A/N: Wow, I think I got impressed too early with the amount of views the chapter two weeks ago received, because last week already has it beat! I'm so glad you guys enjoyed it, and I hope you will continue to enjoy our latest installment. I had a great time writing this chapter, and it ended up being quite timely given the equal marriage rights debate going on in America right now. I'm the kind of person who tends to get emotional even over my own work, and this one really got me. Thanks for reading and sharing your comments with me!
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Eleven: Seal
Kurogane awoke the next morning to the sight of Fai's disheveled body still resting in his arms. His skin was partially covered in red marks, and his hair flew up in every different direction, with only a few strands left falling over his closed eyes. Kurogane sat still and watched him for a few moments, smiling to himself. There was no way last night was a dream; Fai looked so consumed by their joining that it was going to take some time to get him to look presentable for the ceremony today.
When Kurogane had his fill of looking at Fai, he grabbed a robe to place over his own naked body and set to work preparing food for breakfast. While the rice was cooking, he laid out all the pieces of Fai's kimono and the tsunokakushi veil Yuuko had let him borrow, and then looked through his own wardrobe to find the formal hakama Fai had made for his last birthday.
By time Kurogane had finished laying out their clothes and preparing their food, Fai stirred and raised his head, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Kuro... chan?" He blinked, his eyes falling on his breakfast in surprise. "You should have woken me up. I would have taken care of the meal."
"You'll have enough to do this morning without worrying about that. Just relax for a moment and get some of your energy back."
Kurogane finished his food quickly and grabbed one of Fai's combs to smooth out his tangled blonde hair. "Want me to pin it?" he asked once he'd gotten it to finally lie flat again.
"No offense to Kuro-tan, but I think it would be better if I took care of that part." Fai tried to rise to his feet to stand in front of the looking glass, but ended up stumbling and falling back on top of Kurogane. "Oh my."
Kurogane placed a hand on Fai's hip and massaged it. "Did I overdo it?"
"No, I'm just a bit out of shape, I think. Kuro-tan's doing me a favor by giving me more exercise." He tried to catch his balance again, and this time managed to stay on his feet. "My, my," he said when he caught a glimpse of his reflection. "Perhaps you did overdo it. You're lucky that the kimono will cover most of these."
"Better finish up with your hair and get dressed soon before I add some more." Kurogane tossed off his robe and began to fasten his own kimono and hakama into place. "You'll need help getting into it, right?"
"Of course. You'll have to do the obi."
"Er..."
"Just do what I tell you to do. It'll be fine." Fai paused, glancing at Kurogane out of the corner of his eye. "By the way, since we got so caught up last night, there was something I didn't get to say to you."
"Hmm?"
"It's about Yui. Do you remember how he always talked about belonging somewhere else?"
Kurogane froze, studying Fai's expression. Yui was still difficult for them to discuss, and he knew that his decision to keep Fai from going after him on the day of the flood would always be a point of contention between them. All the same, he wanted Fai to be able to happily confront the memory of Yui, even the parts that had once saddened and hurt them. That he wanted to talk about Yui on a day like today was either a good sign or a bad one.
"Did you ever find out what he meant?" Kurogane asked finally, watching as Fai fastened his undergarment and gestured for him to help fit the kimono over it.
"It's more like I always knew. He only started saying it after I told him I loved you, after all." Fai smiled wistfully. "Yui was always more attuned to the world than I was. I mean, of course he was pretty horrible at focusing on the here and now and seeing what was right in front of him, but I think he understood the world itself. The energies flowing through it, the connections between people, things like that. He was like Yuuko-san in that way, though he was much quieter about it. Even though he said he needed to be somewhere else, he never explained, and I never really thought about it even though I'm certain that I knew."
"Yeah?"
"He told me the place I belonged was here, and that it was because you were here. I would only be able to have the kind of life that would make me happy if I stayed in this place, because I can only be fully happy with you. And I believe the reason he felt he needed to be somewhere else was because he knew the person who would make him happy was not in this place."
Kurogane tilted his head. "That guy couldn't have been more than six when he started talking like that. How could he possibly know the person he was waiting for wouldn't be born here or move to the village?"
