Chapter 13
What You Know
I can tell just what you want
You don't want to be alone
You don't want to be alone
And I can't say it's what you know
But you've known it the whole time
Atala had sent us to our own devices yet again. Eli and I would separate and then meet up between stations.
When I went to the herbs station by myself, Rue and Eli had eventually joined me, since I was there for hours.
I didn't want to chance a look at Cato or Marvel. I felt Cato's eyes on me multiple times, but I ignored them until I felt them leave.
I saw him. Callan. I pretended I didn't see him. I offered myself three seconds to look at him. Three seconds to look at his face before never looking at it today again.
He had bruises and cuts trailing along his face. His face was more of a purple color than it's normal hue.
Times up.
Haymitch and Finnick have been sitting on a mat the whole time, observing. I think it makes the other tributes uncomfortable, but they don't care. They're observing and talking to each other.
When we ate lunch, Eli, Rue, Thresh, and I sat at a table.
We were actually laughing, and telling jokes. We got along well, which made me ecstatic.
Haymitch and Finnick sat alone, in the corner, glaring at Callan.
I'm at a survival station now, learning to weave a basket, when I feel him come up beside me.
For a moment I think that it's Cato, when he wraps his arms around my stomach and leans his chin in between my neck and shoulder.
His hands are resting on my lower stomach, just low enough to be uncomfortable.
But when he speaks, I know that Cato's voice could never make me so suddenly filled with fear.
"Primrose. Here, I have a trick that improves efficiency. My district is textiles, you know." He says. His arms are still around me. I want to slap them away. He reaches across for the basket I'm weaving, and expertly does it three times as fast as I was.
"But my father... He's from district two. A career district. He still stands by their beliefs and their way of doing things. Some things that I've been taught," He continues.
He drops the completed basket on the table in front of me, and leans in close to whisper in my ear, "I'll see you around, Primrose."
The way he says my name makes me shudder in fear.
Was he implying that he's trained for the games? Like a career would?
My whole body is trembling. The conversation couldn't have taken more than a minute, so when I see Haymitch and Finnick lock eyes with mine, beginning to make their way to me, I shake my head with a furious no.
What gives Callan the right to grab me like that?
I am so irritated and need to blow off steam, so I'm doing exactly what Haymitch told me not to do.
Walking to the knife station, out of the corner of my eye I see Cato. Slightly shifting my head further I see that he's not alone.
Glimmer is standing beside him in an-hmm how do I say this nicely?- intimate position. She has one hand wrapped around his bicep and the other on his stomach.
Glimmer has her head thrown back in laughter, while Cato has his, what I like to call, 'district two career' expression on his face.
He doesn't look like he's enjoying the girl being all over him, but he's not stopping it.
My anger flares.
I'm still looking at him when I pick up my knife. He must feel my gaze because our eyes meet.
His blue eyes are sharp at first, shocking me. Once they soften, I forget why I'm angry.
But when my eyes flicker to the blond haired beauty I could never compete with at his side, I break my gaze away.
I look at my target in front of me.
Inhale, draw back. Exhale, throw.
Inhale, draw back. Exhale, throw.
Repeating this motion calms my sudden anger. I rarely ever get truly angry like that.
I repeat the motion until I run out of knives. I walk up to my target to retrieve them, but when I return, Clove is waiting.
With a black eye.
"Clove." I say, walking around the table to where she is standing. I run my finger along her swollen eye, "Are you all right? Who did this?" I ask.
But I know the answer. I'm pretty sure mentors will be pretty infuriated when their tributes half their age humiliate them.
She waves a hand at me to shoo my hands away like bugs, "Ew! It's nothing Prim. Don't worry about it." She actually looks terrified that I would touch her, but recovers herself quickly when I draw my hand back.
"Anyways. You're pretty good with a knife. Marvel said you declined our invitation. So I came to invite you myself. Everybody declines Marvel." She says, shaking her head in exasperation.
I laugh at her statement.
"Um, actually Clove. Me and Eli are working some things out.. Contemplating decisions and that kind of thing." I lie, not knowing what to say.
Like, 'Oh hey, I just have a plan to steal two of your allies, but no big deal. Don't worry about it'?
Not a conversation I'd like to have.
I take a deep breath to relieve some of the pressure building in my chest.
"Right. Decisions. Well. My turn." She says in a suddenly chipper tone, smiling.
I hand her the knives in my hands as she walks behind the line that indicates where to stand.
