A/N: Well... this one was yet another hard one for me, and I hope you will forgive me for the inevitable return of angst. But please enjoy!

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Fourteen: A Price

Kurogane studied the rows of blank eyed fish displayed in front of him, squinting at them intensely as if pure concentration could draw information on their quality and taste from their lifeless bodies. Going to the market had always been one of Fai's favorite duties, especially since it gave him a chance to socialize and pick up the latest gossip, but that day he had shoved Kurogane unceremoniously out the door, ordering him to buy some fish for dinner. He had forgotten to specify what kind he wanted, and the tense and tired look on his face had made it hard for Kurogane to ask him directly. Fai's rougher days usually resulted in him turning gloomy, but recently they seemed to be making him more exhausted than anything. Whenever that was the case, it was better to just allow him to sleep it off than to badger him and make it worse.

"Are you going to buy something or not?" the fish seller said in a bored voice, swatting away a fly with his hand. Kurogane glared at him and continued staring at the fish. Surely one of them would strike him as familiar sooner or later. He'd eaten enough fish in his lifetime to have some sort of inkling as to which kind tasted better with which food.

What bothered him was not so much the fact that he was shopping on his own with no idea of what he was supposed to be buying. It was that Fai had been in a good mood all that morning, with no sign of something bothering him. He'd been looking forward to going shopping and forcing Kurogane to carry all his purchases, and had even suggested paying Yuuko a visit on their way home, when all of a sudden his face had darkened and he'd ordered Kurogane to take care of the shopping by himself. There had to be some reason or another for such an abrupt shift, and that he couldn't put his finger on what had set Fai off was driving Kurogane crazy.

Kurogane sighed and pointed to one of the fish at random. If Fai was troubled by something, it would only be worse if he came home empty handed. The fish seller glared at him as he wrapped up the purchase; Kurogane could only guess he had inadvertently picked out something cheap after wasting the seller's time with examining for over half-an-hour. Not that he much cared. With the fish selected and paid for, he could finally go home and figure out what was wrong with Fai.

As he walked back down the path home, an out-of-breath voice called to him from behind. Watanuki was stumbling along trying to catch up with him, an overflowing sack of food hanging from his shoulder.

"Ah," Kurogane said, pausing so Watanuki could slow his pace. "The kitchen slave."

"I haven't worked for Yuuko-san for years now!" Watanuki reminded him, gritting his teeth. He'd gotten better with his temper tantrums over the years, but Yuuko was still apparently a sore point.

"Yeah, but now you live with the priest, and he's even worse."

Watanuki couldn't deny it, but let out a long suffering sigh to indicate his feelings on the subject. "Anyways," he said when he recovered, "I don't know if you saw it back in the market, but the merchant who makes spectacles was back. Does Fai-san need a new pair? I was thinking it was around eight or so years since he bought his."

Kurogane rubbed his forehead. He'd made Fai buy them after a few more instances of headaches while working on his sewing, but he wasn't sure what shape they were in now. Fai hated wearing them, and usually only did when Kurogane was out of the house. Kurogane so rarely saw them that they could be broken now for all he knew.

"I'm not sure, but I'll let him know." Kurogane paused. "He hasn't seemed... strange... to you lately, has he?"

"Strange?" Watanuki tilted his head. "You'd know that better than me."

"Nevermind, then. I'll tell him about the merchant. Anything else you have to tell me? You're going to have to go the other way if you're going back home."

"Oh, yes. There was one thing." Watanuki pulled out a small bottle filled with what looked like water. "Doumeki wanted Fai-san to have this."

"Water?"

"It's purified, or something. I don't know that much about it, but it's supposed to help keep the body healthy."

Kurogane clenched his fists. "Is that guy sick? He's not hiding it from me, is he?"

"N-not necessarily. As I said, I don't really know much about it, but a lot of people use it to keep everything flowing and functioning properly. T-that's probably why."

"We'll see about that." Kurogane tucked the bottle into his robes. "Sorry to run off, kid, but that guy and I need to have a talk. Thanks for the information."

