A/N

Once again, make sure you have read the updated chapters. I started on Chapter 14 tonight!

Read and Review?

~Smo

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own any characters associated with InuYasha.

Chapter 17

Kagome sighed happily. Nothing felt more familiar to her than her couch. As it swallowed up her body, she knew she would physically harm the next person to disturb her. Unfortunately, there were far too many people that could do such a thing.

"Kagome," Rin chanted over and over again. "Kagome!" she hollered from the bathroom. Kagome's eyes twitched with annoyance.

She had only just returned from San Diego that morning. Upon arriving, Rin had been fast asleep still. Kagome had not been so tired. After listening to Christopher explain Daitaro's situation, sleep had quickly gone onto the backburner of her mind. So, like any crazed scientist obsessing over her research, she had quickly gone to the lab and tested Koga's new theory. Her results weren't what she wanted. They would need to find a new lead.

Still, Christopher's words haunted her. "Will you fight for your independence or will you fight for Sesshomaru? I am afraid you can no longer have both." She understood after listening to him what they meant, but couldn't imagine getting herself in such a position. Why couldn't Daitaro simply restart his company? As soon as she thought of the question, she wanted to punch herself. "Duh, he's been working on that company since the feudal era. The majority of his adult life would be wasted."

Which brought out the next point. Was a company worth his family's happiness? Grumbling, Kagome pushed herself to stand, hoping never to think about Christopher's words again. Unfortunately, they were repeating themselves in her mind much like Rin continued to holler her name from the hall.

Kagome pushed herself off the couch and made her way to the child's bedroom. Since her return, she had realized Sango had taken the young girl shopping. Now, a fort compiled of large stuffed animals took up most of the room. It didn't help that the majority of the cretins were dogs. "What is it?" she asked tiredly.

Rin was laying on her stomach on the floor. A cell phone was in her hand as she texted away, her fingers moving rapidly over the buttons. "He wants to talk to you," Rin said nonchalantly, as if Kagome could read her mind.

"Who?" Kagome wondered, a brow arching curiously. What kind of man would be texting a young girl?

"Sesshomaru."

"Oh, that one," Kagome grumbled inwardly. "He's texting you?" she repeated strangely. "Where's Sango anyways?"

Her roommate had been gone when she had gotten back from the lab. She had left a note apologizing and a time stamp when she left. Sango had left merely five minutes before Kagome had gotten back, so she was not too worried over it, although Rin had been alone for that time. Kagome knew Sango would have called and waited if Rin had been awake.

"Her father and brother are in the hospital," Rin answered sadly. "They got into a car accident last night, while you were on the plane. She wanted to go visit them when you got home, but you went straight to the lab."

Kagome's eyes widened as guilt overwhelmed her. She felt selfish for putting her needs ahead of Sango's. Closing her eyes tightly, she made a mental reminder to call and beg for forgiveness. "And Sesshomaru?"

"He wants to take me out for ice cream," Rin explained. "He wanted to talk to you about it." Kagome took in the information as if she were a soldier learning of an spy. Was this his new goal, to use Rin as a way to talk to her? Her fingers curled into a fist as those words filtered through her head again. "My independence, or Sesshomaru's future?" The question should have been easy.

Groaning, she collapsed on the bed and grabbed the sides of her head in frustration. "Can I take that as a yes?" Rin asked innocently.

Kagome held up a hand to pause the girl from making any sudden movements. This whole thing was for her to start her own career - her own life. Yet, if she continued on with this, she would watch Daitaro sacrifice his family for his career. That alone would haunt her for the rest of her days, that she knew this was going on without trying to stop it, without shedding light on it. Could she seriously just go on and ignore it? "It's what that stupid dog deserves," Kagome told herself.

The kiss in San Diego caused her stomach to twist violently. That kiss had brought back so many memories. Tears burned her eyes just at the thought of it. The passion, need, and desire to be with him drove her nearly to the edge of insanity, and she had teetered over that edge when his lips had taken hers. He had been desperate for her that night - she had felt it.

"That's what he gets. I deserve better," Kagome stated confidently. Sesshomaru had mistreated her, thrown her to the side after keeping her hidden. "Still, no one deserves to be taken advantage of, I know that better than anyone," she repeated to herself. So, what would her next move be? Could she really not achieve both?

"Why can't I help Sesshomaru and be independent?" Kagome asked aloud.

"What?" Rin pressed from the floor. Kagome pushed herself up on her forearms, brows furrowed deep in thought. There had to be a way out of all of this.

