Chapter 19
Safe Travels
It's ok to run we expect you back
Know how to climb a tree
I assume you do
I admit it, man I'm not as sharp as you
Oh but I know
It's still a war down there
And if you gotta go, whoa-oh
Safe travels
"That was.. perfect. You were teetering on the line between conformity and rebellion, and your personality remained a puzzle to everyone. It wasn't clear if you were sweet or sarcastic, or cute or menacing, if you were like a little kitten or a lion. I couldn't be more proud, Rosie."
Of course, that came from Haymitch, one of the only ones who would be proud of my speech. Everyone else... not so much. Haymitch is making a drink, non-alcoholic, by the bar in our floor. Haymitch, Effie, Cinna, Eli and I are all discussing-or fighting over, however you look at it- the interviews. Eli's was perfect, he seemed confident without being cocky, menacing without being evil, and caring without being vulnerable. The arguing is, well, because of me.
"Please tell me you're joking!" Effie says in a shrill voice that I can't do anything but roll my eyes at.
"Oh, shut it, Effie! Look at it from an outsiders perspective. Her whole interview could be passed off as completely innocent. Nobody will know otherwise. She looks like a fairy princess, everybody will assume she is one, even though we all know she's definitely not," Haymitch ends with a snort
"That was an act of rebellion!" she screeches in return.
"Okay listen," I snap impatiently, "I don't care how it's perceived. It's over. Done. Nothing to do about it now. I'll face the consequences with joy, because nothing about what I said is anything to be ashamed of. Except for the gross giggling and-" I turn my voice sugary sweet "-oh so sweet attitude. Everything I said that you deem rebellious, Effie, is how I feel. I care about you, but if you believe what I said was wrong then I have no respect for you," I ignore the paling of her face and the Haymitch's proud gaze to continue, "now I need to go wash off these layers of paint and sleep. Big day tomorrow and everything," I end sarcastically, standing up.
"Night, Prim," Eli says softly as I turn away.
I stop and glance over my shoulder with a sad smile that matches his, "Night, Eli."
Already, these games seem to have changed him. He used to be the guy you go to when you want to laugh until you cry, or to pull a prank on someone. He's all sad and quiet now.
When I'm back in my room I take off the dress and throw it to the floor angrily, then wipe off all remaining makeup in the shower.
I change into gray cotton shorts and a long sleeve black thermal before leaving the room. I don't even realize where I'm going until I'm on the roof, opening the door. I don't even remember sneaking out to the stairwell. I just know I need quiet, to get my thoughts together before tomorrow. My impending doom. Yes, I imagined that in an ominous voice in my head.
I go to the training mat where I first saw Cato here punching the shit out of it, and lie down on my back, watching the stars that don't even look real.
God, Cato. I don't even know what to believe with him anymore. Every time we were in private he seemed so sincere and honest and not at all what a career is expected to be. But he's also so goddamned convincing in front of the other careers and in front of cameras and Panem. My question is who the hell am I supposed to believe? Both could be true. He's acting in one of those personalities, but he's such a good actor I don't know which one. I mean, he's mean to just about everyone except me. Does that mean he's trying to deceive me? But for what purpose? I wish I had an outsiders perspective. Someone I can talk to. I could talk to Haymitch, but he's been lying to me about something. Something big.
I'm just not sure if it's about what I overheard, or something else. But the words are still ringing through my ears...We need to talk to the boy...threaten her with everything...she'll be claimed... lovers bit...
God, its all jut so messed up, and I don't have the brainpower to untangle it. So, the answer is sleep.
I'm with Cinna and Haymitch in the waiting room, before I'll have to step into the tube that takes me aboveground into the arena. I had just gotten here 5 minutes ago by hovercraft, along with twelve other girls. They put a tracker in my arm, yet there's no evidence of it. Cinna is braiding my hair in its usual style with so much tenderness it makes me want to cry.
I don't even know what Haymitch is doing. He's just staring at the wall with this look on his face.
"There. All done."
I look in the mirror to see my hair done exactly as I do it. I smile softly at Cinna.
He dressed me in the "uniform", which is black pants, black skintight t-shirt, leather boots, and a thick green jacket.
"5 minutes, tributes."
I take a deep breath, trying to keep the panic at bay. I see Haymitch startle out of whatever fog he was in, but I'm too busy watching as Cinna takes a gold mockingjay pin-my gold mockingjay pin- and places it on the black t-shirt underneath my jacket.
I look up at him with wide eyes as he begins speaking.