Watanuki tried calling after him that he could hardly be called a kid anymore, but Kurogane was already off down the path, back towards home. Fai was the kind of person who told him everything without trimming back the details- so why hadn't he mentioned about consulting with Doumeki about some purification ritual? And what had been up with his behavior that morning? What the hell was going on?

"Hey," Kurogane called out when he crossed the threshold into their home. "Wh-"

His question was cut short almost immediately. Fai was bent over on the ground in front of the family shrine, his hand pressed against his forehead. His face was dripping with sweat and twisted into an expression of pure agony. He didn't even seem capable of acknowledging Kurogane's return, but simply whimpered lowly, his eyes clouded with moisture.

Kurogane threw the wrapped up fish aside and knelt down beside Fai. "Oi, what's wrong?" He cupped Fai's face, almost pulling his hand away with how hot his skin was. "What happened?"

"Hurts," Fai whimpered, clawing at his head with his fingers. "I can't take it!"

"Your head?" Kurogane brushed Fai's hand away to keep him from hurting himself. "But this is much worse than usual..."

"So... bad..." Fai collapsed into Kurogane's chest, his breathing nearing hyperventilation. "Can't...see..."

"You can't see?" Kurogane cursed under his breath. There was no medicine in the house that could help with something like this, and clearly Fai needed to be treated immediately. But other than Fai's occasional headaches a few years ago, neither of them had gotten sick enough to require a doctor. Kurogane wasn't even sure which building housed the village's healer, and he knew he couldn't waste his time running around trying to find him. He didn't understand what was wrong with Fai, but clearly he was suffering pain beyond a standard headache.

Kurogane scooped Fai up into his arms. The only thing he could think to do was take him to the witch. She wasn't incredibly well-versed in medicine, but she was better than nothing. If she couldn't do anything, she could at least find them a doctor, and even she wasn't so cruel that she would demand compensation for relieving Fai of the pain that seemed to be breaking him. At least Kurogane hoped so. He'd never been good at trusting her, but even he could put that aside for Fai's sake.

Yuuko was lounging around drinking sake when Kurogane burst in, but she rose to her feet immediately to free up the chaise when she realized the situation. "Set him down," she ordered briskly. "Be sure not to jostle him."

"What's wro-"

"Questions later, Kurogane-kun." Yuuko dug through her shelves and pulled out a small canister of herbs. "Keep his jaw open for me." She placed one on his tongue and helped Kurogane clamp his jaw shut so he would chew. "This will help ease the pain for awhile."

"But it won't make it go away?"

"Not completely, no."

"Why do you seem to know exactly what's wrong with him?" Kurogane stared at her. "Has this happened before?"

"Just a moment. Hand over that vial in your pocket. It will help speed the process along and help him sleep soundly."

Before Kurogane could even react, Yuuko dug her hands into his robes and fished out the water Watanuki had given him, pouring it into Fai's mouth without spilling a single drop.

"Has this happened before?" Kurogane repeated. Fai's body was slowly settling, his whimpering at last subsiding. Kurogane wanted to be calm and wait for him to fully fall asleep, but he could tell by Yuuko's expression that this was not the first time she had seen Fai like this.

"Yes. It has happened before, but never to this extent."

"How many times?"

"About four," Yuuko said flatly, showing no emotion and simply gazing at Kurogane's many changes in expression. "Each while you were occupied in the fields. He was well to the point where he could come to this house without assistance."

"And why was I never told about this?"

"I cannot speak for Fai-kun, but as for myself, he asked me not to tell you. As someone acting as a healer to him in this situation, I have an obligation to keep details he does not want shared private."

Kurogane slammed his fist into the wall, creating a sizable crack where he made impact. "I don't give a damn about you and your obligations," he snarled. "What was the point of marrying that guy if he can't even talk to me about whatever this is? Why do I have to find out this way, seeing him like this?"

Yuuko surprised him by bowing her head to him. "This is not how I would have had you find out either, Kurogane-kun. But it is Fai's decision to make. It is your obligation to let him know how it feels, so he will reconsider ever doing such a thing again." She reached out to stroke Fai's forehead. "And for now, we must allow him to sleep. Regardless of how you feel right now, what's most important is assuring that he is well and out of danger."