"Tell him he can take you out for ice cream," Kagome murmured, still trying to figure out what her next move was. She needed to talk to Sesshomaru about what she had learned. She wondered if Daitaro had told Sesshomaru all of this, if he knew about what the mating really meant. She closed her eyes and fell back to the bed, trying to figure out why she had allowed her life to get so tangled.

Rin watched from the bottom of the bed. Her eyes peered over the top of the comforter as her adoptive mother fell into a deep sleep. So much for going to get ice cream. Rin huffed, texting away to the demon her mother had such faith in.

Standing, she grabbed a quilt from the closet and draped it over Kagome's limp form. Sango had explained some of what Kagome's problem was. Rin couldn't believe Sesshomaru had chosen such a witch over Kagome. She tucked the quilted blanket under Kagome's chin softly and made sure to shut the lights off on the way out of the room, closing the door quietly.

There was a knock at the door as soon as she pattered into the living room. She grabbed the stool and stepped up onto it to peer through the peephole. Seeing Sesshomaru, she pushed the stool out of the way and swung the door open with a grin. "You're here," she whispered, pressing a finger to her lips and hoping he would understand.

One of his eyebrows arched curiously, but she grabbed a jacket, slid on her lose sneakers and shut the door with a click, reaching up to lock the door with Kagome's key. "Where is Kagome?" he asked.

"Sleeping," Rin answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

His eyes narrowed as if she were in trouble. "Did you ask her for permission?" Sesshomaru inquired with a stern voice. Rin wondered if his minions at work were scared of that tone.

"Of course I did. She said yea, but then she fell asleep. She hasn't slept since returning. She went straight to work," Rin explained, skipping to his expensive car. Maybe she would drop a nice scoop of ice cream onto the interior seats for Kagome. "How is... Kagura?"

Sesshomaru stared at the child in the passenger seat. She looked like she was mocking him by mentioning her name. He wondered how much she knew. "Fine," he answered.

While he pulled his car from the parking lot, all he heard was her scoff. An amused smile lit up his face. "What were you doing while Kagome was on her trip?" he wondered. Something told him the little deviant had been busy plotting the demise of his intended. Perhaps he would be willing to hear the plan out.

"Koga took me to the lab a lot," Rin added. "He showed me a lot of blood and then introduced me to some of the rats. There's a lot of them there. Sometimes, Sango took me to get ice cream She said she wished she had a demon... metabolism... whatever that means."

Sesshomaru chortled. The young girl looked skinny, despite the amount of ice cream. "Kagome's been tired a lot," Rin suddenly released worriedly. Looking up at him, her eyes grew narrow. "Do you think you could do something?"

His car slowed at a stopped intersection, and he allowed himself to glance at her. "What?" he wondered. He was worried about the woman too. Most of him felt guilty, while the other part worried like a mother hen. His father was destroying her emotionally, if only because he felt out of control, which he practically was. Still, it did not excuse his behavior, yet Sesshomaru did not know how to handle the situation. At least not yet.

"I mean, I know you're an idiot since you hurt her in the first place, but my mom used to say we can't control who we like. It's not technically her fault she likes you. So, can't you do something?"

Sesshomaru didn't know whether to be happy or angry at her analysis. Rin had both flattered him and insulted him. Sighing, he pressed on the accelerator and refocused on where the ice cream shop is. He didn't need someone to tell him he was stupid; no one had told him that more than himself. He knew he was a fool that didn't deserve her.

The rest of the way was filled with silence. Rin was busy on one of her devices while he tried to figure out what he could do. Kagome kept telling him to stay away, but it was the last thing he wanted to do. He dreamed about her. Since kissing her, all he could do was think about her. He wanted to figure out how he could make it right. Unfortunately, there were so many obstacles in the way he had no idea where to start or where to finish.

"You passed it!" Rin's startled cry made him hit the brakes. A car behind him honked. His heart leapt into his throat as he slid into a parking space. He pushed the stick none-too-gently into park and glared at the girl. She batted her eyelashes innocently. "You seem distracted."

All he could do was release a frustrated groan as he slammed the door of his car close behind him. He could have sworn he heard Rin giggle while she entered the ice cream parlor. What was he thinking, undertaking such a job as taking a young girl for ice cream?

~Time Floats On~

Kagome learned a few things when she woke up in Rin's room. The first thing was that she should probably figure out what was going on before she fell asleep. The second was next time she fell asleep in Rin's room, to turn every damned stuffed animal around so they weren't all staring at her when she first opened her eyes. However, when she realized no one else was home, her brain was forced to work overtime.

