A/N: Got any DouWata fans out there? They're one of my favorite couples to write since my angsty side enjoys pairings with a lot of issues, and what it comes to putting up with an endless sea of crap from the person you love, not even Kuro-tan has Doumeki beat! Of course, the Doumeki and Watanuki in the universe get together, but how did Doumeki manage it? What kind of tricks does he have up his Shinto priest sleeves? I hope you enjoy reading and finding out!

Rating: M, mmmmm, mmmm, mmmm

Timeline: Shortly before Chapter 10

0o0o0o0o0

The Perfect Excuse

Watanuki stoked the fire underneath the pot of water boiling on the hearth, cursing Yuuko under his breath. As the esteemed landowner of their village, he acknowledged that she had every right to declare a "Welcome Back" meal for Doumeki in the manor, especially since he had done so well for himself in training at such a young age to replace his grandfather as the shrine's head priest, but that didn't mean she could demand him to cook Doumeki a full course meal at such late notice. Why should he put forth such an effort for Doumeki, of all people? It wasn't as if he was even being paid anymore, now that Yuuko was in charge. When he was alive, Clow would delegate him a decent sum for putting up with Yuuko's whims, but Yuuko herself simply left him with an indifferent, "I let you live here, don't I?" whenever he asked for compensation.

"I shouldn't have to put up with this," Watanuki grumbled to himself, all the while steadily dumping ingredients into the pot. "I should just quit, and... and..."

"Become a miko?" Doumeki's flat voice finished for him.

Watanuki whirled around. Doumeki was standing in the entry way to the room, staring at him with the deadpan expression that had always driven Watanuki crazy when they were children.

"What are you doing here?" Watanuki yelled, swinging his ladle around like a dangerous weapon. "Were the snacks I brought out for you and Yuuko not good enough for your dignified stomach?"

"They're finished already. Are there any more?"

"Do you want me to finish dinner on time, or not?" Watanuki tried to use his body to shield the plate containing the leftover snacks he had saved for himself, but Doumeki spotted them and began to vigorously scarf them down.

"You're not wearing an apron," Doumeki said, chewing noisily. "Did you grow out of the one I gave you for your birthday before I left?"

"AS IF I WOULD EVER WEAR SUCH A STUPID PRESENT. AND STOP CHEWING WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN!"

"Pipe down." Doumeki finished off the snacks and ran his tongue across his lower lip, lapping up the crumbs. "Thanks for the meal."

"What was even the point of making it if you're going to gorge yourself before the main course?" Watanuki grumbled. Doumeki had set down the plate and was walking towards him with an unnaturally focused look in his eyes. "And don't stand so close."

Without warning, Doumeki abruptly grabbed Watanuki's forearms and planted a quick kiss on his lips before pulling away as if nothing had happened. Watanuki blinked. Had he been hallucinating for a moment? He lifted a finger against his bottom lip, which had somehow become moist. But Doumeki really hadn't kissed him, had he? It was just a waking nightmare that had come upon him due to Doumeki's uncomfortable closeness and the burning look in his eyes as he had rounded on him.

"You aren't hallucinating," Doumeki said, interrupting Watanuki's internal analysis of the situation. "That was compensation."

"Compen..." Watanuki trailed off, his temper instantly triggering. "YOU MEAN YOU ACTUALLY... THAT WAS MY FIRST, YOU JERK!"

"Of course. That was why it was fitting payment."

"Payment for what?"

"The snacks."

"I don't need to be paid in that kind of way! A 'thank you' is good enough!"

Doumeki shook his head. "A 'thank you' would work for a normal meal, but what you made right now was high quality. If I didn't give you something of equal specialness, it would have upset the balance."

"Eh? There's such a rule?" Watanuki's eyes narrowed. "Does that mean Yuuko's going to come and kiss me, too?"

Doumeki lifted an eyebrow. "That would not be suitable. She paid for the ingredients to make the food, and providing more would be repaying you too much."

"But I've made food like that for other people," Watanuki persisted, not quite convinced by Doumeki's claims. "Like Kurogane-san and Fai-san."

"For them, your meals do not require that kind of compensation," Doumeki replied. "The most valuable meals that are shared between them are the ones Fai-san makes."

