Kevin leaned his head forward against the cold glass of the bedroom window. He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to get his hammering heart back under some control. Fuck. He didn't want to be a nervous wreck when Patrick arrived. They couldn't both be jittery and wound up, and despite Patrick's words of last night, Kevin wasn't quite ready to believe that Patrick Murray would turn up at the front door this morning with anything less than a medium to full on freak out churning inside him. Which really wasn't fair. He was asking Patrick to trust him and believe in the words he said. Shouldn't he return the favor and trust Patrick? Trust that he really could be strong for them? It had to be a decision. It was something you chose to do. To believe in what someone was telling you. So...he would make the choice to believe Patrick.
Shit. This was either the dumbest or the smartest idea in the world, but given his apparent inability to deny Patrick anything he set his mind on, he'd had little choice but to just give in to Patrick and let him decide what the next move for them was going to be. So much for his whole self-preservation thing. One day away from Patrick, less than twelve hours of contemplating what life was going to be like without him, one admittedly romantic and seemingly heart-felt plea...and he was putty in Patrick's hands. This did not bode well for his future.
But...fuck it. He wanted to be with Patrick. He wanted them to grow old together. He was ready to commit himself to Patrick the way Patrick imagined couples should be. Monogamous, devoted...all that stuff that was important to him...he'd do it all for Patrick and he'd tried to tell him that up on the roof that night, when Patrick had broken his heart. And nothing had changed in the hours since then in the way he felt so...Patrick was right. They had to try this again. They had to give each other a chance to explain themselves properly, they had to discuss this stuff, they had to come to a common understanding...but first, they had to just fucking BE together and remember why they had to do all this difficult crap in the first place. Because it was worth it to get to spend every day with each other. To get to wake up together, and watch TV together, and argue about stupid stuff like peanut butter together and shower together and of course sleep together. Or rather, not sleep.
He probably shouldn't let his mind go there. Not now while he was waiting for Patrick to show up. It was most likely asking too much for them to have sex any time soon. Not until some of the more fundamental issues had been discussed and ironed out. But...on the other hand...
Sex was a really excellent way to get rid of any residual tension they might be feeling. And it had been almost 48 hours since they'd fucked, and that was a really long time for the two of them since that night on the stoop, so, maybe it wasn't the worst idea to jump on Patrick as soon as he got here. That actually sounded like a very good plan. Oh god. Just the thought of being able to get his hands on Patrick's body again, to get Patrick's mouth on his, to get to lick and bite that super-sensitive spot on Patrick's neck that made him dick get hard in seconds, to clutch his fingers in Patrick's soft hair...
Crap. That was a good way to make him lose his boner. Kevin pulled back from the window and walked purposely to the kitchen. He wasn't going to dwell on that stupid haircut. Well, at least not on how the haircut had come about. Patrick would hopefully be able to explain to him what on earth had made him think it was okay to run to Richie yesterday morning, but until that happened, and frankly, even if never made any sense, Kevin was NOT going to get stuck in a dark place thinking about it. Instead, he was going to concentrate on the fact that the haircut actually looked a little hot. A little edgy. Different. And he'd just have to find other body parts to grip onto while they were fucking. Patrick's ears didn't stick out as much as his did, but he could still use them to guide Patrick's head where he wanted it to go rather than pulling on his hair as he used to. It might give Patrick a new appreciation for Kevin's own jug-handles and remind Patrick to be a little more gentle when he held on to them as he was fucking Kevin's mouth. Not that Kevin really ever noticed the rough handling when he got to blow Patrick. He'd only started paying attention after Patrick told Kevin that Agustin had joked about Patrick doing that very thing the first time Patrick had shown him Kevin's wikipedia page. Kevin smiled at the memory. Remembering what it felt like to know that Patrick had gone home and obsessed about him after that first day at work, and talked to Agustin about his cunt of a boss that made him feel like an asshole. God. From the very first moment they'd met nothing had ever been simple between the two of them. And that's what Patrick had meant yesterday, on the roof of the MDG offices. Patrick had been the first one to put himself out there, and had been slapped down hard for doing so. He'd had to make himself not want Kevin, had to make himself stop imagining a life for them because he wasn't going to pursue a happily partnered man and deliberately break up a couple. But he had wanted Kevin, and he loved Kevin. He seemed very keen to make Kevin believe that last night, and while it was easy to do so when Patrick was holding him and kissing him and softly ordering Kevin to give him another chance, it was just a little harder to keep the faith in the bright light of the morning. Harder, but not impossible. And anyway, it was a done deal. Patrick wanted them to try again, and what Patrick wanted, Patrick got.