"You need to draw back farther and exert more force into the throw. That's why the knife is wobbly; it's not deep enough. Like this." She says to me.
I narrow my eyes at her.
She throws a knife hard into the target. Then another.
"Do you even know what a target is Clove? You need to let go sooner. Inhale when you draw back. Exhale on release. Try it."
I say, critiquing her aim.
She glances at me before gripping another knife.
She has perfect stance.
I see her inhale as she draws back, and exhale when she releases.
My eyes follow the knife as it twists in the air, now landing perfectly in the center of the target.
My only weakness is strength. My aim is perfect.
Now Clove's is too.
"Hey! Thanks for that. Now I'll never miss." She says, winking at me.
I gulp, suddenly feeling stupid for having taught her that.
Why, Prim? Why did you have to speak? I mentally chastise.
Guilt overwhelms my whole body.
I not only just worsened my chances of survival, but 21 other lives too.
I don't count Callan. He doesn't get to count after what he pulled yesterday.
But then again, why should I get to have any say in who lives or dies?
Clove returns to her knife throwing, piercing her target perfectly every time. She has a wicked smile plastered on her face at her success.
I'm not sure what to think of Clove yet.
Until proven otherwise, she's an ally. She's protected me, defended me, given me tips on knives.
But that doesn't mean I'm ever letting my guard down.
My thoughts still clouded with guilt, I turn silently towards the swimming pool.
I need water.
I don't ask the station manager for a swimsuit this time. I just go straight for the box and grab my size, checking that it's a one piece, and padding along to the changing room.
It was the same black suit as yesterday, so I don't look in the mirror for more than three seconds before leaving. I don't want to have to look at myself any more than necessary.
When I reach the edge of the deep end, I take three steps backwards. I then quickly dash to the edge and dive in, hands above my head in a graceful, simple dive.
Once I hit the water, I don't stop moving. I don't rest except when I break through the surface for air.
Doing a simple freestyle, I continue laps for a while.
My muscles ache from the nonstop movement.
I welcome the pain. It gives me something to think about other than the fact that I may have helped murder people. They haven't happened yet, but if they do, and Clove's knives were the cause, it was my voice she heard instructing her.
Inhale, draw back. Exhale, release.
She'll always hear voice my voice saying those words when she thinks of that trick, like how I think of Rory's when he taught me.
When she wins, she'll say, "Primrose Everdeen of District 12 helped me with my murdering technique."
I try to focus on the pain of my sore limbs, instead.
I push myself to go faster. When I do, the burn intensifies.
My arms, my legs, my abs.
I keep going, fighting the pain.
I reach for another breath, quickly.
I go back under, kicking, gliding my body through the cold water.
Somebody suddenly grabs me by the shoulders and lifts me out of the water.
I hadn't even noticed anybody was in the water with me, but somehow Finnick managed to sneak in.
Surprised by the attack, I inhale the water that I'm submerged in.
When he pulls me out, I'm coughing and sputtering.
"Prim! Are you trying to kill yourself? You aren't going to get enough oxygen with those quick breaths." He says.
His bare chest is... Distracting.
His golden muscles are perfectly formed, tense while they grip my shoulders, holding me above the water.
I suddenly feel very exposed in my swimsuit, coughing out water.
"Excuse me!" I say, exasperated. I feel several pairs of eyes on us. Including one pair of blue ones I desperately wish I could turn to see. I lean in closer to his face when I've stopped coughing, angry at his interruption.
"You're the one who almost killed me! You made me inhale chlorine, you ass."
Our faces are inches apart, and I can clearly see how handsome he is. But this only makes me more angry. I don't find it attractive right now. He uses his attractiveness as a cop out of every situation. Not this time, buddy.
He let's go of my shoulders, dropping me until my feet touch the floor of the pool.
A few feet begin to separate us, our heights now different that he let me go.
He steps back again. "You're welcome for saving your life." He says, grinning. He probably knows that I was half joking. I can't stay mad at people for very long when they have a valid reason.
I smile, "Yeah, yeah. Whatever floats your boat."
Ha. We're in a pool.
"Hey Finnick. Water floats boats!" I say, waggling my eyebrows at him dramatically.
He bursts into laughter, whether at my lame joke or me, I'm not sure.
I don't care, either.
I feel everyone's eyes leave me, except Cato.
When I meet his gaze, I see a flash of some emotion. It's something between anger, sadness, and hurt.