To Watanuki's dismay, this explanation made reasonable sense. But still, even if he was obligated to receive compensation in some form from Doumeki, why did it have to be a kiss?

"You put all your feelings into your cooking," Doumeki explained, once again reading his train of thought. "So I needed to give you something with my feelings. The pot is boiling over."

Watanuki yelped, quickly lunging to pull the pot away from the flames he had been too occupied in reacting to Doumeki's unwelcome surprise to keep in check. Aside from the spillage, the food still seemed to be in good shape, which he was grateful for. Yuuko would never let him hear the end of it if he burned their feast.

All of a sudden, a thought struck Watanuki. If Doumeki needed to compensate me for the snacks, won't he have to do the same if the dinner tastes too good? And if I continue to get better at cooking, will he need to kiss me every time I make something he likes?

"Why didn't I just let it burn?" Watanuki wailed, looking down into the abyss of his flawless cooking.

"Oi, are you an idiot?" Doumeki asked. He stuck his finger in the pot and licked it clean. "This is good."

"But, um, not terribly good, right? I definitely did a better job with the snacks."

Doumeki stared at him, a smugness little by little dawning on his usually expressionless face. "We'll see," he said.

Watanuki knew, as soon as he heard the tone of Doumeki's voice, that the outcome could only be bad.

0o0o0o0o0o0

"You really outdid yourself this time, Watanuki," Yuuko sighed, rubbing her stomach in appreciation. "This food really speaks to how happy you are that Doumeki is back home."

"That isn't it at all," Watanuki snapped, clearing away the dishes. "And if you liked it so much, give me some time off as thanks!"

"What? After all the hard earned money I gave you to buy those ingredients?" Yuuko sniffled. "Watanuki is unbelievably selfish, isn't he, Doumeki-sama?"

"Very selfish."

"Luckily, I am in a generous mood this evening. I will give you an afternoon off next week for the two of us to go to a wedding."

"Whose wedding?"

"I cannot say. The people in question still have yet to make their decision."

"Then how do you even know there's going to be a wedding?"

Yuuko smiled at him pityingly. After spending nearly his whole life working for her, he still forgot every now and then that she possessed a heightened awareness of the future.

"Fine," Watanuki relented. An afternoon off was better than nothing, coming from Yuuko.

"Wonderful! But you will, of course, have to cook the wedding feast for our guests after the ceremony. The families are relatively small, but I do expect a meal up to your usual standards. I have talked you up quite extensively to Hirayama-dono, after all."

"WHA-"

"Oh! And it's been so absolutely wonderful having Doumeki-sama over this evening, that I think you and I should host him every night. After all the hard work he'll be doing, I feel as if we should repay him somehow."

"I accept," Doumeki said instantly.

"If you want to repay him, how about you cook for him?" Watanuki yelled.

"I haven't cooked a meal in my life," Yuuko said earnestly. "Now be a good boy and clean off those dishes. Doumeki-sama, I hate to impose on a guest, but his hands are rather full. Would you assist him?"

Doumeki nodded and scooped up the rest of the dishes. Watanuki eyed him nervously.

"I can really do this by myself," he muttered. He knew what would happen if he ended up alone with Doumeki again. The dinner he had made was just too excellent to avoid the need for additional compensation. It would be fine if he could convince Doumeki to pay him in some other way, but at the moment he couldn't think of anything that would work, anything that could be held as 'special.'

Sure enough, as soon as he had wiped down all the cups and bowls, Doumeki gently nudged him against the wall and granted him with yet another kiss. This one lasted a bit longer than the first, and allowed for Doumeki to make one or two tentative changes in pressure before he pulled away.

"It really doesn't seem fair," Watanuki said, hiding his flaming face behind his arm, "that you're allowed to pay for something you enjoyed by giving me something I don't enjoy."

"Idiot," Doumeki said. "So I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow, then."

"I guess," Watanuki muttered. He made a mental note to remember to botch the meal. Maybe if he did a poor enough job, Yuuko would fire him and that would be the end of that misadventure. How nice would it be to be free of both of his burdens and be able to live as he chose? He had no idea of what he would even want to do if left to his own devices, but surely anything had to be better than this.