"I'm not certain. But I swear he knew. That's why he was so willing to leave with Shashi when she asked. And now... I suppose there's someone out there whose life would have been changed by my brother, but will now never see him. I think that's what hit me the hardest when Yui died. All he wanted was to go find the happiness I had found, and now he's gone too far for anyone to find him."
He reached out and grabbed Kurogane's hand. "What I want to say, Kuro-tan, is that he admired what we had to the point where he desired to find it for himself. If I had abandoned my happiness and life to save him, he would have been so furious with me. Not only furious. Disappointed. Ashamed. Hurt that I had what he wanted and had thrown it away easily, and hurt that I had a life to live and had seen no value in it. I understand this now, and even though I don't know if I can forgive you completely, there is still something I have to say." He squeezed Kurogane's hands and leaned forward to kiss them. "Thank you. Thank you for keeping me safe. Thank you, and I love you."
Kurogane stared at Fai in awe, unsure of what to do with himself for a moment. He had expected to hear an 'I love you' from Fai, but he had never hoped to receive his thanks for an event he had always thought he'd be resented for. It was a point of bitterness he would have allowed, a wound between them he had chosen to open for the sake of Fai's life, but now, though it had not healed fully, it was on its way to closing. In spite of everything, Fai loved him enough to move forward from their shared pain.
Kurogane pressed Fai's hands against his cheek. "Oi," he said quietly. "Thank you."
"You're thanking me now?"
"You're not the only one dealing with that pain. And you're not the only one who feels that way, either." He released Fai's hands and retrieved the obi paired with his kimono. "Now let's just get this on and get to the shrine. The sooner we do this, the sooner I can make love to you again."
"I like your priorities, Kuro-sama."
After messing up the obi several times and putting up with a constant stream of teasing, Kurogane finally managed to fold it correctly and meet Fai's approval. With the veil pinned in place, Fai was for the most part ready, and he gave a small twirl to give Kurogane a better view.
"How is it, Kurorin?"
"That veil makes your head look ridiculous."
"I can't help that, can I?" He poked Kurogane's cheek. "I can at least pass off for a woman like this, nee?"
"There aren't any women as pretty as that here."
Fai flushed, ducking his head. "It's mean of you to be so cruel and then so nice again. You make it difficult to think straight." He tugged on Kurogane's sleeve, leading him to the looking glass. "But here we are. The two of us together."
Kurogane studied their faces in the glass. He could not consider the reflection as two individual people, a man with his own face and expressions next to a glorious figure dressed in silk. The image could only be understood in the place where their arms wrapped together and no distance existed between them, the place where they melded into one. One body, one soul, a union of two hearts heading towards one future.
Kurogane glanced away from the mirror. A reflection was only a copy of the warm body beside him, and right now he simply wanted to hold him in his arms and feel the life burning inside him until the world returned and it was time for them to be on their way.
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Yuuko was waiting for them nearby the shrine by time they made their way down the path. Once again, she had gone above and beyond with her wardrobe, wearing a kimono made from the high quality silk Fai had purchased following the sale of Reed-san's refitted collection.
"I'm impressed that you both look so put together," she said, her lips quirking into a knowing smile. "Perhaps Kurogane-kun is not so much of a brute as I thought."
"You don't know the half of it, Yuuko-san," Fai laughed. "Although it seems he can be surprisingly gentle, too."
"I didn't come here for this," Kurogane growled. "Just tell me what we need to do to get through this without any trouble."
"Oh? I thought that would be quite evident. Kurogane-kun simply has a taste for beautiful foreign women, doesn't he, Faye-chan?"
"I... am most grateful to be his choice," Fai said, mimicking the same demure and stilted voice his mother had spoken with so many years ago.
"And since she is still mastering the language, that will leave you doing most of the talking, Kurogane-kun. Just be your usual charming self, and it should be fine." She snickered behind her hand. "Although knowing Hirayama-dono, you'll barely have to speak at all. Well, let's have the introductions, shall we?"
The government official waiting beside Doumeki was a tall older man with long black hair and a pointed beard. Though everyone appeared to be an enthusiastic talker when placed beside the quiet Doumeki, this man never seemed to close his mouth, chatting in a steady stream while Doumeki bobbed his head along indifferently.