Pacing around the kitchen wasn't proving particularly effective at ratcheting down the anxiety levels. If he had some food to cook or something, he might be able to keep his mind from veering between the two extremes in his head. Sex with Patrick on the one side, which made him feel horny and the good type of restless. Talking with Patrick on the other, which made him feel wobbly and fragile and the bad type of restless. Either way, he was restless. And operating on about four hours of sleep.
Fuck it. If Kevin was feeling like this, Patrick must be bouncing off walls by now. He'd probably worked himself up into a complete nervous wreck at the thought of having to come back into this building. At the thought of repeating Saturday morning all over again. Yeah. That was a bad idea. Nothing about this morning should be the same as two days ago. Except for the good bit. The sex bit. That bit certainly bore repeating. But the rest? No fucking way.
Kevin shook his head as he grabbed the two fobs and his key off the kitchen counter and headed out of the apartment. What had he been thinking? He could change this day. It wasn't that complicated. Patrick wanted a fresh start, so he'd give him a fresh start. He'd give him anything he wanted.
A very very long half hour later, Kevin was finally rewarded with the sight of a happy, grinning Patrick, walking towards him, his cheeks red from the cold San Fransisco morning, his backpack slung over one shoulder, his eyes crinkled with smiling pleasure.
'You waited outside? It's so cold!' Patrick laughed, stopping only inches away from Kevin. Kevin's own smile grew broad as he saw Patrick's delight.
'I wanted to give you this.' He said simply, and taking Patrick's hand, dropped the fob into it. He didn't want Patrick to ever have to wait for anyone to let him into his own home again.
'Oh my god!' Patrick exclaimed. 'No fucking way? My own fob?' He laughed delightedly. 'How did you DO that?'
Kevin grinned and rolled his eyes, a little embarrassed at how silly and sentimental this would seem, but it had been really important to him from the moment he'd woken up, well before dawn, and he'd waited impatiently before it was a reasonable hour to track the super down and hover over him until his goal had been accomplished. 'I tipped heavily to get maintenance off their arses and program one for me this morning.' He admitted gruffly. But he was well rewarded. Patrick seemed enchanted.
'You're amazing! This is the best present ever!' Patrick gushed.
'Patrick, it's a fucking key to a building.' Kevin pretended to be exasperated with Patrick's silliness. 'Get over it and use the damn thing so we can get inside. I'm freezing my bollocks off out here.'
Patrick was so on to him.
'Ok, ok.' Patrick soothed him. 'But it's so sweet!' He just couldn't stop himself from adding, knowing full well it just added to Kevin's embarrassment. Sweet. Just what every guy loved to be called. But Patrick took the sting out of the words by leaning in to kiss him gently. And of course, then kissing him less gently and more purposefully, and soon Patrick got his tongue into Kevin's mouth and was rubbing up against him, and though this was San Francisco, Kevin felt it was better to take this inside than to give everyone a show right on the sidewalk. So Kevin pushed Patrick away and waited as Patrick opened the door with a big theatrical flourish, and then waited again while Patrick grandly used his fob to pick their floor in the elevator. Kevin found it hard to determine which one of them was the bigger idiot. Patrick for being so happy and giggly over a fob, or Kevin for being all secretly moony eyed over Patrick for being so easily pleased.
'I feel so powerful and masterly, with my own fabulous fob that can control the magical elevator!' Patrick continued to rhapsodize. And then, he leaned into Kevin, his grin fading to a sly smile. 'Can we make out in here or do they have cameras?' He asked softly in Kevin's ear. Kevin shivered in anticipation as he felt Patrick's warm breath against his skin.
Kevin was about to let himself get caught up in the heat he saw in Patrick's eyes, mesmerized by the way Patrick was chewing on his bottom lip...but some still sane part of him remembered in time. 'Cameras.' He stated hoarsely, pointing to the camera in the corner.
'Oh god!' Patrick grimaced, and Kevin winced as he realized where Patrick's head would go. 'Do you think anyone was listening to us Saturday night while we were in here?'
Kevin arched an eyebrow ruefully and shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. But really, the thought of being overheard was actually very disturbing. To have someone listening to them while they lived through the most painful and raw moments of their lives...well, that was just...horrible. But, he wasn't going to add to Patrick's list of reasons to hate this building.
'Relax.' Kevin said calmly. 'I'm sure they've seen and heard worse.'
Patrick raised his eyebrows at Kevin, mimicking his earlier gesture.
'Worse than that?' he laughed wryly, and Kevin felt some of his tension begin to dissipate. Patrick was handling this better than he was. Which was...revelatory.
Kevin smiled and Patrick smiled back.
