A/N: I can't believe it's been 1 year (and 5 days) since I've updated this! To be honest, I intended to do more with this when I started it and I had an idea for the second chapter but I was too lazy to write it hehehe...I wasn't actually planning to crank this chapter out today but I had a little bit of time and since this story is so new and uncomplicated, I figured "why not?" and thus the second chapter was born!
Enjoy!
Written with AbsoluteAnarchy in mind ~ and yes my darling, there will be mentions of pound cake ;)
MONDAY
Being a wingman is not a walk in the park. Especially when your buddy is oblivious to the fact that he's suddenly acquired a wingman and is too stubborn to willingly accept the help of one. That in mind, you must gather some data before you can officially call yourself a wingman.
Quickly scanning the short paragraph he'd created and satisfied with the outcome, Shisui reclined back in his chair and struck the ENTER key with more force than needed. Grabbing his wallet, he spun around in his chair, hopped to his feet and embarked on his journey downstairs.
"Whoa, what are you doing?!"
Itachi flinched and slowly looked over his shoulder at a wide eyed Shisui who had his hands pressed to his head as it attempting to keep his brains from tumbling out. If he had any brains to speak of, that is. "Pouring…coffee…why?" Itachi asked and continued to pour himself a mug of coffee.
"We were going to go to that new café for breakfast this morning!"
"We?" Itachi asked. He casually replaced the coffee pot back in the machine and turned to meet Shisui with an expression of skepticism. "Exactly when did we come to this consensus because this is the first time I'm hearing about this."
"On Saturday, duh!" Shisui breezily replied.
Itachi quirked a thin brow.
"It was implied after we ate there on Saturday that we would go there for breakfast on Monday. Today. Like right now."
Itachi was nonplussed and blatantly took a long sip of his coffee to make his point. "Maybe if had verbally shared your plans instead of assuming that I possessed the ability to read your mind I wouldn't have made coffee this morning and we could've gone."
"Oh but we can still go!" Shisui tried to convince him. Don't you want to see that hot barista again? Probably would've worked better. But then again this was Itachi Uchiha he was dealing with. If he confessed Itachi's secret desires out loud Itachi would deny everything Shisui said and shut down any future matchmaking attempts by refusing to go within 100 feet of the coffee shop which would be bad for Shisui's ratings. Couldn't leave his fellow bloggers high and dry now could he?
"I'm not pouring a perfectly good pot of coffee down the drain, Shisui. We can visit Terumi's for breakfast some other time."
"Such a buzzkill." Shisui uttered and dragged his feet to the door.
"Where are you going?" Itachi asked. "Isn't it a little early for you to leave for work?"
"There's nothing to eat here and I'm hungry." He muttered.
Itachi narrowed his eyes at Shisui's retreating back and set his coffee mug down on the kitchen table. "Alright. See you later on then."
Shisui looked over his shoulder and was surprised to see Itachi fishing his tablet out of his work bag. "See you later!" He called over his shoulder and shut the door behind him. Goddammit Itachi you were supposed to feel sorry for me!
Inside, Itachi smirked the moment the door swung closed. Though he was three years Itachi's senior, Shisui possessed the maturity of Itachi's teen brother Sasuke. Having no siblings of his own, Shisui's parents gave him whatever he wanted and indulged his every desire and whim. Itachi on the other hand, had a younger sibling and was impervious to the guilt trips, the pouting, and occasional threats. If Shisui wanted to throw a temper tantrum, who was Itachi to stop him? After all, Shisui was an adult and could take care of himself.
And buy his own slice of pound cake.
-8-8-8-8-
"Hello, welcome to Terumi's! What can I get for you today?"
Of course the hot barista was working that morning. Of course. Shisui quickly scanned the establishment's breakfast menu, searching for the manliest item he could find. "I'll take the double smoked bacon & egg sandwich on an English muffin with cheddar cheese please. And. Thank. You!" He said, pulling out his wallet from his back pocket.