"Ah, and here is the lovely couple," the man boomed. "My, my, you never said the boy would be the spitting image of his father! If he wasn't so young, I would have never known the difference." He inclined his head to Kurogane, flashing a toothy smile. "I bet you don't remember me, boy, but I was acquaintance of your mother back when I lived in this province. The very shrine that stood on this spot was one that reported to me, and I always looked forward to paying my respects to your mother and Haruka-sama while they were still alive. Ah, if only she could see now how her little boy has grown! She was such a lovely woman, and was lost much too soon."
"Thank you for your kindness to my mother," Kurogane mumbled when he could get a word in, although he really wanted to tell the man to slow down and shut up.
"And speaking of lovely women, I am astounded by the beauty of this betrothed of yours. Blonde hair! Blue eyes! Such a pleasant look that I cannot take my eyes off of her! The miko's son with such a striking foreign beauty! Imagine!" He stroked his beard, his smiling growing even wider. "Yuuko-san, please do the honors of making me known to this couple."
"Hirayama-dono, Kurogane's betrothed is called Faye-san. She is from the north, and moved here with her family a few years back. Sadly, her family is no longer with us, excepting Ashura-san and Ashura-chan whom you've already met."
"I am... honored to meet you, Hirayama-dono," Fai said in his faux accent.
"Oi, you invited hi- her cousin and the kid?" Kurogane asked Yuuko.
"I sent word as soon as you left yesterday," she said. "I thought it would be a bit glum if neither of you had family in attendance."
"Generous as always, Yuuko-san," Hirayama said. "It is our custom to think of weddings as a joining between two families, but I see in this case it must be a joining of two hearts. And such a fetching pair you make! I hope for the sake of our future generations you have many children to grace this humble village."
"Kuro-sama would be a great father," Fai said with a mischievous smile. Kurogane elbowed him in the ribs.
Doumeki cleared his throat. "The shrine is ready for the ceremony. Are you prepared?"
"Yeah." Kurogane extended his arm for Fai to accept and to a deep breath. "Lead the way."
There was a quiet air in the shrine when they stepped within, and a greater solemnity than any of the weddings Kurogane had attended with his mother when she'd been the miko. Ashura and the child were there, looking just as lovely as Hirayama had said- particularly the younger Ashura who had just turned five and had become quite the ethereal little moppet- and Yuuko had brought Watanuki with her as well, but it was hard not to feel the vacant space where Kurogane's parents, Yui, and even Shashi would have been.
The new miko, a young woman from the city named Kohane, approached them and carefully poured them each a cup of sake as Doumeki performed the purification ritual over them. He was still young, hardly older than Kurogane had been when the flood had changed their lives forever, but he showed the diligence and focus of an adult as he went through the motions, clearly intent of proving to everyone there that he had worked hard to take his grandfather's place after the tragedy.
When the ritual was complete, Doumeki asked Kurogane to repeat with him his vow of commitment. Kurogane froze for a moment as Doumeki prompted him with the first few words. It was one thing to say these things when he was alone with Fai, when no one else other than the person he loved could see him with his brusque outer layer undone, but with Yuuko, Ashura, Watanuki, Doumeki, and even the child there looking at him, he felt that a part of him that only needed to belong to Fai was hanging open and exposed.
Kurogane glanced at Fai and met the blue eyes staring back at him, waiting with a heart-wrenching excitement. He had said he would give this person forever, and he couldn't look back now. Even if other eyes were looking at him, Fai was the only one who would fully see him. Fai was the only one who had been there from the very beginning to witness where he had started and what he had done to come to this point.
"This person I marry and swear obedience and fidelity," Kurogane repeated. He was supposed to look forward, but he could not help but keep holding Fai's gaze, drowning in the eyes that looked upon him with such transcendent happiness. "No matter what health or what fortune, this person I will love, this person I will cherish, this person I will honor, this person I will console, this person I will stay beside until death, promising eternal faithfulness." He reached to brush a tear that had slipped from Fai's eye and granted him a rare smile. "This I swear."