Kurogane exhaled sharply, grinding his knuckles into the damaged wall. "Is that medicine all we can do for him now?"

"Yes, although he will need to eat and drink when he wakes."

"Until then, will you leave us alone?"

Yuuko studied his face for a moment before picking up her pipe and leaving without a word. There was no price she could demand as a consequence of his ordering her around in her own house. Already, he was paying with everything that mattered most to him.

He knelt down in front of the chaise lounge, wrapping his hands around Fai's. As angry as he was, nothing was greater than the pain he felt at staring at Fai's expression and not knowing what had caused it and how long it had been there. It was too cruel of him, taking the same path as Yui, closing him off with his silence. Why did he never tell me anything? Why didn't he just talk to me?

Kurogane sat there for two hours before Fai at last stirred, rubbing his eyes and glancing in confusion at his surroundings. When he noticed his other hand was held captive by Kurogane, his face paled. "K-kuro-sama... you saw..."

"Yeah, I saw," Kurogane said quietly, letting his face speak for his frustration. "And I want to know why I had to see it instead of hearing it directly from you."

"I have kept my word and said nothing to him," Yuuko said, appearing, as she always did, from seemingly out of nowhere. "But you will not be doing a single person any kindness by refusing to speak now, Fai-kun. Surely you can see that you are not the only one suffering pain for this."

Fai looked down at Kurogane's face, and his own crumpled in sadness the moment their eyes met. "I'm sorry," he whispered, placing his hand against Kurogane's cheek. "I'm so sorry."

"May I speak the truth to him?"

Fai couldn't speak, but nodded his head affirmatively.

Yuuko extended her hand, reaching behind Fai's head to the back of his scalp. "Here," she murmured. "In this place, there is a foreign presence that exists inside of Fai."

Kurogane stared at her blankly. "What? A 'foreign presence'?"

"Human bodies are designed with function in mind, but that does not mean there is nothing that cannot alter how they work. Many are born into this world with bodies that have undergone transformation, such as Ashura-chan, and many have theirs damaged within their lifetime. It is not always a detrimental change, and there are ways to survive such alterations, provided the body is able to find a way to work around them." She gave Fai's hair a stroke and drew her hand away. "But the presence in Fai is not one his body can work around. Its nature and placing obstruct an essential flow through his body, and may one day halt it altogether. I do not know enough about this disease to say for certain, but it carries with it a great risk. Already, it has begun to affect his sight."

"But didn't the spectacles help with that?" Kurogane asked, wondering why he was bothering to ask such an insipid question first when what he really wanted to do was demand the answer to how this thing within Fai could be removed. It was easier to confront the less challenging part of her explanation, but even so, he felt somewhat like a coward running away from the greater truth.

"My vision was getting bad years ago," Fai said quietly. "But not for the same reason. This is different. Sometimes, when I try to look at something, all I see are flashes of black. When you found me in the house, I couldn't even see your face when you were right in front of me."

"But just because it's cutting off your vision doesn't mean you'll-"

"Kurogane," Yuuko interrupted. "Let me explain what little I do know. There has not been much information gathered from cases like Fai's, but it is understood that obstructions in the brain are among the most dangerous. Our minds rule over us, and if that rule is corrupted, the rest of the body suffers as a consequence. His vision is what is influenced now, but should that influence extend any further, there is no guarantee that something else will not be lost. There is a chance that things will stay as they are, but if you want to protect Fai, you must be aware of the potential danger he is in."

"If it carries that risk, why is it still inside him?" Kurogane snapped, gritting his teeth. "Get it out of there! I know you have magic, and the priest has his rituals, so why has nothing been done about this?"

"There is nothing I would like more than to relieve him of it, but as I've already said, it exists alongside his mind. If I make a single misstep, his mind will be shattered permanently, a fate I would wish on no one. There is only one solution along the lines you are thinking of, but that, too, comes at a great price."

"Don't tell him," Fai croaked. "He'll want to try it."

"You're not going to stop me," Kurogane said, turning his determined eyes upon Fai. "I'm not losing you to something like this."