"Need anything to drink with that?" He asked.
Shisui couldn't help but notice the way the man cocked his head to the side as he waited for Shisui's answer. Those warm caramel colored irises locked with his own and made him feel like time had slowed to a standstill – like it wasn't the morning breakfast rush and he could take all the time he needed. Hot barista wasn't concerned with the hustle and bustle surrounding them. It was just his caramel colored irises and Shisui's ebony colored orbs.
And Itachi was missing every second of it.
"A tall expresso please." He uttered and thumbed through his wallet for a five dollar bill. There was a ten, a twenty and three measly one dollar bills in there. Of course.
"Can I have a name for that, please?"
"Shisui."
"Shi-sui…" the man pronounced as he wrote penned the name on the plastic cup. "That'll be four dollars and seven cents please."
"Here's a five." He settled on and thrust the bill into the man's waiting palm which was so big he could probably grab Shisui's entire head and throw him across the street if he wanted to. He had the muscles for it anyways. He could do it, Shisui knew he could and Itachi would know it too if he were here and allowed himself to feel for once in his life.
He'd be insanely turned on by the idea too, Shisui bet.
"Thank you." The barita smiled as he accepted Shisui's bill. "Where's the friend you brought with you on Friday? Or was it Saturday?"
The comment took Shisui aback a bit before a large grin spread across his face. "It was Saturday and he's sitting alone at the kitchen table as he drinks his own homemade coffee." He told him. Oh, the money he would pay to see Itachi's face if he knew that the barista – Kisame, he learned as he read the man's name tag – was thinking of him.
"That's too bad. Five dollars and ninety-three cents is your change sir. We'll call you when your order is ready, alright?
"Sounds good." Shisui smiled and strutted off to the side to wait for his food and send a text to his cousin. That barista from Saturday asked about you, he typed and hit SEND.
Less than a minute later he received a message from said cousin that read "Sorry but I don't remember who waited on us Saturday."
…
Are you fucking kidding me right now, Itachi?!
Shisui glanced up at the barista who was pouring his expresso. There were a few people standing in line waiting to order, most of which were on their phones and probably wouldn't notice if he snapped a quick picture of the man to send to Itachi. Even the woman standing a few feet away from him was scrolling through her Pinterest pins and wouldn't notice him. If anything, it would look like he was taking a selfie or something.
"Shisui!" Kisame called out, rousing him from his thoughts.
He could still take his picture. On the way out, perhaps. It would most likely turn out blurry but that didn't matter so long as Itachi could make out the man's facial features.
"Here you go." Kisame smiled and handed Shisui a bag with his breakfast sandwich in it and his expresso cup which read "Sheswe"
"Sheshwee?" Shisui exclaimed out of shock and mild offense but by then the barista had turned to help another customer at the register.
Not only did Itachi need this gift from God in his life, but Kisame needed Itachi's gift of grammar in his life too. "Sheshwee." Shisui grumbled and exited the shop.
TUESDAY
Sometimes, your buddy has not his best interests in mind. It is then up to you as his wingman to help him see the error of his ways even if it means waking up early to thwart his plans.
"What the f—!? Shisui! What are you doing?" Itachi exclaimed when he entered the kitchen and came face to face with a dark figure sitting at the table.
"Oh my God you should've seen the look on your face, Itachi!" Shisui guffawed.
Itachi watched Shisui laugh so hard that tears collected at the corners of his eyes as he let his forehead fall to the surface of the table. "Very funny." He said and gingerly walked around his hysterical cousin.
"Wait, don't make any coffee yet! You said we could go to Terumi's today!"
"Why would I feel compelled to go to Terumi's with you when you thought it would be funny to scare me half to death this morning?"
"I wasn't trying to scare you, Itachi, promise! Though it was funny and I wish I'd recorded it, dammit!" He said and slapped his thigh.
Itachi regarded his cousin from the corner of his eye. "Why are you so insistent that I go along with you? The café just opened and was busy on Saturday and is bound to be busy this morning. What's more, Terumi's isn't even on the way to my office building which means it'll take me longer to get to work."