0o0o0o0o0o0

He didn't destroy their next meal. Or the one after that. His wedding feast for Kurogane and Fai was so delicious that Doumeki had announced that it was worth five kisses in compensation. If anything, Watanuki simply seemed to become better and better at cooking with every meal he served. And since there was no possible reason why he could be going out of his way to be better, he simply had to conclude that his raw natural talent had reached the point where it could no longer be tamed. If he could have stopped it, he would have. There was no chance that he actually desired the compensation given to him, which was forced upon him entirely against his will.

"If I had known incentive would have boosted your skills, I would have tried it a long time ago," Yuuko lamented one afternoon after Watanuki had served her brunch. "You've always been so willing to be led around the nose."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"I mean, what little boy agrees to become a glorified servant before he's barely even old enough to read?"

"I never agreed to it! Clow-san asked me if I wanted to move into the big house after my parents died, but you were the one who started bossing me around!"

"And yet when you came to him and complained about me, Clow turned those squinty eyes of his to you and said so very sweetly that it is quite a special honor to be held in esteem by the unparalleled heart of Yuuko-sama-"

"You had Clow duped. DUPED!"

"Yes, but he liked it that way ever so much." Yuuko grinned wickedly.

"Please don't say anything further than that. And what did you mean earlier by 'incentive'?"

"Oh, nothing. It's such a nice thing to be rewarded, isn't it?"

Watanuki's face flamed. That was it. Next time, he was going to mess up the meal so spectacularly that even Doumeki's bottomless pit stomach wouldn't survive.

0o0o0o0o0o0

A year passed, and Watanuki was still cooking better and better meals, still had his job, and was still on the receiving end of Doumeki's unfortunate compensation. It was bad enough that Yuuko had an idea of what was going on, but he was becoming convinced that she had also passed on the juicy details to Fai, who was now smiling knowingly whenever they crossed paths.

Watanuki did put forth a token effort to get Doumeki to stop coming every night for dinner. He tried teaching Kohane how to cook, but she had insisted that she couldn't possibly compete with Watanuki's stellar cooking, and Fai had outright laughed at him when he'd asked if he'd be willing to feed Doumeki a few days a week. Plenty of the local girls were desperate to catch Doumeki's attention, but even they had to admit, with a pointed glare at Watanuki, that whenever they offered him food, he'd take one look at it and politely decline.

So Doumeki ended up coming to eat for yet another night. Instead of joining Yuuko in the main room where she was already heavily indulging in sake, he dropped by the hearth to watch Watanuki cook, his expression appearing uncharacteristically annoyed.

"What's wrong with you?" Watanuki asked, hoping that whatever had turned Doumeki's mood sour wouldn't be taken out on him as things always seemed to be.

"Do you know someone named Keiichi?" Doumeki asked. His voice sounded particularly cold as he said the name.

"Keiichi," Watanuki echoed. "Keiichi... Keiichi... ah, I think there's someone like that who works in the fields, right? Someone about the same age as Fai-san?"

"And have you been communicating with him?" Doumeki enunciated the word as if it were akin to committing the worst kind of sin.

"Eh? I think I've spoken to him a few times at the hanami picnic, but other than that..."

Doumeki slammed his hand into the wall beside Watanuki's face. "You're defenseless," he said, his voice rising somewhat in volume. "You're swayed easily by other people. I know that. But don't give other guys an opening, or they'll misunderstand you."

"What on earth are you talking about?" Watanuki yelled back. "What do you want me to do? Never speak to anyone again?"

"Ideally, that is what I would want, until you learn yourself better," Doumeki said. "But since I can't make you stop, at least figure out on your own the difference between the things you can do with me and what you can do with someone else."

"You're not making any sense," Watanuki snapped. "If you're going to be annoying, then at least help me carry this out to Yuuko so you can actually earn the meal." He thrust some of the dishes into Doumeki's hands. "Who I talk to is none of your business."

Over the meal, Doumeki's anger only seemed to get worse. Watanuki wasn't sure if it was a good or a bad thing. An annoyed Doumeki, on one hand, may be too upset to worry about compensation and settling his debts. On the other hand, an annoyed Doumeki might just see the virtue of punishing Watanuki for his bad mood and whatever his talking to Keiichi-san had to do with it.

