Chapter 12

Glory and Gore

I don't ever think about death

It's alright if you do, it's fine

We gladiate but I guess we're really fighting ourselves

Roughing up our minds so we're ready when the kill time comes

I wake up tangled in my sheets, with my hair strewn crazily across my face.

The sunlight that is streaming through my window indicates that it's morning. I glance at the clock: 8:01.

I sit up, looking around the room and pushing my hair behind my ears.

When I spot Cato sleeping soundly in a chair ten feet away from my bed, I freeze.

All of the memories from last night seem to come rushing back.

Unconsciously, my hand reaches up to touch my lips. My lips, which were once touched by his.

What does that mean for us?

We're going into the Hunger Games for god's sakes!

This is the most idiotic thing I could do right now.

My thoughts are interrupted when Haymitch slams open the door loudly.

I jump and shriek.

Cato doesn't even flinch.

I glare at Haymitch, who I'm guessing was hoping for a rude awakening.

I just smirk, motioning at the distance between Cato and I, "See? Ladylike. Appropriate."

He rolls his eyes and walks in the room, collapsing down on the bed like he's exhausted.

"What's with him? Did you check for a pulse yet?" Haymitch jokes.

"Heavy sleeper."

"Right. Well. Breakfast is in 15 minutes. Wake him up. He's invited." Haymitch grumbles.

I smile and nod my head.

Then I remember how I had to wake him up last time.

"Wait! Haymitch! I can't wake him up. It's impossible! Last time I had to pour a bucket of ice cold water on his face." I say.

Maybe Haymitch will be kind enough to help me.

But then I see Haymitch's evil smile spread over his face.

"I'll be right back." He says, rushing out of the room.

I sit and wait, gathering my training clothes for a shower.

They are the same pair as yesterday, except grey instead of black.

5 minutes later Haymitch walks into the room holding a feather, a can, and has Finnick trailing behind him.

"Finnick!" I announce, giving him a hug.

I don't even bother to be quiet because Cato won't be disturbed by the noise.

"Hey, sweetheart," He says, laughing.

"What are you doing here?" I ask curiously.

Haymitch must have something good planned if he brought an audience along.

"Haymitch thought it would be fun to play a little prank. You in?" He asks.

I hesitate. I remember Cato's reaction the last time. But he forgave me...

"Yes... But. I'm not defending either of you two." I say sternly.

They nod. Finnick walks over to Cato with the can, and sprays a white cream on his open palm.

Then he steps back to where I'm standing a few feet from Cato.

"Classic," Haymitch smiles.

Haymitch steps up to Cato, and tickles his nose with the feather.

When Cato only wrinkles his nose adorably, Haymitch steps closer, leaning in, and does it again.

I giggle.

Finnick explained earlier that the plan was to tickle his nose with the feather, which would make him wipe his hand on his face with the shaving cream.

It did not go as planned.

It was much better.

Cato swipes his hand right at Haymitch's face, smearing the white cream on the top half of Haymitch's face.

His eyes are closed with the cream sticking on top of them. His nose and mouth got smeared as well.

Finnick and I fall into each other in laughter.

Haymitch is standing with his eyes closed, silently for a few moments, just breathing and listening to our laughter.

He tries to wipe the cream off of his eyelids and glares at us.

Finnick and I are supporting each other's weight, laughing our asses off.

I think our laughter is what wakes Cato up.

"What the-" He mutters, looking at his hand and then at the people before him.

I can only imagine the picture of Haymitch covered in the white goo, me and Finnick falling into each other in laughter.

Cato has a puzzled expression on his face, confusion in his eyes.

"I'm s-sorry Cato," I manage to get out between giggles, "we had an accident."

This makes Finnick laugh harder.

Cato still looks as confused, but amusement starts playing in his eyes.

"An accident, you say?" He asks.

He looks between all of our faces, lingering on mine.

"Yes. It was very terrible. Horrifying. See? I cried." I say, pointing at the tears in my eyes, giggling.

I don't know how it's possible, but Finnick laughs even harder.

"Yes. You see, Haymitch here, was shaving, using this cream. He came to show you his mad shaving skills." Finnick says, trying to stifle his laughter.