"Your probably right, cuz, but the day is still young and if you quit your yakkin' you might actually make it to work early so come on!" He said, rising from his chair to push Itachi out of the kitchen and towards the door. "Let's go while we still have time on our hands!"
"I still don't understand." Itachi commented on the way there.
"What's not to understand?" Shisui asked. "You get to drink a fancy caramel latte or whatever and eat a hot breakfast before you go to work. It's simple!"
"I think you mean to say that I'll get to waste my money on an overpriced drink that'll make my hands shake when I go to type in my computer password and an overpriced sandwich that I could've easily made for cheaper back home."
Shisui groaned. "Why is it always about money with you? Why can't you just live a little, huh?"
"It wouldn't always be about money if this was something we did on occasion, Shisui, not every day of the week."
"We didn't go on Sunday." Shisui quipped.
Itachi sighed and decided that there was no point in arguing with the older man. Shisui would come up with an excuse for anything and everything if you asked him to and in the end, it always ended with him calling Itachi a buzzkill.
"Here we are!" Shisui declared when the sign for Terumi's came into view. "See? We made it in good time! We'll be in and out!"
"If you say so." Itachi relented.
A few steps later the pair was passing the store front window in which Shisui actively peered inside to search for Kisame waiting on a customer behind the counter.
Only Kisame wasn't there.
"Are you coming?" Itachi impatiently called out to him as he held open the door.
Shisui nodded, still searching for Kisame through the store front window. Maybe he had to run into the back for something, he convinced himself.
But when the two passed through the threshold of the establishment, Kisame had yet to make an appearance.
Of course Itachi would agree to tag along on the day that Kisame wasn't there.
"You know what, you're right, Itachi, maybe we should forgo it today."
"What? But we're already here. We might as well order something and leave."
Shisui shrugged. "Yeah, but they're kinda busy and you have that meeting this morning, don't you?"
"That's tomorrow morning and I don't understand. You were begging me to go yesterday and woke up much earlier than you usually do this morning to stop me from making my morning coffee so why the change of heart?"
"I don't know." He said, changing tactics. "There weren't that many people here yesterday so I kinda thought it'd be the same today but they're kinda busy so maybe we should just come back another day or something."
Itachi groaned. "I didn't walk all the way out here only to show up to work sans a vanilla latte in my hands so I'm going to get in line and order one and if you want to go to work empty-handed, be my guest, Shisui."
Hungry patrons filtered around them, forming a line without asking if they were waiting in it or not, and completely oblivious to the conversation they were having.
"Man you're grouchy this morning, Itachi."
Itachi ignored Shisui's comment and stepped into line. He didn't have to tell Shisui that he was annoyed from him. His crossed arms, pursed lips and narrowed gaze was telling enough.
And as much as Shisui wanted to go back home and burrow under his blankets, the growling of his stomach convinced him otherwise as he stepped in line behind his cousin.
"Change of heart?" Itachi asked over his shoulder.
"I'll starve if I don't eat anything."
WEDNESDAY
Wingman. A compound word consisting of two smaller words – wing and man. Just as it takes two to tango, there is no wing if there is no man. But sometimes, a wingman must fly solo if he is to make any real progress.
"Keep this up and you'll become a regular!" Kisame laughed.
"It looks that way doesn't it!" Shisui laughed. "I'll have a tall Americano today and a slow roasted ham and Swiss." He smiled and produced a twenty from his wallet.
"An excellent choice. That'll be four fifty-nine."
Shisui handed him the slightly crumpled twenty which Kisame began to tender. "Brought my friend with me yesterday." He said conversationally.
"Did you?" The barista asked. The corner of his mouth quirked upwards in a smile as his golden eyes flickered to meet Shisui's. "He got tired of the same old same old, huh?"
Shisui gave a short laugh in response. "Nah he said he had a meeting to go to this morning. So where were you yesterday morning? Did'ja oversleep or something?"