Watanuki stumbled nervously back to the hearth after they'd finished eating. Yuuko had been in the middle of telling a story when he'd walked out, so Doumeki hadn't been able to follow him. Maybe if he kept a low profile for the night, he would be able to avoid whatever it was that Doumeki had in mind.

To his dismay, Doumeki joined him in the room only a few minutes later. "Put down the dishes," he said quietly. His body looked frighteningly tense, as if he was about to spring forward at any moment.

"Why? If I don't clean these, Yuuko-"

"Put down the dishes," Doumeki repeated. "I'm not going to hold back anymore."

Watanuki nervously set down the dishes and lifted up his hands. "I don't know what your problem is, Doumeki, but-"

He never got to finish his sentence. As soon as the dishes were safely out of his hands, Doumeki grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and began to kiss him. At this point, they had kissed so many times that Watanuki had given up keeping count, but this particular kiss was unlike anything they'd ever done before. Doumeki was usually quite gentle, leaving him with a fleeting peck or else a kiss that finished as soon as Watanuki tried to pull away from him. But this time he crushed their bodies together, leaving no room for Watanuki to escape or for their hungry mouths to separate. Watanuki's eyes were squeezed tightly shut, but he thought that if he opened them, if he could see exactly what was happening to him, it would look very much like the passionate embraces he had seen exchanged between Kurogane and Fai or even Yuuko and Clow, whom he had often accidentally stumbled upon when he was younger.

Wait, he scolded himself. Kurogane and Fai. Yuuko and Clow. This isn't like them. We aren't a couple. Unless...

Without warning, he felt Doumeki's tongue tease against his lips and then ease into his mouth, disrupting any further thought. Watanuki wanted it to feel disgusting. He wanted it to be a breaking point where he could at last push Doumeki away and tell him he had gone too far. But to his utter amazement and dismay, not a single thing about it was unappealing to him. Though the way his body had been forced into the wall was rough, the way Doumeki's mouth moved against him and his tongue tickled against his sensitive skin felt entirely sweet and deeply affectionate. He could already feel his knees giving out beneath him, and he grabbed instinctively for the first thing he could reach, which happened to be the front of Doumeki's robes.

Doumeki pulled away for a moment, but kept his face close. "Why...?" Watanuki started to say, his head feeling hazy. He didn't know what he should ask, or if instead of asking anything, he should yell and make sure Doumeki understood that in spite of how he was reacting, this was not at all something he had wanted. But his mouth didn't seem to know what to do now that it had been so overcome by someone else's. All he could do was sputter and wait for Doumeki to provide the context for what had happened, which was just as scary as trying to figure it out for himself was.

"That meal," Doumeki said, the breathless tone of his voice for some reason causing Watanuki's heart to pound even faster, "was the best thing I ever tasted. I want to thank you properly. Do you understand me?"

"I... I..." Words yet again failed him, and all he could do was nod.

When Doumeki's mouth met his a second time, he didn't think of the game the two of them were playing, one he had most likely been aware of from the very beginning. He simply accepted what he was given because he wanted it, knowing that this was the way balanced exchange was meant to be after all.

0o0o0o0o0o0

He came to his senses a little bit the next day. The meal he made this time would be the deciding factor. If it continued to be perfect, Doumeki would definitely take it as an indication that what had happened the day before was not only acceptable, but something Watanuki was actively working to make happen again. If it took a steep drop in quality, it would send a message loud and clear, one that would put a swift end to things for the both of them.

Watanuki stared down at the beginnings of the dinner he was preparing. If he served it the way it was now, it would be bland, unspectacular. His hands itched to grab some seasoning, but he held them back. This was a matter of pride, and he couldn't fold. I can't be in love with him... I can't...

His hand darted out and grabbed the seasonings he knew would work best with one another and added them to the food. "My hand slipped," he said for his own benefit. He pulled out the list he had written of the different foods he had been planning on making and added Doumeki's favorite dessert to the bottom. "And I accidentally added something else to the menu."

