A/N: Oh boy, we're heading into a heavy part of the story. Kurogane may still be young, but let's hope he's strong enough to handle what's to come! Thanks for the reads and reviews thus far, and I hope you will forgive me when my trademark chronic angst starts to visit. Enjoy!

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Four: Ill Omens

It took almost a year for another merchant carrying quality silks to pass through village, but Kurogane was prepared for him when he arrived. He had money of his own now, earned from laboring in the rice fields alongside his father for nearly a full cycle of seasons. He'd decided to begin immediately following Yuuko's hanami picnic, though his parents had fretted at first that he was taking on the task too soon, before it was absolutely necessary. Maybe it was a bit early considering that both of his mother and father earned enough to maintain a comfortable lifestyle in the village, but he decided that if he was old enough to be kissed by Fai and receive his confession, he was most certainly old enough to work.

His mother did put her foot down when it came to him having any ideas about spending the money on their behalf. "It's yours," she insisted. "We have enough for food and goods without requiring our only child to maintain us just yet. Please spend it on something that will bring you happiness, and your father and I will also be content."

And so he had found himself stockpiling the money for silk. He could not remember an exact moment when he decided that he would spend his wages on a gift for Fai, but before he knew it, he was asking around about which merchants were arriving when and how much a bolt of silk would cost if he wanted something of a higher quality.

The merchant was less than thrilled to see him when he arrived with his pouch of coins and vague knowledge of silks from his years spent listening to Fai listing each thing he liked about every one of Yuuko's kimono. Though he was working, Kurogane was still only fourteen, and the merchant doubtless thought he was as poor as any other child. Whatever silks he carried were surely meant to be purchased in the city, not in a small farming village where finery was limited to weddings and holidays.

Kurogane sorted through the collection of fabric, trying to remember all of Fai's tastes as he studied each pattern. The women browsing the merchant's wares alongside him eyed him and whispered amongst themselves about what the miko's son was doing looking at silk, but Kurogane did his best to ignore them. Let them assume he was shopping for his mother or a village girl if they wanted. The person the gift was meant for would receive it any case.

Kurogane at last paused at a creamy white fabric spotted with miniscule red flowers. He unrolled the bolt part way and ran the silk through his hands. It felt so wonderful that he understood for the first time the reason why Fai had taken him time and time again to see Yuuko's kimono. Perhaps it would feel even better on Fai himself, but that didn't bear thinking of in front of everyone else. Or at all, he reminded himself.

"How much for all of this?" Kurogane asked, lifting up a corner of the fabric for the merchant to examine.

"More than you make in a year, I suspect." The merchant rubbed his pointed beard. "It's enough to cover a giraffe of a woman with room left over for a train. Surely you don't need all of it. Tell me the approximate measurements of this person, and then I can give you an idea of how much you need."

Kurogane sighed. He had no idea who Fai would make a kimono for if he had the proper fabric for it, or if he could make anything at all with what tools he had now. Maybe he would sell it to Yuuko or another women in the village. But there was such a variety among the shapes of every woman that he had no idea where to begin.

"About this tall," he said, lifting his hand to about Fai's height, though he didn't know why he thought this solution would work. Fai was more lanky and thin than most women he knew, and he doubted even Fai would want to traipse around in a woman's kimono. But now that he had started talking, he didn't feel as if he could stop. "All of this person's height is in the legs. The arms are about this long." He indicated with his hands.

"And the bust?"

"Practically non-existent." The women shopping nearby started giggling.

The merchant took a few notes and examined the silk. "It'll be hard to judge accurately based on what you told me, but I'll cut it to my estimate. How much money do you have to spend?"

Kurogane passed him his bag of coins. The merchant counted the total and rubbed his beard again before turning back to the fabric.

"The person this is for is special to you, yes?"

"Enough so that I would work for months to buy this."

