"oh my holy bananasssss! I know it has been forever and ever and ever, perhaps even a hundred years? ;)
"But i found my writings and i finally had time! LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN! I GIVE YOU...
"MY STORY!
""So is this how all fire nation kids deal with problems?" Sokka says in main hall.
"look man, its... its complicated." i hear zuko say to the oaf as they walk down the hall for some food and packing. we're all getting ready to go. i told them their best option at this point is to hightail it out of here. find somewhere else to be. kinda like I'm trying to do. i need to be alone but they all keep checking in on me, or sending me dirty suspicious glares...*katara*... I don't know why they all feel the need to be IN each others business all the time. Agni. If i wanted someone bugging me I'd be around people. I don't really feel like spending any time with anyone right now. Not Ty, not zuko, not even the bat-weasel. I need to focus, and come up with a plan. Something clever...Oh who am i kidding, i wanna stab things and hear things crashing. It makes my cracks feel less obvious and painful.
'CRACK' one vase down 4 to go
"CRACK' its so nice to practice doing what I'm good at. something so simple. just aim breathe release/p
"THUNK "I said break" i yell at the statue that refuses to go down the first time. For some reason this makes me think of azula and i take a minute to pull my arms around myself.
"CRACK THUMP CRASH
"Its the last sound that startles me. "You know when i was a young man, nothing felt quite as good as breaking something when i was upset." the older water tribe man says. I'm a little ticked hes knocked my next target down before i can, but Hes moderate in height and weight, and the fierceness in his eyes and the natural defensive stance tell me not to mess with him. I turn my attention to the painting of a father and daughter in the corner. at least i think its a father and daughter... I hope. I really don't want it to be an uncle and niece that would just make me feel worse about breaking it.
""what makes you think I'm upset. I'm always this violent." I try to say calmly but cant keep the bite out of the last bit. I'm sweaty and shivering and I'll even admit to myself I'm not doing OK at all right now. But there's no way in hell I'm telling him that. "Who are you anyway?"
"oh right, we haven't been introduced. I'm katara and sokkas father. Chief Hakoda of the southern water tribe." he says. then there's a long somewhat awkward silence because quite frankly i don't care who he is and I'm pissed he's interrupted the second invasion on the air temples via me.
"that your whole name... " i say with sarcasm so thick it could be a fruit tart. oh god now i want a fruit tart. unfortunately all he does is laugh and pat me on the back. Despite my glare and obvious distaste for being touched it almost feels nice, like belonging or something.
"you are funny, no wonder my son likes you. he's quite the kidder himself." he looks out into the beauty surrounding us and a sad look crosses his face. I almost feel bad. but you know he shouldn't be trying so hard on a lost cause. I'm not friendly, or funny. so just stop. his comment does kind of pull me up short though... who would've thought the oaf would be vouching for me?
"So what has you so upset that even breaking things isn't helping?" he says again softer. I go to protest but really whats the point? from the look on his face and the sudden burning in my chest, I'm not gonna be fooling anyone. I can barely stop myself from the tears when they burst unbidden from my eyes. I feel the crack inside me blow apart and shatter into nothing. he's right. i could tear down a mountain and still be broken.
When the tears start falling he puts an arm around my shoulder and leads me over to a pile of suitable rocks to sit on. I'm not fully confident in my ability to speak just yet but he doesn't rush me. its really nice. he reminds me of my uncle.
"once a long time ago, i was much younger, obviously, i cut my hand really bad on a new set of knives. I cried hard and ran to my parents in search of anything really. foolish i know, all they did was yell about how this would look to everyone and threaten to send me to boarding school to learn how to be a real respectable lady. My uncle was staying with us at the time. I didn't know him all too well yet but this is the day i knew he would be my favorite person ever. he told my parent he knew exactly what i needed. we both went out the next morning in the early hours. downtown to the area my parents said i could never go. we entered the back of this huge building, and inside where all these knife throwers. for two weeks straight he told them i was in etiquette class. instead we learned dirty jokes and songs, and threw knives and did all the things a lady shouldn't do. then he told me the one thing i wanted to hear, since i was born. "Do whatever the hell makes you happy Mai. its your life, not theirs. Just let them think they're winning. its more fun that way."
the tears aren't coming anymore but i can still feel the ache in my chest. I think I'm broken beyond repair now. The way Hakoda just listens and thinks is really confusing, just because i know his son definitely doesn't do that. "Sounds like he knew you would always play to a different tune. I know its hard now. But just remember he made you who you are that day. So he's a part of you. When i lost my father i felt angry and alone, but Mai, you're no alone."/p
"Not by a long shot sunshine." toph said suddenly appearing from the ground. wait... did she call me sunshine. i can see zuko and the others starting to come around the corner. I'm somewhat irritated and i chuck a rock at another urn smashing it to smithereens. "Great, now we can all sing songs and live in the world of rainbows... what am i supposed to do now huh? where do i go from here?"
"Mai, we all are here for you. we've lost people too. When i lost all my old friends I was angry and hurt, I didn't think anyone would understand. But i was wrong, i was punishing myself for something that wasn't my fault. If I didn't let sokka and katara help me through that loss, It would've destroyed me. And I know that's not what your uncle would've wanted. He loved you right? So he would want you to move on and be happy, not this. You don't need to suffer alone. So maybe we can help each other?" the avatar says as he puts a hand on my shoulder. i want to be optimistic but i just don't know if i have it in me.
"I'm not good, and I'm not helpful. I'm not even nice. maybe i..." i start to say when Ty lee bounces over.
"Mai, that's soo not true. in all the years Ive known you, no matter how annoying i get you've never been mean to me. You pretend you don't care and that nothing matters but if that was true, you wouldn't be so hurt now. You're my best friend Mai, you always helped me when i needed it and you always cheered me up when i was down. even unintentionally sometimes."
"all the time..." i mumble but she ignores me and continues, "And you know what, if you're so mean, why would all these people wanna be here to help you?"
"cause they ate bad meat." i say. the water tribe boy starts laughing till his girlfriend jams her elbow in his gut.
Ty lee rolls her eyes and says, "No silly, because you're worth helping, and you're a good person." the water tribe girl mutters something i don't quite hear but Ty pulls me in for a hug and her words pull me up short.
"And maybe we all know a thing or two about losing someone, and losing a part of yourself." from the watery looks I'm getting from everyone maybe being a part of this group isn't so bad. i mean... if you don't mind the mushiness. I'm starting to feel a little teary again and yet somehow, better. Then the avatar says we should all share good stories about people we've lost, because maybe we'll feel a little better. I wanna say its stupid and childish. Then i think of all the good times with people Ive lost and people that are even sitting next to me, and somehow, i feel like for the first time... I'm home.
yes! I'm sorry it took so long.
Please comment or critique... i know i didn't' do great this time.
i was in such a rush to get it to y'all. please enjoy and don't hate me..