A/N: Thank you guys for sticking with me even though our story is hitting a bit of a sad note. Kurogane and Fai have been learning how to be strong for each other's sake, but will it be enough to stand up to what's to come? As always, thank you for sharing your comments with me. My job is to make you guys think, but I like it when you make me think, too! Enjoy!

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Fifteen: Shared Memory

There were no words for how badly it hurt, for both of them. It was hard enough for Kurogane to witness Fai suffering more and more every day as he was fractured from the inside, but whatever he himself was enduring, Fai was suffering a thousand times more. He couldn't imagine the pain he was feeling, but he could see some of it in the creased lines of Fai's face and reflected in his own heart when Fai spent his nights whimpering and holding onto his head, praying for it to go away. What hurt the most was that he couldn't make it go anywhere. He could give Fai his medicine, hold onto him through the night, and give him anything else he asked for, but he couldn't make it go away. And it killed him more than anything that he couldn't.

Kurogane dipped a cloth in cold water and placed it against Fai's forehead. He was doing better today, but he was still getting feverish in the summer heat, which was stifling in their room. What Fai needed more than anything was sleep, but it was hard to come by the way things were with both his body and the air burning like fire.

"It's fine, Kuro-sama," Fai whispered, reaching up to stroke his cheek. "I think I can rest now. Ashura-oniisan is here to see us, isn't he? You should go out to speak to him."

"He's here to see you," Kurogane corrected. "And you're not up to that now."

"He's here just as much for you. I'm not the only one in pain am I?" He tapped Kurogane's mouth and lowered his hand. "How are you feeling?"

"That's what I should be asking you."

"But I'm the one asking. Are you okay?"

Kurogane shook his head. "No," he said. "I'm not."

"I know. And I'm sorry. But I can't change my mind about Yuuko's offer." He tilted his head and looked up at Kurogane's face. "Before you go, can I look at you awhile more?"

"Will that help you fall asleep?"

"It will give me sweet dreams." He smiled in contentment as Kurogane held his eyes. "You're getting blurry, but I can still see you."

"Oi..." Kurogane sighed, giving up his fretting when Fai's eyes fluttered closed and he at last drifted off to sleep. Neither of them could figure out how to talk about the possible challenge approaching them, the threat of Fai losing his sight. It was always a lingering fear, presumably just as much for Fai as for Kurogane, but it seemed too unreal to confront just yet. How could the eyes that turned to him so many different times with so many emotions one day be unable to behold him at all?

Kurogane set aside the bowl and damp cloth and went outside to where Ashura was sitting beneath the window. He was at last beginning to show his age these past few years, his once raven hair turning white and his melodious voice growing raspy after repeated battles with sickness. He was still as dignified looking as ever, but there was a worn out quality to him now, a tiredness that had finally exhausted the youthfulness that had shone so long within him.

"A few visitors stopped by while you were taking care of him," Ashura said when Kurogane took a seat beside him. "The bento are from Watanuki-kun and Kohane-chan, and the purified water is from Doumeki-sama. The liquor, as you can guess, is from Yuuko-san, though I have no idea why she thought it would help." He turned and studied Kurogane's face. "I suppose you could use some."

"Hmph. You can have it. That guy doesn't need me any worse than I already am."

"True. You will need to be strong for him as well when he can't do everything for himself." Ashura sighed and folded his hands. "I'm sorry I cannot be of more use to you. I'm afraid that every time I see him, it brings back the moment I heard that Yui and Shashi were lost. I did not wish to live to see Fai taken, too... not after I promised his mother that I would treasure them both when she could not be with them. I feel as if I've failed, Kurogane-kun. The one who gave them the world they loved was you, not I."

"He's not gone, you know," Kurogane reminded him. "If you have something to say to him, I'm not the one you should tell."

"But how can I apologize? The life he has with you is what means everything. I was not meant to be the person who would save him, and I do not regret not being able to be more than I am, if it meant that you were at each other's side through everything." He smiled sadly. "But I cannot help but see you both as the children you were in the past. You are too young for this, Kurogane-kun, and so is he. The gods should have given you many more years than this."

"We could have died in that flood. More so than that guy's brother, we were fortunate."

"Yes, fortunate. But that makes it no less tragic now." Ashura shielded his eyes from the sun, staring off into the distance. "Perhaps it was selfish of me to put so much of the burden on you, but I did not want him to take the same path I took, marrying someone I didn't love because I felt like I couldn't be with the person I did. I just couldn't get the look on his face when he first told me about you out of my mind. He was just a child, and only newly moving on from the loss of his mother, but his eyes lit up whenever he said your name, and he told me without a note of doubt that he would marry you one day. Perhaps if I had been as certain as he had been back then, I would have never married Shashi and brought what happened down upon us. But I knew, thanks to that certainty, that the path of his future would lead to you. And here we are now."