"All I can tell you is that there are worlds where this disease has been researched and can be treated while minimizing the risk to the patient," Yuuko said. "The world where one of my souls exists is such a place, and I do have enough magic to send Fai there."

"Oi, witch, speak plainly for once in your life. I don't know what the hell you're trying to say about worlds or souls."

"Haven't I spoken enough already of how the soul you posses exists in other places? Simply put, what I'm saying is that Fai can be taken to another place, one different from this one, one filled with different knowledge and possibilities. In this place lives a witch who grants wishes, but only if paid proper compensation."

"And why is this not an option?" Kurogane asked, glancing back at Fai.

"It's the compensation," he answered. "I won't do it."

"Helping Fai receive the procedure to remove the obstructing presence from him is one thing that must be paid for," Yuuko elaborated. "Since it will save his life, the price will have to be something of value to him. But that is not what concerns Fai. To return home to you following changing worlds will mean paying for the dimension witch's magic and knowledge of the worlds. There is only one thing that can be exchanged for such a service, and that is the thing a person holds as most important. And for Fai, what he treasures the most are his memories of you."

Fai propped himself up on the chaise. "Giving Yuuko-san the fabric before was a cost I could live with, since you promised you would get it back, and it was nowhere near as important to me as you were. But I won't give up thirty-eight years of memories with you. Not for anything, Kuro-sama."

"You living is what's important."

Fai shook his head. "Please don't misunderstand me, Kuro-sama. I don't want to die anymore. In fact, the thought of going and leaving you behind is terrifying to me. But even if my life is spared from this, if I forget about you and everything we've been through, what will it matter? I could come back and fall in love with you all over again, but I'm too old now to live forty more years and make up for all the time I will have forgotten. I don't want to restart now, not when I've tried so hard to be strong enough to stand beside you for all my life. I want to remember everything you taught me when Yui died, how you saved my life, how you held me for the first time, how you looked on the day I married you, how we kissed under the sakura trees, how we spent nearly every day of our lives together, in love with each other. I don't want only my body to remember. I want to have these memories in my mind until the day I die, no matter how soon that is. That is the future I am choosing, Kuro-sama. Please allow me to continue on with this choice."

Kurogane lowered his voice so only Fai would hear. "I'd remember everything. I'll hold on to everything for you. If we have to start over, I'll still fight for a future where you stay with me."

"I know," Fai said softly. "And I love you all the more for that. But this is the life I wanted. Even if there were moments of pain, I've been so happy. And I'd rather die tomorrow than live a few more years without the memories of you being there at the beginning. Please, Kuro-sama, try to understand that."

Kurogane sighed, once again taking Fai's hand. "Oi, can you stand?"

"Yes. The pain's not so bad anymore."

"Will you be able to make it home with me?"

"With you?" Fai finally smiled. "If it's with you, of course I can."

"Good." Kurogane helped Fai to his feet and turned back to Yuuko. "I'm taking him home. If this gets any worse than it is, I'm going to stop working for you. I'm not going to let what happened today go on while I'm not there anymore."

"That is fine," Yuuko said with a nod. "If things do get worse, what will help him most is having you at his side."

"That's always been the case," Fai said, resting his weight against Kurogane's arm as they began to move forward. "And that's the only thing I'll never be willing to lose."

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When they made it back to their home, Kurogane helped Fai into bed and prepared the fish he had purchased that morning. His mind was too occupied to think of using seasoning or doing anything more than simply grilling it as he tried to reconcile himself to what had happened. So much about Fai's illness was uncertain, but the potential for the worst happening felt all too real. What would he do with himself if he lost Fai? They'd been together their entire lives, from the very beginning, and to face up to the thought of losing him so soon was inconceivable. How could a world without Fai in it even exist?

"You're burning it!" Fai called from the bedroom.

"I barely spent any money on it, so it doesn't matter," Kurogane called back, pulling the fish from the fire. It would have to do. It was his own fault for thinking solely of the future when Fai was in the other room, alive and needing assurance from Kurogane that their happiness together hadn't died with this shattering revelation.