Watanuki shook his head. This was bad. After all his practiced denials, he wasn't even fooling himself anymore.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Another year passed. Watanuki knew it couldn't carry on anymore the passive way he had always let it unfold. The quality of his food was reaching a near legendary reputation, and his compensation was getting to the point where Doumeki was having a visibly difficult time reigning himself in. If it only continued to escalate, the next thing he knew, Yuuko would be walking in to find Doumeki in the middle of attacking him. He didn't exactly want it to stop, but he didn't see where it was supposed to go from here. Back when Kurogane and Fai had gotten married, Doumeki had sworn to do the same with him, but he had never mentioned it again since then, and Watanuki had been forced to think of it as one of his stupid deadpan jokes.

But before he could even think about what food he would make or build a fire to begin cooking the meal, Doumeki burst into the room and grabbed his hand. "Let's go," he said, pulling Watanuki forward.

"Why are you here so early? And where are you taking me?"

"We're going to talk to Yuuko."

"Why?"

"You'll see."

Yuuko was lying on her lounge when Doumeki brought them into the room, half-naked as she always seemed to be whenever someone needed to talk to her. She sat up slightly when Doumeki knelt down before her, but she said nothing to either of them and simply looked at them expectantly.

"Yuuko-san," Doumeki said. "I have something to request of you."

"Yes? I'm sure you know well enough by now that a price will be paid."

Doumeki nodded. "I want you to release Watanuki as your servant and give him to me."

"WHAT?" Watanuki yelped. "DON'T JOKE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT."

"Watanuki, even you know he's not joking," Yuuko said drily. "If you would like to keep your job here with me, say so now. If not, I will proceed to answer Doumeki's request."

Watanuki opened and shut his mouth, but could not tell her to stop.

"Very well, then. Doumeki, for obvious reasons, it's quite a sacrifice on my part to give him up. It's been some time since I've had to live alone, and as you know, I've never even cooked a meal in my life..."

"We can still have our dinners here," Doumeki said firmly. Based on his reaction, Watanuki had to wonder if he'd prepared for this for quite some time. "And if you need, I can help pay for the ingredients."

"Hmm... not a bad offer. But perhaps there's something you can do to sweeten the deal? I know for a fact that your grandfather's vintage liquor collection is the best in the village..."

"You can have all of it. Except what I need for the shrine."

"All the liquor..." A devilish grin appeared on Yuuko's face as she licked her lips. "Now there's something I've never been known to refuse. But you do realize that Watanuki was like a son to Clow and I- an overworked and overly dramatic son, but a son all the same. I would like assurance that you will-"

"I will," Doumeki said. "I swear to you that beyond any other person, I will. And always have."

Yuuko remained silent for a moment as she assessed him, but her face soon broke into a wide smile. "You win!" she chirped, waving her hand in concession. "Enjoy your life together, you two. I'll make sure all of Watanuki's belongings make it to your rooms by tomorrow night."

"Thank you." Doumeki bowed lowly, then rose to his feet and grabbed Watanuki's hand again. "Let's go."

"But you said he would still make me dinner!" Yuuko pouted.

"Make Fai-san or Kohane-chan do it," Doumeki said. "For tonight, I want him to be all mine."

When they were outside, Watanuki tried to shake off his hand. "I can't believe you," he said tightly, though Doumeki's grip barely loosened. "You just bargained for me! You just bought me for DINNER AND ALCOHOL."

Doumeki stopped walking. "It couldn't be helped," he said softly. "You're important to Yuuko-san, and it would have been rude to leave her with absolutely nothing. But from here on out, you can go if you want to. You don't really belong to me yet. But I wanted to take the chance for you to become mine rather than leaving things as they are."

"Why?" Watanuki demanded.

"Because I love you."

"And you just expect me to go along with this?"

Doumeki stared at him. "Do you want to have this conversation here? If you would just come back with me, we could talk."

"But you'll..." Watanuki trailed off, imagining what the next step of Doumeki's "compensation" would be.

"Yeah, I will. If you let me."

Watanuki shuddered, but took two halting steps forward. "I'll talk to you," he said. "But I won't promise anything else."

"Okay."

Watanuki had never been to the place where Doumeki lived nearby the grounds of the shrine, but his room was more cramped than he was expecting it to be. Even if all they did was talk, they would still be pushed up together, uncomfortably close.

"Watanuki," Doumeki said, his voice verging on something like tenderness. "Since it's just the two of us, we can be honest."