"By entering into this contract, Faye-san will become a part of Kurogane-san's house, and in all conditions will be loved, honored, and consoled until death," Doumeki said. "This you have sworn. In turn, Faye-san will in all conditions love, honor, console, obey, and remain faithful to her husband until death. This is the union you will seal."
Kurogane drank from his cup of sake, and when he was finished, Fai proceeded to drink his own. A cup was provided to Ashura on behalf of Fai's family, and Yuuko quietly asked to accept the drink in remembrance of Kurogane's lost family. Kurogane couldn't tell if she was being nice or just wanted a drink.
When the sake had been emptied between them, Kurogane helped Fai forward so they could pay their respects to the gods before the ceremony was complete. Kurogane knew that he should pray for something- anything, really- but all he could think was that he had received everything he had wanted. Not in this ceremony, which was simply a way of solidifying what had already been decided between them, but that morning in Fai's simple words: Thank you for keeping me safe. Thank you, and I love you.
Fai leaned into him when he had finished his own prayer. "Kuro-chan, looks like we found forever."
"Hmm?"
"Right now, right this very moment I am Kuro-chan's bride."
"Just now? Who was it who once said 'Anyone can be a bride if they have someone they love and want to look lovely for'?"
"And who said I wasn't lovely?"
"Did I?" Kurogane leaned forward and kissed him slowly on the mouth. "Must have heard me wrong."
Doumeki cleared his throat. "As nice as this is, you might want to save it for when you're back home. Please take this time to greet your guests."
"Hmph," Kurogane snorted. He'd almost forgotten everyone else was there.
"Ojisan, ojisan!" Little Ashura bounded into Fai's arms, eyes widening in awe at the up close view of Fai's kimono. "Ojisan's so pretty."
"Obasan," Ashura quietly corrected him, noting Hirayama's approach. "And indeed, Faye, you look exquisite. Your parents would have cried with joy to see you so happy. I am sure they are looking down upon you even now."
"You're the truly pretty one," Fai teased little Ashura, only belatedly remembering to use his mother's accent. "Ah, if Shashi could have seen how lovely you would be, even her heart would have melted."
Hirayama clapped his hand on Kurogane's back. "And if only your mother had been able to see you now, boy! So dignified and doting and tender!"
"Words I never thought anyone would say about Kurogane-kun when I first met him," Yuuko said drily. "He was denying his future, if I remember correctly. And now the very thing he denied has come to pass."
"Ha, anyone should know better than to doubt a potential path in front of Yuuko-san! She knows your fate better than anyone!" Hirayama chuckled to himself. "Now, now, I'm at a loss. Usually we would have a feast to acquaint the two families and the guests, but it seems you are all well-known to each other! But surely I must have the opportunity to have the food of this young man I've been hearing so much about. Watanuki-kun, I think he was called?"
Watanuki flushed and began stammering self-deprecating phrases until Doumeki asked him to make rebasashi and he started yelping about how he was supposed to just come across calf's liver on such short notice.
"Of course, I fully intend to take advantage of this happy occasion with drinks and a fresh cooked meal from Watanuki," Yuuko said, oblivious to Watanuki's continual shrieking. "That is, if Ashura-san and Hirayama-dono will agree to be my drinking partners."
"Of course," Ashura said. "As long as my child is looked after."
"Watanuki-kun can take care of that, too, and perhaps Kohane-chan if she has no more to do today. Ah, and Doumeki-sama has well-earned some sake today with his fine performance of his duties, if we may excuse his young age."
"Are the bride and groom not invited to their own wedding feast?" Hirayama asked. "You have not mentioned them."
"I merely thought they would prefer a more personal wedding feast of their own. Kurogane is much too unmannerly for social settings, and Faye is not well-versed in our language. I am certain they would much rather do what husbands and wives do following their vows."
"Yuuko-san, I see your love of vulgarity has not changed with age," Hirayama said, trying to look offended while holding back his laughter. "Do not give these innocent children any ideas that may taint their pure hearts. Speaking of which, I've heard a number of things about you and Clow since coming here. I'd hate to think that a woman like you seduced such a fine, upstanding man for the sake of inheriting his lands!"