'You see?' Patrick said sweetly, as he tenderly laid a hand on Kevin's cheek. 'One day later and we can already laugh at it! We're sooooo fucking amazing.' He sighed dreamily, and Kevin laughed again. They were at their floor, so he pushed Patrick out of the elevator doors, shaking his head, almost giddy with how good it felt to be laughing again with Patrick.
'Let's not push our luck Patrick.' Kevin finally rolled his eyes at him. 'You know the saying about counting chickens before they're hatched.'
'Nope.' Patrick declared as he walked down the hallway, grinning at Kevin. 'I am NOT going to let you spoil this moment, grouchy. I am feeling pretty good right now, and all I need is a ridiculous English breakfast, and I'm ready to unpack.' He stated.
Oh shit. Breakfast. Kevin sighed.
'Well then get ready to be disappointed because all there is is coffee, juice and toast.'
'What?' Patrick asked, genuinely astonished. Patrick and food. Maybe Kevin should have re-thought his priorities this morning.
'I had to log into work to clear my calendar,' he began to explain. 'I had to get the fucking fob, I had to...'
'Ok Ok...I get it. You were busy.' Patrick said soothingly. Wow. He must really be in love if he was overlooking the lack of food. 'You're forgiven cos I have my lovely new fob.' Patrick continued. 'Oh...but...what about a key to the front door?' he exclaimed as they came to a stop outside the door to their apartment. Another errand Kevin hadn't been able to get to this morning.
Kevin leaned forward to kiss Patrick gently.
'We'll go out and get one made together. Alright?' he asked quietly, smiling at the thought of them shopping for keys.
'Ok.' Patrick nodded agreeably. And he must have been thinking along the same happy lines as Kevin because he smiled back as he continued, 'It can be our first errand of domesticity. And we can pick up some groceries too so I can cook for you tonight, and you can make me breakfast tomorrow.'
Kevin's smile faded as he stared at Patrick, knowing all he had to do was unlock the door and walk in. But he was suddenly scared again. Patrick hadn't been back inside, and he was so fucking scared that one look at the place would send Patrick right back to that nightmare place they'd been in since that whole stupid Grindr thing began. Had he done enough to change the day? Was it different enough yet? He scanned Patrick's face, looking for the signs he'd come to know so well. The rapid blinking, the forced smile, the rising eyebrows...anything that showed him that Patrick was on the verge of losing it. But...he seemed, steady. Purposeful. As if he really believed they could do this. And that gave Kevin the first moment of peace he'd felt in what seemed like decades. Was it really only two days ago they'd tried this before? And failed. So very very badly.
He couldn't take it again.
Kevin raised his hand to cup Patrick's neck. He wanted to be connected, to feel that this was real, possible. He needed to hear words. Patrick loved words and now Kevin needed them. Words of re-assurance, of hope. Words to make him believe that he wasn't a fool for believing that they could make it work.
'Are you Ok?' Kevin whispered quietly as he dropped his forehead onto Patrick's.
Patrick pulled his head back and cupped Kevin's face with his hands. The look in Patrick's eyes...God. It wasn't possible to fake this sort of calmness was it? The longer Kevin stood there with Patrick's hands on his skin, Patrick's eyes boring into his, the more convinced Kevin was of how right this was. He'd told Patrick this could work. That it WAS working. It seemed that Patrick was ready to believe it. Thank fucking god.
'I am totally...' Patrick paused for a moment, his hands moving to caress Kevin's hair. 'completely...' He was killing Kevin with his intense look. Those fucking eyes of his. Patrick usually couldn't look at him for one second before his eyes roamed to Kevin's mouth, or to his neck, or to his ears...but now, he was laser focused on Kevin's eyes and it was fucking insane how both tender it made Kevin feel, and how totally fucking horny. '...Ok.' Patrick finally finished. Kevin realized he'd been holding his breath, and now, at last, he could just let it go. 'This is me, being happy, NOT freaking out.' Patrick continued, never letting his stare waver. 'Are YOU Ok?' he asked Kevin quietly.
Kevin sighed deeply. This really could work. The two of them, together.
'I'm so. Fucking. Glad. You're here.' Kevin said. And seeing Patrick's beautiful eyes fill with tears, Kevin knew he understood exactly how much he meant that.
Enough already. No more tears, no more fucking angst. There would be lots more of that in the days to come no doubt, but, now, right this minute, Kevin had a present to give Patrick. He smiled at Patrick, wiping his tears away, and kissed him gently, on the cheek. Patrick's sweet smile filled Kevin with such joy. Partly because he was obviously glad to see Patrick happy, but mostly because it meant that Patrick was in a sentimental frame of mind, and had no idea of the decidedly less sentimental and definitely more elemental mood that Kevin was now increasingly in. Fucking Patrick was always fun. Fucking an unsuspecting Patrick was glorious though.