I bust up laughing, clutching my sides.

Haymitch glares at Finnick.

"But he slipped!" Finnick says, showing a face of mock horror, and pressing his hand to his now open mouth for dramatic effect.

"The shaving cream went flying, and landed right in your hand. Haymitch's face landed smack-" Finnick claps his hands together for the sound effect, "right in your palm. I heard his shriek from level four, and knew immediately it was my Haymitch Arnulfo Abernathy! I ran down here right away to make sure he was all right." He says, shaking his head in sadness, but his body is shaking in laughter silently.

My laughs are echoing throughout the room. That was the most ridiculous story I've ever heard! "Arnulfo!" I shout in shock and laughter.

I look at Cato and see him biting back a smile, so he must know the story is false.

Haymitch is glaring at Finnick.

"Yes. It was the most terrible accident for our Haymitch... Arnulfo Abernathy." I say, giggling. His middle name is Arnulfo?

"I hate you." He mutters to Finnick, shoving past him as he makes his way to the door.

He tries to wipe the cream off his face unsuccessfully.

"Oh come on Haymitch! We were just having some fun!" Finnick replies as Haymitch disappears down the hall.

I'm still giggling when Haymitch shouts angrily, "Breakfast in ten."

Finnick sighs dramatically.

I have a smile plastered on my face when I feel Cato's gaze on me.

"Sorry about that. I'm Finnick." Finnick introduces himself to Cato, reaching his palm out for Cato to shake.

Cato reaches his hand out to shake, but it's the one with shaving cream on it, and he doesn't realize it until after he grasps Finnick's hand, making a squishy noise.

He suddenly looks horrified.

But Finnick and I start laughing again.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't realize... ugh. I'm Cato. From district two." He mutters.

Finnick has a smile on his face, unbothered by his gooey hand.

"No problem." Finnick replies.

"I tried to wake you to invite you to breakfast. I need to take a shower though, so I'll meet you there… if you're allowed to have breakfast with us, that is," I say quickly, grabbing my clothes and rushing to the bathroom. I have less than five minutes now.

I quickly hop in and out of the shower, now smelling like lavender again.

I get dressed, braid my hair in two, and attach my mockingjay pin to my shirt.

Once again the outfit is form fitting, but easy to move around in.

I take a deep breath and walk out.

I walk into the dining room, and see the odd new seating arrangement.

Eli is sitting next to Haymitch, Cato across from them.

Effie and Finnick are sitting at the ends of the table, and the only seat for me is next to Cato.

I'm hesitant to sit there because of the glares being thrown Cato's way from Eli and Haymitch.

I thought I only had to worry about Haymitch's overprotectiveness, but now Eli's too?

The tension in the room is astonishing. Finnick and Effie seem unbothered by it, however. They both have grins plastered widely on their faces.

Cato looks unbothered by the glares, looking like district two career boy again.

Nobody has spotted me until I sit down in my chair.

I feel Cato's gaze on me, but I look at the two boys sitting across from me, willing them to look at me. When they finally do, I give them both a look that tells them to stop.

But Eli continues his glaring against my wishes.

"Prim," Cato says once I've sat down, shifting his body towards me. I tear my gaze from the two immature little boys across from me and turn to Cato.

"The careers may ask you to be in an alliance today." It takes all of my energy to focus on his words and not his soft blue eyes looking at me like my Cato does. "If they do, you have to say no. You'd be better off without them." He says intensely.

But... Why?

"Now hold on a minute Cat, she might have a better-" Haymitch begins, but is cut off by an irritated career boy.

Cato breaks his gaze from mine to glare at Haymitch, "Yes she'd have a better chance at surviving with the careers. But when they attack her, what then? I have a plan. Marvel and I are going to agree to an alliance with them, but we'll sneak away, every day during sleeping hours. Careers hunt at night and sleep during the day. We'll bring food and weapons and supplies." He turns to me now, and his expression goes soft, and caring and sweet. He turns into fuchsia boy, my Cato. "All you need to do is run, and we'll find you. I promise." He murmurs softly.

I smile at him, and look around the room to gauge everyone's reaction.

Finnick looks pleasantly surprised, Effie's eyebrows are to her hairline, Eli is a mix of anger and shock, and Haymitch is just genuine shock.