"A remarkable person, indeed. I will accept this money, but you must understand that silk is no replacement for the words that will confirm to this person that they are loved. They still must be said, young man. To a young person in love, there is no action in the world that can stand in for the words they most want to hear."

Kurogane sighed, but said nothing as the fabric was cut and wrapped for him. He was nearly a year older than he had been when Fai said he would wait for an answer, but still there seemed to be an obstacle in the way of him saying anything. He couldn't put a finger on what it was, but he could not shake the feeling that there was something that still needed to happen before he could say what needed to be said and be accepted by the same heart who had once thought of the future with such uncertain sadness.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

When he arrived at Ashura and Shashi's home to look for Fai, a screaming match was in progress. Yui was sitting in the main room with the newborn baby swaddled in his arms, and Ashura and Shashi were shut behind the bedroom door, though their voices leaked through with perfect clarity nonetheless.

"You can't expect me to believe that... that thing... is my real child," Shashi shrieked when Kurogane made his way through they entryway. Yui turned around briefly and placed a finger over his lips. The baby squirmed in his arms, but remained silent.

"Whatever it is isn't natural," Shashi continued. Her voice was high and frantic and watered down with tears. "I don't know why you made it that way. Maybe to punish me. You knew I wanted a son, and you had to take even that away. But I won't tolerate it anymore. I won't acknowledge it even if I have to die!"

"Shashi, please calm down," Ashura pleaded. A thunk came from behind the door, as if she was pushing him away. "You cannot blame a child for being born differently. That baby is still yours. Ours. Don't make a foolish mistake just because you're disappointed."

"Disappointed? That doesn't even begin to describe it. If you had to push that monster out from you, you'd understand. I prayed and prayed for a son, and to receive that... what a humiliation." She released a primal wail that seemed to go on for forever. After her hysterics had calmed for a minute, her voice grew hoarse and colder with the next words she spoke. "I was wrong all along. That thing is not the son the gods wanted me to have. I already have two beautiful sons. Yui and Fai."

"Yui? Fai? Shashi, I am flattered you have come to think of them as your own children, but I won't allow you to dismiss your blood child so simply."

"A child of my blood? You are mistaken. He is yours. If you insist on keeping him, so be it. Take responsibility. I will return to my village with my true sons, and you need not be bothered by us again."

"Please do not say that. Fai and Yui are the children of my aunt and uncle. They should remain with their family. And you should remain with yours."

"You are not my family! I did not want to marry you. I never wanted to leave my village and stop being a miko! Don't you understand? I tried to tell my parents, but they were set on you and your dignified manners. Now look at where I am! The mother of a monster and wife to the man who fathered it!"

Kurogane studied the child in Yui's arms. There seemed nothing out of the ordinary about it. It had wide eyes and beautiful skin; all in all, it was a lovely newborn, reflecting the best of both of his parents' beauties.

"What problem does that banshee have with this kid?" Kurogane asked Yui, nodding to the squirming bundle in his arms.

Yui frowned and slowly undid the blankets covering the child. In the place a where a sex was supposed to be, there was nothing but skin without interruption. "The child's name is Ashura," Yui whispered. "Just like Ashura-oniisan. I was the one who chose a name, since Shashi-oneesan wouldn't."

"Did the doctor have anything to say about this?"

"He wasn't sure what happened, but it may be one of these things that no one can explain. But Shashi-oneesan isn't taking it well. She hasn't been nursing, and she won't stop fighting with Ashura-oniisan."

"The baby's not being fed?"

"We've been taking Ashura to a woman who has recently given birth. But every time he sees Shashi-oneesan he starts getting fussy and wanting to be fed."

"But what's that about her wanting to take you and your brother away? I didn't think either of you had that much of a relationship with her."

Yui was silent, seeming to turn his attention back to Shashi's sobbing and Ashura's pointless cajoling. "I have a feeling something bad is going to happen," he said at length, when Shashi again quieted down.

"Something bad," Kurogane echoed.