'Come on.' Kevin said innocently, 'Let's go inside and start unpacking.'
Patrick walked inside and his steps faltered as he caught sight of all the stacked boxes. Kevin wasn't going to give him any time to think, though. A thinking Patrick was fun to seduce, but Kevin was too horny for that right now. He didn't want to waste the time getting Patrick out of a funk. He was on a fucking mission.
'Jesus.' Patrick grimaced as he looked around the living room. 'Why does it look like there are more boxes now than before! Were there really this many? This is going to take us weeks to sort out...'
'Well it can wait just a little bit longer before it gets sorted.' Kevin stated firmly, and took Patrick's hand to drag him into the bedroom. And there was the look Kevin loved. The growing realization, the blush, the excitement. Would he still be surprised at how much Kevin wanted to fuck him thirty years from now?
'Hmmm...I'm getting a strong feeling of déjà vu.' Patrick smiled as he let himself be pulled, not too reluctantly it seemed to Kevin, into the same spot they'd been in two days ago, right in front of the huge windows Patrick was so taken with.
'Nope, not the same at all.' Kevin shook his head as he started pulling of his t-shirt.
'Really? Because so far this feels pretty familiar...' Patrick grinned.
Why wasn't he undressing? He just seemed to be standing there staring at Kevin's body. Was Kevin going to have to do ALL the work? Not a problem.
Kevin grabbed Patrick and pushed him up against the window, stepping up close so Patrick could feel exactly how ready he was for this scene to play out. Patrick's eyes widened as he felt Kevin's hard cock grind up against him. Good. Kevin would give him a few moments to catch up because he was feeling generous, but there were limits to how long he was going to wait. He leaned forward, his mouth mere inches away from Patrick's.
'This time I get to fuck YOU against the WINDOW.' Kevin whispered against Patrick's lips.
And suddenly, Patrick was totally with the program. Kevin reached for the buttons to angle the blinds, while Patrick's hands got very very busy. Kevin's pants were the first item to go, and after a few delicious strokes of Patrick's fingers against his aching cock, Patrick deserted him to get rid of his own clothes. Kevin helped as much as he could, but he got distracted stroking each piece of newly revealed skin. God, he loved this man's skin. Fucking freckles and all. He was busy tracing them with his fingers as Patrick kicked off his shoes and pulled his own pants off, finally standing there naked, and thankfully, fully aroused. It was worth spending a few moments not fucking just to appreciate the way Patrick Murray looked. He was never going to get enough of the sight of this man, all his, fully available to him, hungry for him. His partner. For fucking life.
Patrick was now the one in a hurry, though. He grabbed Kevin's head and smashed his mouth against Kevin's. Oh yeah. A special Patrick kiss. Hot, wet, lots of luscious lips and a busy busy tongue, demanding Kevin open his mouth, demanding Kevin surrender to him totally. There was no point in fighting. This man was the fucking champion kisser.
Patrick pulled away just before Kevin was about to lose his control. Kevin was gratified to see that Patrick was also panting heavily and his eyes glazed with the same passion Kevin was feeling, because he sure as shit wasn't ready to wait any longer.
'This better live up to my fantasy...' Patrick growled warningly.
Kevin didn't waste another second. He spun Patrick around and plastered him up against the window. Kevin pulled back Patrick's head, mourning briefly the loss of all that beautiful hair he loved to grip, but knowing it would grow back. Hopefully really really fast. Kevin groped a hand around Patrick, squeezing it between Patrick's warm belly and the cold cold window, moving it down until he found Patrick's thick, hard cock. Patrick caught his breath as Kevin squeezed him tightly, beginning the slow teasing motion that he knew would drive his boy insane. He waited until Patrick's widened eyes slowly closed, and he saw Patrick's teeth bite down on that soft plump lower lip that he wanted to lick and suck on.
Kevin pushed his face into Patrick's neck and took a few delicious sips, inhaling his warm, musky scent. Pure, fuckable, Patrick.
Kevin smiled as he felt Patrick push his ass back into Kevin's groin, grinding, inviting...
'I wanna fuck you till your head explodes Patrick Murray' He whispered into Patrick's ear, taking a gentle nibble of the tender lobe. Patrick's erotic sigh, the way he stretched his head back, offering his neck up to Kevin's seeking mouth, the way he flattened his palms against the window, his fingers stretched wide as if he couldn't contain all the tension he felt within...well, Kevin was fucking done for.