The memory of wanting to go to an ice cream store was there. A moment later, she realized who Rin was with. Kagome shot out of the bed, grabbing for her phone and dialing the only number that she could remember - the number that had been drilled into her mind for years. While the phone rang, she squinted at the clock across the room. Asleep for four hours, what a shame. Her body desperately wanted more.

"Yes?" His cool tone told him all she needed to know. Rin was definitely with him, and he was irked.

"W-Where are you two? It's been four hours." Kagome cringed at the amount of worry in her voice. Still, she couldn't deny her pounding heart.

"Rin said you were sleeping, so I took her for ice cream and then we went to the park across the street from your complex," he explained. "I was hoping to keep her out of your place so you could get more sleep."

Sighing, she rubbed her temples and leaned her forehead on the wall. The cool surface made her take another deep breath. "When will you bring her..." her voice trailed off as the door to her condo opened. Talk about good timing. Or bad timing. "Depends on how you look at it," she mumbled under her breath as she dropped the phone back onto the charge port.

She gave a welcoming smile to Rin, who held a large bag from one of the local toy stores. The young girl gave Kagome a hug, but told her she was going to put the new toys away. Kagome almost jumped at the opportunity to hide in Rin's bedroom again, to avoid seeing Sesshomaru.

It was too late though. Now, the two of them stood awkwardly in the living room alone. "My father said you had been digging around," he finally spoke. Kagome sighed. So he would use the father approach to strike up a conversation.

"Did your father say that, or did you find out? Are you here are on your father's command? You do seem to follow his orders well." Kagome winced as the venomous words flew out. Why was she on the defense with him always? "Sorry, I didn't mean - well I sort of meant it - but I shouldn't have said it."

"I should not have used my father. I know you have been digging around. My secretary has been receiving calls from many people who are only inquiring into my personal life," he quipped. Kagome cringed again. She knew what it was like. Already, she was getting reporters wanting an interview on her progress. Christopher had told her to avoid them all until he could rehearse with her and prepare her for the questions.

"Christopher is really doing most of it. I was worried, and when I realized what had happened with Naraku and the shipping companies... I guess Christopher and I grew a bit concerned," Kagome mumbled. It had only been two days since the party event. "You knew, right?"

"To some extent, until recently. At first, Kagura and I were introduced as if we were strangers. She was a traveling model and I, the businessman. As we dated, I found my father had set up the entire thing," he answered. "By the time I had introduced her as my intended, I knew everything."

Kagome was not comforted in the least bit. "So, even after learning the truth, and that you both didn't really love each other, you still went along with it?" she clarified. Somehow, that just made it worse. She had hoped he didn't know, that he had been tricked. It would have been easier to feel sorry for him. Now, she still found herself angry.

"All the work my father has done over the last few centuries would have been wasted, Kagome," Sesshomaru answered, as if that would explain everything. It didn't. So what if he had worked hard? Humans didn't get centuries to do all that. Humans got about thirty years once they had graduated to figure out what they were going to do, do it, and then retire. His father had centuries to secure everything and had failed.

"He can start over. I only have about twenty years to do everything. He still has a lifetime. Your father will easily outlive me and any of my children. He can easily restart and rebuild. He is being selfish," Kagome whispered sharply.

"It is too late now," Sesshomaru released after a few moments of silence. He sat on her couch, leaning his head back on the cushion and closing his golden eyes. "That child is tiring."

"She is, but it is worth it. I think it just takes time to get used to. She has a never-ending source of energy," Kagome reasoned. Going into the kitchen, she poured two glasses of water and offered him one as she sat beside him. "It's never too late, you know?"

"Sesshomaru, if you're not happy, then you need to break it. You can't live a life as long as yours and be trapped in a cage like you're doing. It's like a life sentence to prison. I-I can't see you do that," Kagome confessed, taking a sip of the cool water and enjoying its purifying descent down her throat. "Your father may be mad, even panic, but it is not his life he is ruining. You're his son, and he needs to be your father - not your boss."

His eyes were still closed, but she saw his jaw tightened. Kagome sighed, leaning against the arm of the couch and propping herself up on her elbow. She began to reach for the remote, but stopped when Sesshomaru's head fell into her lap.

A gasp escaped her as the intimate memories raced to the surface. How many times had he lay in her lap after they had indulged in each other's passions? How many times had he come home from work so exhausted or conflicted that he had retreated into her lap?