Nobody speaks, which must make Cato feel the need to.

"Marvel and I were thinking of meeting everyday when the sun has just risen, and we meet at a specific location."

He finally breaks his gaze from me to look at Eli's angry, shocked face, "I'll have to trust you to get her out of the bloodbath safely. You need to protect her until I meet with you for supplies. Eventually Marvel and I will break away from the alliance, and join you. If you'll have me, that is."

He quickly glances nervously my way, but mainly speaks to Eli.

Eli seems to be silently contemplating the decision for a few minutes, as does Haymitch. I can't stand the silence, and I need to persuade them of this idea.

"This is the best plan yet." I get up out of my chair, and walk to Eli. I look into his eyes, and beg silently with my eyes.

Tears prickle at my eyes when I grab his hands in mine.

Eli looks in my eyes, searching for something. What, I have no idea.

Eventually, he nods.

I smile brightly and wrap my arms around him tightly, putting all of my happiness into the hug.

I laugh, "Thank you!"

"Woah woah woah. Wait a second."

I groan at Haymitch's words.

I pull back and look at Haymitch with a pout, jutting my lower lip out.

"Don't look at me like that, Rosie!" He scolds. Eli snickers, and I feel Cato's gaze on me. I look at him and see him biting back a smile.

"What now Haymitch?" I ask with a whiny voice.

I walk the two steps over to his chair and plant a hand on my hip.

"Now, I only have a few conditions for this alliance." He looks at all of us, "You cannot let any of the other tributes know about this. Other than Rue and Thresh, this remains confidential. Don't even look at each other in the training room. When you're in the interviews, don't let anything on about this alliance. Just the other ones. In the arena is the time to be truthful. About everything." He says, looking at Cato with some expression and look in his eyes I can't read.

Haymitch is still looking at Cato when he says harshly, "If you so much as hurt a hair on her head, I swear to god you will hope you don't make it out of that arena alive, boy."

Cato has his career expression back on his face, and rolls his eyes, "I would never. Now let's get back to the strategy. Did you mean district eleven?" Cato asks to nobody in particular. He looks intimidating with this expression.

"Yes. We just made an alliance last night before dinner." I murmur to him. He nods, his features relaxing a little.

I never thought about it... But will he break our alliance now that he knows Rue and Thresh are with us?

I look over at his face. He is looking at the wall behind me, staring at nothing. He looks thoughtful, like he's remembering something. He doesn't look angry or sad, but peaceful.

"Is that okay?" I ask hesitantly.

If I had to choose between Marvel and Cato, and Rue and Thresh..

I don't even want to have the thought in my head.

"Yeah. She just reminds me of Daphne." He says, laughing. "I saw her at training. She was climbing through these obstacles like a monkey... Daphne was like that." He says, looking sadly down at his palms.

His district two facade he put up for Haymitch and Eli is gone now.

Finally.

I walk over to him, ignoring everyone's puzzled looks at the mention of his sister.

I sit back in my chair, facing towards him.

"I wish I could have met her." I say.

I never will, though.

He looks into my eyes softly. When he looks at me so soft and sweet and innocent like this, warmth starts spreading from my stomach outward. It projects all the way to the tips of my fingertips and toes. I sigh quietly in response to the new sensation.

His eyes look pained however, his blond brows furrowed.

"Maybe in another life." I say, smiling softly at him.

I look away, not wanting to look into his sad eyes anymore.

I look to Haymitch, and see him with a sad look on his face, but not for himself. For me.

I suddenly remember his words from less than two years ago.

You never win.

FLASHBACK

I am walking back home from dinner at the Hawthorne's. Or that's what I'm supposed to be doing. Mother stayed home to work on a patient, which left me to walk by myself. It's not far.

They live right across from us. It takes less than two minutes to get home, so I refused Rory's protests to walk me back.

I refused because I'm not going home.

I don't want to go home to look in my mother's lifeless eyes and not be able to do anything to help her. I've tried without any success.

I make my way to the meadow, the darkness giving me comfort rather than fear.

I wrap my light jacket tighter around my body.