"I don't know what. But I have this feeling. It's not little Ashura's fault, or Shashi-oneesan's, or anyone's. An inevitability is about to occur, and I think it may cause people, maybe even you, sadness." He paused, pressing Ashura closer to his chest. "Promise me that no matter what happens you'll try to look after Fai."

"Haven't I always? And you will, too."

"I wish I could promise. But there is a chance I will be somewhere else. And if I am, you have to look after him. You're the only person who knows how to make him happy when he isn't."

Kurogane shook his head. A debate on how happy or unhappy he made Fai could be left for another time. "Somewhere else?" he pressed instead. "With the banshee? With your cousin? Where?"

Before Yui could answer, Shashi pulled the door open and stormed into the room, tearing her long fingers through her hair. "Yui-chan, find your brother," she said. "We're leaving. And stop holding onto that creature. It can't be good for you." Her eyes fell on Kurogane and narrowed. "Who...? Ah, yes. The son of the miko in this village. The one Fai's all crazy for."

"Shashi-oneesan," Yui said in a soft voice, one that traveled through them and dispelled some of the built up tension in the room. In spite of all that had happened, his tone seemed relaxed and soothing, and even Shashi's breathing steadied as she waited for him to continue to speaking. "We cannot leave now. Ashura-oniisan is our guardian. If you take us away, you'll be breaking the law as long as Fai and I do not consent to go."

"Then consent to go, Yui-chan." She extended her hand to stroke Yui's hair, and he managed not to wince away from her touch. "You have had enough of being motherless and alone. You and I are not supposed to be here, and we have always known this. We need to be somewhere else."

"Yes."

"Then we will go. And Fai, too."

"No. Fai is where he is supposed to be."

Shashi tossed her hair. "Don't be ridiculous. Fai goes where you go. Even he would rather be separate from this boy than from you."

"No. The one who Fai's future is bound to is not me."

Little Ashura shifted in Yui's arms, catching sight of Shashi. A piercing wail came from the bundle, and little arms waved desperately towards Shashi and everything she was supposed to provide.

"Make it shut up, make it shut up!" Shashi threw her hands over her ears and burst into tears, falling to floor and wailing just as loudly as the baby. Ashura came into the room and tried to pull Shashi back to the bedroom, but she was unmovable and rigid. Giving up, he took his child from Fai and rocked it back and forth, singing under his breath.

"Please go and find Fai," Yui said, a strangely calm voice among the chaos surrounding him. "Tell him to stay away for now. If it won't trouble you, perhaps it would be best if he stayed with you tonight."

"You shouldn't be left here."

"I will be fine."

"Nothing about this is fine!"

Yui placed a hand on Kurogane's shoulder and stared into his eyes. The way he looked was so very much like Fai, but those blue eyes told an entirely different story. As soon as he saw them, Kurogane was struck with the thought Yui had already made an important choice, one that he would not allow anyone to change for him. Whatever he was doing had a reason behind it, one that only Yui knew.

"This game you're playing," Kurogane snarled, pressing Fai's silk against his chest, "I don't care if it's what you want. If it's going to end up hurting your brother, I am going to stop you."

"I know," Yui nodded. "And thank you, Kurogane. Nothing has made me happier than being able to see how much you love him."

"Love?"

"You do, don't you?"

Kurogane stared at his feet and then nodded.

"Then, please. Don't keep him waiting."

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Kurogane found Fai alone in the sakura grove, around the place where they had kissed a year ago. He was wearing the same robes he had that time, but once again the atmosphere had changed from what it had been. Kurogane could tell just from looking at Fai's face that today was one of his solemn days, one where it would be hard to convince him to smile with both his mouth and his eyes. Kurogane couldn't blame him; he felt very much the same today after leaving Ashura's house.

"Oi," he called out. Fai turned around and granted him a half-hearted smile before beckoning him forward.

"You were at the house, weren't you?" Fai asked. "I can see it in your expression."

