Chapter Twenty-Four

"Ernie, have you seen Gonzo?" said Trapper, stopping at the nurse's station on his way to Leah's room. "Has he already released Leah?"

"Yes, he did," she answered, "and when he went to escort her out, she was already gone."

"Gone?"

Ernie couldn't tell if his expression meant surprise or concern…or both. "Mm hm," she replied, nodding her head. "He's looking for her now…in the basement."

"Thanks, Ernie," he said, walking toward the elevator and pushing the down call button.

When the doors opened, he met Dr. Sandler coming out. "Trapper, I was just coming to see you."

"Can it wait?" Trapper asked with his hand on the elevator door, preventing it from closing. "I was just going to find Leah."

"No, it can't wait. I just came up from there, and she's fine. She's gathering some work to take home, and Mark and Gonzo will help her bring it up."

Trapper laughed nervously. "Well then, I'd like to, at least, walk her out. Who's taking her home?"

"Mark's driving her home, and I'd prefer you didn't see her out." When Trapper furrowed his brow and sucked in the side of his mouth, David continued. "Your office or mine?"

Cocking his head and grimacing, Trapper considered David's question for a moment. He realized David was talking about a session, and knowing he should hear what David had to say, he decided he'd prefer his own office. At least he would be comfortable in familiar surroundings. Trapper motioned down the hall.

Going straight to the coffeemaker, Trapper offered coffee to David before he poured himself a cup. David shook his head and took a celery stick out of his pocket, sticking it in his mouth.

Sitting in his desk chair, Trapper leaned over on the desk, rather than leaning back and propping his leg up.

David took the chair in front of the desk and sat back, crossing his legs comfortably. "Why does this bother you? This isn't so much about you as it is Leah."

"What about Leah?" Trapper asked as he twirled his coffee cup on the desk, finally bringing it up to his mouth for a sip.

"Well, since Gonzo delayed releasing her until he got a clear chest x-ray, I've had a session with her every day for the last four days. "What is she to you, Trapper? Is she just a patient, a cause, a friend…or is she becoming something else?"

Exhaling loudly, Trapper leaned back, but kept his hands on his desk. "How would that make a difference?"

"John, aside from working through the loss of her children, the loss of her husband will be different and in some ways, more devastating for her. She had a very…deep relationship with her husband, emotionally and physically. Now that he's not here and she's starting to deal with it, she might just look for a way to replace what she's missing. One day, she'll realize she can't. After that comes the guilt…feelings of cheating on him. She's not ready to be more than a patient or a friend."

Turning his chair, Trapper stared at his sofa in thought. What did she mean to him? Was it more than friendship? The more comfortable she became with him, the more he saw her as the type of woman who would interest him…intelligent, insightful, compassionate, and certainly passionate about her work and the relationships she allowed herself. "What do you want me to do?" he asked solemnly.

"If you can honestly say she's just a friend, you don't need to do anything different. But if you feel something more, or even just think you might feel something more, I'd like you to keep your distance for awhile. At least until I've had time to work her through some of this. If you do see her and she…" he sucked on his celery stick and looked away, searching for the right way to say what he needed to say…"oh hell, if she comes on to you, you need to stop it before it goes anywhere."

Trapper still stared at the sofa. "Why would you think I might feel that way about her?"

"I didn't know anything until this conversation." Trapper sighed and took another sip of his coffee. David continued, "I asked the question because I think she thinks you're treating her as more than a friend. She's terrified."

"Of me?" asked Trapper, facing David.

"No. Of herself. She can't resolve the way she thinks of you with her feelings for her husband. She's still very much in love with him, and even though her head knows he's not here, her heart isn't quite there yet."

"Thanks, Mark, for bringing me home. I talked to HR, and they said Dr. Gates approved part-time paper work. That means you'll have to deal with the cabling and the missing equipment. I'll be seeing Dr. Sandler twice a week, so I'll bring you what I have completed."

"Leah, I can come and pick it up. In fact, why don't I just pick you up the days of your appointments? Then you won't have to hire a cab."

Looking into his eyes, Leah studied him. She didn't feel as comfortable around Mark since Dr. McIntyre mentioned that Mark might have feelings for her. "No, I don't want to have to start depending on anyone. I'm a big girl. Besides," she said, casting her eyes down, "Dr. Sandler has given me a lot to think about, so I can use the time in the cab to mentally prepare for my sessions with him."

"I thought it was odd that Dr. McIntyre wasn't there to see you off."

"Well," she said, looking down at her clasped hands. "He's a busy man. And he's not my doctor."

Mark thought that answer was a bit aloof. "Okay then. Is there anything else you need? Do you have groceries?"

"No, but then, I usually don't have a lot of food in the place. It's all right. I can have what I need delivered."

"Leah, what if something goes wrong while you're here alone?"

"Mark, stop. Dr. Gates wouldn't have released me if he didn't think I was beyond any danger. I'm healing. I know I'm healing because my incision is itching like crazy. Besides, I'll be talking to you on the telephone on a regular basis. I'll need you to go to the installation sites and check on things for me. Now go back to work. I'm fine."

When he hugged her as he normally would, she stiffened, and when he felt it, he took it as fear of being left alone. He lingered with his arms around her, stroking her back with his hand until she pulled her arms between them and stepped away. Searching her eyes, he didn't find what he had hoped for. His brows furrowed, and his mouth opened slightly; a look that made her feel guilty.

"I…I'm sorry. I'm still a little sore," she said with a quick, apologetic smile, hoping the explanation would be enough.

He met her eyes one more time, and then dropping his gaze, he hastily made his way to the door. "Call me if you need anything."

"Thanks Mark," she said, fading at the end. The door had closed before she finished.

Wrapping her arms around herself, Leah slowly looked around the living area of her apartment suddenly feeling very alone.