I want it to go away.
I want him to come with us, to laugh with us in the pool. To be able to be seen in front of the room with me.
But we can't do any of those things. For his protection.
I feel my stomach churn when I hear the sound of another person entering the pool.
I turn my head and see the blond girl that was all over Cato a while ago walking into the steps of the pool.
Oh please, oh dear god, no.
Glimmer is wearing a two-piece suit, which compliments her perfectly curvy figure.
She is twirling a piece of her blond curled hair, and she has a smile directed at Finnick.
"Hello, Mr. Odair. I was wondering if you could teach me to swim. You know, like a favor. I could pay you. In any way you'd like." She says seductively.
Finnick's eyebrows are raised, and he slowly turns to looks to me with disbelief written in his features.
I see the question in his eyes: Is she serious?
I shrug my shoulders, and he turns back to her.
I see her stick out her chest a little, and try to stifle a giggle at the ridiculous pose.
Finnick clears his throat.
I interrupt whatever he was going to say. I don't like this girl. She flirts with multiple boys at a time. Cato, now Finnick?
She plays with their feelings.
With my friends.
I don't appreciate her behavior. This is the only reason I don't like her. She's messing with my friends. That's the only reason, I tell myself, ignoring the truth.
Which is that I'm jealous of her, of the fact that she has a chance with Cato and I don't.
I mean yeah, we kissed. But that doesn't mean we have a relationship and our circumstances make that impossible. But we probably should talk about it at some point before the games.
"Don't you have something better to do? Like, oh I don't know, looking in a mirror? Filing your nails? Curling your hair?" I say snidely.
She is now looking at me with disgust.
"At least I have beauty to work on." She replies lamely.
"Well that is your only asset in these games. Best be working on them. I see you've been slacking, sweetie." I say, giving her a mock sympathetic look.
She's turning red at my insult to her appearance, which if anyone could see, was a total lie on my part. But apparently, I hit home.
She looks around the room at everyone's shocked faces. The careers are snickering when she finally looks my way with hate.
I add on the extra guilt from that encounter to the pile that I already have.
I feel so exhausted from today. I take a deep breath, and swim to the bottom of the pool.
I don't know how long I sit there before my lungs start screaming for oxygen, so I break through the surface, inhaling deeply.
The crowd has dispersed, but Finnick still has a mask of shock on his face. Haymitch has walked over with a chair and is sitting poolside.
"I don't know where that spark came from, Rosie, but you sure are living up to your Capitol nickname. Whatever flared that temper of yours, make sure it happens again!" Haymitch says, grinning. He's obviously proud of my actions.
I don't know why this angers me, but it does.
What flared my temper? Glimmer.
What did Glimmer do? Flirt with Cato.
I huff and start my laps again before I can listen to any more of the conversation.
'Whatever flared that temper of yours, make sure it happens again!' Haymitch's words ring through my mind.
No. I don't want that to happen. I don't want Glimmer all over Cato.
Even if he did seem displeased and unaffected by it.
Now that I think about it, he looked miserable. But was he wiggling his arms, like he was trying to get out of the embrace? I can't remember anything other than his face.
But if he does want to be with her.. I can't interfere. No matter my feelings. I want him happy.
I continue my laps, muscles burning, lungs screaming, until I can't move anymore.
I stop, grabbing onto the ledge of the pool, and pull myself out.
I wrap a towel around my body, breathing heavily and walk silently to the changing room, blocking out the sound of my name being shouted out from Haymitch and Finnick.
I twist the doorknob and walk in, closing it quietly behind me. My clothes are in the cubby, folded neatly where I left them.
I reach for them, and turn into a random stall, locking it behind me.
When I'm fully clothed again, I braid my now wet hair yet again.
I try to walk past the pool, ignoring Haymitch and Finnick's shouts at me once again.
"Primrose! I'm talking to you!" Haymitch says.
That's when I stop. Because Haymitch used my full name.
I am about 15 feet away, so I don't turn my body. I stay where I am, frozen.
"I don't know what happened, but make sure it doesn't happen again. It was a ballsy and brave move, but completely idiotic. Stick to the plan. I don't want you touching a weapon in this room ever again today, do you hear me?" Haymitch says clearly, but quietly, so only I can hear.
I don't show any signs of acknowledging his statement when I continue walking to the next station to meet Eli.
This will be our last station of the day together.
I see him waiting by the tree climbing station, with different types of trees behind him.