Kurogane stared at the ground, a lump rising in his throat. Here we are now.

"He was lucky, though. One who loves with such a single-minded focus does not always find happiness in this life."

"Don't talk about him like he's already gone," Kurogane snapped.

"I'm sorry. Being so close to death myself, I feel it everywhere and no longer fear it. I mourn only that I am powerless to do anything for those left behind. Perhaps that is how he also feels." Ashura placed his hand over Kurogane's. "As you would say so yourself, I'm too gloomy today to be of any use to my cousin. Would you walk me back to Yuuko-san's? I promise to be more help tomorrow. Taishakuten and I will bring breakfast, so you two may sleep in."

Kurogane wordlessly rose to his feet and helped Ashura to his. The village's path usually seemed so short and limited, but each step of Ashura's was slow enough where Kurogane could for once take a look at the world around him, from the rice fields he had left for Fai to the sakura grove where so many of their most precious memories rested. Even the tree where they had waited out the storm still stood, a monument to both the trials of their past and the miracle of their survival for so many years.

"The world is infinitely kind," Kurogane said at length. "Do you believe that?"

"Hmm?"

"It's something that guy's brother said once. Do you believe it?"

Ashura pursed his lips. "I am not certain. I don't know if such a thing can be said of a place that sent Shashi and Yui to such a fate."

"Then don't be so ready to go anywhere," Kurogane said. "Not until you're certain. You may think you're unafraid of what's to come, but that guy has you beat. He is the one who has become truly brave."

Ashura smiled, shaking his head. "He's always been a step ahead of me, that one. And you've always been two steps ahead of us both. He really has been fortunate, in so many ways. Perhaps this world is infinitely kind after all."

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When Kurogane made it back to the house, he prepared Watanuki's bento and brought it in to Fai for dinner. Fai was only just beginning to wake up from his earlier rest, but the smell of Watanuki's legendary food perked him up, bringing a pleased smile to his groggy face.

"Ah, Watanuki-kun is too good to me," he said when Kurogane placed the box in his lap and handed him chopsticks. "Finally some decent cooking!"

"Want to say that again?" Kurogane asked, glaring at Fai. He'd been preparing Fai's meals ever since he'd stopped working, and though he was by no means a bad cook, he'd become so immersed in caring for Fai that he ended up burning nearly everything he made.

"It looks like there's a letter attached to the box. Could you read it for me?" Fai pulled the paper from where it had been slipped inside the wrapping cloth and handed it to Kurogane.

"Let's see..." Kurogane squinted his eyes, trying to get a grasp on Watanuki's elaborate handwriting. "'Hey you-"

"There's no way Watanuki-kun called me that, Kuro-chan."

"If you want me to read it, allow for some revising. He says, 'We were all very upset to hear you were ill, and I hope it's not as bad as the witch fears. I'm a bit upset you hid it from Kurogane-san and everyone since THE PRIEST PUNISHED ME FOR ABOUT THREE HOURS TO TEACH ME NOT TO TRY TO DO THE SAME THING IN HIDING THINGS FROM HIM, but since it must be so hard for you to deal with this sort of thing, I understand why you did it." Kurogane paused. "Did he really need to share that with us?"

"Watanuki-kun is just doing what some of us can only dream of doing right now," Fai laughed. "If only I could be healthy enough for Kuro-pyon to go on a punishment spree with me."

"Oi, don't push your luck." Kurogane turned back to the letter. "Moving on. 'I don't know if there's anything I can do for you other than cook, but I wanted to let you know that if you ever me need me or the priest for something, we would be happy to help you as best we can. Both you and Kurogane-san were people we looked up to all our lives, so let us repay the favor for you now.'"

Kurogane paused, handing Fai some of the water delivered by Doumeki. "The next message is from the priest. 'Please accept this water I have purified at the temple, as well as our prayers for both yourself and Kurogane-san. The kitchen slave may have already said this, but you are someone we would all hate to lose. Especially since you always give me tips abou-"

"Oh ho, how forward of him," Fai chuckled.

"I'm not reading any more of this," Kurogane growled, tossing the letter aside. "Why do you feel the constant need to butt in on their relationship?"

"Doumeki-sama's lover is just as stubborn as mine, so we need to work together to make you guys melt, right? Besides, I need someone to live vicariously through now that I can't be much of a lover myself." He leaned his head against Kurogane's shoulder. "How was Ashura-oniisan?"

"Gloomy as ever. Unsurprisingly."

