyes, "I knew that was going to come up."
"Don't get me wrong," He defends, "I like the kissing. I'm all for the kissing. More kissing, I say."
"I have no idea what that was about," I say.
"Is it going to happen again? Because if it is, I need to bring breath mints," I know that he's having too much fun with the situation when he continues in a whisper, "Put a condom in my wallet."
I whisper back, "Shut up now if you want a chance of anything at home."
Derek lets out a quick giggle and sticks his tongue in his cheek. I spare a glance at him and I feel a small smile quirk, I really do love him. Looking between him and Allison I suddenly think of that baby with the heart defect that has everything ahead of him. I explain a little about the baby to Derek and he knows I'll tell him the full story later, which I will. But I feel the need to ask him, "How do we get from there to here?"
As I tell Derek everything on my mind he makes a move to comfort me. He's almost holding me when Allison's machines start beeping, indicating her ICP has doubled. Sprinting into surgeon mode Derek gets to work, ordering an OR, and I hit the code blue button to get help to Allison's room.
Both of our shifts ended at noon. I find Derek standing in front of the elevator, on his phone. I wouldn't be surprised if he's doing what he did when our shift began and is texting me. A moment later my phone vibrates and a roll my eyes.
Not looking up from his phone Derek says, "So. It's intense...this thing I have for, ah, ferry boats I mean."
Moments later the elevator opens and we both get on. Just like yesterday morning, it's just the two of us on the elevator. He looks at me out of the corner of his eye and smiles a little, as if he knows what I'm thinking. Adjusting my bag, I move toward him. I wrap my arms around his neck and pin him to the elevator wall. My lips are centimeters from him, so close that we might as well be kissing.
"No self-control," Derek breathes huskily, "It's sad, really."
I lean in a little closer and brush my nose against his cheek, still not kissing him. To toy with him I make a little sound, somewhere between a sigh and a gasp, something I know that always drives him wild. I know I hit my target by his quick intake of air, he's clearly turned on. He tilts his head so his lips are close to mine, expecting me to cave in and kiss him. Instead I move my lips to right against his ear, close enough to nibble just the way he likes.
"Oh, by the way," I tell him seductively, then I quickly pull away and look him dead in the eye, "I told Izzie and George they could move in." Without giving Derek the kiss that he wanted I step away back to the center of the elevator, smirking. He stays leaning against the wall, gasping for air. A quick glance towards him shows a bulge in his jeans from his arousal and I'm proud. That's what he gets for not taking the secrecy seriously.
"What?" He asks in disbelief as the elevator doors slide open.
Laughing I reply, "I'll see you later, Dr. Shepherd."
No self-control my ass.
As I walk away I'm proud, that's what he gets for being so adamant about roommates. Then it dawns on me, I'm going to need to be secretive about my marriage in my own house. I'm going to be punishing myself. "Shit."
So, you can waste your life, drawing lines, or, you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. But here's what I know. If you're willing to take the chance, the view from the other side is spectacular.
A/N: And thus concludes episode 2. Stay tuned for the next chapter, I've already finished writing my take on episode 3 and I'm a good way through episode 4. Hopefully, this story will cover all of season 1. I cannot promise it will continue from there, but it probably will. If you enjoyed, please take a moment to review, it really does help with motivation.