setting: episode 1 "Seed"

Damnation

Chapter 5 - Confessions

They were all standing and sitting around the campfire, and even Connor came to join them after a while. He tried to keep his distance, but didn't want to miss anything either. Both Maggie and Beth were singing a song for their father and it was somewhat calming after everything they had been through today. For a while the Irishman just stood there with folded arms and listened, thinking about all the songs and music they'd never be able to hear again. Music and movies, those were the things he really missed. The Greene sisters stopped singing after a while, and Herschel smiled. "Beautiful" he said and Glenn placed a hand on his girlfriends thigh. No one said anything and watched the flames until Rick shifted.

"Better all turn in" he murmured and looked at all of them.

"I'll take watch over there. Got a big day tomorrow."

Everyone seemed irritated because of this statement, but it was Glenn who spoke up.

"What do you mean?"

Rick looked down and started playing with a blade of grass. He sighed.

"Look, I know we're all exhausted" he answered and looked at them again.

"This was a great win. But we've got to push just a little bit more."

No one said anything. They all just looked at him and waited for him to go on.

"Most of the walkers are dressed as guards and prisoners. Looks like this place fell pretty early. It could mean the supplies may be intact" their leader concluded and Connor turned his head to look at the prison. He could see a couple of stray walkers staggering around in front of the dark shadowy buildings and blocks. For a moment it made him think about the Hoag. He wondered if it looked just the same. He sighed and turned his head to look at the group again with a nod.

"Places like these are pretty well stocked. 's like a small town. Got an infirmary, a commissary.."

Daryl looked at him with a frown "An armory?"

Connor nodded and wanted to answer, but Rick interrupted him.

"That would be outside the prison itself, but not too far away. Warden's offices would have info on the location. Weapons, food, medicine.
This place could be a gold mine."

Connor snorted.

"Never thought I'd ever say this, but aye. Now that I think about it, aye. Best place ye could possibly be in situations like this. What used ta keep prisoners in back in the old days keeps walkers out now" he muttered and looked at all the walking corpses that were piling up on the fences around them. Herschel looked at the two men.

"We're dangerously low on ammo. We'd run out before we make a dent."

Rick and Connor looked at him, and the Irishman shifted.

"Well aye, that's te problem" he murmured, but Rick didn't seem to think the same way.

" That's why we have to go in there."

They all looked at him in surprise. Rick nodded and went on.

"Hand to hand. After all we've been through, we can handle it, I know it."

No one seemed to fond of the idea, but their leader tried to encourage them with a smile. He turned his head to look at his son.

"These assholes don't stand a chance."

Carl smiled and Connor chuckled.

"Eh, better not swear around te boy."

He got the reaction he had aimed for. Everyone turned their head to look at him with a raised eyebrow. Connor chuckled even more.

"What, don't look at me like that. Do I look like I fuckin swear 'round te little brat?"'

The members of the group chuckled and grinned. Rick got up to get back to the gate to keep watch. Everyone started sorting their blankets and bags so they could get some sleep, just like their leader had demanded, but Connor wouldn't have any of that just yet. He tried to go after Rick because he needed to get something off his chest, but when he crossed paths with Daryl his friend wouldn't let him go without a remark.

"So what, now yah playing the cheery leprechaun again?" he murmured when Connor came closer. The Irishman stopped and raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

Daryl snorted and put his poncho on the ground.

"10 minutes ago you went full on drama queen on me, and now yer back t'stupid jokes?"

Connor frowned.

"I didn't go drama queen on ye."

"Yeah, of course not."

He sat down on his poncho and got rid of his crossbow. His friend turned around to look where Rick was, only to see that he was talking to Lori anyway.
Connor sighed and looked at Daryl again.

"It's just that ye know that I didn't really wanna come back t'this group in te first place."

"Yeah, but yah did come back with me."

Connor nodded and looked at Daryl.

"Aye. Aye..." he murmured and watch Lori and Rick who were obviously fighting.

"Tomorrow's gonna be a tough day" he said and looked at Daryl again, who was now lying on his poncho, head resting on his arms.

"Not the first time we're cleaning out a location."

The Irishman nodded.

"Aye. I'm gonna tell Rick about my little...thing. I think that could help."

Daryl raised an eyebrow and snorted.

"Yeah, cos they ain't giving yah enough strange looks already."

"So what. Just like I said, secrets just get people killed."

Both friends looked at each other for a moment until Daryl shifted and shook his head with a tired sigh.

"Whatever, yah freak. Knock yourself out. I need some sleep now, dumbass."

Connor snickered.

"Aye, ye better get some beauty sleep. You look fucking ugly."

He started walking again when Daryl suddenly grabbed him by his leg. Connor tripped, falling to the ground face down.

"Are ye fucking mental?!" he shouted and turned on his back to glare at Daryl, who started laughing.

Connor growled and kicked his friend's shoulder, then got back up again and wiped the dirt off his leather jacket.

"Are ye fuckin stupid? Man, I only just found this thing, I don't need it covered in dirt and all that shit."