"He didn't make you feel worse, did he?"

"No. I set him straight. He said he'd tried to be better tomorrow."

"Mmm. Try to be nice. If you think about it, he's going through something similar to us right now. With Ashura-chan married and gone from home, it's just him and Tai-san... and neither of them are healthy any longer." Fai tugged his sleeve. "I think I'm going to sleep some more. Will you stay with me?"

"Yeah." Kurogane drew away and pulled off his clothes so he could slide into bed beside Fai. "Scoot over."

"So nice," Fai murmured, pulling him closer. "It's unfair that I'm sick. I want to feel you even more."

"Don't push your limits."

"I won't. But I can't change the way I feel." He rolled over so he was propped up on Kurogane's chest. "But at least I can look at you."

"Why?"

"I told you. So I can have sweet dreams."

Kurogane cupped Fai's face in his hands. "Why?"

"I still can't hide from you, can I?" Fai smiled sadly down at him. "I'm probably going to lose my sight soon, Kuro-sama. And I want the last thing I see to be your face."

"You..." Kurogane cleared his throat. "Why are you...?"

"So sentimental? Because you're the most important person to me. I know that I'll never forget your face even if I can't see, but I can't think of anything I'll miss looking at more. So please look at me, Kurorin. Even if I can't look back."

"Shit," Kurogane cursed under his breath. He couldn't speak for a moment, but raised himself up to kiss Fai so his inability to say anything more wouldn't be so painful. Why did it have to burn inside like this? He had waited so long to hear Fai saying such things so openly and honestly in front of him, but now it rested heavily on his heart, no matter how moved he felt by the sentiment. How could he lose this person? How?

When he pulled away and collapsed back on the bed, Fai leaned in to press their foreheads together. "Kurorin, I'm sorry," he whispered. "Please forgive me the pain I'm causing you. Please."

"Don't apologize," he said quietly. "Just stay. As long as you can."

Fai smiled, and slid back down so their arms were wrapped around each other. It felt so wonderful, just as it had when they'd held one another for the first time, but even though he slept peacefully and had sweet dreams, he could not help but feel his heart breaking underneath his skin, shattering at the simple thought of living in the world without the person he loved anywhere to be found.

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He woke up the next morning to Fai shaking him on the shoulders, urgently whispering his name over and over again. He quickly snapped to attention, shaking off his drowsiness and gazing at Fai's expression to figure out what he wanted. Most times it was a drink or medicine, but today his face was tenser, almost verging on panic.

"What's wrong?" Kurogane asked, steadying Fai's arms so he was no longer being shaken. "What do you need?"

Instead of answering, Fai ran his hands up Kurogane's chest until they reached his face, where they began to desperately feel out his features one by one. His eyes were wide open, but they didn't seem to be focusing on anything, instead moving manically back and forth as if seeking and failing to find one thing in particular to settle on. For a moment, it looked as if Fai was in the midst of one of his episodes, his erratic movements inspired by the pain racking his body, but the moment Fai began to speak with complete lucidity, the awful truth hit Kurogane straight in his heart. His eyes...

"Kuro-sama," Fai whispered. "You're still here."

"Yes." He sat up and wrapped his arms around Fai. "You can still feel me, can't you?"

"Thank the gods, thank the gods," Fai sobbed. "I thought it would be cold in the dark, but you're still so warm. I feel you, Kuro-sama, even when I can't see you anymore."

Kurogane cradled him next to his beating heart, biting back all the denials fighting inside him. Even if Fai could be at peace, he wasn't sure he could say the same for himself. His most precious memory, his very first, was of those eyes, and even though they looked the same as they always had, the pointed gaze that had focused in on him to the exclusion of all else had severed, leaving nothing but darkness.

"Don't be sorry this happened," Fai said softly. "This isn't the worst possible thing, nee? I'd rather have this burden than to have not woken up at all."

"That doesn't make it okay either!"

"I know, I know. But listen, Kuro-sama. Your heartbeat sounds even sweeter to me than ever." Fai kissed his chest gently. "When Yuuko-san first told me about my illness awhile ago, this was the thing I was most afraid of happening. Even more so than dying. After Yui died, I was prepared to do the same, so I've reconciled myself before to my body no longer existing on the earth. But my sight is something I have always held as dearly precious to me. Do you know why?"

"Hm?"

"I've always told you that I adored you from the very beginning, right, Kuro-chan? But it wasn't exactly so vague as that. I remember the moment almost perfectly, as if it just happened. I was only four years-old. Four years-old, and already so certain I had found my soulmate... it's a wonder Yui and Ashura-oniisan even took me seriously when I told them, huh?"

