Chapter 23

Flowers In Your Hair

Cause it's a long road to wisdom

But it's a short one

To being ignored

Be in my eyes

Be in my heart

We've been walking a while when I notice someone from the group missing.

"Where's Rue?" I ask, my voice hoarse.

I see Eli look over his shoulder at Cato who is behind me.

"When we heard the screams we told her to stay put. We didn't know what we'd find and didn't want her to see whatever it was."

I nod my head slowly, grateful for their consideration of the young girl.

I notice the sky starting to darken and realize that the careers could be awake right now.

I abruptly stop walking and spin to face Cato. He was so close he bumps into me, and has to grip my upper arms to keep me from falling. "You need to leave."

His hands tighten on my arms. "What?" He asks, hurt lacing his voice.

"The careers are probably awake. You've been gone too long. Maybe you could try to convince them that you woke up early and went out hunting or something. And that Marvel came with you but something happene-"

"I'm not leaving," He cuts me off, shaking his head firmly.

I blink slowly as my eyes dart all over his determined face. "What do you mean you're not leaving?"

"I think it means he's not leaving," Eli buts in sarcastically.

I turn around to glare at him before looking back at Cato.

"Okay," I amend, "then why are you not leaving?"

His fists clench at his sides. "Well… we were planning on meeting up permanently anyways. We have enough supplies so we don't need anything from the careers. We can hunt for our own food. I don't see what the problem is."

I raise my eyebrows. "The problem? The problem is that now you won't be in an alliance with the careers. You're no use to them now so they're going to kill you."

"They're going to try to kill me whether I'm in an alliance with them or not. Maybe not Clove, but Wilco and Callan and Glimmer…" he trails off, shaking his head in disgust. "I can't be there anymore. I get that this is the hunger games, but what they did to Zadie, and what they did to Lana," he swallows hard, looking away. "I can't be there anymore."

Sadness fills me as I look at Cato's face, looking as if he hasn't slept in weeks. If I were him and had to pretend to be allies with those monsters, I'd want to leave too.

"Okay, I get it. Just know that now we need to watch out for them. They'll see that you're gone and maybe assume you died, so you have until the anthem plays tonight before they realize you left and will start looking."

"Maybe even want revenge for ditching," Eli says.

Cato doesn't seem bothered by this information, however.

"We should get back to camp and find Rue," I murmur, changing the subject. Although this reminds me of what happened earlier.

I feel like the images keep returning every few seconds in my head, but I'm not the one pressing replay.

I grip my bow tightly, waiting for them to go away.

Is this how the rest of my life will be like? Seeing death that I cant get out of my head?

If that's the case, I hope I die soon.

A scream interrupts the silence, and we all freeze. A chill runs up my spine and I immediately think of Rue. She's safe, that can't be her…

"Oh god, that's Rue," Eli chokes out.

"Prim!"

We all start sprinting towards the sound as we realize its Rue screaming my name. I can hear the fear in her voice and push myself to go faster.

I pass Eli and soon we reach the camp where Eli and Cato left Rue hiding in the trees.

We all stop and spin around, breathing heavily as we search for Rue.

"She's not here!" I shriek.

Another bone chilling scream pierces the air and all three of us instinctively run for the sound, not caring about the consequences.

She sounds far away so she must have run off.

My hands are wrapped tightly around my bow, and I draw an arrow from my pack in preparation for what we might find.

We keep running, and I ignore the cramp in my side.

It's gone silent, and now we don't know how close we are to Rue.

I slow down when I see movement in the trees ahead of me. I hold my fist up silently, telling Eli and Cato to stop. I draw the string of my bow back as I walk towards the figures soundlessly.

As I get closer I recognize Glimmer, Wilco, and Callan, but don't see Rue.

"I'll ask you one more time. Where is she?" Callan asks.

"I don't know! I haven't seen her! I haven't seen anyone!" I hear Rue's voice, panicked, but can't see her.

Wilco grabs something out of Callan's hands. "She's useless."

I see him lean down, and my confusion lasts too long.

I hear Rue scream, and I instinctively let the string of my bow go, and the arrow lands directly in Wilco's eye. Katniss would be proud. The thought runs through my head, but I'm too in shock to feel the shame of even thinking that.

Boom.

I ignore the cannon as I run into the clearing, drawing back another arrow, but stop when I see Rue's body on the ground. Her eyes are wide open, staring at the sky as she clutches at her bleeding stomach.

I lower my bow in shock, forgetting about Callan and Glimmer as I stare at the blood seeping out of Rue. But I don't need to worry about them since Eli goes straight for Glimmer with his knife, and Cato has his sword raised as he runs for Callan.

"Rue," I choke out with tears falling down my face as I desperately wish this were a bad dream.

Her head slowly turns towards me.

I see her mouth my name, but no sound comes out.

I hear sounds of fighting around me, but can't focus on anything but Rue. I'm frozen in place and I can't get my legs to move towards her.

Boom.

The cannon snaps me out of my reverie, and I finally sprint towards Rue. I cry out as I think that the cannon was her's, but when I see her chest continue to rise and fall unsteadily, I feel dizzy in relief.

I drop my bow as I fall to my knees by her head.