I must have spent hours laying in the tall grass, gazing at the stars. I was wide-awake when I checked my watch: 1:37.

I know my mother is sound asleep at home, probably not looking for me. Katniss is at home with Gale, both tired from their days at work.

I sigh, and begin my walk back home. I make a snap decision on a detour. I make the short walk to my destination, and inhale the fresh air that doesn't contain the coating of coal dust on the ground.

Victor's Village.

Haymitch doesn't sleep during the night, only during the day.

I came by before I went to the Hawthorne's, but I have been checking on him more frequently in the past few weeks.

Not less than 6 weeks ago, District 12 lost two more lives to the Hunger Games.

The reaping was brutal, a 12 year old and a 14 year old. Both from the Seam with slim chances of survival. I knew them both in passing from school.

Haymitch hasn't left his house since he came back on the train.

I come by, clean up, bring free game, and make sure he is still alive. That's how bad he is.

I don't bother knocking when I see his light on.

I walk in the door, and hang my jacket on the hook, no longer needing it because of the warmth of his house.

I don't see him when I wipe my boots on the mat.

I freeze when I hear the sound of glass shattering in the next room, and the sound of Haymitch laughing like a maniac without any humor.

My back is turned facing the front door where the wooden coat rack is hanging. I see the picture of the two of us from his birthday party I insisted hanging on the wall.

I turn and slowly walk into the next room.

Haymitch is just about to fall on the floor when I rush to his side to catch him.

He leans all of his weight on me. All what feels like 500 pounds.

My legs shake from the weight.

He looks skinnier than last time I saw him, his clothes baggier and his arms bonier against me.

"Rosie! There you are. I was just-I was just enjoying a nice evening. I was having a nice chat with Maysilee, and then I had a lovely, just-just lovely drink. I feel much better. Would you like a lovely drink?" He asks, slurring his words to the point where they're almost incomprehensible.

He's smiling, with his eyes half open.

I've never seen him like this.

When he drinks a lot, he never acts this bad. And by drinking a lot, I mean multiple bottles at a time.

But he is drunk now. I don't want to know how many bottles this means he drank tonight.

He 'talked' to Maysilee? His district partner who died in the arena?

I need to get him to bed.

"No thanks. Come on, Haymitch. Let's get you to bed." I say, leading him in the direction of the guest bedroom on this floor.

He couldn't make it up one step before tripping.

"No. I'll just go drink it for you, since you don't want it," He grumbles, but makes no move to stop walking towards the bed.

When we reach it, me practically carrying him the whole way, I have to push him off of me.

He lands on the bed with a thud, and then crawls under the covers.

I sigh and turn to go into the kitchen.

I do my daily deeds: I clean and pick up the trash. I brought food earlier so his kitchen is stocked. I make my way back into the living room we were just in to clean up the pieces of glass from the liquor bottle he threw against the wall.

I am carrying the tray of glass shards when I hear an odd noise coming from the extra bedroom.

I walk closer to the room I left Haymitch in, starting to panic.

What did he do?

He sounds like he's choking!

I start to run down the hall, and burst into the room.

Haymitch is lying on the bed, rocking back and forth, sobbing.

He looks broken.

I walk slowly to the bed and crawl under the covers with him, letting him cradle me to his chest, while his body rocks with sobs.

"I didn't win those damn games. Even when I won, I lost. I lost everything. I'd rather be dead than a victor." He chokes out.

He is so vulnerable in this moment.

"I'd rather be dead than have their blood on my hands." He murmurs. I flinch at the hate in his voice. The hate for himself.

"I never win. I'm just as dead as the rest of them."

He continues to hold me, crying until he finally falls asleep.

PRESENT TIME

I look away from him to Finnick, who has a knowing look on his face. Not worse than Haymitch's, but not any better.

So I look to Effie, hoping for a normal response. But I am disappointed to see her looking between me and Cato with such concentration, like a math problem she is trying to solve.

Why can't anyone at this table act normal?

I look to Eli, and see him looking softly and sadly at me. This one is the worst of them all. He looks disappointed.

My cheeks go red so I just stare down at my hands.

Conversation abruptly starts from Effie a little too enthusiastically. The abruptness causes me to jump in the air.