"You are truly the Spark of Panem. You may be the change we've all been waiting for," he taps the mockingjay "Remember that. Remember who you are, Prim. I certainly won't forget." He smiles tenderly at me, before swiping a stray piece of hair behind my ear.
I choke on a sob at his words, and I rush to hug him.
"3 minutes, tributes."
As we break apart, he turns to go.
My view of him is cut off as Haymitch wraps me in a hug. I feel him trembling.
"Don't forget, I left you all the remedies and such in your room on that black dresser. Twice a day, but three times a day if you feel ba-"
"I remember, I remember. Listen, we don't have much time, but there's things you need to know. You're a very good judge of character, so I think you know who to trust and who not to trust. Trust your instincts. Don't forget to be buddy-buddy with Eli. And with Cat... just go with what feels right. Try and stay with him at all costs. And trust your instincts okay? That's one of your greatest weapons out there. Don't ever go to the Cornucopia, and try to make a bow, and set some snares, maybe try to get a knife. I'll take care of you out here, I'll be doing my best to get you sponsors and keep you safe in there. I think... I really think you need to watch your back with Callan. I think he might be more dangerous than we're anticipating. Try to hide, but find shelter and a water source, and hunt for your food. Kill if necessary, but try to keep to only inflicting injuries, because I know it's... hard. I know with you, you'll want to try and save everyone around you, but you can't think like that, okay? You need to get yourself out. For me. For Katniss, and Rory, and Gale, and your mom, and your niece or nephew. Okay? You're more important than you realize."
By now, tears are streaming down my face, but I'm listening to every word he's saying.
"I love you, Haymitch. You're the best dad I could've ever asked for," I choke out, hugging him.
I hear a choked sob come from deep inside him, and squeeze him tighter.
"1 minute, tributes."
"Dammit!" A wild, desperate look comes into his eyes. "Listen Rosie, you don't understand. In the arena, you need to be... daring. And extremely brave. Remember what the mockingjay meant, okay? Remember what it stands for. People are counting on you-"
"I don't und-" I interrupt. He starts pulling me to the tube across the room.
"I know you don't understand, but there's been talk. You are the Spark of Panem, but you might be giving Panem more than that. You might be sparking a lot more than that. People look to you and they see hope. For a better government. For a better future, without games. They see old America- land of the free and home of the brave. So you need to trust your instincts, and be you. Do you remember, back home, when we'd have those talks?"
I think back to my rants at the Capitol. At the games. They weren't even legal. They were rebellious.
"You need to be you. All of you. Every side of you needs to shine, oka-"
The tube starts closing, and I can feel panic clawing at my chest. At my mind.
"Wait! No! Haymitch! I don't understan-"
I can see tears on his face, as he continues looking at me with love in his eyes, wearing a desolate, broken expression.
"I love you, Rosie. Remember that. Remember everything I said." I see love shining through his eyes, right before the clear tube shuts between us.
I begin pounding at the glass, until I can no longer see him. I quickly wipe any remnants of tears from my face, masking my face into cool indifference, as I feel myself floating up, up, up, into the arena. I try processing what he said, but I feel numb. Which is dangerous.
My thoughts are cut off by the sun suddenly glaring into my eyes, and the view of the arena is in front of me.
We're in a clearing surrounding woods, which gives me a great advantage. It's almost like home. The Cornucopia is tall, and narrow, shaped almost like the double helixes we learned about in science. It goes straight up, with ladder rungs, but there's no supplies or anything visible up there. At the bottom, is a round cave-like opening. 24 tributes are standing in a wide circle, surrounding the Cornucopia. After I take in my surroundings, I search for my allies.
"30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23..."
I find Cato first, and see he's looking right at me. He's about 10 tributes to my left. Rue is 2 tributes to my right, Thresh is 7 to my right, and I can't see Eli or Marvel, assuming they're behind the Cornucopia.
"18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11..."
I look at the Cornucopia, and I see it. A perfectly shiny, Capitol made, state-of-the-art bow, with a pouch full of countless arrows. It's at the right of the opening, and a few feet away from it are a set of knives. Daggers, almost.
I can't believe my luck! I know Haymitch said not to go to the Cornucopia, but if I be really fast, I'm sure I can make it.
I take a deep breath, readying myself, and look around. Thresh, Rue, Eli, and I agreed that we'd run in the direction to the right. No matter what, keep right, and we should be able to find each other. We just need to run. I'm sure, I can catch up to them after I get the knives.
I suddenly lock eyes with Cato, and he looks angry, slightly shaking his head, as he looks between me and the bow.
Well, he can't dictate what I do, allies or not.
I look away quickly, and take a deep breath.
"3, 2, 1... "