"Seduce?" Yuuko smiled smugly. "I assure you, whatever happened between Clow and myself was completely mutual. Would like to hear it? Although I'm afraid it's not suited to the ears of these children, or these newlyweds I'm not supposed to taint."
"The allure of gossip..." He glanced at Kurogane, Fai, Watanuki, and Doumeki one by one. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt for these young people to talk amongst themselves and keep away from our boring adult talk for a moment."
"You heard him," Yuuko-said with a nod to Kurogane and Fai. "Enjoy yourselves."
Doumeki and Watanuki walked Kurogane and Fai back through the entrance of the shrine. "I don't know why anyone would want to hear about Yuuko-san's disgusting love life," Watanuki grumbled.
"At least she's able to talk about Clow happily now," Doumeki said. "That's good to see."
"And it was awfully nice of her to give us an opening to return home," Fai added. "I don't know how much longer I could have gotten away with this, especially with little Ashura there. That Hirayama-dono is quite the flirt."
"Speaking of which," Watanuki said, "I wanted to congratulate you, but I was worried I was going to blow your cover or something. Was what you did even legal? You won't get in trouble, will you?"
"Not at all," Doumeki answered on their behalf. "I knew the truth, and still conducted the rituals and ceremony with my approval. And when we're older we can do the same, although I don't think you'll be as pretty of a girl as Fai-san."
"WHO WOULD MARRY YOU, YOU JERK?"
Fai snickered. "How funny. Watanuki reminds me so much of Kuro-sama when he was younger. Don't worry Watanuki-kun. Even if you end up falling in love with Doumeki-sama, these things sometimes happen. Best not to fight against fate, right?" He took Kurogane's arm. "Enjoy yourselves at the feast. My husband and I plan to tonight, right Kuro-tan?"
Kurogane muttered incoherently.
With a final goodbye to Watanuki and Doumeki, the two of them headed down the path to return home. Fai pulled off his veil and loosed his hair from its clip so it fell back over his eyes. He let out a long sigh, and then began laughing lightly under his breath.
"What are you thinking?" Kurogane asked.
"I'm thinking that I always want to remember how I feel right in this moment. Kurorin has just promised to love and honor me for all his life, and now we're returning to the place where we can be together, not just in that way, but in every way. Already I'm thinking about what we'll do, how it will be... I can barely even think straight, but I feel so much."
"Better not talk like that unless you want me to take care of you right here in the open."
"I know, I know. But I'm so happy. I never believed someone would love me like this, not while I couldn't be good and selfless like Yui or honest like Kuro-tan, but still you... still you're here."
"All right, that's enough." Kurogane grabbed Fai by the waist and hauled him over his shoulder. "You can't go anywhere fast in what you're wearing, so I'll get us there right now."
Fai burst out laughing as Kurogane quickened their pace. "You know, you're supposed to do the bridal carry. Not that I'm complaining. The view back here is nice, too."
"Really, you, what do I have to do to get you to shut up?"
When they'd crossed the threshold back into their house, Kurogane set Fai back on his feet. "Turn around," he ordered. "I paid attention to how you got all of this on, so I'll be careful getting it off."
"What, you're not going to just tear right in?"
Kurogane trailed his hand against the fabric he had bought. It felt like ages since he'd picked it out, although it had only been five years. So much had changed since then, but still he remembered how he felt that very day, how the silk had felt in his hands and how he imagined it would feel on Fai. "I won't hurt this," he whispered. "This is too precious, and so is the person wearing it. We have more than enough time to lose control later."
"A lifetime?"
"A lifetime."
Kurogane took the pieces off one by one until Fai was completely out of his guise as a woman, naked and revealed honestly in front of him. A slim hand reached out to undo the ties of his hakama, allowing it to fall to the floor.
This time, there was no semblance of rushing between them. Once they were both undressed, they little by little sank to the floor, hands exploring leisurely paths down each other's bodies, lips brushing against the old marks and seeking new places, eyes roaming any patches of skin they may have missed before. Kurogane held Fai tenderly against him, feeling every motion of his chest as it rose and fell and pumped life through him. Every moment he felt he was more in love than he'd ever been, but then another moment came, and more beauty was uncovered in the endless treasure of the person he was holding.