She must have sensed the awkwardness in the room and wants to make conversation. She manages to include everyone in the room, but when she addresses me I answer only in nods.

I'm suddenly not very hungry, so when Sage and Evangeline bring out breakfast, I make no move to eat it.

Of course, Haymitch notices.

"Rosie, you need to eat your breakfast. You have training today." He says, giving me a pointed look, eyebrow raised.

I look down at the waffles and fruit on my plate, which look incredibly unappetizing.

"All right," I lie. I pick up my knife and fork, cutting the waffle into bite sized pieces.

I move the pieces around my plate in the gooey syrup, making it look like I'm eating.

I look around the room bored.

I see Cato get up from his chair and whisper something to Sage, but don't question his oddness.

I don't know how long I am soaking the waffles in syrup before my plate is abruptly taken away from me. A plate of at least 20 pieces of steaming bacon then replaces it.

My appetite is suddenly very intense, so much so that my mouth waters.

I feel my eyes go wide and a smile spread on my face.

I hear everyone's chuckles around me, and I feel Cato's gaze on my face.

Just after I take my first bite, I feel the sudden loss of his eyes on me.

I turn to look at him, to thank him.

How does he know it's my favorite food?

He's staring at the wall nonchalantly. He must know I'm looking at him because a faint red appears on his cheeks.

I grin, "Thanks for the bacon. You know, this is the one thing I'll miss. I can't believe I've never had it before. I'd eat it all-" I exaggerate the all, earning snickers from everyone at the table, "day. It's just so delicious. And sweet. Haymitch, you have to promise me you'll take some back to Katniss and Rory and Posy and Gale and Vick. Pose will love bacon!" I say, taking a bite of my 12th piece, rambling.

This food makes me so happy!

Finnick is laughing at the end of the table, Eli and Haymitch snickering, while Cato is looking at me, grinning.

"I promise." Haymitch says, with a sudden softness.

I look into his eyes, which are filled with warmth. I open my mouth to say something, anything.

"Time to go! We are going to be late! Cato, dear, you can run along and catch the next elevator. Say goodbye to our Prim. You won't be seeing her until tonight." Effie says.

My cheeks flare up at Effie's assumption.

She stands up and exits to the restroom.

We all stand up and walk over to the elevator, me fidgeting with my hands.

"Finnick and I will be going to training. We're going to watch, make sure nothing happens. You can't argue with me after what happened yesterday." Haymitch says firmly.

I nod my head, relieved because I didn't want to be away from him today.

I turn to see Cato a few feet from where the rest of us are standing.

I walk over to him, looking in his soft blue eyes.

He looks like my Cato. Like Fuchsia boy.

"So. I'll see you later tonight. Try and avoid Callan. He won't come near you while Haymitch and Finnick are watching. But if he does, just tell me. I'll be there quicker next time." Cato says, looking down.

He looks ashamed. Like it was his fault that Callan attacked me.

"It wasn't your fault, Cato. You shouldn't blame yourself." I say, reaching up to touch his cheek, but decide against it at the last minute.

His eyes finally meet mine. They look angry, but not district two career angry.

"Well someone should! You're too... Forgiving! I should have been there faster! I should have-"

"No, Cato. I'm not forgiving anything. I'm not blaming anybody but Callan. You shouldn't blame yourself for something that wasn't even your fault." I say firmly.

He sighs and lifts his gaze back to mine. They're no longer angry.

He gives me an attempted (but failed) smile.

His curly blond hair is disheveled from sleep, and I reach up to push it back, running my fingers through it once.

I kiss his cheek and walk into the elevators with Eli, Finnick and Haymitch.

"I'll see you at training. Completely ignoring your ass!" I say, repeating my words from yesterday before the doors close.

I hear his laughter through the metal doors.

I smile to myself, and Finnick murmurs, "I can't believe he let you talk to him like that."

"Talk to him like what?" I ask, puzzled. I wasn't being rude, was I?

"Like a person! I tried starting a conversation with my tributes and they attacked me. Careers, man. Dangerous creatures are what they are. It's best to stay away. Except for him, I guess. Stay close to that one." Finnick says, looking ahead.

The elevator dings, indicating our arrival at the training room.