"Not only did you burn it, but you bought a pretty low quality fish," Fai pointed out when he'd finished eating. "I guess I earned it for pushing you to go out alone when I started feeling sick."

"And when the hell did you think you were going to tell me about this?" Kurogane asked. " Did me saying 'No matter what health or fortune, this person I will love' not make sense to you?"

Fai shook his head. "It's not that. The moment you knew would be the moment I would have to tell myself that it's real, that this is happening. I may have gotten stronger over the years, but not that strong. Not yet." He grabbed Kurogane's hand and placed it over his heart. "And then there's this. If I told Kuro-sama this very moment that I want to be joined with him, to feel him inside me so strongly that even the pain becomes nothing, what would he say?"

"After all you went through this morning, that should be the last thing you want. You need to rest."

"That's why, Kuro-sama. Just because I may be dying doesn't mean I'm not alive right now, loving you and wanting to feel your love just like before. Don't treat me like I'm going to break at any moment. I want whatever time we both have here to be filled with as much happiness as all the years before. So please." He wrapped his arms around Kurogane's neck. "Just let me..."

Kurogane grabbed Fai's jaw. "Don't fuck with me. There's never going to be a moment where I don't want you, so don't use that as an excuse to run away. When are you going to stop playing with me? Do you have any idea how it felt to come back and see you like that?"

Fai's lips trembled. "It's because I love you that I'm like this. I don't want to hurt you, Kuro-sama, and I don't know how to get around it without hurting myself and then still hurting you in the end no matter what I do. I know I'm being stupid. But you're the one who keeps loving me in spite of it. And even if I try to run, I can't end up anywhere else but with you."

"You..." Kurogane trailed off, pressing his forehead against Fai's. "What do I do?"

"Kurorin?" Fai blinked up at him. "I'm sorry, but you've always done exactly what you wanted. You've never asked me that before."

"You mess everything up," Kurogane growled. "What do you want?"

"I want you to be with me without anything standing in between." He reached up and danced his fingers along Kurogane's lips. "I don't know what's going to happen, or how much time is left. But I want to be with you, Kuro-chan, until I can't. That's all I want."

"All right," Kurogane whispered. "I'll take you there."

It was different, making love in these circumstances. There was no room for any of their usual antics, no laughter from Fai or rough banter from Kurogane, only a silent yet potent examination of one another, a locking of eyes that would not look anywhere else but each other. Through every movement, Kurogane continued to stare fixedly at Fai, and rather than losing himself completely to the feeling of Kurogane inside of him, Fai stared steadfastly back, examining every shift and conflict of his expression. They moved slowly, slower than they had ever gone before, focused solely on the shared pain and love reflected in their eyes and the singular pleasure of their bodies taking each other with all the gentleness of their shared desire to protect each other through everything.

"Kuro-sama." Fai reached up to cup his cheek. "I'm terrified."

"Yeah," Kurogane murmured.

"But you'll stay with me."

"Yes."

"Then I won't have to go anywhere alone, Kuro-sama. I'll be fine." He at last closed his eyes for a moment, raising himself up to kiss Kurogane. "Even if it hurts."

When they at last came together, Fai buried his face in Kurogane's chest and began to cry. Kurogane reached out to brush his tears away, but Fai shook his head, allowing them to fall steadily down his face.

"Just this once," he whispered, holding on to Kurogane tightly. "Let me cry for myself and for you."

Kurogane nodded, and let his skin absorb everything Fai poured out, all the fear, love, anguish, and hope that came with standing at the precipice of an unknown future. There was no way of telling what would become of them, but Kurogane was for once glad he didn't know. This moment was what mattered, and there was nothing more he wanted than to hold on to Fai and feel his breath against him, their thirty-eight years of memories still the most precious treasure of his heart.

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A/N: Do you think Fai made the right decision here? If losing his memories would be like with Syaoran and Sakura, where she remembered speaking to Syaoran but saw no one there in her memories, I wonder just how hard that would be for Fai to have almost every moment in his life recorded that way? Either way, it's a difficult choice to make... poor KuroFai!