"Please let me," he begged in nothing more than a whisper. The plea tore at her heart. Kagome felt a tear roll down her cheek. She raced to wipe it up with her finger, but his golden eyes shot open. He pushed himself out of her lap as if he had stabbed her. "I apologize..."

"It's not you," Kagome got out around a lump of sadness she hadn't realized was lodged in her throat. Another tear fell from her eye and she released a curse. "It's not you, Sesshomaru. I-I just, when you did that... I thought of how it was..."

He began to pace. Kagome was horrified at the sudden discovery she felt cold now. He had left her lap, and now she felt so alone. "Sesshomaru..." she trailed off, unable to put it into words. She couldn't ever go back to how it once was. She could never go back there. But maybe, just this once, she could remember how it was.

Silently, she patted her thigh with her hand. Sesshomaru stared at her hand as if he could no longer breathe. His apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly. Awkwardly, like two virgin teenagers, he sat on the couch beside her stiffly. Both of them were unable to make eye contact or speak. Slowly, his head rested on her thigh. Her fingers slowly threaded through his silvery strands and a sigh of contentment tore itself from her throat.

Kagome bit her lip as a sob followed. She stamped it out, not willing to allow that to be heard. She bowed her head back over the top of the couch as more tears slipped out, freefalling and dripping into her hair at such an angle. Was it possible to miss something so strongly? Was it really possible to not know how much she had missed something until she had it again? Kagome took in a shaky breath, her fingers trembling as they stroked his head.

"I can smell them," he whispered brokenly. She'd never heard anything sound so defeated. His tone spoke of his utter failure and loss. "I can smell every goddamn one of them."

Kagome hiccupped, pulling her hands away to cover her eyes, hoping that would somehow disguise her tears. "Sorry," she got out.

"You never... dealt with it. Did you? Since I ruined it, you've just been angry and … strong. You've been so strong, Kagome," he confessed. Kagome's shoulders shook as she swallowed another sob. Now that she thought about it, she'd never cried aside from the night he had introduced Kagura. Since then, she had ignored it. She had moved on without actually mourning the loss.

Before she knew what was happened, Sesshomaru's arms were wrapped tightly around her, pulling her against his chest until he lay on the couch with her on top. As if a dam had broken, she released the first gut-wrenching sob and shook against him. Her fingers made tight fists in his nice dress shirt, her tears staining the front. "Sorry," she apologized for no reason. For being a mess in front of him.

"Do not say a thing, Kagome. I did this," he hissed into her ear. Anger coated his words. It wasn't at her though. It was targeted at himself. "I'm sorry, Kagome." The three words were uttered so softly another sob broke free of her body. His lips pressed softly against her temple, making her cry out again.

She had been so happy then. Why had it all broken and collapsed on top of her? "I'm sorry," he repeated. Her cries only got louder with each apology. Why had she never cried so hard before? Why now? Why in front of him? With each apology came another question, came another wish that would never go answered. Their past could never be repeated. Like a flame, it had been put out. It would never light the same way, never flicker and dance like it once had.

"Hate me, Kagome. It's what I deserve, just hate me," Sesshomaru whispered against her hair. His eyes closed tightly. His throat was so thick as he listened to her sobs, inhaled her sadness, and felt her tears. He felt like damning himself, running himself through with a blade if only to punish him. At one time he had wanted to protect this woman with his life, to make her the happiest being in the world. Now, she was sobbing against his chest over something he had done that had eaten away at her for the last seven years.

It seemed like forever since her sobs died down. Even as she succumbed to sleep, her hiccups jolted her body. With one last kiss, Sesshomaru lifted her into his arms and made their way to her bedroom. He settled her into the queen bed, covering her with the blankets and watching from beside her.

"Are you going to leave again?" Rin asked. It sounded as if he were abandoning them. Again. The word haunted him. Was he going to leave Kagome again? Could he ever do such a thing?

"No," Sesshomaru whispered, answering his inner questions. Louder, he turned to Rin and gave her the same answer. "No, I'm not leaving."

Rin eyed him curiously, before standing up straight and nodding her head in approval. "About time you said that. Now, can we watch a movie?" she asked quietly, making sure not to wake Kagome.

Sesshomaru drew in a deep breath. How could he go from thinking about such emotional things to watching a movie? "Y-Yea," he got out, following the young girl into the living room. Sesshomaru paused in the hallway. It still radiated with her sadness. It still smelled with her tears. He would no longer make her go through such pain. He would make it better - make her happy. No matter what it took.