"I'm always honest," Watanuki hissed, though he realized even as he said it that he was lying through his teeth. "I really don't want..." He trailed off, his second lie failing him.

"You had your moment to decide if you wanted this or not. And you passed it several times." Doumeki looked at him, and Watanuki thought he could see small traces of pain in his expression, in spite of its flatness. "This is something you won't confess to easily. You've gone along with it up until now because I gave you an excuse to. And if you need another excuse, that's fine."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"If you don't want people to know, you can tell them that I bribed Yuuko to take you away. That this wasn't something you wanted. It doesn't matter." He cupped Watanuki's face with his hands. "I am willing to do or say anything it takes to make you mine."

Watanuki stared at him, his heart plummeting oddly in his chest. This would be the last chance he would have, he realized, to ruin the meal and spoil everything. If he gave up now, he would still be free of Yuuko and able to move forward on his own. But in giving up and sparing his pride, he would lose something even greater and more essential than the very freedom he had so long desired. He was certain, though he doubted he would ever be able to say so in so many words, that he, too, was capable of doing and saying in his own way whatever it took.

"Tonight," Watanuki said, his voice coming out in a shaky mess, "I made you the best dinner I've ever made in my life. You liked it beyond anything you've ever tasted. And if you want to thank me for it, I... I won't say no."

"Okay," Doumeki said gently. "This is 'thank you,' then."

Watanuki knew that Doumeki was trying to show some restraint. Over the past few years, he had likely built up so much desire that had never until now found proper release. Watanuki was in some ways frightened by it, even though there was no reason to be. Doumeki was strong enough to keep himself firmly under control, easing Watanuki into his bed gently and patiently, and taking things step-by-step so as not to overwhelm him.

But Watanuki somewhat surprised himself in how much desire he, too, had held inside of himself. The slow way in which Doumeki kissed him and pulled off his clothes was torturous to him, and he wanted to tell him enough was enough and that if he wanted to release them both faster, he should just go on ahead. He was nowhere near honest enough to confess to such foolish emotions just yet, but he tried to show his intent in little ways, running his hands through Doumeki's hair and giving up trying so hard to hold back the reactions evident in his voice.

Doumeki trailed kisses down Watanuki's chest and ran his tongue into the dip of his belly button. His hands rested flat against the plane of his chest, slowly traveling down and feeling Watanuki's flushed skin with his palms. Unlike the farmers in the village, Doumeki's hands were smooth and gentle, and their touch felt so good as they traveled down Watanuki's stomach and waist and at last pulled open the bottoms of his robes that he could not stifle an alarmed groan at the pleasure they aroused. Doumeki froze, lifting his head and staring at Watanuki uncertainly.

"No?" he whispered, pulling his hands away. In spite of how desirous he looked, he seemed just as prepared to stop the exact moment Watanuki told him to and retreat back across the line they were crossing, even though doing so would hurt him.

Watanuki couldn't see how he could answer without sacrificing a little bit of his pride. He stayed still, waiting to see if Doumeki would resume on his own, but when he didn't, he hissed under his breath and muttered a terse, "I said... I wouldn't say no... to my compensation."

Doumeki's face flushed slightly, looking a bit more delirious than it had a moment earlier, which only made Watanuki all the more enthralled by it. "You're sure?" he asked, clearing his throat.

"Don't ask," Watanuki said. In a softer voice, he added, "Do you think I'd let you get this far if I wasn't sure, idiot?"

Doumeki's eyes widened, and Watanuki could tell that some of his tightly wound control was slipping. Before he knew what was happening, his legs were lifted and pinned against his torso, and Doumeki's fingers were inside of him, electrifying his tender skin.

Watanuki covered his face with his hands. He was certain that he had gone completely red, that his expression was showing something better left unseen.

"Don't," Doumeki said. "With this, I want all of you, even the things that embarrass you, to be something you can share with me."

Watanuki little by little pulled his hands away, gazing up into Doumeki's eyes. On the surface, they still looked vaguely expressionless, but it was amazing how much more he could read simply by looking closer, by trying to understand.