"Kuro-chan, please," Fai whispered in his ear. "Let's become one."
Kurogane gave up all thoughts of making it to the bed and remained tangled on the floor with Fai, kissing him gently and slowly traveling his hand downwards to prepare him. Without warning, Fai abruptly rolled on top of him, grabbing his hand and pressing a kiss against his pulse point.
"This time, let me," he whispered. "The first time was from you, and this time it's from me."
He placed his own hands where Kurogane's had just been and slid his fingers inside himself. It was an amazing sight from Kurogane's perspective, and as much as he wanted to be inside of Fai himself, he allowed himself to lay back and watch, accepting without complaint Fai's gift to him.
"All right," Fai murmured. He arched his hips and little by little began easing himself onto Kurogane. Kurogane sucked in his breath, loving the heat wrapping against him but at the same time worried at the wince that flashed across Fai's face.
"Ah, it's just a bit sore... from last time," Fai sighed. "But don't worry. It feels good. Kuro-sama's so warm inside. He must want this pretty badly."
"If you understand that-"
"Then don't keep you waiting any longer, right? You said it yourself. I'm too precious for you to hurt. And it'll hurt me if we keep going this slowly."
He sank his hips lower so Kurogane was completely inside of him. After a little sigh escaped him, he placed his hands on Kurogane's chest and pressed down on him while lifting his hips back up. The motion felt wonderful, and Kurogane's own hips rose with him, wanting to be inside again, wanting to feel the warmth, the beautiful heat that belonged to him and him alone.
"You don't have to move," Fai hissed. "This is from me."
"And from me. Anything we do now, we do together. Let my body respond to you, just like it wants to."
Kurogane sat up, wrapping his arms around Fai and smothering himself in his skin. "Gods, you're too much," he groaned. "I don't think I'll be able to get enough."
"It's fine. I'll give you everything. As many times as you want. And you'll give me everything, too, won't you?"
"Yeah. But let's stop talking now."
This time, Kurogane's moved his own hips along with Fai, chasing after him when he pulled away, filling him and fitting with him. This person I will love, this person I will cherish, this person I will honor, this person I will console, this person I will stay beside until death, he repeated to himself over and over again as Fai cried out his name and drove his nails into his back. This I swear, this is the union that I seal.
"Kuro-sama, I love you, I love you, Kuro-sama!" Fai cried, pulling him in tighter and tighter.
"Love you," Kurogane groaned back, realizing that it was the first time he had said so in such straightforward words. It was fine now to give Fai the simple expression he had always wanted. It was the fact that it didn't need to be said that made him say it. Fai knew already and understood on his own, but even so, Kurogane still thought he would be happy to hear.
When they came this time, it was almost in harmony with one another, and Kurogane felt himself slipping for a moment, transcending their sloppy bodies on the floor, the discarded clothing around them, the ordinary household objects swarming them on either side as if to scold them for losing control in such a conventional place. When he opened his eyes again, Fai was resting on his chest and purring like a satisfied cat, asking if it was all right to do it again.
"Give me a minute," Kurogane said, exhaling sharply. "I just want to look at you."
Fai's eyes widened- even though they were like this together, naked and covered in so many visible signs of their affection, Kurogane noticed Fai still seemed disbelieving of the verbal confirmations, the simple exchanges any other couple would take as a given. Perhaps it was because he had spent so much of his life running away inside, and to face Kurogane's words from the front meant he could never turn back again. Kurogane shook his head. Surely Fai would realize this soon. There could be no running away anymore or denying the truth of Kurogane's love with what they had done and become today.
Kurogane placed his hands on Fai's cheeks, holding his eyes, the very same eyes he had turned to time and time again throughout his life. Fai blinked at him, uncertain of what to do under Kurogane's intense scrutiny, but after a moment settled back onto Kurogane's chest, looking back just as steadily, drinking him in.
I can't stop, Kurogane thought to himself as he stared at Fai, his heart pounding in his chest. From now to the very beginning, I just can't stop looking.
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