Daryl chuckled even more.

"So who's the beauty queen now, huh? Jesus, look at yah, yer hair's all over the place man, and yah lost yer purse, too.."

Connor kicked him once more.

"Fuck you" he murmured and turned around to leave.

"Eh leprechaun."

The Irishman stopped walking and turned around again.

"What?"

"No need to tell them everything bout this winter. Ain't none of their business."

He found Rick by the gate. Lori had made her way back to the group again, so it were just him and their leader. The former policeman turned his head to look at him when he heard him coming. Connor came to a halt right next to him and watched the walkers on the other side of the fence for a while. "Nice work today" Rick said after a moment and Connor nodded.

"Aye, ye weren't too bad either" he murmured and searched his pockets again. It was driving him insane that there were still no cigarettes in them.

God, how much he needed a smoke.

The two men wouldn't speak for a while. They just kept watch until Connor let out a gentle sigh.

"Can I ask ye something, Rick?"

The man next to him nodded.

"Sure."

The Irishman turned his head and looked at him.

"Why did ye kill Shane? "

Rick just stared at him. Connor looked at the walkers again.

"'ve been meaning t'ask ye this fer a long time now. Considering I never got ta do it until now. What happened back there? I thought ye two were friends?"

It took Rick a while to answer, but much to Connor's surprise he would give him one.

"He tried to rape Lori. She told me."

The Irishman widened his eyes and looked back at the group to check on the policeman's wife.

"What? I didn't know.."

"That was before your time with us. But even with you around he..he changed. Even you must have noticed this. He killed Otis. He opened that barn and threatened all of us. Lori, Carl..He had no respect, not for Herschel, not for anyone. He ignored the group's decisions, my decisions, and he took that boy out and snapped his neck."

Connor just stood there and listened.

" When we were out there he tried to kill me. Lured me in the woods. Pointed his gun at me. Called me weak. I didn't have a choice. He had planned it through. He wanted to take my wife. My son. My baby. "

There was a long pause and Rick sighed.

"That wasn't my friend anymore. That wasn't the Shane I've known my whole life. I didn't kill my friend. I killed someone that put our whole group in danger just so he could get what he wanted. He was greedy, he was dangerous. I only took him out to keep you all safe."

He looked Connor in the eye.

"Don't think I liked it. Don't think it was easy."

"It's never easy" Connor murmured and put both his hands in his pockets, remembering all the times he had killed someone.

"I guess I kinda noticed it. But that it was that bad...I had no idea. Guess yer right. He was some shady bastard. Thanks fer telling me" he said.

Rick nodded and they fell quiet again.

"Rumors are that you don't want to stay with us, is that true?" Rick asked after a while and made the Irishman snort.

"You can't keep secrets fram anyone here, can ye."

"I just want you to know that you don't have to. You've always been welcome. The thing I said last year, back when we were doing gun training, that's still true."

Connor chuckled and nodded.

"Thanks."

"You are a good man and a decent shooter, and I hate to say it flat out, but your blood is unique. It would be foolish to let you go" Rick went on and the other man nodded.

"Aye."

He scratched his left arm absently and sighed.

"But truth be told, that's exactly the reason why'm thinking about leaving. Listen..." he said and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He knew that what he was going to say would probably make everything worse, but he just didn't want to keep it to himself anymore. Rick turned his head to look at him.

" I gotta tell ye something. Daryl told me not t'tell ye people, but after everything that's happened today, when you wanted to go in here on a suicide mission on yer own... I just can't keep it t'myself any longer. Secrets'll just get you or others killed."

He took a deep breath and looked at the walkers in front of them.

"Walkers don't attack me" he admitted and wouldn't look at Rick.

"I don't know why. Maybe they think I'm already one af them. Because of the bite. Maybe they smell it somehow, maybe they sense it. Maybe it's cos I was dead fer a few seconds, hell, I don't know, but somehow they register me as part af them."

He turned his head to look at the group. He could see Daryl lying there, how he was watching them like a prick-eared dog.

"We knew about it pretty much right from te start. When we were hiding and making our way around the area. They'd all come after Daryl, but not after me. Never me. 's why I wanted ta go in here instead af you today."

"We already know" Rick said and Connor looked at him in surprise.

"What?"

The former policeman shrugged.

"It wasn't exactly hard to figure out. You think we didn't notice? Why do you think Carol is afraid of you? She saw it first. When we got corned in that warehouse a couple of days ago? After that we all saw it, too. We couldn't be sure of course, but we've been suspecting it ever since you came back."

The Irishman frowned.

"And ye wouldn't say anything? Or be creeped out?"

Rick snorted.

"Of course we're creeped out, but that doesn't change a thing."

"'bout what?"

"That you are part of our group and that you matter to us after everything you've done and sacrificed for us to keep us safe. No matter how creepy it is, we're glad that you and Daryl are back with us."

Rick grabbed his knife when a walker came to close to them and tried to attack him through the fence. He stabbed him in the eye and shoved him away.

"Besides, that's a skill that might come in handy tomorrow."