The corners of Kisame's mouth gave way to reveal a toothy grin as he shook his head. "A co-worker asked to switch shifts with me yesterday. I usually work mornings."
"Is that so?" Bingo.
Kisame nodded. "Fifteen forty-one." He said and handed him the remainder of his broken twenty dollar bill.
"Hey thanks man! Take care!"
"Take care! Say hi to your friend for me!"
Shisui smiled over his shoulder. "Will do!"
THURSDAY
Sometimes your buddy will surprise you and act on his own free will. It is your job as his wingman to accompany him to make sure that all goes smoothly.
"Die you green muthafuckas!" Shisui whispered, drew his finger back and sent the yellow bird sailing into wooden heap of the pigs' tower where the last battered pig resided. The yellow bird did the trick, wiping out both the remnants of the tower and the pig. And just when he was expecting to be greeted with a message decrying his victory, he was met with a phone call from his cousin instead. "Hey what's up Itachi?"
"Hey. I was wondering if you wanted to stop by that café you favor so much after work."
"You're asking me?" Shisui asked incredulously. He was so taken aback that he brought his feet down from the surface of his desk.
"It's called a polite gesture since I know you have nothing better to do than play that outdated game."
"Okay, it's not outdated when the movie just came out last summer!" He argued.
"If you say so." Itachi sighed. "So do you want to go to Terumi's with me after work or not? If you don't that's fine; I'll go by myself and meet you at home afterwards."
Shisui leaned forward and snatched the Rubik's Cube from his desk, carefully considering his answer. He'd gone to Terumi's every morning since Monday. In fact, he was there so often that people were starting to consider him a regular. And Shisui liked to consider himself anything but regular. His own mother even reminded him of that fact every now and again over the phone. His irregularity aside, Kisame worked mornings he said which proved to be true as Shisui had run into him every morning except for the morning that Itachi tagged along. Goddammit Itachi, why do you have to have the worst timing on the planet? "Yeah, meet you there in ten. Sound good?"
"See you then."
Shisui pulled the phone away from his ear and disconnected the call before setting it on his desk. He twisted and turned the Rubik's cube several times so that it was fairly unbalanced in color. In ten seconds he'd reverted each side back to being a single color. Itachi was interested in Kisame, that much Shisui was certain of. He had to be. Itachi never placed that much focus on anyone in his life other than his younger brother Sasuke. Yet he had denied going to the café Monday morning and again this morning. Even on Tuesday he seemed reluctant to go though Shisui waiting for him in the dark kitchen might have had something to do with that. If Itachi was the love-struck fool he was supposed to be, he would've left the stupid coffee pot behind on Monday in favor of catching a glimpse of the man's pearly whites. Even Shisui caught himself wondering how he managed to get his teeth so white without bleaching them.
Rising to a stand with a discontented huff, Shisui grabbed his wallet and turned off his computer monitors. If I was gay I wouldn't be able to get anything accomplished knowing a man like that exists. He was halfway to the elevators when the realization hit him. Maybe Itachi only wanted to go to the café for the pound cake and fancy drinks.
Which meant that he wasn't interested in Kisame at all.
Maybe Itachi was never interested in men to begin with.
Rule #2: Know the nature of your buddy's sexual orientation before designating yourself as his wingman.
A few things:
1. I am attempting to write this thing in the 3rd person omniscient so every now and again you will get a dose of Itachi's perspective (2% of the time for now; this percentage may be subject to change)
2. This isn't what I had planned for the original 2nd chapter so that idea will become chapter three! Let's hope for a fairly speedy update! (before September I want to say)
3. I have so many new ideas and complicated fics running simultaneously now that stories like these get pushed to the wayside (meaning: I spend most of my time updating Parallel Lines and Things Better Left Unsaid) so once one of those wraps up I'll dedicate more of my time to developing minor fics like these! :D
And that's all for now!
Until next time~
Sasori33-001