This was Patrick's 'thing'. Kevin loved to fuck in different ways. Vanilla, kinky, fun, tender...but Patrick liked to fuck in public. His good sweet innocent lovely boy liked to get off where others could potentially see. In the woods. In the park. At the movie theatre...he got off on the rush of discovery. Kevin hadn't really felt it before, but now, knowing that anyone looking directly in would be able to make out Patrick's glorious ecstasy between the slats of the blinds, would be able to see that expression on his face of wonder and delight as he got closer and closer to coming, and would know that the man behind him, the man fucking him deep and steady was the man that put that look on his face, well...that was pretty fucking hot.
It took seconds for Kevin to grab the supplies from the corner table. Thank god they hadn't put that stuff away yet. He didn't want to lose contact with Patrick for a second. He pulled the condom onto himself, and he heard Patrick's breathing speed up as he anticipated what was to come. Ever so slowly, ever so carefully, Kevin pushed into Patrick, wanting this to be nothing but pure pleasure and ecstasy for his beautiful lover. As he began his slow, controlled push and pull, Kevin felt overwhelmed with tenderness, with gratitude towards Patrick. For taking a chance on him. For taking a leap of faith and deciding to trust him. For loving him enough to not give up on him. Kevin dropped his head on Patrick's shoulder as they fucked, his hands moving up to grab Patrick's, tangling their fingers against the window, squeezing and holding on tight. He was going to hold on for as long as he fucking could. A whole fucking lifetime.
And then suddenly the tenderness was replaced with a ferocious hunger. He was buried deep in Patrick, feeling him tight all around him, hearing all the sighs and moans Patrick was making as Patrick flattened himself against the glass, dropping his forehead on the window, their mingled gasps making circles of fog that Kevin was mesmerized by, their sweat dripping onto each other and making their bodies slippery, making the friction that much sweeter. Kevin licked Patrick's damp neck, loving the taste of his increasingly frantic lover. He bit down gently as he started pushing in harder, faster, and Patrick sighed long and deep. The race to the finish had begun, and Kevin no longer had any thoughts about who could see what, or whose idea this had been, or who was the giver and who the receiver of pleasure. He just wanted to come, and he wanted Patrick to come too. All over the window.
A quick check of Patrick's cock with his hand showed him that Patrick was close too. Fucking awesome. Because he wasn't going to last much longer. He stroked and squeezed Patrick, in time with his own increasingly desperate thrusts, and moments later he gasped as he emptied himself into the condom, pushed in so fucking deep that he felt like he was permanently fused to this man who he loved so very very much. And Patrick's cum, all over his hand, all over Patrick's belly, and all over the window...he fucking loved it. He wouldn't even mind the clean up. Though not yet. Not for a while. Recovery was going to take a little time.
Kevin pulled out of Patrick, turned him around, took him in his arms and stumbling the few steps to the bed, tumbled them both down onto the mattress, where they lay, entwined, breathing heavily.
Patrick nestled his head into Kevin's shoulder, Kevin moved his hand up to Patrick's head and stroked the shorn hair. He sighed as his breathing evened out. He hoped they could just stay here for the rest of the day. Not moving. Not even speaking. Just...being. Together.
'That's what I was talking about.' Patrick murmured into his neck. Kevin smiled. There wasn't much chance of Patrick being silent for long. That was okay too though. Everything was okay, as long as Patrick was here.
'I fucking love you' Kevin whispered, smiling.
'Me too.' Patrick dropped a little kiss on Kevin's chest. 'I love you fucking me.'
Kevin snorted.
'But you stole my fantasy. That doesn't seem quite fair.' Patrick continued, lazily, as he moved his hand down Kevin's body slowly, deliberately.
Kevin groaned, as he felt his poor body responding. God, this boy was fucking insatiable. Patrick laughed at Kevin's response and gave him a not-very-gentle pat on his valiantly struggling cock.
'Look, I know you're an old man now and certain things get harder...or less hard...to achieve, so just relax. All you have to do is stand there and look pretty for the neighbors. I'll do all the work.' Patrick said so very sweetly.
'Is that a challenge, Patrick Murray?' Kevin grinned, enjoying the sight of Patrick standing up from the bed and moving to the window to peer outside. Patrick looked back and him and raised an eyebrow.
'Would it help speed things along if I said it was?' He asked.
Kevin looked down at himself pensively, pretending to be deep in thought as he contemplated his body's response to a naked horny Patrick at the window.
'I think I can safely say I'm up for it.' Kevin looked back at Patrick.
'I guess then it's 'fuck you in the butt time', as you so eloquently put it.' Patrick held out a hand to Kevin.
That window was totally going to be worth it's weight in gold.