Her eyes are what kill me. They're wide and staring into my own with all the trust in the world. I hesitate before reaching up to touch her hair with a shaking hand, but end up wiping away a tear from her cheek instead. I gently pull her head into my lap.

"You're okay," I say through my tears. I repeat it frantically, unsure if I'm trying to convince her or me. I curl my fingers through her hair, twisting it around and around like Katniss used to do for me.

I look up for Eli and Cato, and see Glimmer dead on the ground with multiple stab wounds. Eli and Cato are both fighting Callan, but none of them are holding weapons. Even though it's two against one, Callan manages to strike them with precision. He definitely was trained as a career. Eli loses his balance after a jarring punch to his ear and I reach for my bow, ready to take Callan out. I come to the realization that I wouldn't feel a hint of guilt over it. Just as my hands wrap around the base, Cato lands an uppercut on Callan and I can almost feel his teeth smash together. Callan doesn't even take a second to recover before he pushes Cato away, causing him to stumble.

I shoot an arrow at Callan, but it disappears in a bush since he's already sprinting away into the forest.

Now that it's only Eli, Cato, Rue and I, I drop my bow and turn my attention back to Rue.

I put pressure on her wound, but the speed her blood is seeping out of her body I know its no use.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper, my voice breaking as I stroke her hair.

"Can you sing?" she asks weakly.

I nod my head, thinking that at least there's something I can do for her.

I think of the song that Katniss used to sing to me when I was sick or had a nightmare.

Dad used to sing the Meadow song, I remember her saying.

I can't think of a better song to sing Rue to sleep.

Deep in the meadow, under the willow
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes
And when again they open, the sun will rise.

I notice Eli and Cato in the corner of my eye as they kneel down on either side of Rue, each of them grabbing her hands.

Here it's safe, here its warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you.
Deep in the meadow, hidden far away
A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray
Forget your woes and let your troubles lay
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away.
Here it's safe and here it's warm
And here the daisies guard you from every harm
And here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you.

The last three words linger in the air and I try to control my tears, try to be strong for her.

"You have to win," she says quietly, staring up at me. "You have to win for…" She trails off as her eyes unfocus and I swear I can see the switch in her eyes, the life leaving them. I swear I can see it.

"No," I choke out, as my hands flutter around her. "No, you're okay. Come back."

Boom.

"No! Rue!" I scream her name and have to ball my hands into fists so they don't shake.

Her eyes are staring into mine and I can't look away.

"Hey," Eli murmurs, grabbing my shoulder to get me to stop looking.

I only look away when I hear a weird sound. I stare at Cato's hands as he zips Rue's jacket up delicately, covering her like I did for Marvel. He adjusts the jacket, and it almost seems as if he's tucking her in for bed.

He reaches up and closes her eyes before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her forehead as a tear rolls down his cheek and mixes with hers.

Eli and I both do the same, and my lips linger on her forehead before pulling away.

Cato has my bow in his hands as we walk away. I've only made it a few feet when I see a group of white flowers in the distance. I walk determinedly towards them and start picking them, ignoring Cato and Eli as they just stand watching me for a minute before helping me, finding some purple and blue ones and putting them in my arms. I faintly hear Eli sniffling in the background.

We didn't go far enough, so the hovercraft hasn't come to get her yet. We walk back to Rue, my arms full of flowers.

Eli and Cato hang back as I go to my knees next to Rue, just like before. I start surrounding her with flowers. She looks peaceful, looks as if she just took a nap in a bed of them. With her wound covered and her eyes closed, it's the picture of serenity. I wouldn't even guess that something terrible happened, that her heart stopped beating.

I slowly fold her hands together over his chest, and reach more flowers before I notice they're all gone. A tan hand holding a mix of white, blue, and purple appears in my field of vision and I look up into Cato's eyes. They're soft, and still glossy from his tears. I look down at his hand as I reach for the colorful bouquet slowly, and our hands brush as he transfers them. My eyes dart back to his navy blue ones, and we stare at each other for long moments, our hands still touching.

I pull away from him and turn back to Rue. I wrap her hands around the bouquet and take in the image of her lying in the bed of flowers with the vibrant colors surrounding her.

She's beautiful, and I'll never forget how she looks in this moment.

I trail my fingers over the apple of her cheek.

"Go to sleep, little bird," I whisper.

I stand up slowly with help from Cato, like he knows that I'm going to collapse if he doesn't. We all start walking away from Rue reluctantly, not wanting to leave her.

I pause before I even make it 10 feet. I turn back in the direction of Rue's body, but look up into where I guess the cameras are. I bring my three fingers to my lips before raising them in honor of Rue.

I wonder if the blinding rage I feel at the Capitol, at Snow, is showing through my eyes, if it's a palpable thing, if everyone can feel it too. I couldn't imagine anyone not feeling this.

The injustice of the games has always been something that haunts me; especially around the time the reapings come around every year. But I've never felt it more than I do now after watching innocent Rue die.

There are too many deaths. Too many murders. Not only today but in the world- in this world where the hunger games exist, death is an everyday thing. Two deaths are at my hands, but I feel every one of them. I feel, I feel, I feel, and I want to stop.