It was then that Doumeki pushed inside of him and the last of what little resistance was left collapsed. Watanuki understood why for all those years Doumeki had driven him further and further, and why he had let him, in spite all of the times he had tried to stop. This was what Doumeki had wanted, this poignant feeling of being joined to someone by love, to feel them being brought to such euphoric pleasure by you and then being brought to the exact same place by them. It was painful, and had it been anybody else but Doumeki within him, he wouldn't have accepted it without protesting. But the simple thought of having someone he desired inside of his body, seeking pleasure and release and fulfillment through him, soothed the discomfort and overcame it with a warm and encompassing excitement. Why does there need to be a justification for this, Watanuki asked himself, though it took all of the effort he had to think rather than simply feel. This is just what happens you find the person who was meant for your soul. For something like this, no excuse is needed.

But a distant part of him knew that he would be of a different mind the next morning when he woke up and had to confront the fact that Yuuko had most likely told everyone with ears that he and Doumeki were now lovers and may very well be heading down the same path that had made Kurogane and Fai's relationship so moving to everyone who knew them. He would struggle then, and regret that had been led around so perfectly and had allowed a relationship to unfold in spite of his better judgment. He would ask himself just what the hell he had been thinking, accepting a life as burdensome as this.

Even so, in that moment he was willing to let himself go and return what Doumeki gave him, enjoying the pleasure and the freedom to say "I love you" without wondering how weak it would make him look, how far away from his show of stubbornness it brought him. Even if he disguised it later, this was what he wanted. With their bodies joined together, moving in the purest harmony, he knew that Doumeki could see inside of him and realize that even if he hadn't been able to find the perfect excuse, this still would have been the only way and only place for him to be made as happy as he was.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Watanuki's hips were throbbing. For all his show of kindness the night before, Doumeki had told him in the morning that if they wanted to have breakfast, Watanuki was going to need to go out and buy some ingredients since Doumeki, like Yuuko, had never cooked a meal in his life. After skipping dinner, Watanuki was too starving just to simply wait in bed for food to magically appear before them. It didn't help matters that Doumeki had told him that if he wanted to linger around, that would give him all the go ahead he needed to initiate round four.

Trying to disguise his limp and rumpled appearance, Watanuki crept to the market, relying on his sun hat to keep his face obscured. But as his ill fortune would have it, Fai was leaving the market just as Watanuki was entering, and they nearly ran right into one another before managing to leap out of the way at the last minute.

"Watanuki-kun!" Fai said brightly.

Watanuki was a shade or two too exhausted to do more than mumble a polite hello. Fai, as always, looked overwhelmingly put together in one of his handmade kimono, and Watanuki was certain that anyone looking at the two of them would note the dramatic contrast of his sloppy appearance when placed up against Fai's radiance, and then immediately conclude what he had been doing with Doumeki last night. It made him all the more depressed to realize that Fai, given what Watanuki knew about him, had probably been doing the exact same thing with Kurogane, but had still been able to emerge from it looking as fresh and well-watered as a flower.

"So..." Fai continued, leaning forward conspiratorially. "Yuuko-san told me all about how Doumeki-kun swept you away like a prince from the house of a wicked witch last night. I knew he was going to do it sooner or later, but I was so happy to hear that you didn't resist him too much. However did Doumeki-kun manage it?"

He bargained for me. It was like being forced to work for Yuuko all over again.

Watanuki opened his mouth to say it. Doumeki had given him permission to use that as his story, and there was no reason why he shouldn't take advantage of his willingness to be implicated. But for the very first time, Doumeki's compliance with his need for an excuse deeply saddened him. How could it be okay to be passed up time and time again by someone you loved, to be made light of and turned into an unfortunate and unavoidable outcome? Doumeki had put up with this for all of his life, never once complaining that Watanuki had made his love seem one sided for the sake of maintaining appearances and staying locked within the comfort of denial. And worse, he was willing to put up with it for as long as he lived for the simple reason that he wanted Watanuki to be his. Why would anyone do something like that? Why would they accept happiness with such limiters left on it?

Because he loves me, Watanuki admitted to himself, tears pricking his eyes. And because it's enough for him to know how I really feel, even if no one else does.

Watanuki cleared his throat, looking back at Fai's questioning smile. "Because I let him," he heard his voice saying without a trace of fear or shame. "That's all it is."

0o0o0o0o0o0

A/N: The finale will be up sometime next week. Stay tuned!