"I sure didn't when you told me."

"No, you were always the one who took more convincing." Fai laughed. "It happened only about two years after you were born, back when your mother brought you over to play with us when she needed to be at the temple. You were only just beginning to talk, so I guess I really didn't know very much about who you would be as a person or any of the many things I love about you right now. I could tell you were stubborn and observant. And temperamental. But really, back then you were just some kid Yui and I... well, mostly me... could push around."

"Thanks," Kurogane said drily.

"You were only a baby! The age difference didn't mean anything after a few years, but at that point, Yui and I were way ahead of you. The only reason I was fascinated by you so early was because..." He trailed off. "I don't know how to express it, or why it even happened. All we were doing was playing with blocks, and I got bored and went to play with my mother's dress. Even back then, I liked being around fabric, and even though her lace was scratchy, it looked so beautiful. So I crawled underneath and said-"

"Look at me," Kurogane interrupted, stroking Fai's hair. "You told us to look at you."

He could feel Fai's lips smiling against his chest. "You remember, too? You were so young that I thought you wouldn't."

"It's the first thing I can remember. Not perfectly, but I've never forgotten what you said."

"Well, I don't think I had any other reason for telling you to look at me other than I thought I looked pretty with the lace around my head. But when you did look at me... I think I felt the world changing at that very moment. Kuro-sama had such beautiful eyes, and it felt like all he could see in the world was me. And even though we were both so young, it was almost like I understood that in the future I would fall in love with you and want to spend the rest of my life together with you. Maybe I really did know it, then. Yui was always attuned to those kinds of things, so maybe for that one moment, I was, too."

Fai went quiet for a moment, nuzzling into Kurogane's chest as he collected his thoughts. "After that, the thing I liked most about being with Kuro-sama was looking into his eyes. It hurt a little bit back when we were younger, because I could tell Kuro-tan didn't want to like me. But the older and older we got, the more those eyes looked upon me tenderly. You were right when you said the reason I couldn't die when I tried to drown myself was because I didn't want to die. I was thinking of you the moment that water pulled me under and the moment I fought for the shore when you found me. I wanted so much to see those eyes looking at me once again, giving me a reason not to give up on everything just because I had become afraid of you loving me."

"And now?" Kurogane asked.

"And now I know you love me," Fai said simply. "I don't need to see or even hear. I know."

Kurogane bent down as soon as these words left Fai's lips and kissed him soundly for a long moment. Fai had been much too exhausted lately to give him much in the way of a response, but with this kiss, he eagerly lifted his body to meet Kurogane's touch, running his fingers in intent lines down the parts of Kurogane he could no longer see with his eyes.

"Kurorin," Fai whispered, gently pulling away. "I know we can't do it because I need all the energy I have, but if you keep this up, I won't be able to stop."

"And the gloomy guy and his lover are coming," Kurogane said, disobeying orders and giving Fai one last peck. "I know."

"In that case, you should get dressed so they don't get an eyeful when they come." Fai trailed his fingers along the bottom of his unseeing eyes. "This will make things difficult. You'll need to be around to help me even more, and there's already so much I'm not strong enough to do. I wish I didn't have to burden you like this."

"Shut up," Kurogane advised him, getting out of bed and digging through his wardrobe for a yukata.

"Now that's my brusque Kurorin! As long as I have you as my eyes, I know I will be able to continue on like this." His face turned solemn for a moment. "But the fact that it doesn't hurt so badly now might just be a calm before the storm. I may not be able to even leave my bed soon after this. We should be ready for either path, no matter what happens."

Kurogane ground his fist into the wall and clenched his teeth. "I know you want to be practical," he said. "But don't think of what will happen next right now. It's bad enough, what happened just now. Don't make it worse."

"I'm sorry." Fai extended an arm to reach out to Kurogane, but unable to see where he was, he slowly dropped it again. "You'll figure out what to do without worrying about it. And I will keep putting my trust in you."

Kurogane turned his head back to look at Fai. He had always chosen to live his life in the present while fighting for the future, but the future he was dreading was brushing dangerously close. The blue eyes that darted back and forth, still in spite of everything trying to find his, knew how to be trusting, but had so many times shown him their capability for fear. There was only one thing he could do moving forward other than to love Fai and help him, and that was to be strong, strong enough to protect what was precious to him from any further pain and strong enough to know that while he couldn't save Fai from everything that was coming, he could and would hold him in his eyes until the very end.

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A/N: I didn't even realize until after writing this that it has a connection to Fai trying to barter away his sight in Infinity in order to travel to Celes. If TTB Kurogane knew about that, I'm sure he would do what canonKuro did: whack canonFai a good one to the head.