I smile to myself, knowing that this is one of my strengths.
My size and weight help, too.
I grin at him, and he returns it, but it doesn't reach his eyes.
"You ready?" He asks, looking up at the tree in front of us.
This will be difficult for him, as it usually is for boys, and some girls even.
The one in front of us is particularly challenging due to its thin branches.
"Yes, but let's go to that one, the branches are thicker," I say, pointing to a sturdy looking tree.
He nods and we make our way over to it.
I begin climbing first to demonstrate, moving slow at first but then gaining speed.
I hear him follow my actions. At the speed equivalent to a sloth.
I sigh, waiting for him to catch up. I'm halfway to the top of the tree when I hear the snap of a branch from below.
Eli is only a few feet away from me, so I continue climbing, all the way to the top.
I rest on one of the branches that easily hold my weight. I glance around at the training room, watching the tributes.
The careers are surrounded by the weapons stations and hand to hand combat station. Marvel is battling with an assistant, Clove is throwing a knife, and Glimmer is trying to shoot a bow.
When I spot Cato, I get the warm feeling in my chest again. He is standing apart from the other tributes, but is pretending to watch Marvel's match.
Every so often he glances around the room nervously, searching for something.
Glimmer is right there, I think,
The one you really want is right next to you looking flawless.
He continues doing this for a while, but a flash of movement in my peripheral vision disrupts my spying.
I quickly whip my head, but am pleasantly surprised to see Rue bouncing swiftly through the trees.
Cato was right; she does look like a monkey.
I chuckle to myself and start to climb down.
Eli has just reached halfway up the tree when I tell him to stop.
"That's enough for today. We can practice more tomorrow. You may not even need the skill. We have an hour left, so you need to go to the weapons. Do you know what you're doing?" I ask him curiously.
"I'm thinking of an axe or knife or something. I'm not sure." He says. We're still in the trees, and I'm balancing by holding onto the branch above me with my fingertips, and the branch below with my heels.
He looks terrified, wrapping his arms around the whole tree.
I fight the rude urge to laugh, "Let's get down. It's easier than climbing up." I say positively.
I jump from branch to branch easily, never using my palms.
I jump on the ground gracefully, feeling multiple pairs of eyes on me. Again.
But I feel Cato's most. His matters to me, and is the only one I 'feel'. It sends a blush creeping up my neck.
Eli is still clutching tightly to the tree trunk.
"Come on, Eli! In no time you'll be jumping off the branches like me!" I shout to him.
He looks panicked, "I fervently hope not!" He shouts back.
I laugh lightly.
"Nice vocab. Just let go. Let your body will find the branches. It knows what to do on instinct." I say.
Slowly, he unravels his arms from the tree, and begins his slow climb down.
I smile to myself.
I feel only Cato's gaze now. Burning into my back.
I try to find him and when I see him, my eyes lock with his.
He looks like my Cato. His eyes are soft and warm, full of adoration.
Adoration? At me?
I don't break my eyes away though.
He isn't searching the room anymore. He must have been searching for me.
I smile softly at him, and when I do his blue eyes brighten.
The warmth in my chest builds, causing my heart to quicken.
A figure steps in front of me.
"Prim. I'll see you later, okay? I have to go to weapons now." Eli's voice breaks away my trance.
I hesitantly tear my eyes away from Cato, standing behind Eli, not wanting to leave the warmth of them.
"Weapons?" I squeak.
I look at Eli's face, confused.
He looks at me warily. Then he looks behind him, probably seeing Cato.
His fists clench until his knuckles are white.
He slowly turns back to me. His eyes are angry.
"Yes. Weapons. You know? The strategy? The one that you, as my ally, had worked out with me?" He says harshly, turning away to the knives station.
I stand there stunned.
His harsh words and tone pained me, leaving me frozen with tears forming in my eyes.
I still feel Cato's gaze on me, but I look down. Not wanting his warmth.
I decide to leave, not wanting to be in this room anymore.
I leave behind Eli, Haymitch, and Finnick, without explanation.
And I'm too tired and exhausted to care.
When I reach level twelve, and I find my bedroom, I crawl under the covers of my bed.
The sheets are cold, from not being used since this morning.
I turn off the lights and shut the curtains, in total darkness.
But after a few minutes I switch the panel on, and turn on the viewing system.
In seconds, the view of woods is before me, glowing and guiding me to sleep.
I'd give anything to be back in the woods again.