"Yes."

"Now you know what's becoming of everything. I can hardly even say if I'll be able to stay here, or if Shashi will find a way to take me away. At least if that happens, she won't do anything to hurt Ashura and the baby."

"Shut up," Kurogane said, closing his eyes. "Just stop talking."

"Kuro-sama?"

"You want to stay. You're staying. That's all there is."

"The world Kuro-tan sees is so simple. It would be easy if we could always do what we wanted and were able to stay faithful to our desires. But this world we were born into... it won't let us."

"That sounds like giving up."

"No, Kuro-tan. It's being realistic." He reached out for the package in Kurogane's arms. "What do you have?"

"Take it. It's yours."

Fai slowly pulled away the wrapping and lifted up the white and red silk within. He said nothing for a long time, simply running the fabric through his fingers and starring at the pattern with a wide-eyed awe.

"For me," he said.

"For you."

"It's wonderful. Looks at these flowers! I bet it was difficult to put so much detail into something so small."

"It's a good pattern then?"

"Excellent! It's the exact sort of thing Yuuko-san would wear. Maybe even better." He paused. "How much money was this?"

"Enough for you to give me something in return. Look at me."

"I already am."

Kurogane placed his hands on Fai's shoulders and leaned in close enough where Fai would not be able to see anything other than him. "You're staying here," he said. "No matter what happens, I am going to do whatever it takes to make sure you won't even think of being anywhere else. Even if it makes you hate me. It doesn't matter."

"How could I hate you? How?"

"The future has yet to be determined," Kurogane said. "I'm not holding anything as certain."

He drew away and allowed Fai to resume his examination of the silk. After a time, Fai returned it to its wrappings with delicate attentiveness and came to stand beside Kurogane. "Kurorin," he said, his voice as quiet as the gently rustling cherry blossoms.

"Mmm."

"Will I have an answer soon?"

For a young person in love, there is no action in the world that can stand in for the words they most want to hear, the merchant's voice reminded him, but he still could not forget Yui and the expression on his face. An inevitability is about to occur, and I think it may cause people, maybe even you, sadness.

But that didn't matter. Even if something terrible was headed their way, Fai deserved the answer to the question he was asking now. There was no doubt in Kurogane's mind anymore. The feeling in his heart that he had thought was dislike and annoyance was instead the very reason he had stayed by Fai's side since the very beginning. He was still young and stubborn, but Kurogane was mature enough to admit to something that was becoming evident to him, and surely to everyone else. He wouldn't hold on to something that didn't matter to him, and the strength with which he wanted to keep Fai exactly where he was couldn't be anything other than love. And since Fai was asking for an answer, there was no real reason not tell him.

Kurogane opened his mouth. His throat felt dry, so he swallowed and cleared it. You can't, something in him insisted, but he pushed it aside. He could tell him, right this very minute. There was nothing holding him back. If they could be together now, why delay it?

He opened his mouth again, but nothing would come out of it. He didn't feel afraid or hesitant, but there was no denying the fact that his answer resisted being spoken. For a moment he felt that if he did speak, it would not be the moment he wanted it to be. An ending, not a beginning. He couldn't comprehend it. Fai was in love with him. He was in love with Fai. But something was not right.

I have a feeling that something horrible is going to happen.

"For now, is having everything as it is enough?" Kurogane asked finally. "Are you unhappy?"

"No. Not unhappy. But..."

"But?"

"I'm not holding everything as certain either. But I want you to be."

"That's not something you have to worry about. I'll be here."

Fai curled up against Kurogane and said nothing further. There was pain in every line of his expression, and Kurogane could not help but think that it was only going to get worse. He did not know the world well enough to know what was going to happen or decide how he would fix it or if he even could. But what would happen would happen, and what he would do would come after. All they could do now was wait, and fight for an outcome where they could be together and be happy.

As they waited, the first of the downpours came.

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